The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Thursday, March 17, 2011

More Marley

During our sporadic Fox News viewing on Wednesday we didn’t happen to catch our new friend Bob “an undigested bit of beef, a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, a fragment of an underdone potato” Marley’s appearance there. So, we did a Google News search, and learned all we needed to about his Christmas Crusade.
Marley’s appearance there. So, we did a Google News search, and learned all we needed to about his Christmas Crusade.First, fromCatholic Online, we found out why he has the time to post comments to our obscure blog:
Massachusetts developer Robert Marley, his brother and a friend were incensed by last year’s efforts to neutralize Christmas. This year, he put his construction business on hold to create the Committee to Save Christmas in Massachusetts – a regional group that is trying to remind retailers of the reason for the season.
While we applaud Bob’s sacrifice, we do have to say that making prank phone calls to Best Buy is a lot easier than working construction … or, you know, working at anything.
But here’s more, from the North Shore TownOnline:
Locally, three Lynnfield guys are leading the charge to take back Christmas. Brothers Robert and Kevin Marley and their business partner Steve Ciambelli have started the Coalition to save Christmas in Massachusetts.
“It’s very simple,” says Kevin Marley. “We’re talking about saving our traditions.”
The Marleys and Ciambelli, who call themselves just regular guys, have done something a little irregular. They have made the malls and shopping centers across the state the front line on the fight for Christmas.
“What makes this so offensive is this is a deliberate attack on Christmas,” says Robert Marley.
Yes, Bed, Bath, & Beyond, your “Happy Holidays” is a deliberate attack on Christmas, and therefore, a deliberate attack on Christians like Bob.  Oh, the humanity!  This must be the kind of persecution that the Bible predicted would afflict the saints in the last days – but who knew it would be so ugly!
“What’s next?” asks Robert Marley. “Do you shoot the Easter Bunny?”
Just to be safe, the Bunny better pack heat come spring.
But back to the Christmas Crusaders.
 ”We’re not activists,” says Ciambelli, although the three are a little taken by the all the attention their coalition and Web site has drawn.
And they probably went on Fox News just to express their consternation at all the attention.
What is comes down to, what it’s all about for the Marleys and Ciambelli, is saving Christmas and all its traditions for their families and for their kids.
 ”How does everything get changed right under our noses?” asks Kevin Marley, who points out that not only has the assault on Christmas been gradual and steady, it’s come at a time when we’ve learned, sometimes the hard way, that we have to be respectful and tolerant of other faiths and traditions.
And the Marleys and Ciambelli want to know how that all works out to something fair.
“What about the tolerance for us?” asks Robert Marley. “Why do we have to tolerate everyone else when no one wants to tolerate Christmas?
It’s sad that nobody in the whole state of MA will tolerate these three guys, or their holiday (an obscure celebration called “Christmas”) — especially after they’ve had to tolerate everyone else for so long (and some of their fellow Massachusettsians are real jerks)!. So, to make it up to the Crusaders, instead of just instructing all their employees to wish them an “EXTRA Merry Marley and Ciambelli Christmas, with sugar on it,” the stores should probably give these brave men some free stuff — you know, to compensate them for all the pain and suffering they experience by being lumped in with everyone else who was celebrating a holiday this season when it came time to extend to them a perfunctory and insincere commercial greeting.
“Please, just give us back our day.”
Um, Bob, it’s JESUS’S day. Get your own birthday.

But actually, Bob isn’t the nuttiest guy quoted in these pieces. That would be Fox News’s John “I’m Not O’Reilly” Gibson.
“I used to call those opposed to Christmas ‘secularists,’ but the shadows have become clearer,” said Gibson, who authored the 2005 book, The War on Christmas. “These are angry atheists. They have had it with believers. They don’t want to talk to them, listen to them or be on the same side as believers.”
“Groups like the American Civil Liberties Union said that Christmas could be celebrated in the homes of Christians and their churches,” said Gibson. “The implication was that it shouldn’t be celebrated in public. If the faithful are interested in this, they ought to look at the wider picture. This is an organized bunch. Heads-up, believers, they are coming after you.”
Heads-up, believers, you’d probably emulate the Easter Bunny (and Dr. Mike, Ph.D.), and get a big bunch of Christmas guns.  After all, this is WAR, and it’s either you or that teenaged Target clerk!
Posted by s.z. on Friday, December 1st, 2006 at 2:51 am

44 Responses to "More Marley"

Do you shoot the Easter Bunny? Well, if we’re talking about Easter, shouldn’t we be crucifying the bunny and seeing if he forgives us our sins and comes back from the dead? Wait, that was Jesus. Doesn’t this guy even realize how much he shoots himself in the foot by insisting on protecting Christmas and tradition and morals and then making reference to a secular symbol for a Christian holiday? Unless this is the start of the War on Easter!
Left by y_run_i_do on December 1st, 2006

“Please, just give us back our day.”

