This piece is either from Michelle Malkin’s latest Townhall column, or the 14th Annual Bad Sex in Fiction Awards (queasy, ambivalent h/t to Elizabeth).
I need a man.
You have seemed crankier than usual lately…
A man who can say “No.”
You like it when he plays hard to get, doesn’t call, makes you beg for it? Right, right I hear ya…
A man who rejects Big Nanny…
So no diaper play. I’ll call David Vitter and give him the bad news…
A man who thinks being president doesn’t mean playing Santa Claus.
Because the holidays are over and it’s really time to retire that fantasy for awhile and get back to The Woodcutter and the Milk Maid, or the Border Patrol Agent and the Strip Searched Immigrant.
A man who won’t panic in the face of economic pain.
And if he taunts a homeless man with a silver dollar and then laughingly chucks it into a spittoon — all the better!
A man who won’t succumb to media-driven sob stories.
And if a child who survived a traumatic head injury testifies on behalf of federal health insurance, and you don’t fling a quarter at his skull just to see if you can bounce it off the soft spot, then you’ve just lost yourself a vote, pal.
A man who can look voters, the media and the Chicken Littles in Congress in the eye and say the three words no one wants to hear in Washington: Suck. It. Up.
Because the three word response is inevitably, “two hundred dollars.” Unless you won’t spring for the full Jeff Gannon, and try to cadge a Larry Craig-style freebie instead.
Which leading GOP candidate represents fiscal accountability and limited government?
This is a trick question, right?
Message to Washington: Stop treating every defaulting borrower like Mother Teresa.
“Roger. Washington to defaulting borrowers: Stop feeding the lepers! Over.”
At last week’s Fox News debate in New Hampshire, the He Men of the GOP field went all mealy-mouthed when asked about the signs of recession. Mitt Romney asserted our need to “stop the housing crisis.” Does he mean the government should insulate borrowers and lenders from culpability?
That’s only for political appointees and Bush Pioneers!
As for “Straight Talk” Sen. John McCain, he immediately pitched federal education and job training programs for laid-off workers. “We need to go to the community colleges and design education and training programs so that these workers get a second chance. That’s our obligation as a nation.” It is? This is conservative?
Are there no prisons? Are there no workhouses? And what about that Soylent Green idea — borrowers could refinance their homes using their children’s caloric potential as collateral — now that’s conservative!
As we head toward Super Tuesday, the subprime mess and the economy will dominate — and the Do Something Democrat candidates will turn their spigot of overextended homeowner sob stories on full blast.
Where are the Do Nothing Republicans whose rock-like insensitivity will give Michelle the schadenfreudegasm she so desperately needs?
Come on, fellas, time to step up. All you have to do is act like a sociopath and I’m telling you — she’s a sure thing.
Posted by scott on Wednesday, January 16th, 2008 at 8:42 pm.19 Responses to “She Makes Everything Sound So DIRTY…!”
Is Ms. Malkin familiar with the term “Hooverville”? She should check it out. Better yet, she should live in one.
She’s doing it wrong. *Masochists* are supposed to look for sadists. Two sadists? It’ll never work.
Goddamn, we gotta get sex education back in the schools. This is basic stuff, people!
Goddamn, we gotta get sex education back in the schools. This is basic stuff, people!
Awww…is Malkin, like almost every other Republican,dissatisfied with their candidates? That just breaks my fucking heart.
Awww…is Malkin, like almost every other Republican, dissatisfied with their candidates? That just breaks my fucking heart
Hilariously, Sadly, No! has found some wingnuts who think they have the bestest candidates, EVAH!:
Hilariously, Sadly, No! has found some wingnuts who think they have the bestest candidates, EVAH!:
There is one clear winner, though: the GOP itself. Contrary to all expectations, the Republican race is exciting. No candidate has proved to be a complete dud. All have shone for their moment in the sun.
All have shone for their moment in the sun.
huh, and here for all these years i thought you couldn’t shine sh*t
huh, and here for all these years i thought you couldn’t shine sh*t
Almost all of the Republican candidates so far are Too Ugly for Show Business . . . I’m just saying . . . and it’s true
Aw, DSidhe beat me to the punch again! I was going to say that MM clearly needs to give up on the whole “man” thing and get herself a good dominatrix. But DS is right, two sadists could never work. Tsk-fucking-tsk.
I can’t believe I’m going to be the first in this thread to go here…
A man who can look voters, the media and the Chicken Littles in Congress in the eye and say the three words no one wants to hear in Washington: Suck. It. Up.
