December 13, 2004 by s.z.

It's the Most Whatever Time of the Year I finally started to get into the Christmas spirit this weekend.  I bought presents for the hamster (a stick with seeds glued to it; a new running wheel).  I bought presents for the cats (some cloth mice filled with catnip; a spinning thing with dangly things that cats are supposed to chase, but they don't, so I'm taking it back).  I bought presents for the nephews in West Virginia (a couple of games, some books, and some handguns).  On the way out of the store, I gave $10 to the college group that was collecting for the Sub for Santa program, and I felt like a major philanthropist when they reacted with awe and gratitude at my largesse (people around here are cheap and/or poor, so the students hadn't been getting anything larger than a dollar bill from those who did donate). Then I dropped off some stuff at the thrift store.  This week the thrift store is inviting needy families to come in after hours and choose presents for family members. And while I don't have a lot of money, I do have a lot of junk, so I gathered up some knickknacks, gewgaws, and brick-a-brack that I thought kids might like to give to their moms (oooh, shiny!), and passed them along to the gratified thrift store guy in back.  I also donated some dolls, stuffed animals, and toys that were for the garage sale I never had.  Once again, I felt like Andrew Carnagie or Bill Gates or somebody like that (but without the evil). And today, I am going to buy presents for everybody else on my Christmas list.  Well, maybe one person -- I get tired out easily, especially at this time of year.  And then again, maybe I will just tell everybody that I really wanted to get them gifts, but I couldn't, since the ACLU made Christmas illegal.  If they don't believe me, I can point them to the scores of wingnut articles that blame the ACLU for banning the holiday. For instance, I could share with them Jen Shroder's "How the ACLU stole Christmas -- again." Last year in Washington, a seven-year-old asked, "Mom, why can't we say 'Christmas' in our song?" It hurt Darla Dowell to tell her daughter, "Because Christmas is banned in public school." Little was done last year and today the movement to strip all semblance of Christmas is stronger, thanks to the ACLU. Christian children feel the cold slap of oppression. No Christmas. There you have it.  Not only don't I have to celebrate Christmas, I get to slap Christian children.  Thanks, ACLU! And then there's Richard Mullenax, with "Merry Christmas ACLU." The ACLU says that we cannot publicly celebrate our own national holiday unlike Halloween or Thanksgiving, which is celebrated in public schools without much prejudice. The ACLU believes that Christmas offends the beliefs of non-Christians.  Yet homosexuality doesn't impose on other peoples’ values? How biased can one organization be? While it's a shame about the death of our own national holiday, I guess we can go ahead with the homosexuality carols and the homosexual pageant, which should be nice and festive.  Say, as long as we don't have to get Homosexuality presents for friends, family, coworkers, acquaintances, neighbors, the mailman, the Secretary of Homeland Security, etc., this idea of Richard's and the ACLU's might be a good thing! But here's Pastor Swank with yet another timely message about the death of Christmas,"'Christmas Carol' Done In: Principal Says It's Too Religious!" Obviously, Mark Robertson, principal of Lake Washington High School near Seattle, has yet to get the Bush win message that liberals are on their way out. The Red States won. Yet Robertson is still singing the Blue States. As I'm sure you're all aware, Bush's reelection was supposed to be like when the One-Ring was dropped in Mt. Doom, and the power of Sauron (or in this case, the power of the Democrats, liberals, those who believe in the separation of church of state, and those with a lick of sense) was immediately dispelled.  And man, is Pastor Swank annoyed that he was cheated of his promised fairy-tale ending. Sad when you find a cultural lag in a principal's chair. But there sits the Grinch in Mark Robertson. Let us all sing together now: "Mark is the Grinch. Mark is the Grinch. Mark is the Grinch." I still don’t think the politically correct merry season basher will get the message. Why did Robertson conclude that Dickens’ time-honored classic had to be trashed in December? Because it’s just too God-ordained religious, that’s why. It’s too laden with spiritual themes of good and kind. It’s too heaven smiled up because it reveals truth and love. Could it be that Robertson is president of the local atheists’ club? Or better yet, claiming to be non-religious but still civic-minded in liberal conscience, could it be that Robertson is Unitarian-Universalist? Who cares? Certainly not me! (I'm not one for sing-alongs, in any case.) But just for fun, here's part of the local news story that's basis of the WorldNetDaily story ("Dickens classic too religious for school") that apparently prompted Pastor Swank's tizzy: School cancels `Carol' over admission charge  A fledgling troupe of actors learned last week that they won't be able to put on a matinee performance of ``A Christmas Carol'' at Lake Washington High School. While the decision was not driven by the play's Christmas theme, Principal Mark Robertson said the planned performance raised the common questions about school policies and religious activities that come up every holiday season. Robertson said he canceled the Dec. 17 matinee by the Attic Theatre cast because students would have been charged to see the performance. ``We don't allow any private organizations to come and sell products in the schools, or we'd have everybody down here,'' Robertson said. If the play had been free, Robertson said, that would have been a step in the right direction, but it would have prompted a ``secondary discussion about public school and religion.'' Approval for the play would have hinged on whether it was ``tied into our curriculum, and voluntary for students, so we don't get into the whole `captive audience' issue.'' I agree that charging kids to attend a program conducted during school hours is not a good idea.  And I think that if it had been free, then the kids should have been allowed to attend it, because "A Christmas Carol" has artistic and cultural value that could make it part of the curriculum.  However, I can also see the principal's point -- for if the play was called "A Ramadan Carol," even if it wasn't about the religious aspects the holiday, just imagine Pastor Swank's or Jen Shroder's reaction if the whole school was required to see it. Anyway, Media Matters has a nice discussion of Fox News' "Siege on Christmas," in case you want to read what some of the major wingnuts are saying on the same topic. And, in case you are still in a holiday mood, here's my challenge to you: go to Christmas 03 with Da Honger, and caption as many of the photos as you feel inspired to work with (but only from this first page of the Christmas album -- paying attention to twelve photos from a stranger's family holiday album is plenty).  Hey, if Da Honger is going to take up Sadly, No!'s real estate, he has an obligation to amuse us at least half as well as Seb did -- I'll leave the snarky comments about just how much that was to others.  So, let's consider the photos as numbered from 1 to 12, (going from left to right, top row to bottom row), and let's see what you can do to make fun of some innocent (possibly) guy's Christmas photos. 4:12:42 AM

