The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

The Hollywood Report with Maryc

Dateline: Hollywood! Grocery Store: Rock and Roll Ralph’s on Sunset! Why: Because we are out of food! Who: Samantha Bee!

How: I was taking my groceries to Cody The cool PT Cruiser (Tom Servo in Commando Cody: “That’s a cool car. That’s a cool Cody car.”) when an SUV pulled into the spot next to mine! An attractive and petite woman hopped out of the SUV and we glanced at each other. I thought, “Gee. She looks like Samantha Bee.” She proceeded to take a stroller out of her car and we glanced at each other again, so I said: “You know, you look a lot like Samantha Bee”. To which she replied, “Well, I am Samantha Bee!”, and as soon as she spoke, I knew it was really Samantha Bee. I shook her hand and told her how much we loved her on the Daily Show and she thanked me very appreciatively.

I then continued to put the bags into the back of my car, while she took her daughter, Piper, out the car seat and did a baby talk thingy while jiggling Piper about. I drove off, and I’m guessing she went grocery shopping because they were out of food, too.

So. There you have it. If you come to Hollywood, CA., don’t buy a map to the stars home! If you want to see stars, go grocery shopping at Rock and Roll Ralph’s on Sunset!

PS-according to the Liberal Wikipedia, she could be in town to shoot a pilot, or to pick up some Bumble Bee Chunk White Tuna: 10 for $10.
Or some Aunt Jemima Syrup™, some Kaiser™ broiler foil and a pair of blunt scissors! Ha ha!
(Somebody was gonna say it sooner or later.)
That’s a good price for tuna. Water or oil?
[...]while she took her daughter, Piper, out the car seat and did a baby talk thingy while jiggling Piper about.
Gaaasssssppp!!! Oh, NOES!1!! A BABY-SHAKER!!!1! Well, everyone will be happy to know that I immediately called California Child Protective Services and turned this evil, so-called “celebrity” in! Yeppers!!
[crickets]
Umm….
.
.
Did I do something bad again?
If you want to see stars, go grocery shopping at Rock and Roll Ralph’s on Sunset!
Hah! I once came across Newt Gingrich, in San Francisco, of all places. (Yes, he really looks like an SOB.)
Tuna 10 cans for 10 bucks??!!?? If I send you $100 will you ship some back to me???
Rocknroll Ralphs is a good option, but for real celeb spotting across all categories, I recomend the Marina Safeway in SF.
The Safeway in Blackhawk is a good option too – and they have live entertainment…
mikey
Let’s hope the pilot won’t squander her talent’s like “the Winner” is Rob Corddry’s.
Why would Samantha Bee want to shoot a pilot? Too much turbulence on her flight? There’s really not much they can do about that, you know.
I have seen some crazy sh*t at that Ralph’s on Sunset….

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