UPDATES

1. Tibby’s mouth problem was indeed an abscess which broke late last night, thus allowing him to eat a little, and to also stop looking like John Podhoretz on one side of his face. And, what with the Clavamox and the antibiotic salve, he is feeling much better, and probably doesn’t need to visit the vet – at least, not unless he wants to pay for it out of his own allowance money.

2. Bix’s lip is looking much better today. I suspect that he may have been bit on the lip by an ant, since last night I saw those little, mean ones swarming all over the patio where he was hanging out. Plus, I think these ants had been watching “The Naked Jungle,” that old Charlton Heston movie about the killer ants who ate everything in their path — plus, sources say these ants were all hepped up on goof balls, and were loosely affiliated with al Qaeda. Anyway, so, no vet’s visit for him either, unless he takes a turn for the worse.

3. Tibby still hates me, but Bix has agreed to let bygones be bygones. The rest of the cats tolerate me as long as I have food. The dogs worship me as a god, but only as long as I have food. The ants are trying to kill me.

4. The White House just announced that honesty, while a reasonably good policy under certain circumstance, is not actually the BEST policy, particularly when you work for Dick Cheney. So, the President used his magic constitutional powers, and commuted Scooter Libby’s prison sentence.

“I respect the jury’s verdict,” Bush said in a statement. “But I have concluded that the prison sentence given to Mr. Libby is excessive. Therefore, I am commuting the portion of Mr. Libby’s sentence that required him to spend thirty months in prison.”

Or, translated from the original politicalspeak: “I respect the jury’s verdict, even though they are morons who don’t know that lying is an important part of what we do in Washington, and I also feel that it’s important to let people believe that we have a system that dispenses equal justice to everyone, whether they be rich or middle class, white or whiter, GOP heavyweights or lowly White House aides. But, come on, all Scooter did was lie to investigators and obstruct a little justice, and I think we’ve all done that — and do we ALL deserve jail time? If this keeps up, the next thing you know they’ll be putting people in jail for drunk driving! Anyway, I’m the President and the Decider in Chief, so I say that Scooter goes free. Neiner, neiner, neiner!”

So, you have your marching orders: let the obstructing and lying begin!

P.S. To those of you who were wondering, Dr. Mike Adams, Ph.D. is a real person who really is a professor at a real university (that he despises). And he actually gets paid for his columns — every month or so, when somebody calls him on something he writes, he denounces them as a member of the transgender/feminist/liberal/hippie conspiracy, and announces how many firearms and other penis replacements he is buying with the proceeds from the column they object to. Plus, he gets $1,000-$3,000 a pop to give speeches to shiny, wide-eyed young wingnuts on such topics as “How to Win Friends and Irritate Feminists,” ”I Had An Abortion,” ”How To Collect Guns and Irritate Liberals,” and “Libel for Fun and Profit.” (Disclaimer: I don’t know if Dr. Mike actually has a prepared speech on that last topic, but I hear that he can expect a presidential commutation if he is ever sued for lying about stuff.)

I hope that answers your questions.

Posted by s.z. on Monday, July 2nd, 2007 at 8:00 pm. 

20 Responses to “UPDATES”

 

Glad they’re doing better. I’m having a similar problem with the ants. I suspect they’ve been attracted by the zombies. I put down ant baits, but as far as I know there are no zombie baits. Not sure why that is.
Digby notes that commuting Scooter’s sentence without pardoning him means he can still take the Fifth if asked to roll over on, you know, just, someone, anyone, totally nobody important at all or anything, right? While I suspect that’s giving Bush too much credit for intellect, I suspect it wasn’t actually his idea and Cheney had to explain to him with short words and big charts why it would be better than just pardoning him–assuming they bothered rather than what I guess they usually do which is to tell him to, for example, commute the sentence and then praise him for having had the brilliant idea of commuting the sentence.
Our president is an intellectually lackluster eight year old. How the hell did this happen?

Left by D. Sidhe on July 2nd, 2007

well, technically this is one of the few, if not the first time, that aWol has upheld his oath of office, specifically the “nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted” part of the Eighth Amendment. a 56 year old guy named “Scooter” and federal pen would be a textbook case

Left by preznit giv me turkee on July 2nd, 2007

and good to hear the kitties are doing better. tuna works wonders in regaining their love (or at least a lessening of their ire)

Left by preznit giv me turkee on July 2nd, 2007

Okay, so who had July 2nd on the football pool grid? I overshot the mark and guessed July 4th, y’know, so that nobody would hear the actual announcement under the roar of the orchestra and the fireworks…
That cocksucker Scooter… even in months-old file footage (like he’s even IN this country, anyway — y’all KNOW that his swaggering midget ass is in DUBAI) he’s an arrogant little fuckface. I’m sure that Dick Cheney is just so fond of the top of his head…
And Preznit, when did you get so fucking lenient on these motherfuckers? Like you give a fuck if Scooter chips a fucking nail in Club Fed… that bitch has never even SEEN the inside of an actual jail or prison, let’s not kid ourselves, he was NEVER headed for Levinworth.
At any rate, yayyyyy for teh kittehs! And don’t worry, S.Z., they’ll forgive you at some point, even though you were actually trying to HELP them, we all know how cats are. Give ‘em all some love for me.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on July 2nd, 2007

