The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Strangely, The Pinata Seems to Resent the Stick

Over at Townhall, Dinesh D’Souza carefully reaches through his fly with a pair of tweezers and tries to pull out his penis, much like a kid attempting the “remove wrenched ankle” maneuver in a game of Operation.  The nerve-wracking procedure is a success, allowing him to piss on America’s shoes, then complain that we didn’t tip him for the shine.
If you haven’t seen my “God v. Atheism” debate with philosopher Daniel Dennett, you can view it at
And if you’re the sort of person who would enjoy streaming video of Dinesh D’Souza hectoring an elderly atheist, you could also go hereand find a list of professionals who will beat you about the buttocks and thighs with a rattan cane and put binder clips on your scrotum. But in Dinesh’s favor, his debate video is free.
You should read the comments in response to the debate both on my AOL blog as well as on the atheist site From the atheists you hear statements like this: “D’Souza is a goddamned idiot.” “Odious little toad.” “D’Souza is full of s**t.” “A smug, joyless twit.” “Total moron.” “Little turd.” “Two-faced liar.” Etc, etc.
As you can see, Dinesh doesn’t need to employ a professional dominatrix, because whenever he wants to be reminded that he’s a bad boy in severe need of correction, he has only to express his asinine opinions on the internet.  The result is sort of like those sacks of pricey swag that celebrities receive for attending media events, except instead of Fendi sunglasses and bottles of botanical dog shampoo, Dinish is feted with the finest in verbal abuse; and it’s all free! 
Now admittedly the topic of God v. atheism can be an emotional one, but you will find no comparable invective on the Christian side.  Why then are so many atheists so angry?
One reason I think is that they are God-haters.
Yeah, that must be it.  And since Dinesh is God’s appointed spokesperson on Earth, he’s gotta take the heat.  It’s exactly like being Dana Perino.  Except shorter.  And with at least a vague idea of what the Cuban Missile Crisis was.
Atheists often like to portray themselves as “unbelievers” but this is not strictly accurate. If they were mere unbelievers they would simply live their lives as if God did not exist. I don’t believe in unicorns, but then I haven’t written any books called The End of Unicorns, Unicorns are Not Great, or The Unicorn Delusion.
True.  But then, people who do believe in unicorns haven’t been running the government for the past 7 years, launching elective wars and undermining civil liberties because the terrorists hate us for our mythical horned horses, or declaring, in Mitt Romney’s famous phrase, “Freedom requires unicorns just as unicorns require freedom.”  Nor have they been appointing strict cryptozoologist judges to the Supreme Court in an effort to overturn Roe v. Wade, because abortion makes unicorns weep perfect teardrop pearls, or trying to raise a profitable panic about legal threats to our worship of forehead-enhanced ungulates.
Just for perspective, here’s the ad that accompanied Dinesh’s column on Townhall:
Or, more in keeping with Dinesh’s irrefutable analogy:
Clearly the atheists go beyond disbelief; they are on the warpath against God. And you can hear their bitterness not only in their book titles but also in their mean-spirited invective.
If atheists would just accept the fact that this is a Christian nation established on Biblical principles by Founding Fathers who weremostly clerics, maybe they could relax and stop being such potty mouths. 
Here is a second reason the atheists sound so angry. They are not used to having their sophistries exposed. For the past three years the new atheists have had a virtually free ride. Dawkins and Hitchens make outrageous claims (“religion poisons everything”) and media pundits like Lou Dobbs and Tim Russert fawn all over them.
Since Hitchens also went on cable TV and made outrageous claims about the necessity of going to war with Iraq, and Dobbs and Russert fawned all over him about that, too, I’m going to hazard a guess that they’re not actually in love with atheism.  They’re just in love with fawning.
But in the past few months I’ve been meeting the leading atheist spokesmen in open debate, and challenging them on the basis of the same reason and science and evidence that they say vindicates their claims.
After my first debate with Michael Shermer, editor of Skeptic magazine, several atheists on Dawkins’ site said, “Well, D’Souza won that debate, but wait till he meets Hitchens. Hitchens will wipe the floor with him. D’Souza RIP.” Then after I debated Hitchens the atheists said, “Oh no, this one didn’t go as planned. Hitchens didn’t do so well.” Another commented that atheists could not afford to lose two in a row.
