The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Saturday, August 10, 2013

Vaginas Are The New Islamo-Fascism!

It wasn’t so long ago that the pages of World Net Daily shrieked aboutAfrican-Americans recruited by Al Qaeda, jihadist plots todecapitate Britney Spears, and the shocking news that Iraqi terrorists frequently take a break from the insurrection to ape the culinary stylings of the witch from Hansel and Gretel. But even WND seems to have grown jaded, and none of that stuff really seems all that scary anymore — not while America’s youth is held hostage by rogue lady-parts!
From today’s WorldNutDaily:
Dance teacher has baby of boy, 13?
Woman indicted on 22 counts of aggravated sexual assault of child
WorldNetDaily Exclusive
The big list: Female teachers with students
Most comprehensive account on female predators on campus
WorldNetDaily Exclusive
Lust-filled women on sex rampage with your kids
What’s really behind today’s epidemic of teacher-student carnal relations.
Perhaps my experience was unique, but I remember all of my grade school teachers — some fondly, some less so — and while they were a diverse bunch, they all shared the quality of seeming, while in the classroom, to be distinctly lust-depleted. And if they ever did go on a rampage — which candor compels me to admit that occasionally they did — it was usually over my spelling, my penmanship, or my habit of doodling Snoopy in bondage in the margins of my book reports.
Anyway, it’s nice to know we can relax about that whole Clash of Civilizations thing and and get down to fighting the real foe. So fellas, do your patriotic duty tonight and ask your significant other (henceforth known as “enemy combatant”) if she’d let you occupy her Sunni Triangle.

