The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

Law & Order: White House Wingnut Unit

We may have to change our endorsement for official World o’Crap Republican Presidential nominee (sorry, Bob “Starfighter” Dornan), because it seems that D.A. Cornpone may be running.  WorldNetDaily has the story:
Actor Fred Thompson, star of the NBC crime drama is seriously considering a run for the White House.
“I’m giving some thought to it. Going to leave the door open,” Thompson, a former U.S. senator from Tennessee, said on “Fox News Sunday.” [...]
 ”Fred was a great conservative in the Senate and a heck of an actor,” said WND reader Bob Morris. “Can we say ‘Ronald Reagan’?”
Um, sure.  We can even say it three times while looking in a mirror, if it will make you think that Thompson can be the zombie Ronald Reagan you’ve been looking for — but it still won’t make Thompson a good actor.
On the issues, Thompson says he:
Opposes gun control. “You check my record. You’ll find I’m pretty consistent on that issue.”
And if you check the L&O archives, I think you will find several eps where he told outraged family members that if they didn’t think they got justice from the courts, they should get a gun and shoot a perp on the courthouse steps.  (Well, I don’t have any transcripts where he actually says that, but somebody must be doing it, because about once a month an ep ends this way.)
Opposes same-sex marriage, but would let states decide on civil unions. “Marriage is between a man and a woman, and judges shouldn’t be allowed to change that.”
Opposes abortion. “I think Roe vs. Wade was bad law and bad medical science. And the way to address that is through good judges. I don’t think the court ought to wake up one day and make new social policy for the country. It’s contrary to what it’s been the past 200 years.”\
Opposes abolition. ”Slavery is between a master and his property, and the government shouldn’t be allowed to change that.  I don’t think judges and legislators ought to wake up one day and make new social policy for the country.  It’s contrary to what it’s been for the past 2000 years.  And don’t get me started about women being allowed to vote!”
Supports President Bush’s troop surge in Iraq. “Wars are full of mistakes. You rectify things. I think we’re doing that now.”
Yes, you rectify things by doing more of the same, as explained by the law of “throwing good soldiers after bad.”
Supports an immediate pardon for former White House Aide Lewis “Scooter” Libby. “This is a trial that never would have been brought in any other part of the world. This is a miscarriage of justice. One man and his wife and 14-year-old and 10-year-old children are bearing the brunt of a political maelstrom here that produced something that never should have come about.”
Why is it always the 10-year-old children who must suffer after one of Dick Cheney’s political maelstroms?  What kind of a country is this, when a man’s children and wife have to be embarassed by his conviction after he commits perjury and obstruction of justice?  Gad, sir, this goes against basic decency!

Anyway, as I said before, I think the Scooter trial will make a great L&O ep.  While I still like the idea of the ripped-from-the-headlines Dick Cheney shooting the defendant in the court room before Scooter can rat him out, it might be nice to go with a more poignant version.  You know, maybe it could involve a loyal aide being offered up to a bloodthirsty jury, all because a screwed-up system allows the media to report on stuff, and liberals to vote — and the consequences involve innocent children bearing the brunt of maelstroms, and young girls being forced to have sex with bears.  No, wait, that would be the “Special Victims Unit” version of the story.

But for now, you can go to the WorldNetDaily: Daily Poll and vote for whether or not Fred Thompson” should run for president?   Early returns show that the wingnuts think that he should.  Here are the top responses:
Yes, he’s the closest thing to Ronald Reagan of all the candidates thus far 33.33% (75)
Yes, I agree with Thompson’s policies more than I do any of the other White House wannabes 24.00% (54)
Yes, he has the star power and the right philosophy to go all the way 12.89% (29)
Yes, he would instantly become the frontrunner in the GOP field 10.67% (24)
BTW, I had to select “other” because my response, “Yes, because maybe then Dick Wolf would be forced to hire a decent actor for the D.A. role,” is not one of the choices. 

But, if Fred decides not to run for President, maybe he can run for Attorney General, since it seems that lawmakers on both sides are demanding that Alberto Gonzales be fired.

The New York Sun offers a brief and somewhat white-washed summary of the issues.  Here is an interesting bit, which explains why a federal prosecutor was reportedly fired — it seems that he didn’t prosecute local Democrats fast enough.
McClatchy Newspapers reported Saturday that the chairman of the Republican Party in New Mexico, Allen Weh, said he complained to the White House twice about the chief federal prosecutor in that state, David Iglesias. Some Republicans were upset that Mr. Iglesias was moving too slowly on a corruption investigation of local Democrats.
Mr. Weh said his first complaint, in 2005, was to an aide to President Bush’s top political adviser, Karl Rove. The second conversation was directly with Mr. Rove at a White House event in 2006, the state party official said.
“It wasn’t that Iglesias wasn’t looking out for Republicans. He just wasn’t doing his job, period,” Mr. Weh told the newspaper chain. Mr. Iglesias has defended his record and said he resisted political pressure to indict Democrats before the 2006 election.
Well, I can see Mr. Weh’s point.  After all, why do you go to the bother of having a Republican House, Senate, and White House, if you can’t get your political enemies indicted in a timely fashion?  And when the system fails you, and you have a beef with how your federal prosecutor isn’t doing his job and indicting local Democrats in time for the elections, then of course you take it up with the man in charge of DOJ witch hunts, Mr. Karl Rove.  It all makes perfect sense!