To Dinesh D’Souza?  The guy who, in Doghouse Riley’s immortal phrase, had his ”soul depantsed” on The Colbert Report?  Thatguy?
Now after my Dennett debate, what’s the verdict?
I’m pretty sure that you and a variety of puppets fashioned from $2.99 per dozen tube socks from Target think you did splendidly. 
Well, the audience was full of Dennett supporters who began with enthusiastic applause for him but, as the debate went on, fell largely silent.
I hear the same thing often happens to Washington Generals fans at Globetrotter games. 
Several came up to me afterward and told me that I had won.
Atheists:  Boiling with rage and loathing, they verbally scourge their opponents with vile and blasphemous obloquy.  But they’re gracious in defeat. 
Dennett himself seemed dispirited after the event.
Well, he had just spent the evening with Dinesh D’Souza. 
Even so, when I posted the debate on my blog, the atheists went into damage control mode. The debate was instantly posted on atheist sites, and atheists rushed to my AOL blog to vote Dennett the winner. This effort gave atheists an early lead, but when the votes were tallied I was the victor.
Sure can’t argue with that kind of “reason and science and evidence.”
 Interestingly my margin of victory was even bigger than that for the resolution, suggesting that several people voted that “God Is a Man-Made Invention” and still thought I won the debate.
Or you screwed up while Freeping your own poll.
A good way to assess a debate is to see what the partisans on each side say. Among Christians the verdict is unanimous.
You’re right, that was a good way to assess the debate.  Can I go now? 
Here’s a sample comment from a Townhall reader: “My heart went out to Professor Dennett because he was so totally over-matched in this debate You totally demolished him as you have the other atheists you have debated.” But all you have to do is to go to atheist sites to see that many atheists also think that I won, although this is sometimes very grudgingly admitted.
Dinesh had the statistics and links to substantiate his assertions, but they were lost in the crash of John Lott’s computer.
Here is a sampling of comments that I’ve taken from  ”I was at the debate and thought Dennett did not prove his point.” “I’m so tired of these D’Souza debates. The more people we send his way the larger his smile grows.” “I feel such debates should stop.” “I love Dennett’s ideas about atheism but I do think he handled this debate poorly against Dinesh.” “Ok, Dennett sucked…Dennett’s type of responses just made him look like an ass.” “Dinesh is an amazingly talented orator, considering how hopeless a case he is arguing.” “Hitchens has had a shot, as has Dennett, and neither has succeeded in demolishing D’Souza. D’Souza has a very effective debating technique. Not only did a lot of atheists get up and fire straw-man arguments at D’Souza that he was easily able to counter and make them look foolish, but Dennett…lost his composure and his train of thought.” “Let’s face it, this guy has taken our best shots and still come out looking good. Maddening.”
Why do these mash notes make me think that under Dinesh’s bed there’s a secret journal, its pages filled with doodles of stars and horses and daisies and signed with the looping, curlicued name, “Mr. Anne Coulter” over and over and over again?
So where does this leave the atheists?
Back in your sock drawer? 
Otherwise the self-styled “brights” are going to face the empirical fact that when it comes to defending their views, atheists are basically losers. Remarkably, the “party of reason” is simply incompetent to vindicate those claims against an advocate of the “party of faith.” Now what could be more embarrassing than that?
Writing a column proving how cool you are by utilizing Jan Brady’s empirically proven “George Glass” Method?
Posted by scott on December 11th, 2007

Michael Medved Gives America A Kryptonian Amnesia Kiss*

When we last left Michael Medved, he was halfway through a Quinn Martin epilogue, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that Hippies murdered the Melting Pot.
By that time the tribalism of the ‘60’s had become a more or less permanent feature of our national life with identity politics and jostling interest groups taking the place of any homogenizing notion of Americanism.
As you probably recall from junior high civics class, the children of immigrants have traditionally been eager to assimilate mainstream American culture and idioms.  But thanks to tie-dye, Shindig!, and Annie Greensprings Strawberry wine, no child of foreign born parents has eaten a hamburger or learned to speak English since June 2, 1967, when Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band was released in the U.S. 