Cypress hasn’t forgiven me for the other cat nor the housemates. When we took Iala in for spaying, she stayed overnight. Cypress was unbelievably cuddly the whole two days. “Yay! You finally got rid of it!”
Iala came back the next day, and Cypress has been holding a grudge since. So when I say I’m the only living creature she even remotely likes, it’s still all relative. If she knew how to get the Fancy Feast on her own, I’d be dead by now.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 2nd, 2007

And Preznit, when did you get so fucking lenient on these motherfuckers? Like you give a fuck if Scooter chips a fucking nail in Club Fed
yeah, just what the fuck was I thinking?
mebbe I read too much Perfessor Dr Mike Adams, PhD this AM and it scrambled my few remaining synapses.
then again, mebbe I was being ironical. take your pick

Left by preznit giv me turkee on July 3rd, 2007

My money’s on B.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 3rd, 2007

Thanks for the hot poop on Dr. Mike. I didn’t know Clown Hall was a Heritage Fdn. project. Gakk!! Uhrrrk! AAhnts!!!Etc.

Left by M. Bouffant on July 3rd, 2007

I hate, detest and loathe that our, “President” commuted Libbey’s sentence. Yet another screw-up, by the Gentleman C scholar.

Left by Nancy Liedel on July 3rd, 2007

“Real”? Yes. “Person”? That’s debatable.

Left by gjdodger on July 3rd, 2007

So basically Dr. Mike is just a low priced hooker…
Scooter’s pardon is hardly even worth talking about. I didn’t think you could sink lower than Paris’ three days in jail, but apparently, I should have known better.

Left by actor212 on July 3rd, 2007

I never found the “hooker” metaphors that convincing. We all sell our bodies in different ways, sometimes we sell them to type, or to do heavy lifting, or to cook or to teach children, or even to have sex. There’s no lack of integrity in that. You work with the skills you have.
If Dr Mike believes what he’s saying, then he’s selling his mental health, and his compassion toward others, and his humanity. If he doesn’t, he’s selling his honesty.
I’m not sure what you’d call that, but it seems worse than honest whoring, to me.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 3rd, 2007

Thanks, S.Z.,
You answered questions I didn’t even knew I had!
Glad to hear the varmints are on the mend.

Left by Doodle . on July 3rd, 2007

D., precious, darling, my beloved origami queen — you’re giving “Dr.” Mike credit for A)mental health, B) compassion, C) humanity, and D) honesty.
How many things do you see wrong with this sentence?
As one of my favorite stickers on teh pickup sez, “If you believe that there’s good in everybody, then you haven’t *met* everybody.”

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on July 4th, 2007

Dammit, I hate it when I fuck up the HTML tags.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on July 4th, 2007

Well, no. I was merely suggesting he might have been born with the potential for all of the above. He may also have been born with the potential for a sense of humor though I admit I’ve seen no evidence of that. It may merely be an atrophied gene.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 4th, 2007

Well, the system is officially broken.
Back in the heyday of the Aztec empire, there were different punishments for people of different ranks; a crime that might just result in a publicly humiliating head-shaving and warning for a commoner would carry the death penalty for a noble, because they should fucking well know better.
500 years later, and we in the USA have given up on the idea that the powerful should even be punished the same way as normal people.
Fuck, we’ve given up on the idea that the powerful should be punished at all.
We have less social integrity a 500 year old dictatorship.
And it’s not just Bush, although that shithead hasn’t helped any, the whole damn system has gone wrong.
I want to know what to do about it.

Left by Christopher on July 4th, 2007

We all sell our bodies in different ways, sometimes we sell them to type, or to do heavy lifting, or to cook or to teach children, or even to have sex. There’s no lack of integrity in that. You work with the skills you have.

[slaps forehead]
Why don’t people tell me these things?!

Left by Marq on July 5th, 2007

D. Sidhe,
Ah, but you draw the distinction even as you smooth over the differences!
Honest whoring is not hooking, and since nothing about Dr. Mike is honest…

Left by actor212 on July 5th, 2007

Dear SZ, would you mind terribly emailing me your snailmail address? I have something for you. At your leisure, and thanks in advance.

Left by thepoliticalcat on July 8th, 2007

I’ve Been Through the Desert With a Cat With No Name

Hi, everybody! I must apologize for my absence (and I want to thank everyone for their concern, and especially thank the very kind AnntiChrist M. Coulter for the book by Caitlin Flanagan on “Loving and Loathing Our Inner Housewife”) — but I did return bearing lovely excuses. First, I was sick, followed by scattered showers of fatigue, lassitude, and ennui. Also, I’ve been spending all my spare time (and money) at the vets. In a kind of post Valentine’s Day tribute to love, we did mass spayings and neuterings. Plus, two of the cats have been very sick. Little Oliver had a fever of 106 — it was thought he had FIP, which is fatal, but expensive blood tests revealed that the vet really doesn’t know what he had. But he’s okay now. Also, the new cat Sylvie (the one who was going to get the lovely goddess name, until I decided that she didn’t deserve it) had post-spaying complications, and was quite ill for a few days.

