Who's Looking Out For America's Lovelorn? Bill O'Reilly, That's Who!
Per Bill's wepbage, we have a treat in store for us on the 21st: Bill O'Reilly in Parade Magazine. Yes, Bill will be featured on the cover of that supplement that comes with the Sunday paper. And the copy on that cover promises:
Wow, it's like a dream come true: Bill O'Reilly helping me pick my friends and giving me advice on how to spot good guys!
You know, now that Ann Landers is dead and the aging Dear Abby's gig has been usurped by her daughter, I've been wondering who could possibly fill their niche, doling out home-spun guidance about deadbeat boyfriends, hanging toilet paper, and not enjoying sex. And now I have the answer: Dear Billy! (After all, he is "the new pope of TV Journalism," as it says in his Fox bio.) I think his column might go something like this:
But now that Dr. Laura is abandoning her "stone the sinners" brand of Judaism and flirting with the kinder, gentler judgementalism of fundamentalist Christianity, somebody needs to fill her niche on our radio dials. Since Bill already has a radio show, he'd be a natural for the job! I think his call-in advice program might go a little something like this:
Well, that's one way it might go. Anyway, I eagerly await Bill's Parade article, and hope he'll pick me some reliable friends, but not my nose.
Economists Predict Gloom and Doom and Roaming Herds of Costners; White House Says, "Don't Listen to Them--They're All Hopped Up On Goofballs."
Remember back in early 2001, when Bush promised us that the national debt would soon be paid off, and there'd be trillions in savings set aside to secure health and retirement plans. Um, well, there's been a little change in plans: Dizzying Dive to Red Ink Poses Stark Choices for Washington.
So, it seems that instead of the $353 billion surplus we were supposed to have at the end of this fiscal year, we'll actually have a $401 billion deficit. The gap for next year will be even worse:
Read the rest of the article for more really depressing news, including predictions of a bleak, desolate, wasteland future, right of out of Mad Max or The Postman. Well, we could stave it off if we either begin to make "draconian cuts" in Government spending (no more farm subsidies, Medicare drug benefits, or invasions) or bite the bullet and not renew the tax cuts (and even . .gasp . . .impose new taxes on the rich). Or do some of both. But unless we do something, we face a future where only Mel Gibsons and Kevin Costners can survive. And that's just not good.