African-Americans, feminists, Latinos, gays, Asians, the disabled, hippies, Native Americans – each aggrieved segment of society demanded justice and redress, competing for recognition as the most victimized and gypped.
Uh, Mike?  I think the Gypsies just won. 
The competitive victimhood encouraged even privileged people to affiliate with some marginalized cohort or synthetically assembled “community,” and to shun any assimilation into the bland American middle.
To protest this trend, Michael has severed all links with Orthodox Judaism and now, whenever he is asked to state his religious affiliation, proudly responds, “Miracle Whip.”
With all the suffering subgroups clamoring so colorfully for recognition and sympathy, the once respected mainstream looked suddenly, simultaneously, guilty and boring. “Black is Beautiful” and “Never Trust Anyone Over Thirty” became trendy slogans, while any suggestions that “White is Beautiful” or demands to “Respect Your Elders” drew only derision and hostility.
Among other ubiquitous phrases that mysteriously fell into disuse around this time were “Free, White and 21,” “That’s Mighty White of You,” and “Whites Only.”  An effort was made to compete with the Negroes by defiantly chanting ”White is Beautiful (after Memorial Day and Before Labor Day)!” but it never really caught on, and Western Civilization knew the jig was up.
The old national motto, “E Pluribus Unum” – out of many, one – sounded intolerant, disrespectful of difference and diversity, as the ideal of a melting pot gave way to a “gorgeous multicultural mosaic.”
Remember when the country was torn asunder over “E Pluribus Unum?”  Black against white?  Brother against brother?  Football team against Latin Club?  Personally, I think it should have led to a bigger conflict than it did, but it was harder to pronounce than “Fifty-Four Forty or Fight!”  Fortunately, New York Mayor David Dinkins arrived on horseback to restore order and arrange people of different skin tones together to create a picture.
The concept of an overarching, unifying, non-ironic definition of American identity looked less and less plausible.
In 1904, Broadway giant George M. Cohan proudly and tunefully identified himself as –
“….a Yankee Doodle Dandy
A Yankee Doodle do or die.
A real live nephew of my Uncle Sam
Born on the Fourth of July.”
The American tragedy is that today, Dandy’s are hard to come by.  And you can search the land from sea to shining sea without finding anyone whose dream it is to be a Doodle.  Like the Shakers, the Doodles have all died off, save for those few who left the sect in the mid-80s to become Peppers. 
Compared to other world powers, America deserves guilt less but struggles with it more. Our French cousins celebrate Bastille Day with abandon, joy and unapologetic pride, despite the ugly stains on the Tricolor. For Mexicans and for Mexican immigrants in the United States, Cinco de Mayo doesn’t provide an occasion for brooding meditation on the pain and disappointment and injustice that’s always characterized our turbulent neighbor to the south.
Probably because Cinco de Mayo is an exceedingly minor occasion in Mexico, while in the U.S. it’s a particularly tedious workday for immigrants who have to deal with white people crowding into Chi-Chis and El Toritos to get caca-faced on two-for-one Hornitos shooters.
Ironically, the one national holiday observed in America with the most unalloyed elation and pugnacious pleasure is St. Patrick’s Day, which seldom, even in the most boozy stupor, gives rise to remorse over the failings and foibles of the children of Eire.
Ironic?  On the contrary, it’s the Melting Pot in action.  Americans don’t care where a holiday comes from, so long as its divorced from it’s original meaning and provides an excuse to drink until you pass out in a pond of your own puke.
Some might explain this American penchant for harsh self-criticism as a product of our higher ideals and more lofty aspirations. Through most of its long, tortured history, no one ever really expected Russia to serve as a “light to the nations” or a “shining city on a hill.” The United States, on the other hand, has long expected to remake the world in our image, and often succeeded in that endeavor. The fact that we have attempted more shouldn’t obscure the fact that we’ve also achieved more, and stumbled less other nations with significant roles in world affairs. In baseball, even the most fearsome (and well-paid) power hitters will strike out occasionally, or hit into double plays. It’s inevitable to feel special frustration when All Stars fail to deliver, but these high expectations shouldn’t focus attention on failures alone, and obscure all the home-runs and solid hits delivered the rest of the time. The soaring ambitions of the United States didn’t lead to humanity- crushing disasters, but instead helped to inspire more success for more people – Americans as well as others—than logic or experience would have deemed possible.