Who Said It? Belle Waring and Mark C.M. were right --  our last Mystery Guest (the one who thinks that the "blues" need to see movies likes Spanglish because that nice young Adam Sandler reminds her of George Bush) was indeed the NRO Corner Den Mother and doofy mascot, Kathryn Jean Lopez.  She will be thrilled to know that she reminds some of you of Peggy Noonan, because JKL wants to be just like Peggy when she grows up.  (Peggy, of course, wants to go back in time, arrange it so that Nancy Davis is jailed for being a Commie before she ever meets the President of SAG, and then be Mrs. Ronald Reagan.) Now, who said this? If Tommy Franks had had a "nanny problem," would he have been allowed to command two of the greatest military operations in history? I am sorry to see Bernard Kerik withdraw from the confirmation process because I thought him uniquely suited to the urgency of the task  --the sort of qualification that comes from a career in police work, actually having been there when the Towers fell, and service in Iraq.  There aren't many people who bring that set of experiences, and thus genuine, first-person urgency to the task of homeland security. Yeah, not many people have been corrupt cops and also cut and run from Iraq --but I think we can probably do without those special qualifications.  However, if we need somebody who was there when the Towers fell, I nominate Julia for the position of Secretary of Homeland Security.  Oh, and for his tireless efforts of obsessing about his home's security (while being safe in Minnesota), I nominate this Mystery Guest's good friend James Lileks for the position of Secretary of Home Depot (I think the Target people deserve a break). 12:49:52 AM

October 4, 2004 by s.z.

Carnival of the Wingnuts

They're here, they're queer, and they don't want any more bears!

A brief Simpsons moment:

Aide: "Mayor Quimby, there's an unruly mob here to see you.

Quimby: "Do they, er, have a uh appointment?"

Aide "Yes."

Skinner: "I phoned ahead!"

1.  Let's start with Lee Ellis, "who formerly worked for CBS and USA Today" until the dementia kicked in. His article is called "A Vote for Bush Is a Vote for Life--Yours!"  (That's a pretty nice life you have there -- be a shame if somebody ended it because you didn't vote right.)

Lee starts by telling us that John Kerry only volunteered for Vietnam so he wouldn't get drafted, as opposed to George Bush, who joined the National Guard to take the fight to the enemy over the skies of Texas's Gulf Coast.

So, here we have a draft dodger who accidentally found himself in the Vietnam War compared with a presidential candidate who flew many missions in a dangerous plane out over the Atlantic, completing five years of military service in the Texas Air National Guard.

There you have wingnuttery at its finest.  Yes, George is the war hero because he didn't actually go to war, while Kerry is the draft dodger because he volunteered for service, served heroically, and got medals. 

Now, on to the next point: George is the more virtuous because he abused alcohol, used drugs, and was the screw-up scion of a rich family.

Kerry never changed his opportunist path through life, but George W. Bush changed his life at an early age  by becoming a true man of faith and compassion and marrying a woman of strong faith as well. 

Yes, he reformed at the "early age" of 40.  (Lee makes me feel so young!) Of course, to Republicans, "youthful indiscretions" are any committed by them (or their their guy) before last week. 

Oh, and here's a little glimpse of Bush's compassion to a fellow Christian:

"Please, don't kill me." -- Gov. George W. Bush, with lips pursed in mock desperation, mimicking death row inmate Karla Faye Tucker (after ordering and presiding over her execution),Talk Magazine, 1999

But it seems that President Bush's compassion is what makes him such a great warrior.

President Bush was the first president who understood the meaning of strength and of applying consequences to back up his words. 

Watch it, Lee -- Peggy Noonan will knife you for dissing Reagan that way!

For years, the terrorists had their way with Clinton and the Democrats,

So the terrorists had sex with Clinton.  Interesting.

 ... literally calling them weak paper tigers who would do nothing to retaliate against the many attacks on American ships and embassies.  It was this encouragement that allowed the terrorists to create 9/11!

Then came George Bush and everything changed! 

Yes, the terrorists realized that George Bush was no paper tiger, and everything changed, meaning they actually attacked America this time.  (Kinda hard to get around that, Lee.)

No wonder the terrorists want Kerry to win when he has said that he will not attack without a global test!  Kerry will also do away with the Patriot Act which will then allow the sleeper cells to flourish once again in each of our neighborhoods. 

I wonder who belongs to the sleeper cell in my neighborhood.  Probably the Johnsons -- they go to bed really early. 

Lose this war, and it will be ''Open Sesame'' for all terrorists to attack the USA again! 

Again.  Like they did when George Bush came along, and everything changed.

Win it, and we will save hundreds of thousands of American lives. Remember only George W. Bush and his current strong administration can supply the one thing that the terrorists respect--strength!  Vote for Bush!  Vote for life--yours and your family's life.