Later in the story we learn that a White House spokesman “referred questions about Mr. Rove’s alleged involvement in the dismissals of the New Mexico prosecutor to the Justice Department.”  I’m assuming that said spokesman then told the reporter that he should take all complaints to former Attorney General Ashcroft, and then hinted that Scooter Libby was the one who fired the prosecutor.  Then the spokesman reminded the reporter that the first rule of White House Press Corps is that nobody talks about the White House, and reminded him that Mr. Rove was in Austria during the war.

But firing prosecutors for political reasons, to include firing people just to let Republican appointees take their jobs, is not thing Alberto is taking heat for — there’s also the “FBI Gone Wild, Spring-Break From the Constitution” thing.
On Friday, Mr. Gonzales came under fire on a second front, regarding alleged misuse of administrative subpoenas which do not require judicial approval and are known as national security letters. A report by the Justice Department’s inspector general found that the FBI sometimes issued the letters without proper authority, obtained data beyond what the law permits, and failed to include more than 8,000 of the information demands in statistics provided to Congress.
Senator Specter of Pennsylvania, the top Republican on the Judiciary Committee, had raised the possibility that Mr. Gonzales might depart his post soon, but appearing on CBS yesterday, Mr. Specter stopped short of calling for the former White House counsel’s firing. […[
However, Mr. Specter said Congress was likely to rein in the FBI’s subpoena power. “It has been very badly abused,” he said.
Yes, I’m sure Congress and the White House are shocked, SHOCKED to learn that after they allowed local FBI officials to write their own subpoenas, the FBI went ahead and abused this power.  Who’d have imagined that such a thing could take place (and maybe institute some oversight or something)?!?  Yeah, those villains Ida No and Not Me.

Okay, now it’s time for a little trip down memory lane — remember when President Bush chided us for not buying the new and improved “Super Duper Patriot Act,” and assured us of the following?
“Every action in the Patriot Act requires a court order, before the government can move.  In other words, your rights are protected…We need to extend the Patriot Act, with the constitutional safeguards for our U.S. citizens.”
Ah, good times, good times.  We were so innocent then.

Anyway, I hope Fred does decide to run for President – but if he doesn’t, maybe Serena is available.  After all, I think she supported gun control in one of the eps — and she couldn’t act either.