Plus, I got a new dog. It’s a long story, but I’ll probably bore you with it anyway in a day or two — but the short version is that he’s a black and tan Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, he’s 9 months old, he was put up for adoption when he got sick, but he’s okay now, and his name is Henry. Anyway, he turned out to be the sweetest, cuddliest, naughtiest dog ever. He destroys more before noon than you destroy all day.

Throw in several winter storms that necessitated shoveling vast quantities of snow (which tires me out, makes my back hurt, and causes me to get cold!), some family stuff, my challenging role of arbitrator in the ongoing Jet Jaguar-Sylvie wars, and my general debilitated state, and I couldn’t even find the energy to turn on the computer most days.

But, as penance, I did watch Fox News. Later I will share with you some of the things I learned (not much about the horrid conditions at Walter Reed, but lots about Anna Nicole Smith). Well, here’s one factoid for today: “faggot” is not offensive to gays, because it’s just a bit of school yard argot meaning ”sissy.” This comes from no less an authority than Ann Coulter, who revealed this pertiment info while guesting (she got two segments) on “Hannity & Colmes.” If you don’t believe me, here’s a snippet from the transcript:

COLMES: But you used a word that’s very offensive to gays. Would you use a word offensive to another group of people and say, oh, it was only a joke? Where do you draw the line? 

COULTER: It isn’t offensive to gays. It has nothing to do with gays. It’s a schoolyard taunt, meaning wuss.

Good to know — and I hope that, in particular, all you gays learned something from the William Safire of her generation, and you now realize that you aren’t offended at all.

Ann said a lot of other stuff, almost all of it equally stupid and annoying, but let’s move on for now, since I also learned that this weekend’s “Hannity’s America (which is apparently not a country for that you’d want to visit OR live in — I think it must be a level of hell so horrific that Dante couldn’t bear to write about it), Sean will reveal ten statements made by liberals that are WAY WORSE than what Ann Coulter said, but that the liberal media hushed up, since they so shamefully refuse to report everything that national figures like Ward Churchill say.

I also learned from Bill O’Reilly that Bill Mahr is just as bad as Ann, because he said something unkind about Dick Cheney while he was speaking at a national liberal conference, or on a comedy show, or something. Also, Bill informed us that John Edwards has no moral highground from which to denounce Ann, since Edwards hired those horrid anti-Christian bloggers (you know, the ones that Bill singlehandedly saved us all from).

Bill also taught me that Mr. Libby can appeal his sentence, because young Scooter was only convicted of lying during the course of an investigation about a crime that never even occurred, and that’s unconstitutional or something.

But, in closing, let me share with you what possible presidential hopeful Newt Gingrich had to say about Scooter’s “crime”:

Perjury is at the very heart of our legal system. And is very often punished very intently by the courts. [...]  The standard is in a court of law, should somebody who’s popular get away with committing a felony?
And if this week it’s perjury, and next week it’s theft, and the week after that it’s having somebody beaten up, then what morning do we end up as a corrupt country like Nigeria where the corruption is so deep that it eats at the very fabric of our society?

So, if Scooter gets a presidential pardon, we will all go out and lie and steal and beat up people, and then our national economy will be based on email scams. A strong warning from Mr. Gingrich which the President would do well to heed.

No, wait, Newt wasn’t talking about Scooter, he was explaining to James Dobson why Newt thought it was permissible (nay REQUIRED) to go after Bill Clinton for fooling around with Monica while he himself was having an affair with a young aide.
And anyway, God has forgiven Newt for his cheating, hypocrisy, and general loathesomeness, and it’s fine with God if you make Newt the leader of the free world. Anyway, just something to think about when you’re in the voting booth.

So, more later. Unless it snows some more, or I have to try to glue together another library book or something.

Posted by s.z. on Friday, March 9th, 2007 at 4:21 am.

COMMENTS:

s.z., dearest of hearts, welcome back- what
would you like to drink?

Left by dalton periphery on March 9th, 2007

I still can’t decide if you’re sainted or crazy. A little of both, maybe.
Me, I’m just happy I now get to write to all of Ann Coulter’s remaining advertizers and explain that they’re supporting a misogynist *and* a homophobe. It’s an interesting tactic, really. “I wasn’t insulting fags, I was insulting pussies!”
The worst part is, it’s entirely possible she really does believe that “faggot” is not anti-gay if not used at a gay man. That peroxide goes stright to your brain, I guess.

Left by D. Sidhe on March 9th, 2007

Hooray, you’re back with news greedily read concerning you and those of fur!!
Missed you so.
Gappy

Left by Gappy on March 9th, 2007

I’ve Been Through the Desert With a Cat With No Name
Where, I suppose, you found the heat was hot?
Absolutely, positively outpacing the second Worse Lyric of All Time, the Delfonics’ “Have You Seen Her?” by a 2-1 margin:
Why, oh why
Did you have to leave and (dramatic pause) go away?
Which we no longer have to ask of you. Welcome back.