"Vote for Bush Or Your Family Gets it."  A message brought to you by Bush-Cheney 2004.
 

2.  Now let's check in with Pastor Joseph Swank, if only for snappy title of his latest column: "Homosexual Conjugal Rights In Mexico? Homosexuals Know No Limits: Tempt Divine Wrath."  It's about how God is probably going to destroy Mexico.  And also Canada.  So don't look north or south, or you may be turned into a box of Morton's,

Sodom and Gomorrah came under the divine heel. In other words, there is a limit to divine grace. Once mortals push the divine over the eternal line, wrath follows as day follows night.

[...]

Therefore, when I read that a brand “new anti-discrimination rule could permit conjugal visits for gay inmates in Mexico City prisons,” according to the Association Press, I could not help but be unnerved. It’s still another snubbing of the divine moral code for a mortal-made disobedience.

So, it was homosexual conjugal visits that pushed God over the edge and caused Him to destroy the Cities of the Plains!  Another Biblical mystery solved! 

In a companion news item, I read that Manitoba, Canada, has stumbled upon a judge legalizing same-gender “marriages” there. So it goes in the increasingly godless, religiously liberal Canadian landscape.

Yeah, nobody is moral in North America these days but us.  We should probably find a new continent to inhabit, in case God's wrath spills over the borders a bit, and gets on Texas and Minnesota by mistake.

3.  But wait, there's more Swank!  Yes, the Pastor (whose congregation apparently all drifted off to Canada or something, leaving him with lots of free time to write articles for BushCountryOrg) has another column out this week.  So, let's give a quick glance to Temple Mount Endangered By Muslims Stomping On It: Biblical Prophecy.

Will thousands of Muslims gathering soon near the temple site cause Solomon’s original temple stable walls to crumble before the eyes of the world? It very well could happen.

And if it very well could happen, then we should get all worked up about it.  Yes, all those stamping Muslims could destroy Solomon's temple, which would ruin things for the Antichrist, because HE's supposed to demolish it.  And while we don't know who he is, he's around, and he's probably an anti-war protester.  

It’s ripe for the despot from hell. It appears as if he is alive now but his identity has not been revealed.

When the Antichrist does appear, he will come to the planet’s population as the man of peace. The world will have become so uptight over “wars and rumors of wars” that it will beg for someone to deliver it. Enter the Antichrist. [...] 

He will show his demonic colors at the mid-point of the Tribulation period when he enters the Holy City’s temple, desecrates the holy of holies, screeches to the world that he himself is deity, and then levels the city. That will usher in madness maximum.  

So, another reason to vote for George Bush -- so that he can keep the Muslims from stamping, and thus preserve the Temple of Solomon for the Antichrist.

4.  And speaking of screeching, here's Tamara Wilhite.  Her column for the week has the rather risque title "The C (Fill In The Blank) BS Network."

It’s no surprise that CBS’s viewership has plummeted dramatically since “Rathergate”

Well, it kind of is a surprise, especial to the Nielsen people:

Troubled CBS wins ratings

CBS handily won the ratings race during the first official week of the new television season, and stuck archrival NBC where it hurts the most: on Thursday night and among young viewers.

But I guess Tamara heard that thing about CBS ratings on Rush or something. and so didn't bother to fact-check.

 ... and that of the “CBS Evening News” has dropped 31 percent in the past week.

Nope again.

During the week it issued an apology for its "60 Minutes" story on President Bush's National Guard service, the "CBS Evening News" saw its average viewership drop by 500,000 viewers from the previous week, Nielsen said. However, in a slow news week, each of the news shows lost viewers: ABC also lost 500,000, and NBC 400,000.

CBS went from 7.4 million viewers to 6.9 million.  That's only a 31 percent drop if you live in BushCountry, like Tamara. 

My personal disdain for CBS was initiated in 1971 by then network president Robert Wood, who in his attempt to attract so-called “younger, urban” viewers, cancelled some of their most popular (and my favorite) programs—“Red Skelton”, “The Beverly Hillbillies”, and “Hee Haw”, (which ironically had been chosen in 1969 to be the summer replacement series for the Smothers Brothers, who, in CBS’s opinion at the time, were too liberal and irreverent for prime time!)

So, CBS cancelled "Hee Haw," and Tamara has never forgiven them for it.  That explains so much.

But CBS’s left-wing tilt dates at least a decade before Robert Wood’s presidency—and this in the area of news. Yes, even before Uncle Walter claimed nightly that his subtly Democratic-favoring statements were “That’s the way it was”, there was a CBS correspondent greatly admired by Cronkite, Edward R. Murrow, who no less than defamed my home state’s U. S. Senator, Joseph McCarthy, in his bashing of McCarthy on a program called “See It Now”.

Sorry, Tamara, "rehabilitating" Joe McCarthy is Ann Coulter's shtick. 

(You might recall that a couple of weeks ago, Tamara tried being Michelle Malkin and advocated interning Muslims.  She seems willing to go to any lengths to be the new uber-right bimbo, which is a dream destined to never be realized, as a glance in the mirror should have told her.)

5.  Carey "Pops" Roberts (to use Chris V's affectionate nickname for him) is back ranting on his favorite topic: those danged feminists!

There are three key words in Fem-Vocabulary. Pay close attention now, because these words have different meanings from their English counterparts:

1. Feminist: In the English language, "feminine" refers to a woman who is polite, modest, and comely. But in Fem-Speak, "feminist" has the exact opposite connotation: demanding, angry, and unkempt.

