The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Sunday, August 21, 2011

Corporal Sanchez, Meet Major Rod

Okay, which of these two people has an “11 inch, uncut monster”?

It’s kind of a trick question, because almost certainly they both do.  But only one of them was born with it.  Probably the guy on the left, Corporal Matt Sanchez, USMC.  And as we learn from the blog Joemygod:
If you are familiar with Cpl. Matt Sanchez, you probably know him as the handsome 36-year old Columbia University junior and USMC reservist who recently made the rounds of right-wing talk shows like O’Reilly Factor and Hannity & Colmes, where he received praise for coming forward and complaining about his treatment at the hands of Columbia’s “radical anti-military students” who called him names and mocked his military service. Sanchez was then feted at the CPAC conference where Ann Coulter made her “faggot” remark. Sanchez wrote an op-ed piece on the Columbia experience for the NY Post…
Now, if you’re like me, you might think, “Hmm, 36 years old and he’s a junior in college and only a corporal in the Marines?” Odd, but not totally implausible. But Sanchez’ face tinkled a few gay bells out there in fairyland, and last night I began to get emails letting me know that his rather late appearance on the Ivy League scene was because Sanchez has had a lengthy career in gay porn, working under the names Rod Majors (NSFW) and Pierre LaBranche
The op-ed was cross-posted on Rod’s Matt’s blog, along with a clip of his appearance on the O’Reilly Factor.  He also appeared on Hannity and Colmes, where Sean contrasted Matt with troop haters like John Kerry and Charlie Rangel.  “You’re a great American,” Sean huskily intoned as he wrapped up the segment.  “Semper Fi, my friend."

But is that really a fair comparison, given that both Senator Kerry and Congressman Rangel are decorated combat veterans, while Matt has apparently never actually seen action.  Well, scoff if you like, but I like to think that Sean would be the first to point out that, unlike Cpl Sanchez, Kerry and Rangel have never seen hot man-on-man action in such celebrated video sex romps as Touched By An Anal, Lunch Hour 2: Sweating Grease, Tiajuana Toilet Tramps, and of course, Patriot Ass.

Even thought Cpl. Sanchez has evidently not yet been deployed to Iraq, it’s nice to see that the Pentagon is finally facing up to its chronic manpower shortages, and easing up on their recruiting standards.  And while it’s not perfect, I believe that all reasonable people who are serious about fighting the War on Terror can support this new policy:

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, But Feel Free To Tape Me Teabagging Joe Spears in Manticipation.
Now I’m going to leave you, secure in the knowledge that I did not succumb to the almost unbearable temptation to make a Dirty Sanchez crack.