Posted by scott on Tuesday, January 29th, 2008 at 11:23 pm

22 Responses to “Vaginas Are The New Islamo-Fascism!”

I am waiting breathlessly for WND’s list of God Fearing-Filled Women on Starvy-Burny-Drowny-Killy-type Rampage With Their Own Kids.
I’m waiting for the list of male teachers who fuck female students. I could personally, all by myself, add three names to that, though, so perhaps there are bandwidth issues that preclude such a list.
No, Scott – your experience is not unique. While going through a lot of unusual and life-changing experiences, giving the high hard one to one of the foxier female teaching units in any of my schools was never on the agenda.
I could personally add another item to the male-teacher-schtupping-female-student list, too – but I don’t think it belongs there. She was a couple of classes behind him, they were already going out before he left high school, he became a student teacher while she was in the process of graduating (and got transferred into our school while a student teacher), and they got married after she graduated. And the situation was still a hot potato and the subject of gossip for most of that school year…
First, where were these teachers when I was a horny fifteen year old trying desperately to sneak a peek inside Ms. Lynch’s button-down blouse?
Secondly…WTF? Doesn’t WND have anything better to do?
Well, mine probably don’t belong there either, from my point of view. At sixteen I was emotionally well past age-of-consent and pretty clear on who and what I wanted to consent to. So the two I said yes to have gone into my “pleasant relationships” file, and the one I said no to let it go at that, which was something of a novelty at that age for me.
But the female teachers fucking male students are probably often less a case of actual rape than of power imbalance and statutory rape as well, and I do know of male teachers who offer better grades or whatever for sex, which in my book does count as rape. I also know that men are more likely to rape, just as a statistical thing, and that it’s absurd to suggest that female-teacher/male-student rape is some kind of epidemic. It shouldn’t happen at all, but to focus on it to the exclusion of a much larger problem betrays an agenda that goes beyond simply protecting young people from sexual predators.
From what little anecdotal evidence I’ve gathered (basically, following the Mary Kay LeTourneau case as well as that case down in Florida), I get the impression that the teacher, in each case, has issues with men her age, and that she has problems forming relationships.
The kids are just easier to deal with, in other words.
It shouldn’t happen at all, but to focus on it to the exclusion of a much larger problem betrays an agenda that goes beyond simply protecting young people from sexual predators.
Well put, DS. Bravo!
Yeah, Actor, that usually includes the convenience of a power imbalance — tilted in the adults’ favor.
I can remember a particular history teach in my junior year of high school that used to get a tad excited when I wore a certain low-cut blouse. Let me just say it was quite clear he wore boxers and I enjoyed watching the up and down momentum and his obvious discomfort.
I also remember an art teacher in another high school I attended that raped a student in his office.
The male teach/female student flirtations I’d say outnumbered by a long shot the female teach/male student flirtation.
I didn’t do any teachers, I was too busy with other men outside of the classroom.
Is it too late to get in on the Britny decapitation thing?
Kate, that’s true, part of the “appeal” of a young man or woman is the power imbalance. I was (being the idiot liberal fascist actor that I am) trying to understand the mechanics of what makes a person take advantage of that.
I mean, it’s like a doddering old fool, let’s call him “Tred Fompson” marrying a woman half his age. Sure, there’s a bit of the power (read: money, fame) imbalance as an aphrodisiac, but come on, there are plenty of women his age who would probably be even more impressed with his power.
The only thing I can come up with is that there’s an innate fear of intimacy with someone who’s lived thru the same common events that you have.
I hope future civilizations don’t try to piece together our history based on our immaculate documentation of female teacher-male student sexual encounters.
Also, my middle school music teacher was married to the high school music teacher. He was 40, she was 20 something; he was her high school music teacher. It didn’t take a lot for us to piece together that history.
A few years ago, while my sister was in high school, she told me that he’d been arrested for statutory rape (with a new student, of course). I think my only thought was “Wow, that took a while.”
My general view on statutory rape and age imbalances in relationships is “It all depends”. When I was eighteen I had a perfectly nice fling with a woman in her fifties, and I’ve often had lovely relationships with men twice my age. I don’t, especially, relate well to people significantly younger than me, but obviously some people do. As long as both people know what they want and what the other person wants, age disparities themselves don’t bother me too much.
This obviously rules out twelve year olds, since they for the most part can’t possibly know what they’re getting into and can’t really know how to say no effectively. But a thirty year or forty year age difference doesn’t necessarily mean someone’s trying to cope with pedophilia in a socially acceptable way, it may just mean people aren’t emotionally the same age as they are chronologically. And that, I think, is nobody else’s business.
The power imbalance is a lot more relevant to me, and age can be part of that but doesn’t have to be. If someone can’t say no and be listened to, I imagine we all understand that as rape. If someone thinks the consequences of saying no will be significant (a boss telling an employee to fuck him or he’s fired; a cop saying to a hooker if she doesn’t blow him she’s getting arrested; a teacher telling a student if she doesn’t screw him she’s getting held back a year)I at least would have no trouble labeling that rape as well.
But there are more subtle forms of coercion as well, where the person doesn’t feel they’re allowed to say no. Even in the absence of an overt threat, a fourteen year old may be intimidated by a fifty year old, a student may fear repercussions from a teacher, a patient may worry about displeasing a dentist with a drill. The instigator in these cases need not have any intention of pressing themselves on an unwilling partner, and may not be aware that the person gave in for reasons other than desire, but it still comes very close to rape if not actually being rape.
That’s the category I think most of the female teachers fucking male students fall into. The teachers may feel that since they’re women, possibly smaller or physically weaker, or societally less empowered and certainly since males are societally portrayed as eager to have sex, that the male students should be able to say no and just don’t want to.
You and I and more importantly the student involved may very well not feel that way, and because of that if nothing else these things shouldn’t happen, and should be treated as a problem that needs solving if not as a crime that needs punishing. But this still probably has at least as much to do with power as with age.
And WND’s hysteria aside, it’s far more common among male teachers and female students. To ignore that, literally ignore it in favor of a less frequent but just as wrong circumstances, does indicate some sort of agenda other than the protection of children. The agenda may simply be that they’re concerned about male students because other people are concerned about female students. No one says you have to be equally worked up about all the world’s ills. Or it may be that WND is deeply censorious of female sexuality in any form other than dutiful martyrdom.
I suppose to determine which it is, you’d have to look at their body of work…
Here’s a simple test: if pretty much everybody says “That never happened to me”, that means that it really doesn’t happen very often. You can apply this simple principle to the “War on Christmas”, female teachers on sex rampages, and so forth.
I think their readers just want salacious stories to get off of, along with an objection to women being in power.
Me -
A female friend of mine asked me for advice about having sex with a guy she really really liked, but didn’t want to get him in trouble (he was in his 20s, she was 15). Basically: if you both deny it happened, he ain’t getting charged with nothing. Of course, the act gave her one hell of a threat if she wanted to use it, too, so she’d have to be very responsible with the knowledge…
D. Sidhe -
There’s one rather sad and odious story from here in Victoria, B.C. A couple years after one of these cases came to light, the student wanted to lift the publication ban, though he was not yet 19. His reason?
So he could write a rap song about it, including the charming line “The bitch just couldn’t resist my charms.”
Definite member of the Winner’s Circle, him.
And WND’s hysteria aside, it’s far more common among male teachers and female students.
I think this may be central to WND’s point, tho.
After all, teaching is “women’s work”…
I believe the correct term is vaginofascism.
I’d have to take it on a case by case basis, leaning toward “Yo, teachers, leave ‘em alone. They’ve got enough weirdness to deal with, and it’d be nice if they could come talk to you without either the threat, promise, or implication of potential fuckage”.
But the outrage about seductive lady teachers is, as y’all have noted, about re-slutification of those persons in constant possession of vaginas. We are just nasty and dangerous, and we can’t help it. It’s how we’re built.
And in truth, I could inspire fear. I used to be able to perform hands-free tampon insertion. I could just unwrap the tampon, put it kinda near my crotch, and WHOOSH! my vagina would just suck it right up. (I was trying to think of an alternative to “suck”, but “hoover” is even weirder, so why not just be straightforward about it.)
So anyway, imagine what I could do in the Senate, or the army, or just walking around unaccompanied on the street. That’s why they’d rather have me stay safely at home. I am pretty goddamn dangerous.
larkspur -
Er… I don’t suppose you’re married, are you? Or at least available?
(Sorry, D – some talents just can’t be overlooked!)
Sorry, Thursday. I’m a dedicated spinster who performs marvelous feats strictly for my own amusement. But god love ya for askin’.
Plus you have to take a number, Thursday. I asked Larkspur to marry me months ago.
You may have to come up here to Soviet Canuckistan for that, though! I’m sure something can be arranged, but until then, I’ll take a number… *Le sigh*
What the – #2,467?!?!
Talent is in such demand!

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