I’m no semiotician like that Protein Wisdom guy, so I couldn’t tell you the precise term for this style of rhetoric, but I’m pretty sure that in geology it’s called “outgassing.”
Acceptance of the bitter lies about America undermines the ongoing aspiration that alone can power the United States in its continued role as the mighty engine of human betterment.
Remember:  Rigorous self-improvement is impossible unless you deny your flaws.
*pace Scott Kurtz, this allows America to forget all about slavery, broken treaties, the Gilded Age, and that one night when they boned Lois Lane.

Posted by scott on December 7th, 2007

Michael Medved’s Moist And Aching Memory Hole

The former movie critic drops in this week to once again talk up the nation-building advantages of bonded servitude, genocide, and colonialism, but he can’t stay long, because he’s being relentlessly pursued by police Lieutenant Philip Gerard, who believes that Michael is guilty of transporting Harry Reems’ mustache across state lines for immoral purposes.  So let’s dive right in and start airbrushing Trotsky out of the May Day pictures…
If citizens look upon the origins of their society with guilt and confusion, they’ll find scant reason to identify with its fate or to repair its shortcomings. The current notion that America’s undeniable power and privilege rest upon shameful foundations poisons our public discourse, embitters the national mood, and paralyzes all efforts for constructive change. 
If you don’t stick your head in the sand and practice denial, how are you ever going to really change things?
Those who embrace the idea that the USA came into being through vicious genocide against native populations, built its economy through the unique oppression of African slaves, facilitated corporate exploitation of immigrant masses, and damaged countless other nations with its imperialist policies, will naturally assume that we’re paying the price for these crimes and abuses – 
Until they remember that Accountability was found dead of a suspicious gunshot wound in Ft. Marcy Park.
Negative assumptions about our guilty forebears allow contemporary Americans to wallow in self-pity without accepting blame of any sort for our much-discussed sorry state. 
Translation:  If you’re feeling a trifle guilty about voting for George W. Bush, and a bit stupid about voting for him twice, it helps to realize that America has gone through many periods of injustice, rapaciousness, and general crapitude and above all to remember the legacy of your great-great grandfather, who horsewhipped an apprentice tanner into a coma after the boy was overcome by the stench and dropped a bottle of chromium salts into a drum of goat skins.  He never recovered, of course, but on the bright side grandpa was easily able to fill the position with another desperate urchin, and thus continue the Circle of Life.
This ‘tainted legacy,’ this endlessly analyzed burden of embarrassment and apology, has brought a bittersweet or even decidedly sour flavor to great national celebrations that formerly featured joy and jingoism.
Boy, nothing brings back the childlike joy of a national celebration like the smell and the squeak of patent leather jingoism polished to a mirror shine.  It sparks so many memories!  Gatherings that featured cheerfulness and chauvinism, tasty funnel cakes and shave ice.  And then, every Independence Day, revelry and racism!  And, if we were lucky, churros.
Columbus Day provokes similar controversy on a yearly basis, with angry demonstrations against the unwelcome encroachments of white interlopers in the pristine New World paradise they polluted with their disease-ridden, gold-hungry presence. 
Ingrates.  You think those smallpox-infected blankets were cheap?  They were pure wool, fully lined, and thermal rated to 35!
Our previous observance of the birthdays of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln has given way to the anodyne and insipid “Presidents Day,” in which we’re supposed to commemorate all inhabitants of the White House – the incompetent as well as the inspiring
We had to, sorry.  Bush was starting to feel like the kid who doesn’t get picked for kickball even when one team is short a guy.  Admittedly, Michael has a point; we did once honor excellence in our chief executives, but now it’s more like the Special Olypmics — you get a holiday just for showing up and crapping your pants on the Constitution.