Let's see what the main definitions of "feminine" are in Merriam-Websterlandia:

Etymology: Middle English, from Middle French feminin, from Latin femininus, from femina woman; akin to Old English delu nipple, Latin filius son, felix, fetus, & fecundus fruitful, felare to suck, Greek thElE nipple
Date: 14th century

1 : FEMALE 1a
2 : characteristic of or appropriate or unique to women

Nothing there about being polite, modest, or comely --  just about having breasts.  But I guess in Pops' day, women were a lot more kempt, always wearing frilly dresses you could look up.  And they were nicer to old coots, never getting hostile when gents complimented them, the weaker sexm on their comely knockers, or pinched their bottoms.  Plus, they never demanded money before they would have sex with skinny, old guys.  Pops sure misses those days.

6.  The topic on everyone's mind: what will Judson Cox do, now that he's left his treasonous, terrorist college because it didn't bow down to his demand that it not show ""Fahrenheit 9/11"?

Well, it seems that he and a couple of his friends have started a newspaper.  And they need our help!

Dear fellow conservative,

You may recognize me as a political op-ed columnist and the President of the Foundation for Conservative American Values. 

Well, I mostly recognize you as the guy who wrote that piece about Cloned Pandas of Mass Destruction (but I thank Sadly, No! for the catchy phrase).

In this time of war, it is vitally important that we elect strong leaders who will protect our nation and strengthen our economy.  With a terrorist enemy that seeks to attack us anywhere we show weakness, it has never been more important that we elect the right people at every level of government, as it is now.

Because if the deputy of Mayberry, NC is weak on crime, then that's where the terrorists will strike!

The only way to save North Carolina is to start a conservative publication with state-wide distribution.

This is what we are doing!  We have the knowledge, experience and name recognition. 

Yes, everybody recognizes the name of Judson Cox -- he's that guy who was laughed out of Lees McRae college. 

Anyway, Judson is going to be the editor-in-chief of the paper.  And presumably the editorial writer, the reporter, and the printer (thanks to that laser printer he bought with his Mom's credit card).   But he has big plans for it.

With the first issue, we're set to become the most widely read, largest circulation publication in the state!

Uh huh.

We are ready to do the first issue as soon as we get the cash raised. 

Judson, we all still remember your failed conservative match-making business (here's the post where we discuss how you "discovered" the site, and here's the one where you were busted -- I urge all conservatives to review them before getting involved in Judson's wacky schemes).  

And I can't see a monthy newspaper which costs more than $3 an issue, especially one run by a known plagiarist, getting too many subscribers.  Maybe you should have stayed in school, Judson. 

FCAV supports The NC Conservative

Well of COURSE it does -- you're its President (and apparently 1/10th or so of its membership). 

Anyway, Judson tells prospective advertisers that his paper will have "an initial mailing of 500,000."  And after 499,800 of those copies go unread to the dump, I imagine there won't be a second edition.  And since you can read all kinds of wingnuttery on the web for free, I can't see anybody subscribing to the thing.  But hey, don't think of it as exchanging money for a publication you want to read, think of it as "Each dollar you contribute" being "a blow against the Democrat Party machine."  Plus, a chance to help Judson move out of Mom's basement.

7.  And in other shocking news, Jen Shroder has learned that the California schools are forcing kids to learn about Islam!

No, wait, the shocking news is that she's going to quit telling us that the CA schools are making kids become Muslims (and presumably also abandoning her quest to inform us of how the homosexual agenda is forcing kids to rape Lady Justice in the mire-filled streets). 

My youngest son is now past these inductive lessons and his most impressionable years. I am hoping to return to sharing the Gospel and local ministries. The BlessedCause part of my life is hopefully over for me. I've done what I can. Parents, stand up for your children. Get pro-active in public schools. Satan is after your children.

While we will miss Jen's unique take on things, we wish her well in her new ventures.  Seriously. 

3:44:12 AM 

September 25, 2004 by s.z.

Carnival of the Conspiracy Theories

1.  Let's start with Paul Weyrich, the co-founder of the Heritage Foundation and one of the people behind the Christian Right movment.  He has uncovered a shocking conspiracy: MemoGate was dreamed up by the commies to keep the Evangelicals from voting!

In the early 1990s I was flying to Washington from Eastern Europe -- on Pan Am, which then flew such routes. I had been in the former Soviet Empire helping the fledgling democracy movements. Seated across the aisle was a fellow whom I judged to be in his middle forties and a lady who looked vaguely familiar.

After the lady went to the restroom the fellow leaned down to me and said, "You're Paul Weyrich, aren't you?" When I replied in the affirmative he said, "Look, I can't be caught dead talking with you. You see, next to me, is Susan Estrich." (She was Michael Dukakis' 1988 Campaign Manager.) He said he was affiliated with the (more moderate) Democratic Leadership Council. "Do you have any idea how much the collapse of the Soviet Union has disoriented people like Estrich and the far left? They never would admit it but the Soviet Union always was their anchor. Now that it is crumbled they don't know what to do. They are really in a state of utter turmoil." He said all this with his eyes firmly faxed on the restroom door. As soon as the door opened he jumped across the aisle and was standing in the expected place for Susan Estrich to return to her window seat. That short conversation -- more a statement than a conversation -- took my breath away.

Sadly, Paul still doesn't realize he was punk'd.   (I'd love to try that airplane bit myself; I'd inform credulous suckers that the person who just went to the restroom was Annie Jacobsen, and she's really married to Cat Stevens, and gets her orders from Mecca.) 