Left by Doghouse Riley on March 9th, 2007

yes, you were missed.

Left by merlallen on March 9th, 2007

“…scattered showers of fatigue, lassitude, and ennui.”
We’ve been having weather like that here too… Welcome back. You were sorely missed.

Left by Marion in Savannah on March 9th, 2007

S.Z. we have missed you so much – sounds like it’s been a tough winter. Glad you’re back! Please stay on the grid from now on.

Left by BeginningToWonder on March 9th, 2007

S.Z., so pleased to see your return!

Left by heydave on March 9th, 2007

He destroys more before noon than you destroy all day.
Are you talking of puppy Henry, or Dubya?
Welcome back, s.z.!

Left by Serge on March 9th, 2007

Ha! My black cocker spaniel El Duque destroys more before 9 a.m. than your Henry does all day. If we accidentally leave the bathroom door open, he can toilet paper an entire 1,500 sq. ft. house in five minutes flat. He’s chewed a big hole in a $1,000 leather chair, converted two remote controls into useless bits of plastic, ripped the foam out of a 15-inch woofer in one of my speaker cabinets, and chewed the crotches out of more pairs of underwear than I can count (male, female, it doesn’t matter to him).
All this mouth action is in addition to his regular chew toy regimen. You can’t turn your back on the little bugger for more than two minutes. And yet we love him dearly.

Left by Ken on March 9th, 2007

Cavalier King Charles Spaniel
With a breed name like that, I should think his nom de chien would be “King Henry the -VIII” (negative 8th)!
He destroys more before noon than you destroy all day.
That’s the “Cavalier” in him.
Glad you’re back, s.z.

Left by Cynthia on March 9th, 2007

YAAAAYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’ve got my computer back (major props to Realist, btw — http://pinkchimp.blogspot.com/ — he has done what lesser men have only pretended to be able to do to a computer), and S.Z. is back on the blog!!!
Hell, at this rate, maybe we’ll get Dumbya & Dick convicted of treason, create world peace, and I’ll finally get off of my ass and blog, too!
Or, y’know, S.Z. will be cannonized or somesuch by all the critters on the planet, at the very least.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on March 9th, 2007

Howdy, s.z.! I left a “present” for you a few posts down in comments-a link to a “lovely” picture of Ann. She’s particularly “horsey”-looking (that woman does have the hugest… teeth).
Wow–another doggie! Well, it’s only fair, since the catses outnumber the doggies by something like a 3-to-1 margin. Spaniels are kinda medium-sized, so the whole I-am-become-death-teh-destroyer-of-worlds-thing wears off… eventually.
In r/e the Ann “faqggot” comment, I’m still largely not offended (since she was trying to offend), but I’m finding her intransigence over apologizing to be irritating. Not that I really expected her to.
The thing I really find more offensive than Ann is male pr0n stars who become raging wingnuts. It’s really a shameful wast of what little talent they have-I mean, if they could actually act, they would! OK, OK, 8,9, 11 inches is nothing to sneeze at, but it ain’t everything in the world, either! Of course, the article mentioned that Corp. Sanchez is 36 years old, and that’s a wee bit long-in-teh-tooth for a a gay pr0n star and ‘ho, so he’s wisely enough trying to diversify his income potential. Unwisely enough, he’s trying to combine two great tastes that don’t go great together, but what are you gonna do when ya can’t act?

Left by Marq on March 10th, 2007

Um, the two great tastes (etc.) in r/e Corp. Sanchez are “wingnuttery” and “gay hooker (but it’s OK, ‘cos he’s a top).” ‘Twas a little unclear above.

Left by Marq on March 10th, 2007

But, as penance, I did watch Fox News.
No wonder you haven’t been feeling well.

Left by Realist on March 10th, 2007

Hi, everybody!
Hi Dr s.z.
welcome back

Left by preznit giv me turkee on March 10th, 2007

I was taken to our local ER with chest pains, and FORCED, yes positively FORCED to watch FOX for a couple of hours. It was torture! I asked the nurse-attendant to change it to anything else, even Cartoon Network. I’ll take SpongeBob over Oriley any day. Sigh. Bad times. (the chestpain was nothing, probably gas?)

Left by Kathy on March 10th, 2007

I feel your pain, Kathy (glad that it was “nothing,” though!) — every time I go see my arrogant yuppie spine surgeon, the waiting rooms play ONLY Fux Newz, so I’ve learned to shut my ears off and always bring something good to read with me. How people can watch that condescending pandering bullshit and not PROJECTILE-VOMIT, I have no fucking idea. But then, people watch scat porn and car wrecks, so I guess the capability for vitriol is universal, in a way. Just not ENTIRELY universal.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on March 10th, 2007

I’m not really trying to one-up Annti or Kathy but I must share my waiting room story. Two receptionists,one lady patient who’s avidly reading her People magazine and myself. No one is paying any attention to the TV which is BLARING Pat Roberson & the 700 Club. Now this hurts me not only physically,but mentally and emotionally so I get up and turn it so not to be further scarred for life. I remember I turned it to some news channel so it could have been Faux News but Jesus wept….I really become pissed off being subjected to Pat and co. I can ignore Fox. Everyone is STARING at me when I turn around, so I smile sweetly at all and sit down again, only to pop back up when my name is then called by the nurse. When I return minutes later from a nice little patient/doctor chat, I find the TV channel has been turned BACK TO THE 700 CLUB. I shook my head all the way home. Perhaps people in my area(BTW, I’m in central IL.)are afraid they’ll go to hell if Pat is not in their lives but let them watch him in their living rooms. Take those fucking TV’s out of common areas and up the variety of magazines. Maybe more people could improve their reading skills.

