The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Saturday, December 25, 2010

August 28, 2003 by s.z.

What Happens Here, Stays Here

That's the relatively new slogan chosen by the Las Vegas Convention and Visitor's Authority (LVCVA) to rejuvenate tourism by getting away from that "family destination" thing that wasn't working out so well (kids being relatively low-stakes gamblers and bad tippers), and instead refocusing on Vegas's traditional target audience: sleazy adults. 

At their website LVCVA - Press & Media, the group talks about the new campaign, and how each of the TV spots in it was inspired by something that actually happened to a real inebriated, addicted, or morally bankrupt visitor to Vegas.

"Our new campaign is very honest in that it exposes many, many truths about a visit to Las Vegas," said Terry Jicinsky, senior vice president of marketing for the LVCVA. "Vegas Stories focuses on what makes a visit to Las Vegas fun and memorable, and hopefully results in a story that could only have happened in Vegas."

In one of the TV spots, a woman marries a young pool boy and then leaves him at the altar to get back to her convention.  In another, a woman proposes a steamy encounter in the back of her airport limo to her driver because she gets turned on by the smell of leather.  "She then raises the privacy wall only to re-emerge later as a sophisticated businesswoman with an English accent." A third features a woman absconding with the company payroll, but having second thoughts as she stops for the night in a run-down motel; the hotel manager watches her through a peephole as she undresses, then dresses up like his dead mother and repeatedly stabs the woman while she showers.

But, per the USA Today article Vegas Goes For Edgier Ads , the association pulled an ad showing a group of men at breakfast the morning after a wild night of wine, women, and song -- the guys agree they can't go home with just the set of false teeth from a missing friend. "The Shriners took offense at the ads and asked LVCVA to stop them."

Apparently that one hit a little too close to home with the Shriners, who often lose members (and dentures) at Vegas conventions.  Some Shriners are eaten by coyotes; some die in motels with hookers, who dump their bodies in the desert; and some are victims of mob hits.  The net result is a 20% drop in dues-paying members every time the organization holds a convention in Sin City.  The group has starting fighting back by assigning every member and every dental appliance a buddy that they must keep track of during their time in the city.

But other than Shriners with secrets to keep, the ad campaign is reportedly popular with consumers, especially lowlifes, degenerates, and perverts who like the implied message of  "It's okay to cheat on your spouse, gamble away the kids' college fund, try weird and disgusting sexual acts, eat Hostess-brand snack cakes, and/or get together with your Rat Pack friends and smoke, drink, demean women, rob casinos, have mob associates, and order a hit on JFK.  It's okay because what happens here, stays here, and thus has nothing to do with the rest of your well-ordered and respectable life as a Soccer Mom, Virtue Czar, or member of the LVCVA."

So, I'm goin' to Vegas!  I've always wanted to shoot a man, just to watch him die--and while Reno is closer, only Vegas promises that "What happens here, stays here."  So, despite all those CSI geeks running around, I figure if I kill my man and leave town, never to return, I'm covered. 

I leave this morning and will be back on Monday.  I leave the blog (and vendettas) in the capable hands of Scott.  HE will control the horizontal.  HE will control the vertical.  So, for the next holiday weekend, just sit quietly while Scott controls all you see and hear.  He also expressed willingness to discuss hard truths with that unstoppable-truth teller Bill O'Reilly, if he happens to call while I'm gone.  And for a good time, ask Scott to tell you about  his theory about Ann Coulter and a Brian DePalma movie from the early '80s . . . .

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