We’ve added a holiday for Martin Luther King, Jr., but while sanctifying the memory of a great and courageous advocate of brotherhood we inevitably use the occasion to recall, yet again, our ugly history of racism.
Yeah, do we have to keep harping on the civil rights stuff every time we take a day to honor MLK?  There’s got to be something else he was into.  Did he play sports?  Was he known for his work in the theatre…?
That same history now factors into the Fourth of July, with pointed reminders that some of the most prominent figures in the struggle for Independence (Jefferson, Washington, Patrick Henry) owned slaves.
Remember:  Context is the Enemy of Joy.
Meanwhile, when it comes to the sparklers, cherry bombs, and other fireworks that comprise the festival’s most hallowed tradition, many (if not most) of today’s celebrants secure such ordnance at Indian reservations – another ironic connection with the most painful elements of the nation’s past.
True, Native Americans did lose their ancestral lands, cultures, traditions, and most of their populations, but we have to make a mildy inconvenient drive if we want to light up a Smokey Joe.  So I guess the jokes on us.
Even Memorial Day and Veterans Day have lost some of their flag-waving, patriotic fervor and taken on a distinctly mournful, even skeptical edge.
I remember how juiced we all used to get about driving over to the National Cemetery in Westwood and laying a wreath on Memorial Day, but nowadays, what with all the contemplation and perspective and introspection, it really pisses on your party.  On the other hand, I think it’s a misuse of the bully pulpit for Michael to write an entire lengthy essay just because he couldn’t get a date on Veterans Day.
We now make a point of recalling dubious as well as heroic wars
And how are we ever going to get history to repeat itself if we’re doomed to remember it? 
…and taking note of those members of the military who sacrificed and served in our most controversial recent conflicts.
Remember, Veterans Day is a total gran mal seizure of Extreme Joy and Jingoism, unless any actual veterans show up, which is like somebody inviting the nerd fraternity to your big toga party.  If your date sees men and women who bear mute testamony to the horrors and sacrifice of war before she’s downed three or more Mickey’s Wide Mouths, then trust me, you’re not getting those panties off with a winch.
In fact, the Vietnam experience and the associated dislocations of the ‘60’s and ‘70’s helped to dissolve the patriotic consensus that had endured for two centuries, and promoted poisonous lies about the national character.
Nobody ever voted for a candidate who promised to keep our boys out of World War I, or suggested the Maine blew up in Havana Harbor due to a faulty boiler, or questioned the wisdom and legality of the Mexican-American War and then had the treasonous effrontery to become our 16th President, where he continued his efforts to tear this country in two.  Nope, skepticism about war all started with the hippies.  But we forgive them because they invented the blowjob.
The United States waged deeply controversial wars long before the conflict in South East Asia, but in all previous cases a sweeping, one-sided victory (as in the War with Mexico) or at least a concluding, climactic battle that gave the illusion of overall triumph…
I like how Michael is ready to settle for the illusion of victory, which oddly strikes me as a triumph for reality.  But he probably still can’t understand why the prisoners in Guantanamo won’t meet him halfway and accept the illusion of freedom by just closing their eyes and going to their Happy Place.
Once you’ve associated your native soil with genocidal fascists and white supremacist thugs, it’s tough to return to singing the praises of the land of the free and the home of the brave – even after ultimate victory in the Cold War, a new period of American hegemony, and the evanescent surge of unity and defensive pride following the terror attacks of 9/11. 
Okay, maybe I’m totally misreading this, because it’s midnight and I popped a Lunesta about an hour ago, but is Michael really saying that while we’re a country indisputably founded on theft, mass-murder, and discrimination, our biggest fault is that we don’t lie about it enough, and when we do — and are caught lying — our reponse is insuffiently defensive.  That about it?
Good grief, I haven’t even gotten through half of this thing yet — he’s still going on about the hippies, and when I scroll down, I’m rewarded with the lyrics to “I’m A Yankee Doodle Dandy.”  Time for bed. 