Left by Gappy on March 10th, 2007

Do you suppose Fox lets hospitals, or other public places, have their programs for free? It might be good business for them, a captive audience. I prefer the History Channel, tho it’s pretty funny at times (unintentionally I’m sure). and EVERYONE loves HGTV, surely?

Left by Kathy on March 10th, 2007

Oh, sz, we’ve missed you so much. And to think your time was spent lavishing money and attention on the furry creatures. It’s amazing what lengths they’ll take us to, isn’t it? You are a gem.
Thank you so much for watching that ghastly nightmare called FOXNews so we don’t have to. Your writing on all subjects makes my day on so many damned days.
Cheers, Helena

Left by Helena Handbag on March 11th, 2007

EVERYONE loves HGTV, surely?
I love HGTV, watch very little else in fact, and the more I watch it, the more I realize its preponderance of gay, interracial, and cohabiting couples — presenters and homeowners alike. So I’m not sure everyone would accept HGTV for The 700 Club as a straight substitution, nudge wink etc.

Left by FlipYrWhig on March 11th, 2007

Incidentally, welcome back and much cheer to our hostess.

Left by FlipYrWhig on March 11th, 2007

Well, Kathy, I can’t swear by Murdoch (when has THAT motherfucker ever GIVEN anything but bullshit and grief?!??!?!), but when I was a patient at the long-gone Charity Hospital in NOLA, they got all of their telecommunications shit donated, cable/satellite, etc., by the providing companies (cable co./sat. co.), and got some really cheesy premiums (t-shirts, mouse pads, etc.) from the stations themselves. So while the staff had total access to anything available online and/or on-air, for some bizarre and despotic reason, every TV that was placed in the minority of waiting rooms (clinic systems, ER, etc.) was locked onto the local CBS affiliate. The worst soap operas, and allllll fucking day long. Then, if you were lucky to be stuck at an 8A clinic appointment until SIX FUCKING P.M. (as I often was), and the pigeons and the bums out front (where us smoking heathens were exiled) on Tulane Avenue and the bus exhaust drove you back indoors — the local, Establishment-with-a-capital-E-and-a-permanently-puckered -sphincter, “news” would come on, with the overage “cute girl reporter” who should’ve been doing the geriatric beat and the uber-nordic He-Man Of The Desk co-anchor, all very soberly and with the acting skills of Armand Assante in that abortion of a “cajun” movie.
Granted, I’ve seen worse since then, much, much worse, as I’ve been exiled to the ass-end of Satan’s sigmoid colon for 3.5 fun-filled years… What in the HELL ever gave those rednecked motherfuckers in Baton Rouge the idea that they were “important” or “RIGHT”?!?!?!?!? Ugh. The fucking Archdiocesan pandering in every fucking “news”cast, all the “happy news,” and the inimitable worship of CHILDREN and BABIES, but when the MOM gets killed, oh, well, no biggie, we can find a replacement. But a CHILD was hurt!!!! Any day now, I expect to hear the phrase, “womb baby” ON COMMERCIALLY-BILLABLE AIR TIME. I don’t miss the cable SO much (I haven’t lived where I could get Comedy Central since I left NOLA), although the rabbit ears ain’t hittin’ on shit… But what I wouldn’t give for one of those TiVo-ish gadgets that lets you skip the commercials! This country’s sexism and rampant recidivism is spooging out of their EARS for fuck’s sake, if you go by their commercials!
Oh, and for those doctors with the interminably long waits nowadays, I bring my low-rent Discman, too. Loud, brass-ovary blues by Big Mama Thornton, Janis, Bessie Smith, you name it. Always fun to look up once in a while and watch the faces change expression when they make eye contact… heh heh heh…

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on March 11th, 2007

Gay folk on HGTV? !!! Didn’t one of the religious pundits slam HGTV for that reason a while back?

Left by Kathy on March 11th, 2007

That would be a funny complaint. “HGTV’s Homosexual Agenda is to promote color schemes of chocolate brown, light blue, and lime green. The Lord has shown his favor for un-ironic Mid-Century Modern.”