I was surprised for a few seconds to discover that Fred’s views on abortion and gay marriage are virtually word-for-word from L&O dialogue. And then I thought, “Well, of course they are. It’s the party of boys playing Global Conquest in their sandboxes.” Then I got over it. Well, not really, but that story seemed like it needed closure.
Aw, Fred isn’t that bad an actor, given that L&O has a distinct style that they force their actors to assume (I’ve been up for more than one role).
Dick Wolf has, shall we say, a…specific way of viewing how his words should be said, and doesn’t really cotton to the word “but”…
That said, Fred Thompson seemed perfect for the role, based on his stellar emoting in “Hunt For Red October”, “Baby’s Day Out”, and “Aces: Iron Eagle III”.
Oh. And the US Senate.
The reader’s attention is again directed to Senator Fred Doolin Dalton Thompson, chairman of the Governmental Affairs committee as it fearlessly investigated China’s attempts to influence the 1996 US elections. The reader is reminded that every time U. S. Senator Thompson said something you could see Don Nickles’ mouth move. And that the hearings ended abruptly just as Haley Barbour was scheduled to take the stand and take Don Nickles down with him. U. S. Senator Fred Doolin Dalton Thompson wound up holding the leaky colostomy bag on that one. Yup, real Presidential timber. I too think he’d make a fine Reagan, if by that you mean a none-too-bright shill for Republican money interests with just enough acting ability to convince the Red Meat pinheads he’s on their side.
He also thinks all judges should be ordained Baptist ministers. He can recite all the 10 commandments (thats a lot of ‘m’s), but he blushes when he get’s to the “Neighbor’s Ass” part. Heh indeed.
Thompson’s a decent actor, although it probably helps that, by all accounts, he’s playing himself in L&O. As a politician, I’ve always heard that he was an image-obsessed asshole, so the ‘wingers will probably love him.
Let me get this right, Fred: judges shouldn’t be allowed to change that…
…the way to address that is through good judges.
No, never mind; I know exactly what kind of shit you’re peddling.
Say, wasn’t Fred Thompson in one of the Die Hard movies? Let’s see. Yep, in the second one, where he played someone called… Trudeau. Gary, or Pierre Elliot, I’m not sure.
Fuck Fred.
And Chili Bean?
It’ll be easy to “let him go” — he’s done all of the evil that they wanted him to do, he’s already usurped the Constitution and institutionalized corporate raiding as the “purpose” of this country. His work here is done. Now he can retire to a lovely estate in the country and sit back as his residuals & stock dividends roll in.
They threw Libby under the bus, Cheney continues to do his ‘Round The World Tour (as he sets things up & leaves a lovely fruit basket for Halliburton’s CEO in the Secret Lair in Dubai) to skip daintily away from any whisper of a subpoena, what do they care if Chili Bean has to sacrifice his federal parking space? Their enemies have been smote (smited?), their money has been tripled, it’s allllll goooood, bay-bee!
The machine rolls on, Cheney continues to court the moneyed motherfuckers who want to destroy the middle east (well, except for Saudi & the Emirates — they’re DIFFERENT from all of those unclean, raghead TARRISTS, dontcha know — they’re GOOD FAMILY PEOPLE!), and Dumbya stumbles through the day, assured that he’s still got the biggest dick in the room. Karl Rove is still “untouchable,” as if no one’s ever even CONSIDERED the idea of prosecuting Rasputin himself, and 98 different republicunt candidates still get better individual press coverage than all of the democrats combined.
As you were. Whatever you do, don’t look behind the curtain.
Fred Thompson for president. Right. Pull the other one. I don’t give a rat’s ass where he bought his law degree, that guy’s just this side of Quayle when it comes to the intelligence needed to run this country. Sure, he LOOKS more “capable” and “mature” than Dumbya, but then, so does the guy who sprays for mosquitos around here. HE’S DOING THE FUNDRAISER FOR SCOOTER’S DEFENSE FUND, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!!!!!!!!! Either Fred’s so far out of the republicunt inner circle’s loop that he has no concept of what the fuck is going on, or he’s just flat-out fucking nuts. Yeah, Scooter needs help. Poor thang. Jes’ pitiful.
If many more people announce, it’s going to start looking like the CA recall election. Sad to say, it already does a little bit.
You know what? What the hell–I’m forming my own exploratory committee. We meet Thursdays and my daughter’s boyfriend is buying. Drop by if you’re in town.
Poor Tommy Thompson is in big trouble now trying to run for president against a guy with the same name. Fred may not have much to offer as a presidential candidate, but at least his sonorous baritone is easier to tolerate than Tommy’s nasal Cheesehead drone.
Trashfire, I’m a yellow dog democrat, but if you run as a republican, you’ll have my vote. If ya can’t beat ‘em, subvert ‘em.
wait a minute. I thought the wingers hated hollywierd and say that actors should just shut up. what am I missing here?
mertallen, you are missing Ahnald, Ronnie, Sony Bono, Fred Gandy, etc.
Totally off-topic, but I’ll mention it anyway: my birthday is tomorrow (March 15). I’m older than Ben Shapiro and younger than Doug Giles. (I was going to say “younger than Ann Coulter”, but, isn’t everybody? I’m not sure what her actual age is. Depends on how long ago her sire bit her on the neck.)
Happy birthday, Bill. On this date many centuries ago, a tyrant who invaded countries on flimsy pretexts was stabbed to death in Rome.
So maybe Ann can’t tell how old she herself is either by looking in the mirror–all she’d see is the wall behind her???
I know that I suck at remembering birthdays, but I did manage to hire you a last-minute male stripper from Stamos-Impersonators-R-Us, and he should be there bright and early in the morning to start your day off with a bang!
But if you want him to make allowances for Ted, that’s gonna cost ya extra. Not to mention liability insurance.
But seriously, if we can bring the house lights down for a minute here, I hope that you have a very happy birthday, filled with much love, peace, and as many orgasms as you can handle. Thanks for hanging out with us and come back this weekend for the all-you-can-eat buffet!
(I’ll be playing the Ramada Inn Airport for the Sunday Early Birds Special.)
Happy happy joy joy etc.
much appeciated, AC.
Hey, man, anybody who can put up with me for all of these years at WoC deserves SOMETHING for his pain and patience, doesn’t he? Only the best, bayyybeee!
“I think Roe vs. Wade was bad law and bad medical science…”
Well that’s good, because Roe vs. Wade was neither law nor medical science; it was a court ruling. I think Roe vs. Wade was a bad spinach quiche and a bad baseball card but a good court ruling.

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