Ditto. And give us back the fertility goddess/bunnysex thing, too. Also the thing with the ghosts and demons, you guys aren’t even using that one.
Left by D. Sidhe on December 1st, 2006

He’s a Pats fan? That must mean it’s all somehow Brad R.’s fault.

Also, I’m incensed that every year, complete strangers fail to wish me a happy birthday. Please, just give me back my day.
Left by Bistroist on December 1st, 2006

How is this for a compromise: Wal-Mart hires a whole lot of illegal aliens whose only job is to wish everybody Merry Christmas, but they can’t speak English so they wish everybody Merry Christmas, but they do it in Vietnamese or Urhdu.

And then for the Christmas Spectacular on Fox they all appear with Bill O’Reilly. And does Bob Marley look eerily like Bing Crosby?
Left by tomg on December 1st, 2006

I take no responsibility for this guy! (Though he is in my neck of the woods, so I should probably post stuff about him ’cause he’s funny. Thanks, SZ! GO PATS!!!!)
Left by Brad R. on December 1st, 2006

Amazing huh? Christians make up 98% of America and yet they think their precious holiday is under attack. Whose fault would that be?

Left by Witch King on December 1st, 2006

I say we go back to the true meaning of Christmas. You know, Yule log, winter solistice parties (Saturnalia), mistletoe, all that good stuff. Those pagans among us should insist the Christians give them back their day!
Left by Joe Buddha on December 1st, 2006

Witch King,

I think Christians are down to about 80% in the U.S. That’s what all the whining is about.

This quote sums the attitude up neatly: ”How does everything get changed right under our noses?”

These doofuses can’t deal with change nor other people different from them having a say. Pretty pathetic, actually. And anti-American to boot, no matter how many quotes from the Declaration of Independence they put on their website.
Left by Sandra Claus on December 1st, 2006

“Give us back our day”? OK. Fine. Then, we’ll expect you to give it back to the pagans, OK?

Silly Xians, Jesus was born in June.
Left by Johnny M on December 1st, 2006

Excuse me? Give me back MY day, thank you! I seem to recall that absolutely NOTHING but 7-11, and hospitals are open on “their” day.
Left by Humbert Dinglepencker on December 1st, 2006

Hey, Bistroist, what’s your birthday?

Actually, movie theaters and Chinese restaurants and zoos and public aquaria are also open on 25 December–we spend ours at some combination of two of those every year.

Seriously. Go to a zoo. The critters are interesting and the crowds are thinner. (Gift shops/concessionaries may not be open. But I have yet to meet the zoo that opposed you bringing in sandwiches.)
Left by D. Sidhe on December 1st, 2006

I get a 3-to-5 week bout of daily cluster headaches about once a year, usually spanning the holidays. Since I can’t drive when I’ve got one–or even when expecting one–I often wind up going to the movies on Christmas Day (we have two multiplexes within easy walking distance). And one of the nice things about this tradition is that the box office personnel, ticket-takers, and the guy who sells the popcorn and Abazaba bars are all seemingly exempt from the retail sector’s obligation to seal our transaction with a seasonal wish.
Left by scott on December 1st, 2006

“Red blood on white snow, that’s the only ‘true meaning’ I know.” — Terry Pratchett

Marley’s a Gaelic name, so Bob needs to stop gassing about this jumped-up Jebus-come-lately “Christmas” perversion of the Spirit of the Season, and find his true roots in the bloody sacrifice of the Winter King to ensure that the Sun will rise again after the longest night of the year. How, his Druidic ancestors wonder, did we let everything *change* around us? When did today’s kids become so areligious and weak-minded? Surely we need a higher quality of Winter King for this year’s sacrifice! Oh, Roooobert?…

(Yeah, well, mostly I wanted an excuse to recommend Prachett’s HOGFATHER as an excellent Xmas tradition for those among us who maintain a sense of humor along with our sense of wonder.)
Left by Anne Laurie on December 1st, 2006

76% and falling, according to Barna. The fastest-growing religion in the country is Wicca, and the number of people reporting estrangement from all churches has doubled in a decade. And could someone mention to the Marley boys, and Catholic Online while they’re at it, that the Roman church used to be on the receiving end of religious intolerance in this country? Big time? As in that’s why there are parochial schools?