Left by FlipYrWhig on March 11th, 2007

I have two doctors (I know, Heather has 2 mommies, but she’s just luckier than me). My Blood Pressure doctor and my head doctor. Although I love them both deeply (BP doctor can speak Urdu! fer crissakes, and head doc tells me with regularity that yes, I am crazy), but the waiting rooms are ghastly, unpleasant places populated by annoying, sick, crazy people who are usually fighting with someone on cell phones, screaming rotten children and an overall chaotic vibe that makes me feel vulnerable and unarmed. Fortunately, techcnology has solved the problem. If I couldn’t bring my ipod with me, I wouldn’t go. Period…
mikey

Left by mikey on March 11th, 2007

Thanks for putting my comments back up there, Scott — such speedy and friendly service — don’t ever go to work for Disney, PLEASE!!! — although I could’ve SWORN that I closed those italics tags, ’cause as we all know, I *never* fuck-up the HTML!!!
(Go ahead, get the hook, don’t worry, I’ve given up my career in vaudeville…)

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on March 12th, 2007

Welcome back. Let’s see the pictures of Henry! Ken you make me feel better about the comparatively minor destruction caused by my mutts.

Left by Gus on March 12th, 2007

Welcome back s.z.! The tubes just weren’t the same without you!

Left by Charlotte Smith on March 13th, 2007

OK, not trying to one-up mikey, Kathy, or Annti, bit here’s my waiting-room story.
In my old nephrologist’s waiting room, there weren’t any tee-vees or radios (just awful, soul-sapping muzak™), so that was OK, but here’s what they had by way of magazines: scattered issues of Time, Newsweek, etc. Some medical-related journals and AARP publications. Golf magazines. And (wait for it)…
Piles and piles of Teh National Review! I was soooooooo tempted to steal the one with the soldier on the front cover, captioned something along the lines of, “We ARE Winning In Iraq!”
Heh, indeed!