Posted by scott on December 6th, 2007

Donald Wildmon, Apostle To The Ferrets

I’ve always envied Donald wildmon, Founder and Chairman of the American Family Association, because my family, while American, largely refuses to associate with each other.  And even if we did all agree to join the United Federation of Families, I doubt very much we could successfully hold caucuses and elect a chairman, because my aunts can’t even decide who’s bringing the cottage cheese and lime Jell-O salad this year.
But I have studied Don’s methods for promoting familial familiarity, and believe that I’ve at long last succeded in discovering the secret architecture of Christendom.  According to the AFA’s blueprints, Western Civilization is build upon the foundation of the nuclear Family.  The Family, in turn, rests upon the rock that is the Church, while the Church is held firm and steady by our Bichon Frises and our Silkie Guinea Pigs.  It’s true!  For ‘lo, one day Brother Wildmon was fighting the War on Christmas, making the aisles run red with the blood of Home Depot clerks and Office Max shelf-stockers.  When he suddenly had a revelation on the Habitrail to Damascus:  That a certain demonic purveyor of aquarium gravel and Liv-A Snaps was trying to keep the Good News that Christ our savior was born on Christmas Day from reaching our pets in the form of rawhide candy canes and gag reindeer antlers.
Reading his stirring, St. Crispiny call to arms, one is led to conclude this is either the Final Battle in the War on Point of Purchase Displays, or Wildmon is scrapping the bottom of the barrel so hard he’s through the wood and the sod and halfway to magma.
If you listened to PetSmart, you’d almost think your parakeets and tropical fish were atheists!
Send an e-mail to PetSmart and ask why they refuse to include Christmas in their promotion, choosing to only use holiday.
At PetSmart, Christmas doesn’t exist. It is not to be found anywhere on their Web Site. AFA checked out the local PetSmart store and there was no Christmas there, either.     
A search on PetSmart’s home page found 252 references to “holiday.” It also found 43 references to “Christmas.” But, alas, this is very misleading. When you click on “Christmas” you are directed to a page containing the same gifts you get when you search for holiday. Of all the items that pop up when you search for Christmas, not a single one mentions Christmas or is identified as being a Christmas gift.
And if, say, a chew toy isn’t specifically identified as a “Christmas gift” on a company’s website, then when when you unwrap it on Christmas Day and toss it to your dog he’ll just think you’re being nice, and won’t realize that the rawhide bone represents the body of Christ.
Even worse, I’ve discovered by following the link in the AFA “Action Alert!” that PetSmart isn’t merely mocking the faith of Christian gerbils, it’s deceitfully trying to disguise its banishment of Christmas from its website by including Christmas on it’s website!
The bastards…
With they stop at nothing to keep this holiest of days from our nation’s tabbies and shizus?
Apparently not.  I mean, what better way to keep Christ away from animals than by getting St. Francis involved?
Still, with all the trouble in the world, and all the needy people this holiday season, why would an evangelical organization choose to spend its spleen and energies in parsing whether the Santa and Reindeer effigies pictured above are “Christmas” or “Holiday” danglers?  In this case, they’re both, but that’s not the point.  The point, I suspect, is this:
Thank you for caring enough to get involved. If you feel our efforts are worthy of support, would you consider making a small tax-deductible contribution? Click here to make a donation.
Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman American Family Association

Donate with confidence to AFADonate with confidence to AFA
(gifts are tax-deductible)
I notice he doesn’t insist that you specifically label it a Christmas gift.  But then, if that’s what you’re in the market for, you needn’t grant your custom to the any of the apostate retailers on the AFA site.  You can simply go to the AFA Christmas store, for such steeped-in-the-manger Christmas gifts as The Pond:  Alligator Hunter.
Posted by scott on December 5th, 2007

Clarence The Angel Detained For Entering U.S. Illegally

Michelle Malkin is busy this holiday toting up crimes commited by illegal aliens, much like St. Nick’s list of Who’s Naughty and Who’s Nice, except on Michelle’s roster everybody is naughty, and rather than a lump of coal in their stocking, they get a taser to the scrotum from Herbie, the Misfit ICE agent.