By the way, Wal*Mart, pretty much alone among major retailers, reported dismal November sales and a poor outlook for December. Coincidence? My invisible guidance counselor says no.
Left by Doghouse Riley on December 1st, 2006

could those guys look any more like a civilly united gay couple?
Left by tony on December 2nd, 2006

Well, the good news is that Bob Marley isn’t dead after all. Though I wish he would go back to smoking spliffs and playing music instead of wasting his time on this non-issue.
Left by Clifford the BRD on December 2nd, 2006

I can’t believe all this change to our cherished holiday traditions. What’s next? Do you kill Jesus? Because that would be… um… wait.
Left by FlipYrWhig on December 2nd, 2006

D. Sidhe, the zoo sounds like a good idea on December 25, given that I live less than a mile from the National Zoo. But it may be c-c-c-cold. Or at least by my native-Californian standards.

When my kids were littler, we always went during Passover with another family. All of the photographs display plenty of orange-labeled Manischewitz matzo and macaroon containers.

The East Coast city tradition for we Jews is to go to a real Chinese Chinese restaurant. On December 25, there’s nobody there but hordes of Jews and Chinese people. Given adoptions by folks I know, some patrons are both.
Left by Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel on December 2nd, 2006

These great great great great grandsons of mine are a real disgrace.
Left by Marley's Ghost on December 2nd, 2006

You know, if these idiots really wanted to do something for the holidays in MA, they could waste their time following the Mayor around harassing him about not putting up the Enchanted Village. Of course it’s not an important issue, but it’s been a holiday tradition for what, more than 100 years and the proceeds go to charity, I believe, so if they want to waste their time at least it would be put to better use on that. But yeah, it’s not explicitly Christocentric enough, so they don’t care.
Left by Carpathian on December 4th, 2006

“To believe in nothing, to honor nothing, to respect nothing or hold anything dear, is the highest indication of the depravity of the human heart…”
Left by techbeat on December 4th, 2006

What would you know about Jesus anyway? From what I’ve seen you worship only yourself and anything vile or disgusting! At least the site is accurately named anyway! If you REALLY want to hear some bitching and whining, just try to do away with Kwanza, or say or do anything that’s even remotely percieved to be against Islam and you’ll quickly discover where the roots of intollerance and hatred truely lie! For those of you who may have wondered what it was like during the fall of the Roman Empire, just look around you, it was probably a lot like it is right now in America! Enjoy it while it lasts because it will all be gone in the blink of an eye one day soon when we all awaken in the midst of the most hellish nightmare that anyone could possibly have ever imagined or dreamed! No man knows the day or hour, but that day draws ever closer and it will come like a thief in the night, and no I’m not referring to Santa. In that hour millions will finally turn to Him for their salvation, but He will turn His back on them, just as they have turned their backs on Him, and denied Him. And in that moment they will learn how false their wiccan nonsense and the many other lies, distractions and diversions of Satan truely were! Prepare to reap precisely what you have sewn sinners and fools. Laugh until your heart’s content; just wait and see who’s laughing when it actually happens! What better day to cleanse the earth of sinners and non-believers than on Christmas day? I’d welcome it, and the sooner the better, while there’s still a viable planet worth saving!
Left by Steve on December 4th, 2006

Thank you for your efforts – it is very much appreciated by the majority of us in never-never land that are really the purchasers and normal people who know something just ‘ain’t’ right about the situation. Something is wrong when a few (or sometimes NO ONE) has been complaining and we still have to change things to make them comfortable.
Left by jana on December 4th, 2006

Thank God for Bob & Kevin Marley………a round of applause for the both of them for saving Christmas. Perhaps the entire Christian community should stop making purchases at the happy holiday stores. Besides I think Christmas has become too commercialized and a money making business for non-believers and foreign countries. Let’s put Christ back into Christmas….Have a Merry Christmas dinner with family and friend and may the peace and light of Christmas glow in our hearts everyday. Good night to all and to all a very Merry Christmas.
Left by Anne Marie on December 4th, 2006

This time of year I shop for Christmas presents, not holiday presents. Greet me with Merry Christmas or I will buy somewhere else.

I support these gentlemen in their effort and applause their courage.

If you don’t like “Merry Christmas”, or find it offensive develope your own holiday with your own holiday presents, lights, and trees.

Suggest around Feb. or March. We need another holiday around that time of year. I don’t care, because I find “Happy Holiday’s” very offensive.
Left by John D on December 4th, 2006

Load me up with pagan symbolism as I celebrate the virgin birth of the son of the great sky fairy, during the wrong month, with an orgy of materialism and epicurianism. This one hell of a holliday!
Left by ironicname on December 4th, 2006

oh, and happy hollidays!
Left by ironicname on December 4th, 2006

A lot of the people here are screaming pansy liberals. Merry Christmas. Oh and here are some facts on the Marley Brothers notice BROTHERS they are not a gay couple. They grew up in Revere, MA and thrived into self made developers they are very good men.
Left by Matt on December 4th, 2006

Darlings, feel free to shop somewhere else. I’m guessing nobody cares. Also, feel free to wish anybody you like anything you like, if you’re more interested in asserting your claim over a culturally appropriated astrological milepost than you are in spreading goodwill.