Left by Marq on March 13th, 2007

Marq, darling, when it’s articles of that spoof-worthy caliber, it’s not “stealing,” it’s LIBERATING!!!
VIVA LA REVOLUCION!!!
~~~
Y’know, when & if it ever fucking gets here… *sigh*

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on March 13th, 2007

Waiting rooms, nothing. I just got back from my folks’ and if there’s not a baseball game on or a cooking show, Fox News is. It’s basically just background noise for them (which I don’t get ’cause they got a parakeet, and that goddamn bird makes all kinds of racket), but my mother finds it a never-ending source of amusement watching me get pissed off at that piss-poor excuse for journalism thing.
It’s not a partisan thing, mind, though Momma is a Republican voter (with caveats for local elections) and generally conservative socially.* I’m just entertaining to watch when I get wound up and indignant, apparently.
*Actually, she’s probably more what one would consider “libertarian” socially. For example, she don’t give a shit about gay marriage because she’s already married, and if she can put up with my old man for 35 years, then marriage as an institution is in no danger at all. She’s even told her preacher** the religious arguments are, and I quote, “BULL-shit”. Momma’s pretty cool.
** Before he got caught with a bunch of other dudes, including one of my high school teachers, at a rest stop on the Natchez Trace doing something naughty, but that’s a whole ‘nother story.

Left by Matt T. on March 14th, 2007

Oof. I bet that one’s harder to live down than Jimmy Swaggart’s ugly-ass hooker at the Texas Motel on Airline Highway.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on March 14th, 2007

Q.E.D.

Please follow this chain of logic and tell me where I made a mistake:

Although Bob Woodward claims that on July 10, 2001, George Tenet and his counterterrorism deputy were so alarmed about an impending Al Qaeda attack that they demanded an emergency meeting at the White House with Condi Rice and her National Security Council staff, Condi cam’t recall such a meeting, and finds it ”incomprehensible” that she would have received such a warning and then failed to respond to it. So, no such meeting could have occured.

However, White House records confirm that this meeting did take place (“Records Show Tenet Briefed Rice on Al Qaeda Threat – New York Times.”

And, as her 9/11 commission statement indicates, Condi took no action agasint a possible attack except to “continue pursuing the Clinton administration’s efforts.” (And, as we all know, Clinton didn’t do anything at all to counter al Qaeda because he was too busy fooling around with Monica. And as we further know, only George Bush has done anything to keep you safe, because he’s the Steely-Eyed Rocketman, and Terror is his middle name.)

Therefore Condi was warned, but did nothing.

But that’s incomprehensible!

So, I guess the only thing we can conclude is that we live in a surreal universe where nothing makes sense, and George Bush is President of the United States of America.

 

Posted by s.z. on Monday, October 2nd, 2006 at 9:06 pm.

 

18 Responses to “Q.E.D.”

 

Well, you know. I mean, I personally find it incomprehensibly out of character that I would have ever dated that stuck-up sorority girl, therefore it never happened. How could it have? It’s not the sort of thing I would do, and even though I don’t remember not doing it, I must not have.
Q.E.D.

Left by D. Sidhe on October 3rd, 2006

So, I guess the only thing we can conclude is that we live in a surreal universe where nothing makes sense,
Yeah, I gotta tell ya, that’s been my conclusion for a long, long time – at least ever since we elected Ronald Reagan as President. Twice, no less! And called him The Great Communicator! And don’t forget that I’m from Texas – the state where George W. Bush beat Ann Richards to become Governor. Drugs and alcohol notwithstanding, I’m pretty damned used to surreal.

Left by BeginningToWonder on October 3rd, 2006

Yeah, I’ve been trying to understand “Republicans as better public stewards” ever since ole Red-Ink Reagan sent the deficit into the stratosphere. Watching the once proud and capable FEMA being ground down by political hacks into a shadow of its former self just in time for Katrina was pretty much the last straw. Man, I wish the grown-ups were still in charge…

Left by JoeBuddha on October 3rd, 2006

Really? George Bush is President of the United States…crap, and all this time I thought the ass-hat was ruler of the World.

Left by Punky on October 3rd, 2006

In the last century–where I was educated–it was popular at one time to imagine that H. sapiens sapiens had unstuck himself in time, evolutionarily speaking, and might no longer be subject to the same selective pressures as the rest of the Living World, or not at the same rate, anyway. I have no idea where I was headed when I began that sentence.
Oh, I know. Reagan is apt (and aptly described above). Reagan “unstuck” the connection between scientific and cultural advancement and society at large. Not the “affable” dunce himself, of course, but his election represents the voting public, following its tastemakers and high priests, announcing it was tired of trying to keep up, figure stuff out, and think things through. It was pop-post-modernism, continuing at least a century-long trend of society catching up with the arts or sciences by misunderstanding them a couple decades later (think social Darwinism, Hollywood’s pop-Freudianism of the 30s-50s, or Fifties style as a suburban accomodation to Modernism itself.) Pop-post-modernism severed the bond, and, of course, was also extremely useful to people who are only interested in seizing power, whether behind Christianity or Communism or whatever. Truth was what Reagan needed it to be, and, as BtW points out, the truth about Reagan was whatever his followers wanted it to be.
And so you now can lie America into war so long as it’s in no danger of being drafted itself, and you can show it pictures of feces-smeared men menaced by German shepherds and then conduct a public debate on the vagueness of the Geneva Conventions. It takes something the size of Katrina to wake people up, momentarily, or for as long as it takes them to discover a new ringtone or Howie Mandel to get a game show. Next time even that won’t be enough.
I’m glad I’m getting old.

Left by Doghouse Riley on October 3rd, 2006

I note that Doghouse seems to carry considerably more world-weary wisdom and gravitas in this new font–Times Roman 10pt, I would guess–than he did in the default font I’d had my previous incarnation of Firefox set to, though he certainly had significantly more of an air of the street philosopher about him in 14 pt Tahoma than anyone really should.
It seems to be working with just about everyone–even the snarky bastards of Sadly, No! come off with a great deal of dignity.
I can trust you guys to use this power only for good, but I’m staying the hell away from the wingnut sites until I remember how to change it back. Actually, I should probably see if I can default the wingnuts sites to a Dingbats font.

Left by D. Sidhe on October 3rd, 2006

Please follow this chain of logic and tell me where I made a mistake
Your mistake is expecting the GOP version of logic to actually be logical.

Left by Realist on October 3rd, 2006

D.,
My lightning-struck machine came back from the shop typing like this:
y lhtning-stuckachine cme backrom the sop typn like ths:
It does not appear to be anything to do with keyboard response rate or the controls for Universal Access for the disabled, and it has happened across three keyboards now. Gravitas is my response to the seething rage I feel every time I hit the backspace or move the insertion point, which is, roughly, once every eight seconds. Complete reinstall dead ahead.