But it’s a big job (Santa is certainly showing his age) and if Michelle were to buckle beneath the strain and begin to display signs of premature aging — graying hair, sharply etched nasal-labial folds, a penchant for filling the bathroom sink with the blood of virgins and taking a quick whore’s bath before setting out on another exhausting day of stalking, it would seriously reduce her value as College Republican stroke material (and let’s face it, Ben Shapiro’s not as young as he used to be either, and can’t be expected to carry the whole load himself).
So I thought, in the spirit of giving, I’d pitch in and help by offering upthis article:
PHOENIX — A 9-year-old boy looking for help after his mother crashed their van in the southern Arizona desert was rescued by a man entering the U.S. illegally, who stayed with him until help arrived the next day, an official said.
The 45-year-old woman, who eventually died while awaiting help, had been driving on a U.S. Forest Service road in a remote area just north of the Mexican border when she lost control of her van on a curve on Thanksgiving, Sheriff Tony Estrada said.
The van vaulted into a canyon and landed 300 feet from the road, he said. The woman, from Rimrock, north of Phoenix, survived the impact but was pinned inside, Estrada said.
Her son, unhurt but disoriented, crawled out to get help and was found about two hours later by Jesus Manuel Cordova, 26, of Magdalena de Kino in the northern Mexican state of Sonora. Unable to pull the mother out, he comforted the boy while they waited for help.
The woman died a short time later.
“He stayed with him, told him that everything was going to be all right,” Estrada said.
As temperatures dropped, he gave him a jacket, built a bonfire and stayed with him until about 8 a.m. Friday, when hunters passed by and called authorities, Estrada said. The boy was flown to University Medical Center in Tucson as a precaution but appeared unhurt.
Cordova was taken into custody by Border Patrol agents, who were the first to respond to the call for help. He had been trying to walk into the U.S. when he came across the boy.
The boy and his mother were in the area camping, Estrada said. The woman’s husband, the boy’s father, had died only two months ago. The names of the woman and her son were not being released until relatives were notified.
I first read this story in The Honolulu Advertiser, which — for whatever reason — omitted these concluding paragraphs:
Cordova likely saved the boy, Estrada said, and his actions should remind people not to quickly characterize illegal immigrants as criminals.
“They do get demonized for a lot of reasons, and they do a lot of good. Obviously this is one example of what an individual can do,” he said.
I certainly don’t claim that one story of an undocumented good Samaritan cancels out Michelle’s peer-reviewed studies of Mexican serial killers blanketing the Western States like thundering herds of bison. Nor does it solve the problem of immigrants who enter the country illegally to hand-pick crops, thus putting out of work millions of white college boys who can’t find summer employment, and are forced to abandon their ancestral frats and migrate like Okies to Ft. Lauderdale. (“Wherever there’s a girl flashing her boobs for beads, I’ll be there. Wherever there’s a yard-long brew and a wet T-shirt contest, I’ll be there…”)
Anyway, I hope this helps to beef up Michelle’s Holiday Cornacopia of Evil Illegals Anecdotes, and saves her the embarrassment of having to offshore the data entry work to the Phillipines.

20 Responses to “Clarence The Angel Detained For Entering U.S. Illegally”

The last few paragraphs were omitted from my local fishwrap as well. Michelle and clan I am sure are either planning to, or have arrived at the hospital to check and make sure the boy didn’t get Illegal Mexican Cooties and get scarred for life.
Fox News I’m sure is watering at the mouth at the potential ratings fodder of this potential Oliver Twist meets Estrada the Evil in the desert. Bill-O will be able to order another case of Falafel next month to woo any new interns! Woo!
The boy was saved by Jesus.
This is a miracle and clearly a sign from God about our treatment of “illegals.”
The online version of the story in the Baltimore Sun had the complete article. Unfortunately, the print version did not.
I forsee a letter to the editor in my future.
I made the mistake of reading the comments on the online version. They were very scary. One idiot even managed to bring Hillary into it.
I don’t think the rollers will be jumping on that wagon David.
I dunno, kate. Didn’t Peggy Noonan say that Jesus sent some dolphins to rescue Elian Gonzalas (while allowing his mother to drown)?