Man, I miss the days when you people were all whining about how overcommercialized the holidays were and shouldn’t we all be spending time with our families and not worrying about the decorations in the stores.

For the record, kids, we’re in a different thread now. It’s fairly safe to say anything more you post down here is going to be read only by yourselves and people who are really, really hard up for entertainment.
Left by D. Sidhe on December 5th, 2006

Wow! Thanks, Marley Bros, for the spike in hits! Hits=Money! You’re helping to fund our War on the “War On Christmas”! (in other words, our war on lame, made up crap that only exists to make privileged people feel persecuted).
Left by maryc on December 5th, 2006

And yes. I AM really hard up for entertainment. Time to read “Holidays on Ice” (available at the WoC amazon store)
Left by maryc on December 5th, 2006

Enjoy it while it lasts because it will all be gone in the blink of an eye one day soon when we all awaken in the midst of the most hellish nightmare that anyone could possibly have ever imagined or dreamed!

Aahh… Nothing quite says “Christmas spirit” like a little joyous anticipation of the coming Armegeddon. Can’t come fast enough for you, can it?

Happy Holidays, every one of you.
Left by RobW on December 5th, 2006

And yes. I AM really hard up for entertainment.

Well, yes. All us draft dodgers in the War On Christmas and the War Against The War On Christmas are. What with the not shopping for our unloved ones and the not wrapping our festive gifts and the not going to religious services and the not sending dozens of outraged emails to Blockbusters Video because they put The Santa Clause 2 on the clearance rack and the not wassailing and pageanting and Charlie Brown Christmassing and the like.

I might even get around to organizing my bookcases by category: Queerness, Secularism, Feminism, Communism, Destroying The American Family, Supporting The Terrorists, Global Warming, Evolution, etc.
Left by D. Sidhe on December 5th, 2006

I don’t care, because I find “Happy Holiday’s” very offensive.

That’s so funny, because I find wayward apostrophes very offensive! Would you look at that!
Left by ACG on December 5th, 2006

Prepare to reap precisely what you have sewn sinners and fools. Laugh until your heart’s content; just wait and see who’s laughing when it actually happens!

Isn’t this pretty much precisely the attitude that Jesus warned against? You’re never supposed to take sides against someone else’s salvation. So, unfortunately, Steve, I’ll see you in Hell.
Left by FlipYrWhig on December 5th, 2006

Steve, precious, you left some exclamation points on my bedstand last night, and I wanted to make sure you got them back so you don’t come up short in a post. I’ll set them down here:


Call me!
Left by Happenstance on December 5th, 2006

Oh damn, Happenstance, don’t you know that making a 40+ year old woman laugh that hard usually results in them wetting their pants?

Happy Holidays, everyone!
Left by CLD on December 6th, 2006

“because I find “Happy Holiday’s” very offensive.”

Left by John D on December 4th, 2006

Happy Holiday’s John D!

Now won’t you please think of the children and FOAD.
Left by Karl Rove II on December 6th, 2006

Oh Lord (yes, lord, we’re trying to make you guys comfortable) can you PLEASE change your name to Saving Christmas in New Hampshire? You know, if anyone asks where you’re from after 17 misspellings and 14 quintuple exclaimation points, just say, “New Hampshire,” that way everybody’s happy.

Steve, if that was your paraphrase of the Sermon on the Mount, you forgot the part where Jesus says, “Prince of Peace, MY ASS! Suck it pussies and muzzies!” right before he rips off his bandana and peppers the gay mosque with bullets. From a theological perspective, that’s an important omission.
Left by Carpathian on December 8th, 2006

I think you guys like the free speach, he ?

Doesn’t seem so on this Crap site. I am missing my post. Censering the posts ??

You like onyl YOUR way of thinking ??

I guess Amerika still needs a Pagan Holiday.

Merry Christmas !!!
Left by honeypot on December 12th, 2006

I think you guys like the free speach, he ?
Doesn’t seem so on this Crap site. I am missing my post. Censering the posts ??

You like onyl YOUR way of thinking ??
I guess Amerika still needs a Pagan Holiday.
Merry Christmas !!!Left by honeypot on December 12th, 2006

Commenting under the influence or Pastor Swank? You be the judge!
Left by maryc on December 13th, 2006

I say Merry Christmas to all
Left by someguy on December 13th, 2006

i love these guys. they speak the truth.
Left by Bubba O'reily. on June 6th, 2009