The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Swank o' the Day

It’s the weekend, so let’s get crazy with Swank, who still hasn’t recovered from Halloween (he never should have watched Satan’s Cheerleaders while drinking Old Dad and snorting Pixie Stix)
America’s Dem-nable Pit
If Dems sit upon America’s throne, we will have:
Abortion clinics on every corner.
Wow, that’s a lot of abortion clinics! In my town, we don’t have anything on every corner, except maybe rocks (it’s probably a zoning issue). So, if you’re in the construction business, it sounds like you’ll be getting a lot of business  if the Dems get their chance on the throne.   Just a little tip.
Same-gender ‘marriages’ blessed on every blissful boulevard.
In my town, none of our boulevards are particularly blissful, so I guess we won’t have to worry about same-gender marriage chapels springing up next to all of our abortion clinics.
Schools engineered for European secularism cloning.
We’ll be cloning Europeans in our schools? Cool!  Even if we have to do it secularly, it should make biology class a lot more interesting!
Condom machines under every lamppost.
My town does have a lot of lampposts, so I should probably invest in condom machine stocks now, before the boom.
Christmas symbols stored in underground caves in favor of “Season’s greetings” stamps on every envelope.
Underground Christmas caves? Okay, now the Pastor is just having us on.
Evangelicals judicially categorized as social nuisances, their publications and preaching examined by the state.
Can the judicial system officially categorize people as “social nuisances?” Because if so, I have some suggestions for the court to consider, starting with the columnist who wrote this:
The John Kerry idiot sentence reveals a blockhead typical to the Dem genre.

26 Responses to “Swank o’ the Day”

An elaborate put-on?
I really can’t tell anymore.
The John Kerry idiot sentence reveals a blockhead typical to the Dem genre.
An understanding inherent of comments blockheaded certainly Swank far expertly would have, clearly.
If we’re cloning Europeans, I’m sure it will be a bunch of Czechs. They do a lot of gay porn you know. Those damned Dems.
If married couples are all same sex, and all women have abortions, then cloning will be the only way to reproduce, won’t it?
Hmmm…condom machines under every lamppost? Well, if the heathans are going to be fornicating, at least they’ll do it safely!
Ahhh… watching these people froth at the mouth over the prospect of losing their lapdogs in government is actually kind of fun!
Actually that doesn’t sound all that horrible.
…Dogs and cats, Living together…
Abortion clinics on every corner, eh? Maybe they can conver some Starbucks…
You missed the best one!
Mosques given free reign for property acquisition and construction.
Yes, the Demoncrats will actually allow Muslims to buy property!!! NOOOOOOOO!!!!!
As long as the Swankster is published in Post Chronicle and talking about condoms, they’ll be condom ads in every article. The Swankster’s article has a content link (yes, it is sort of like the google, Mr. President)so in case you don’t know what, say, a condom is, an ad pops up, in this case one selling Durex “for as low as 10 cents each.” Now there’s a quality product.
His whole column is this odd combination of Jeremiah and Wal-Marts. Actually, somebody should tell Swank that his “Muslims encouraged to run for public office” has a pop-up for Muslim Matrimonials. Whatever ad agency set that up either has the most delightful sense of humor or is grossly incompetent.
ooh! I invented a word for the good pastor’s inimitable writing style – Swanktorum. What’re the votes on it?
JoeBuddha, everyone knows that latte-swilling Dems still need Starbucks. We’re simply going to make them dual-use coffee shops and abortion clinics. Coming November 8th the new RU-486 Coconut Mint Frappachino. It’s Swank-tastic!
So they’ll be Muslim owned properties on every corner featuring abortion clinics, lampposts with condom machines, underground Christmas lairs and John Kerry clones.
I can live with that.
I once worked at a Starbucks, and they’re more evil than anything the Swankster can make up.
“…The John Kerry idiot sentence reveals a blockhead typical to the Dem genre.”
Huh? C’mon Rush, don’t talk with your mouth full of Oxy’s…
My goodness. Won’t the poor Swankster be disappointed when the Democrats take Congress – and he is allowed to continue his worthless work just the same as before?
Still, you gotta give the man credit for one helluva imagination. Maybe he should be collaborating on those “Left Behind” books…
…We’ll be cloning Europeans in our schools?…
Neat. I’ve always wanted my own Fanny Ardant. To help with my work at the office of course.
“True. The President championed that which is blatantly illegal, that is, illegal residences remaining intact in the USA.”
So, we’re not going to tear down any illegal housing in the US? All vacant, rat-infested crack-houses can rejoice.
So, here it is a couple of days left and I have this beautiful, home-made anti-RNC cartoon and nowhere even mildly visible to post it. If anybody likes it, and feels compelled to put it on a page where more than 1 (one!) person will see it and comment, please feel free. Thanks.
Oh, and an un-doctored pic I took of the Capitol Bldg in January of 2006. It looks kind of relevant though.
Steal it. Post it. Enjoy it.
“I, for one, welcome our new christian overlords. I’d like to remind them that as a trusted blogging commentor, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground christmas caves.”
Evangelicals judicially categorized as social nuisances
He says that like it would be a bad thing.
If Dems sit upon America’s throne, we will have:
Abortion clinics on every corner.
We already do. They call them “Starbucks”. That coffee could retroactively abort people, it’s so bad!
Same-gender ‘marriages’ blessed on every blissful boulevard.
“blessed on every blissful boulevard”?
There’s alliteration, and then there’s putting your fingers up to your lips and going wubble wubble wubble with them while talking.
S’wank? Sure is!
Good Lord!! Glenn Greenwald at
says that Bush and Co actually read right-wing blogs!! Not only that, they’re actually influenced by them!!
The likes of Powerline, Michelle Malkin and Little Green Footballs actually DO “Rule Our World”!!

Pastor Ted's Evangelical Adventures

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