Ahhhhh, yes, but Bill, darling, dolphins can’t be “illegals.” They have no citizenship, and therefore, the “wet foot, dry foot” ruling doesn’t really affect them, and they’re not coming into the U.S. of A. in order to “steal” our wunnerful and blighted public healthcare system. Imagine how horrible the conditions back home must be, if state, county, and municipal-run morgue-waiting-rooms are a step UP. Having been at the mercy of the state of Louisiana’s human-guinea-pig progam (‘public hospitals’/”teaching hospitals”) where the poor are nothing but fodder and breathing experimental cadavers for the medical students, interns and residents, honestly — I wouldn’t wish it on anyone, natural-born, naturalized, or newly-imported.
So even if Jesus Cordova did save the boy’s life, I’m sure that he got the whole delousing/cavity-search/pick-up-the-soap/INS bus treatment as anybody else who dares frolic across the Arizona desert in pursuit of “all of the good jobs.” No amount of “miracles” or plastic statues will save this guy from his INS fate.
Too bad that the gubmint wasn’t so strict about immigration back when Michele’s parents came over… We might’ve been spared her entire republicunt-marrying-money-convert epiphany-cum-witch-hunt. Imagine a world without Michele Malkin… *sigh* Imagine a world without Rupert Murdoch… *sigh*
Hey, if everybody else can froth at the mouth at this time of year about invisible sky fairies and unbroken hymens, I can dream, too, can’t I?
“it would seriously reduce her value as College Republican stroke material (and let’s face it, Ben Shapiro’s not as young as he used to be either, and can’t be expected to carry the whole load himself)”
Um…so to speak.
My wish for Christlemas is to have a shiny tree in my house, complete with a Michelle on top.
Yes, sitting on top, with the tree stuck up her ass.
Everytime a bell rings, an anchor baby spews venom.
from the AZ Republic:
…agreed to be returned to Mexico without going through formal deportation proceedings.
Calls to the Mexican consulates in Nogales and Tucson seeking more information about him Saturday weren’t returned.
Estrada said earlier that Cordova’s actions likely saved the boy and he risked being caught to do what was right. He said it should serve as a reminder that most undocumented migrants are good people.
“They respond where there’s a need,” Estrada said. “We’re very grateful that he was there.”
“Propaganda all is phoney…” as Dylan sez. Just imagine if all the migrants, and immigrants from Mexico and further south were portryed in a truthfull light…..We might have to treat them as if they wer fully human. Might give us a royal moral charleyhorse we would be forced towork out.
Peace and Love.
“Michelle Malkin is busy this holiday toting up crimes commited by illegal aliens, much like St. Nick’s list of Who’s Naughty and Who’s Nice, except on Michelle’s roster everybody is naughty, and rather than a lump of coal in their stocking, they get a taser to the scrotum from Herbie, the Misfit ICE agent.”
So what you’re saying is that Malkin is the Robot Santa of illegal immigrants.
Be sure to check out what customers also bought, as well as the reviews.
It’s a good thing those hunters came along when they did. I’m fairly certain this Cordova feller was gonna fatten up the youngster and EAT him. That’s what those illegals do, even the ones named Jesus.
And, Anntichrist S Coulter: “if everybody else can froth at the mouth at this time of year about invisible sky fairies…” I’m not frothing about the sky fairies, thank you very much. I have rabies. Mmmmm, sky fairies. nom nom nom…..
Whatever floats yer boat, hon.
But let’s not be eating teh chirrens just yet, shall we?
When the fit hits the shan, we’ll bbq teh yuppie scum first. Oh, sure, they’ll be stringy and tough, especially the cokehead super-achiever types, but they can always be fed to the dogs whilst we sort through the more tender types.
I do wonder what “the winter holidays” mean at the Malkin house? Isn’t househusband/enabler Jesse Malkin Jewish, at least by birth?
Gosh, if I only had their address, I could drive by and photograph their plastic Santas…
Should we be concerned that there hasn’t been a new entry posted here since November 24th?
I hope scott and s.z. are all right.
Clearly the illegal brown person was planning on eating the boy and had even built a fire in order to do so. Only the quick actions of some local hunters and La Migra help prevent this horrific tragedy.
Some “brave” local hunters. Always remember that people with guns are brave, the rest of us are Canadian.