Paul goes on to reveal how Estrich, who pundits for Fox News now, let her true colors (red) show when she wrote about the nasty rumors which could be used against Bush in retaliation for the SwiftVet stuff.

That, in fact, is a tactic taught by Lenin -- as, of course, by others we also don't want to emulate. When you can't win a political argument, go after your opponent's character. If you must make up stories, don't hesitate. So, after all these years, I am discovering what that stranger on the aircraft had implied: that the lady apparently is a leftist whose anchor in some respects might have been -- he thought, was -- the Soviet Union.  

You know, that would make a great Cold War thriller: a Soviet sleeper agent works her way into Fox News, and is accepted by America as fair and balanaced -- until she called into action to publicize Kitty Kelley's claim that Bush used cocaine at Camp David.  I'd call this thriller The Medellin Candidate.  Maybe I could get the late Robert Ludlum to serve as co-author.

Then there is the Ben Barnes episode. Once a Texas Democratic political power and Lieutenant Governor, Mr. Barnes now claims he used his influence to get young George Bush into the Texas Air National Guard and did so that Bush could avoid the risk of service in Vietnam. Barnes says he is ashamed. Should Barnes also be ashamed that he once testified under oath that he did not use his influence for that purpose? 

Of course, what Barnes testified to, under oath, was that he DID use his influence to get Bush into the Guard.   It looks like Paul was punk'd again -- either by the White House, the RNC, or Joe Scarborough!  They probably took his lunch money too.

And now Paul explains why Estrich (and presumably her Commie masters) are smearing the the President: to disenfranchise Evangelicals.

What's the motivation? Kelly is selling books and evidently raking in a bundle. The political people almost assuredly -- and cleverly -- are reaching to the Evangelical voter (using the word "Evangelical" inclusively). They know that millions of Evangelicals did not vote in 2000, many of them turned off by last-minute charges about a supposed DWI arrest when Bush was 20 years of age, charges the Bush campaign people handled maladroitly. The Evangelicals did not want to vote for Gore, so they stayed home.

It's sad to think that people would campaign upon untruths and half-truths but some do. The Bush Campaign must respond clearly and decisively if it expects to avoid a 2000 replay.

Bush really WAS arrested for driving while intoxicated.  The White House has acknowledged it.  (I guess that's what you mean about the campaign people handling it maladroitly.)  You can see a copy of the arrest record here.  Um, but Bush was 30 years of age at the time, as everbody knows. 

Paul, you are really a commie agent sent here to be an idiot and so discredit the Republicans, aren't you?

2.  Human Events Online shares Paul's belief that MemoGate may have sinister foreign roots, but they don't have any corroberating evidence given to them by mysterious men in airplanes.   And that's why DOJ must prosecute the forger -- you know, to show bin Laden and/or France that we don't appreciate their attempt to smear our President.

The logical suspicion is that a domestic enemy of this particular President created the forgeries CBS made into global news. But for all we know now it could have been a foreign enemy of the United States. That is why Justice must do its job: Find the culprit, indict.  

However, HEO Assistant Editor David Freddoso believes that the Kerry campaign could be behind the forgeries; at a minimum, they must have had foreknowledge of them.  After all, Ed Gillespie said so, and if you can't trust a nonpartisan source like him, who can you trust?

"Did the Kerry campaign know about the existence of the documents in question in advance of the CBS report? A chronology of events indicates they did," Gillespie told reporters in a September 22 conference call.

For example, Kerry's response to Bush's September 2 convention speech--a scathing Kerry indictment of Bush's service during the Vietnam era--came as a surprise to many pundits. Kerry, who had just suffered through weeks of ads questioning his brief Vietnam service, presumably would have wanted to shift attention away from the Vietnam era.

So, if Kerry reacted to the attacks on his war record by attacking Bush's, it's proof positive that he knew in advance about the forged documents.  Because why else would Kerry bother to defend himself from the SwiftVets slimy accusations?

Unless ... Kerry is also a communist sleeper like Susan Estrich!!!  Now it all makes sense!  

3.  FrontPageNews, which functions as Nutty Conspiracy Central, interviews Jayna Davis, who's written a book detailing her case that al Qaeda/Iraqi intelligence agents helped Timothy McVeigh blow up the Oklahoma City building.  But, like in any good conspiracy story, the authorities refuse to believe her, just because she's a nut.  And because they didn't listen to her, they failed to prevent 9/11.

FP: Why has this story been untold up till now? Why did the FBI not pursue the Islamic/Iraqi connection?

Davis: [...]  That question should be posed to the former administration and the handful of officials who were charged with investigating and prosecuting the bombing of the Alfred P. Murrah Building.  The survivors and slain of April 19 deserve justice and our country deserves the truth. Was Oklahoma City the silver bullet that could have prevented 9-11?

I leave the outcome and pursuit of justice to the American people. If my readers believe that I have presented evidence beyond a reasonable doubt for foreign complicity in the Oklahoma City bombing, then I implore concerned citizens to start a grass roots campaign to demand the arrest, interrogation, and criminal prosecution of the Iraqi suspects identified in my book.  

After all, if the man whom multiple eyewitnesses positively pegged as the third terrorist had foreknowledge of the 9-11 plot [He allegedly told his therapist that he was afraid that if anything happened at Logan airport where he worked, that he would be blamed for it -- possibly because Jayna keeps accusing him by name of being "the third terrorist", and it's getting to him.  Jayna considers this evidence that he had foreknowledge of 9/11], then what do he and his Iraqi cohorts know about the next strike Al-Qaeda is planning to execute within our borders?   American lives hang in the balance.  We cannot afford to speculate that these men will not be re-activated to construct more truck bombs like the one that levelled a nine-story building in 1995.