Damn, he *does* look familiar.
Now, I would suggest that doing gay porn does not necessarily make one a faggot, but I would also suggest that Ann Coulter wouldn’t be able to see that distinction. Someone should ask her about this so she can pretend to be all betrayed and attempt to display other human emotions that a preying mantis such as herself would have to have been practicing for years. (And, really, I still have no idea why she’s so opposed to gays considering she just *screams* faghag. One almost assumes that she’s engaged in it as a cynical act of bullying. It’s very nearly like discovering that various virulently homophobic religious types have been “laying hands” on boywhores. But that would be a thoroughly incivil suggestion on my part.)
In 2001 the Chicago Bears–a .500 team at best for the previous decade–went 13-3. I have an in-law from Chi-town who was next to insufferable about it. I tried to be nice about it, but eventually I had to start pointing out the weakness of the division and the incredible string of games won because a fumble bounced up into a defender’s arms for an untouched runback or some such. I think they were something like +65 in takeaways that year. And of course as soon as I got snippy about it they peeled off three or four 20-point wins to end the regular season.
Then they lost their first playoff game, but the real point is that they went back to being mediocre (worse; 4-12) the next year.
The Coulter Party is just like that, except it being politics the seasons last a decade or two. Everything went their way so long they imagined it was due to superior intellect and divine intervention. Now you can’t swing a cat on the FAUX set without hitting an embarrassment waiting to happen. Bush hit the trifecta, remember? Now he’s the guy the remaining ’62 Mets look at and say, “Oh well, it could have been worse.”
And by the way, I’ve got a couple of ex-Marine buddies, and if some jock-sniffer like Hannity says “Semper Fi” to them he’d better be the son of a Bronze Star recipient who can prove he was born with severe spina bifida and applied to the Corps three times anyway.
Doesn’t faux do background checks on these people?
See? Just because you’re a cocksucker doesn’t mean that you’re gay! Ask Ted Haggard! Chances are the VRWC won’t see fit to address this in any way whatsoevah, bit if they do, the thing that will prove to have been steaming their shorts is that he was an all-male cast adult film star, not that he lied about being in the Marines. Feh.
Hmm. Upon further reading, it seems that Mr. Sanchez is probably actually in the service… for now! And, he was quoted as saying that he had a full-time job that was presumably not being a pr0n star or a man ‘ho. So, what, I wonder, is that?
Now I would have bet that it was the person on the right that had the 11 incher. But of course there’s only one way to know for sure, and that’s the old Crocodile Dundee grab test. Which if somebody is willing to go up to Coulter and do that, and post the video on youTube, I’ll pay them five bucks cold hard cash.
“Teabagging”??? I don’t even want to KNOW what that is. I thought I was worldly when I found out what a “golden shower” was. Hey, I’ll match edward’s $5.
OK, here’s my pledge of $5. Maybe we should have a telethon.
doghouse beat me to it. if that chickenhawk said “semper-fi” to my bro-in-law, he’d be spitting out teeth. Hell, I’m just an ex squid and I’d punch the mother fucker.
That IS Rod Majors. Or if it’s not, it’s his long-lost twin. Majors had a prolific and high-profile career in gay porn in the early-to-mid-90s. I actually OWN one of his movies, “Idol Country”, a major release in 1994 directed by Chi Chi LaRue (the queen of gay porn) and starring then-big-ticket-item Ryan Idol. He also worked with Falcon Studios, I’m pretty sure, so it’s not like he was in bargain-basement stuff.
But I wouldn’t call him 11″. 9″, sure, but not 11.
Hell Id put in 10 bucks to see her bagged..too funny.
and 9″ or 11″..doesnt matter at a certain point yanno?
9 or 11? Are we talkin’ dick size, or I.Q.?
Ahem: BeginningToWonder, teabagging involves dangling one’s nutsack out for one’s partner (or Joe Momentum, assuming one’s in the white house) to have oral fun with.
Well thanks, heydave! Whew, that’s a relief – I thought it might involve….well, never mind what I thought. That’s one of the great things about WOC – so educational!
Also, in prankstering, teabagging can be used to set up some LOVELY photos, generally on the faces of passed-out-drunk/comatose/etc. compadres — the roomful of guys whips out their sacks and lays ‘em on the unconscious guy’s face. Very popular at Fark.
Now, I gotta tellya, if we’re talking dick size, I’d wager that mAnn’s is bigger than JimmyJeffGannonGuckert, JUNIOR’s, but only by microns. If we hadn’t already heard testimony to the contrary, I’d wager that we were dealing with centimeters instead of inches. That shit-eating grin on “Corporal” Sanchez’s face is the giveaway. So to speak.
So, how do we confirm his “military status,” anyway? The folks at Jesus’ General do it sometimes, but I can never remember who did it or how they did it. Personally, anybody who can stomach Sean Hannity’s slut-sucking “Semper Fi” cannot be THAT far into the military, if y’all will pardon a horrid visual pun.
And yes, if y’all can front the gas money (a new compressor for my dead a/c unit wouldn’t hurt, either), me & the pickup will happily head to whichever cave mAnn hangs from by Shim’s talons in the daylight hours and do the aforementioned package-grab. Hell, we’ve all been wondering for YEARS now, might as well get it over with, as Shim descends into the bottomless abyss of The Surreal Life-style has-beendom. If you’re on your way out, might as well go out in FLAMES!!!
And yes, y’all should include a vat o’clorox with that gas money — I’m going to need the full-body detox after touching THAT.
Well, true, true.
Regardless of whether Corp. Sanchez’s dick or Ann’s suspiciously erectable “enlarged clitoris” is longer, I can testify to the fact that Corp. Sanchez’s unit is purty, while I suspect that AC’s is… warty.
And wrinkly. And blotchy. And smegma-encrusted.
There, Annti. Saved you a trip. Enjoy your Chlor0x scrubdown!
Marq, I’m going to have to dispatch the ninja Mormons on your ass, one of these days.
Shame, boy. SHAME.
Fuck the clorox, bring on the flamethrowers!!!
BTW, not to be TOO too superficial here, pedantic maybe, am I the only one who noticed that mAnn had a boob job?
Those weren’t there the last time we glanced upon the horrible, horrible wonderment.
Well, they were there, but there sure as hell wasn’t that much there, there!!!
Any pretense of “sexiness” her new, improved teats give Ann is more than offset in that pic by the fact that you can count her many, many ribs. It has that delightful “concentration camp survivor” look to it. It’s no wonder Ann usually wears black-it’s so slimming! Eccchh!
They are the same person.
Nice to know that he wasn’t too adverse to those lefty types so long as they could afford his price tag and presumably fund his G.I. Joe reinvention.
Boob job? I wouldn’t know…I rarely look directly at Ann, as I don’t want my remaining sighted eye to go blind.*
*I’ve been blind in my left eye since birth. My left eye is my “lucky eye” when viewing La Coulter.
Ot: FORCE CONGRESS TO IMPEACH, Call Nancy Pelosi @1-202-225-0100 and DEMAND IMPEACHMENT. DC business hours only, call often, and spread it around.
‘don’t know about you, but I’d do either one of ‘em… Some very impressive looks there and some impressive statistics. …and I don’t care if Ann is real or not, she is hot!

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