TRANSLATION:
“Five bucks, Joe? Me love you long time!”
A man who can look voters, the media and the Chicken Littles in Congress in the eye and say the three words no one wants to hear in Washington: Suck. It. Up.
TRANSLATION:
“Five bucks, Joe? Me love you long time!”
There is one clear winner, though: the GOP itself. Contrary to all expectations, the Republican race is exciting.
As I said elsewhere, its about as exciting as watching the race for last in the Daytona 500:
“I don’t want to face her! YOU can have it!”
As I said elsewhere, its about as exciting as watching the race for last in the Daytona 500:
“I don’t want to face her! YOU can have it!”
Listen, Mister, you don’t get points for snarking on a witless boob whose material practically writes your column for you.
Although you did make me snort with glee.
Although you did make me snort with glee.
Isn’t it amusing to see Malkin et al taking the financial crisis as a personal affront? I.e., how dare the economy expose the emptiness of their worldview and make them look like deluded children? Which they are.
Sorry, I guess I’ve missed Malkinses’ contributions to economics, the ones that permit her to make blanket pronouncements and offer two-word solutions.
Maybe it’s because they’re filed with the rest of her contributions.
Maybe it’s because they’re filed with the rest of her contributions.
Hang on…so who is Malkin endorsing?
Is she at odds with Mr Coulter?
Can we have a Celebrity Deathmatch?
Is she at odds with Mr Coulter?
Can we have a Celebrity Deathmatch?
the three words no one wants to hear in Washington: Suck. It. Up.
It breaks my heart, to think what Marq would have made of opportunities like that.
It breaks my heart, to think what Marq would have made of opportunities like that.
HDB,
Let’s give it a try, in memory…sort of an 21 pun salute.
the three words no one wants to hear in Washington: Suck. It. Up.
…except Larry Craig.
Let’s give it a try, in memory…sort of an 21 pun salute.
the three words no one wants to hear in Washington: Suck. It. Up.
…except Larry Craig.
Michelle Malkin writes: I need a man.
Thus spake Olive Oyl.
Thus spake Olive Oyl.
D. Sidhe -
But if you’re referring to Ms. Malkin herself, she is clearly a degradation bottom. It’s not only in her manner (taunting, insulting attempts to goad others into action) but also in her writing. This post is a plea for help/satisfaction. She has GOT to get herself to Seattle or another port city, STAT.
I do hope she remembers to play safe, though - the last thing the kink community needs is another desperate-yet-inept conservative who doesn’t know how to have interesting sex getting caught doing something stupid.
It makes all us kinksters look dangerous, which is bad; or Republican, which is worse!
She’s doing it wrong. *Masochists* are supposed to look for sadists. Two sadists? It’ll never work.But a top and a switch, or two switches can work together just fine. Even two tops, if they find themselves a willing victim. Trust me on that.
But if you’re referring to Ms. Malkin herself, she is clearly a degradation bottom. It’s not only in her manner (taunting, insulting attempts to goad others into action) but also in her writing. This post is a plea for help/satisfaction. She has GOT to get herself to Seattle or another port city, STAT.
I do hope she remembers to play safe, though - the last thing the kink community needs is another desperate-yet-inept conservative who doesn’t know how to have interesting sex getting caught doing something stupid.
It makes all us kinksters look dangerous, which is bad; or Republican, which is worse!
I need a man.
Not Really Shorter Malkin:
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero til the morning night
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
I need a hero!
Not Really Shorter Malkin:
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero til the end of the night
He’s gotta be strong
And he’s gotta be fast
And he’s gotta be fresh from the fight
I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero til the morning night
He’s gotta be sure
And it’s gotta be soon
And he’s gotta be larger than life
I need a hero!
Does he mean the government should insulate borrowers and lenders from culpability?
Nah, Michelle, you misinterpreted him: he just meant the lenders (i.e., the banks and financial big shots), not the borrowers.
Besides, Michelle, if you want a candidate who will screw over the little guys while handing over a big chunk of taxpayer funds to his buddies, you need to take another look at John “Keating FiveMcCain.
Nah, Michelle, you misinterpreted him: he just meant the lenders (i.e., the banks and financial big shots), not the borrowers.
Besides, Michelle, if you want a candidate who will screw over the little guys while handing over a big chunk of taxpayer funds to his buddies, you need to take another look at John “Keating FiveMcCain.
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