Hey, maybe Dick Cheney can back Jayna's grass roots campaign to see these men convicted of terrorism and mass murder, based on the fact that they are from Iraq.  Failing that, all Arabic immigrants should be interned, like Michelle Malkin recommends.  You know, so they don't construct more truck bombs, blow up more buildings (but fail to hit the NY Times building), and then frame innocent white Christians.

4.  And speaking of Michelle Malkin, here's the conclusion of her FrontPageNews interview:

FP: President Bush calls you tomorrow and asks your advice on homeland security policy aimed at protecting America from Islamic extremists. He asks how you think his administration is doing and also what it should do. What would you say to him?

Malkin: I would tell him he is doing a fine job waging the War on Terror overseas but that his efforts here at home are seriously deficient. I would advise him to fire Norm Mineta and replace him with John Lehman or someone else who supports racial, religious, and nationality profiling in airport screening. It is long past time to get serious about border security. I would tell him to fire Tom Ridge and replace him with Tom Tancredo.  Above all, I would advise him that if he is re-elected he should re-appoint John Ashcroft as Attorney General. Bush should go out of his way to praise Ashcroft. Often.

 Yes, if only we used more racial, religious, and nationality profiling in this country, maybe Ashcroft would have at least ONE successful terrorism prosecution.

5. And lastly, here's Jen Shroder, who has some advice for us ladies.  While she doesn't claim that the homosexual agenda or the Muslims are behind the breakup of her marriage (this is about the page on her site which is conspiracy-free), after reading Jen's words I realized that it's true what you people had been telling me: Dr. Laura really IS recycling Fascinating Womanhood in her two latest books.  Why isn't the FBI investigating this hideous plot against humanity?

Is your marriage failing? Does your boyfriend avoid proposing? Do you feel cherished?

No.  No.  No.  So, tell me more, Jen.

Most of my adult life I was a modern woman equipped with feminist beliefs. Then I read an old book called Fascinating Womanhood by Helen Andelin, and it radically changed my life, second only to the Bible.

Remember how we learned from Mrs WorldNetDaily Farrah that Dr. Laura's Woman Power is second only to the Bible.  Already the conspiracy is taking shape.

I've had more proposals these last 7 years than I did in all my younger years, when I was thinner and far prettier. I've had to refrain from using the principals of the book because I was seriously hurting many male friends when I wasn't interested in them romantically. 

Yes, one can be too fascinating, alas.  Fascination should be used responsibly, and not on men whom you consider "just friends."  However, Jen reveals that she uses the book's ideas sucessfully on her father, so I guess she doesn't mind getting proposals from him.

Just try commenting on the muscles or strength of men and watch the flowers pile up.

Like Dr. Laura said: Just admire him, compliment him in a sweet voice, and give him sex whenever he wants it.  "Just a look of the eye, the tone of a voice, the touch of a hand. Simple. A few minutes each day . . . tops."  It seems Jen has already learned these lessons well from the proto-Laura.

Before I started to refrain from making such comments, I'm sure my florist was beginning to wonder why I was receiving so many flowers from so many different men. My neighbors must have wondered why this "Christian" woman had so many men offer to come over and do MANual labor around her house.

It certainly wasn't what they suspected. I lived a decadent life prior to committing my life to God, and I did the things many would attribute the attention to, but I wasn't receiving the attention back then, because men do not value worldy women. They do appreciate women with high godly standards 

So, Jen claims that she doesn't follow Dr. Laura's "give him sex whenever he wants it" part of the formula  Well, the florist may buy her story, but apparently the neighbors don't. 

Ladies, we can have almost anything we want if we would just learn how to ask! Men love to spoil us if we would just respond in a feminine way.

Men will swim through shark-infested water to bring us lemonade!

It's an art, and it's lost in America. If you want a healthy enjoyable marriage, find it. This book is a great way.

There are always copies of Fascinating Womanhood for sale at the local thrift store for 50 cents each.  If Jen can create a demand for it, I will buy up a bunch of copies and sell them to Dr. Laura fans for, say, $20 each.  I'll be rich, I tell you, RICH!  And fascinating. 

4:00:20 AM

September 8, 2004 by s.z.

And In Non-Wingnut News . . .  As a break from all the stupidity, you might want to check out Frederick's BeatBushBlog today.  Recent stuff includes a heart-breaking letter from a woman whose brother died in Iraq -- after his release date had been extended; the story of how the former head of the Medicare agency, Thomas A. Scully, must repay seven months of his salary to the government because the Bush administration illegally withheld data from Congress on the cost of the new Medicare law; and fun with poll results.  And more! 9:43:22 AM

Townhall Vs Renew America (Now broken into two chunks, for easier commenting.) Not since Gamera Vs. Mothra has there been a battle this goofy.  So, let's start with the Goliath in this fight, the colossus known as Townhall. TheTownhall Reigning Champs Jonah Goldberg   Jonah explains that those who criticize Republican "average Joes" for voting against their own interests are wrong.  See, it's in everyone's interest to vote for policies that help the rich, because you'll probably be joining their ranks any day now.  And won't somebody think of the children? In the June issue of the American Prospect, Bartels summarizes his study "Homer Gets a Tax Cut." Here's the gist: Americans believe, by huge majorities, that income inequality is a problem that is getting worse. Yet by equally large majorities they support George Bush's effort to repeal the estate tax, even though it only affects estates worth more than $1 million. The fools! Bartels says these voters are operating on "unenlightened self-interest." Hence the reference to "The Simpsons." Homer thinks his taxes are too high, so he supports a tax cut for super-rich Mr. Burns. As Simpsons-o-phile, I salute the reference. Jonah salutes it, but believes that Homer SHOULD support a tax cut for Mr. Burns -- because since Homer owns a house, his interests align with those of Burns and Reiner Wolfcastle, rather than with slobs who merely rent, like Carl and Lennie. In an age when average Joes are in the stock market and own homes at unprecedented rates, it is not obvious to me that Republican policies are contrary to their bottom lines. See, everyone who owns their own house can benefit from the abolition of the "death tax" on $1 million-plus inheritances. Moreover, many of these people hope to be rich one day. Or they hope their children will be.  Therefore, it's in their best interests to make life easier for George Bush's friends.  And to kick out immigrants because the Bear tax is so high. Michelle Malkin Because the PC media refrains from saying that Islam is a murderous religious cult, we will never win the war on terrorism. Contrast the media whitewashing of our Islamofascist enemies with the press coverage of the Waco, Texas, siege in 1993  [...] A Nexis search of the terms "Branch Davidian" and "religious" and "cult" in The New York Times for the year 1993 yielded 151 hits. The vast majority of these references were in headlines and news articles, as opposed to editorials, letters or book reviews. A Nexis search of the terms "al Qaeda" and "religious" and "cult" in The New York Times for the year 2004 yielded just one article -- a magazine piece in March.  A Google search of the terms "Ku Klux Klan" and "racist" comes up with 33,600 hits, the vast majority of them making reference to the Klan's racism.  However, a Google search of the terms "Davey and Goliath" and "satanic" and "porn" comes up with only 9 hits, none which deal with the puppets allegiance to Satan, or the video they made for Rich Santorum.  I think this proves that Google is sanitizing information under orders from its master, Lucifer. How are we to win a war against blood-spattered enemies whom our own free press continues to protect through politically correct sanitization? It's obvious that we can't!  Therefore, we must intern the media until the war is over, for our own protection.  While not all of them are working for the enemy, this is no time to worry about individual guilt or innocence, so the internment must include those who write for Townhall, since some of them allegedly are journalists, and others look kinda non-Caucasian. Brent Bozell The media is not only keeping us from winning the war on terra (see above), it is also dedicated to electoral overthrow of George Bush, which is, by definition, treason. Tom Brokaw ended his special Sunday night anchoring duties with a little commentary charging that the Republicans' decision to feature "middle of the road" speakers, in contrast to the party's "hard right" positions, was "the political equivalent of a popular con game in this tough town, three-card monte." [...] But the real convention "con game" was the media's attempt to present themselves as "moderate" analysts when in fact they are hard-core liberals dedicated to the electoral overthrow of George W. Bush.  Hey, Brent, Michelle's internment camp plan for the media answer your complaints too. Mary Katharine Ham Mary Katharine, a young editor of the The Heritage Foundation's Insider magazine, meets a guy in a bar who horribly insults her. In my 24 years, I had never met a man who told me to my face I was inferior to him because I was a woman—until last weekend.     It happened in a Capitol Hill bar on Friday night. I was introduced to a friend of a friend. He asked where I worked, and his eyebrows flew up at the mere mention of  The Heritage Foundation. The nerve of his eyebrows, reacting to Mary Katherine's employment that way! Anyway, it turns out that he is a Democrat.  She, of course, is a God-fearing Republican, so they are complete opposites.  The sparks fly, just like between Sam and Diane on "Cheers."  “All right,” I said, “as a young person working on Capitol Hill, making a modest sum of money, what do you and the Democratic Party have to offer me? What are you gonna do to help me move from one class to another?”     Brad looked at me as if the answer were self-evident. I raised my eyebrows and waited for his answer.     “Well, you know, as a female…”  You can imagine Mary Katherine's outrage, because she does NOT need any special breaks, like equal pay for equal work, just because she is female.  No, she wants the RICH to get the special breaks, so when she moves to the upper class, she will be able to crush the little people (see Jonah, above).  I explained to Brad that I simply don’t believe I need the help of men like him and the government to make it in life, nor am I up for forking over my tax dollars to cheapen my achievements with a special set of girly rules. Are you as turned on as she is? Kathleen Parker  Everything is going badly for Kerry.  First, the Republican convention was perfect.  Then, he criticized Dick Cheney's deferments -- thus offending middle-aged, privileged guys who had other priorities in the war and who are now Vice President, a key demographic group.  And then Bill Clinton upstaged Kerry by arranging to have heart blockage just a couple of months before the election.  Kerry should just concede to Bush right now. Kerry is having a Groundhog Day of ineptitude. "W stands for wrong" is rubbing the cat's fur backward, a punch line without a joke. Um, Kathleen, the joke was "W stands for Women."  Which is pretty funny, I have to admit. Well, that was impressive.  But let's see what the Renew America team has to offer 8:18:04 AM

The Renew America Challengers Jen "Pinky" Shroder Jen, still leading her crusade against the 8th grade social studies book that covers Islam as part of the World Religions section, makes a citizen's arrest of California's school districts. Meanwhile, California's public education system insists on teaching the doctrine of Islam as peaceful, even as Islamists demonstrate patterns of slaughtering Americans and bombing the World Trade Center per the Koran and Sira. The Islamists have demonstrated a pattern of bombing the World Trade Center?  Why wasn't I told about this? THEREFORE, I charge that California school districts are guilty of California Penal Code: 186.20, the "California Street Terrorism Enforcement and Prevention Act." Islamists are no more than a unified street gang of international proportions. Then obviously we've been dealing with them all wrong -- we should have taken away their cigarettes, prohibited them from singing and dancing to jazzy Bernstein scores, and appointed an international Officer Krupke to bring them in. And not only are our school districts guilty of aiding street gangs, our teachers are terrorists. Obviously our teachers don't intend to actually engage in terrorist conduct, but they don't need to in order to violate their own code, section 422. California's Supreme Court has ruled "the threatener may have no intent actually to engage in the threatened conduct. The threat is sufficient if it induces a "sustained fear." In re David L. (1991) 234 Cal.App.3d 1655 Is America, with our elevated terrorist warnings and ramped up airport security et al., experiencing "sustained fear?" We sure are, pouring millions of dollars into security and calling for emergency congressional meetings And if people like Annie Jacobsen are terrified of Moslems, then under their own law, California's teachers are guilty of terrorism for teaching kids about Islam.  Prosecuting them should keep John Ashcroft busy until after the election. Judson Cox But Judson can top Jen's accusations, for, as the title of his column proclaims, "My college supports treason and terrorism!" On August 25th of this year, I went back to college. I chose Lees McRae College, a small, Presbyterian college in the mountains of North Carolina.  I guess he got kicked out of Liberty University for blaming his mother for that conservative dating scam.  But I wonder why he chose Lees McRae instead of Harvard or Stanford? Anyway, Judson says he knew going in that his new school, being a school, would be liberal, and therefore, anti-capitalist and anti-American -- and he's this confirmed already, despite being in class for only a week.  But what he didn't expect was that his college would be using his tuition money to support terrorism! Hezbollah, the terrorist organization responsible for the most American deaths prior to 9/11, has offered to distribute Michael Moore's propagandist work in Muslim countries. Hezbollah recognizes "Fahrenheit 9/11" as a tool to recruit terrorists to kill Americans. Moore, whose hatred of America is as extreme as any member of al Qaeda, is pleased to fill the role of propagandist for our enemies. By blatantly providing aid and comfort to our enemies, Michael Moore is committing very high profile treason. Using student funds to pay for a College Program that includes "Fahrenheit 9/11" is comparable to writing a check to Osama bin Laden. Let's follow Judson's logic: Michael Moore made a movie which Hezbollah has allegedly offered to distribute in Muslim countries, reportedly because Hezbollah hates Bush.  This means that Moore provided "aid and comfort to our enemies," which is treason.  So, by showing Moore's movie, Lees McRae college is guilty of terrorism and treason -- just like how Amazon.com is guilty of genocide for selling Wagner CDs, since Hitler was a big fan of Wagner's music.   I cannot tolerate my tuition being used to support America's enemies. I support academic freedom, the free exchange of ideas and a healthy debate, but I should not have to compromise my loyalties just to gain a diploma. It may be too late for me to withdraw from college and receive a refund of my tuition. Wow, that's the best excuse yet I've heard for dropping out of college after realizing that one can't cut it. Judson Cox is a political columnist from the mountains of North Carolina. He is quickly gaining recognition as one of the most popular and influential voices of his generation.  You know, in the year I've been following his work, I haven't yet heard somebody from his generation claim that he's both popular and influential. His fiercely independent style and pugilistic wit make for a column that is always entertaining, often inspiring, and frequently "laugh out loud" funny.  But I do agree that his work is frequently "laugh out loud" funny -- I just don't know if I'm laughing at the parts he intended to be humerous. Carey "Gramps" Roberts Carey uses the dismissal of the case against Kobe Bryant to talk about (other) false rape charges. Rape, of course, is a horrific crime. And the act of rape is just as terrible as making a false accusation of rape. The study which Carey cites to show that false rape charges are common, also shows that none of the men falsely charged were convicted of rape -- and, in fact, these men were only suspects for day or two before the women recanted their claims.  So, using the information Carey provided, it's obvious that there is no comparison between what the victim of a false accusation suffers compared to what a rape victim does, and only a complete moron would claim that making a false rape accusation is just as bad as raping someone.  (Of course, men actually have gone to jail because of false rape claims -- and in these cases, the women should be prosecuted.  But more commonly, women who have actually been raped rely on the police to find their assailants, and the police and prosecution have identified the wrong person, and men have spent years in prison for crimes they didn't commit -- which is a horrible miscarriage of justice, and those men are indeed victims deserving of our sympathy.  But since Carey chose a study where nobody was greatly inconvenienced by the false rape charges so he could claim, "One study found that 41% of women who had reported rape to the police later admitted the allegation was false," then he should have to make his point, using the data from that study, about why making a false accusation is as terrible as rape.) For years, the law defined rape as "forced sex without consent." All that changed in 1979, when New Jersey passed the so-called N.O.W. act. Under that law, "sexual assault" was defined as "an act of sexual penetration with another person [when] [t]he actor uses physical force or coercion." Imagine that being parsed in front of a sympathetic jury. With such an expansive and ambiguous definition, many, if not most instances of non-marital intercourse could be construed to constitute rape. It's a good thing that Carey is not part of the dating scene these days if he thinks that most instances of non-marital intercourse involve physical force or coercion (which is defined as "compulsion by force or threat"). And that's our Renew America demonstration for today.  I think it's pretty clear that Michelle Malkin would be more at home playing on their team than Townhall, and that if she switched sides, Renew America would win the wingnuttery championship hands down.   5:56:00 AM