Left by Doghouse Riley on October 3rd, 2006

It actually makes sense (in a perverse sort of way) when you consider that Dubya’s foreign policy team was made up of a bunch of Cold Warriors. Condi’s specialty was the Soviet Union and therefore her “expertise” was totally useless in a post-Soviet world.
To the Cold Warriors, the only legitimate threats to US national security were potential military attacks by “rogue” states–hence their obsession with Iraq and the emphasis on missle defense prior to Sept 11, 2001.
In my view, they discounted the warnings of Richard Clarke, George Tenet, et al. about Al Queda because in their know-it-all arrogance, they felt a small stateless terrorist group did not pose a serious threat to the US compared to their other bogeymen. This despite the embassy bombings in Kenya, the previous bombing attack on the WTC in 1993, the Millenium Plot, and the attack on the USS Cole.

Left by "Fair and Balanced" Dave on October 3rd, 2006

Doghouse – I hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but it sounds like your motherboard is hosed. Reloading the OS isn’t going to help – you need a new motherboard. Given the cost of the replacement, (unless you can do it yourself) you might be better off considering a new machine.

Left by Realist on October 3rd, 2006

Dave,
You’re right in the “Cold War expert” comment: they wanted to fight last decade’s enemy that they did so well against, like the Harlem Globetrotters get to play the same ineffectual team over and over again for entertainment.
Another aspect, I think, is that there’s no money in small, disorganized, stateless actors. You can’t justify bigger bombs to kill five guys or a missile defense system to guard against a plane hijacking. Remember how Reagan and Bush 1 had to wage a “war” against drugs–a social justice and law enforcement issue? See, social justice and law enforcement take long term investment in education, build-up of social support structure, increase in medical care spending, and lots and lots of lots of human labor.
Where’s the profit in that?

Left by Dorothy on October 3rd, 2006

Looking around at this world is, oddly, helping me catch my Zen. Like there’s a heckuva lot of this “reality” nonsense worth hanging on to.

Left by Heydave on October 3rd, 2006

I found your mistake:

Condi took no action agasint a possible attack except to “continue pursuing the Clinton administration’s efforts.”

That should be “against.”
Also, she didn’t “continue pursuing the Clinton administration’s efforts.” But that would just be piling on.

Left by Ken Houghton on October 3rd, 2006

Dubya’s at least as effective as Officer Pupp. See:
http://www.george-herriman.com

Left by trashfire on October 3rd, 2006

Allow me to point out the error in your thinking:
“It wasn’t a warning, it was a historical summary.”

Left by actor212 on October 3rd, 2006

The above-stated problem should now become known as “Condi’s Paradox”. Philosophers and mathematicians will work on it for years.

Left by Andy on October 3rd, 2006

Easy, S.Z. It’s the “Chewbacca Defense”:
“Why would a Wookee, an eight-foot tall Wookee, want to live on Endor, with a bunch of two-foot tall Ewoks? That does not make sense! But more important, you have to ask yourself: What does this have to do with this case? Nothing. Ladies and gentlemen, it has nothing to do with this case! It does not make sense! Look at me. I’m a lawyer defending a major record company, and I’m talkin’ about Chewbacca! Does that make sense? Ladies and gentlemen, I am not making any sense! None of this makes sense! And so you have to remember, when you’re in that jury room deliberatin’ and conjugatin’ the Emancipation Proclamation, [approaches and softens] does it make sense? No! Ladies and gentlemen of this supposed jury, it does not make sense! If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit! The defense rests.”
I hope this makes everything clear.

Left by Basharov on October 3rd, 2006

well, since there was no inherent blame on the Clenis, the entire argument has no basis from the rightard POV

Left by preznit giv me turkee on October 4th, 2006

Let Me Count the Reasons

Besides Dr. Mike and Mark Steyn, you know who else I find really annoying (and not in a good way)? James Taranto, that’s who.

To demonstrate why, let’s look at a “Best of the Web Today” post about the revelation that Richard Armitage was the first to leak Plame’s CIA affiliation to Novak, and use it to illustrate some of the reasons why I find Taranto so insufferable.

Reason #1: Taranto is smugly confident of his own wit and intelligence, but he’s not very funny (and his work provides no evidence that he’s any brighter than your run-of-the-mill Marie Jon’ or Christian Hartsock)

As we observed on PBS 10 months ago, this was a “Seinfeld” scandal–an investigation about nothing.
Of course, much as this seemed like a sitcom, it had consequences in real life.

As we observed on Fox News many moons ago (or while we were watching Fox News – I’m not sure which), if Karl Rove tells journalists that, for purely partisan political purposes, a CIA NOC working on weapons nonproliferation is “fair game,” it doesn’t seem like a sitcom to us, it seems more like a black comedy (perhaps The Manchurian Candidate, with Karl playing the Angela Lansbury role.

Reason #2: Taranto will stick  with a talking point forever, even if it has repeatedly been proven to be false

Because Armitage did not come clean right away, many people suffered:
 * Millions of taxpayer dollars were wasted investigating a nonexistent crime.

James, even if you say this a million times, it doesn’t make it true.

Anyway, while it gets tedious, I guess the only way for the truth to prevail is to rebut the Right’s lies once a month or so.

So, here goes:

Even though “special prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald ‘found no evidence that Armitage knew of Plame’s covert CIA status’” before he leaked her name to Novak, and so, per the statute, “there was no violation of the Intelligence Identities Protection Act,” this doesn’t mean that no crime was committed. James, honey, there is more than one law dealing with divulging classified material on the books.

And while I’m not saying that Armitage should go to prison, obviously he shouldn’t be trusted with classified material after this. And neither should those officials who confirmed Armitage’s slip about Plame to the press (because, one of the first things they tell you in your security briefing is that even though something has been leaked, it doesn’t mean its been declassified).

And personally, I believe that if Scooter was following Dick Cheney’s game plan, Cheney should have his security clearance revoked too (for at least a year).

I am amazed at all those who were up in arms because Sandy Berger, who had his clearance revoked and who had to pay a large fine, was perceived as getting special treatment for HIS security lapse (which didn’t result in the actual disclosure of classified material, mind you)  think it’s just fine for other people to let CIA secrets slip.  I guess it’s one of those “It’s okay if you’re a Republican” things. 

But back to Taranto.  In this piece Taranto also makes the claim that although “It was from a classified memo that Armitage learned Plame worked for the CIA, that the fact of her CIA employment wasn’t classified. (“By all available evidence, Plame’s covert status had expired by the time of her ‘outing’ anyway.”) 

So, per Taranto, even though the CIA devoting its resources to maintaining Plame’s NOC cover, Plame actually wasn’t covert (i.e., under cover) because the “available evidence” indicates to him that she wasn’t, and he is a much better judge of these things that the intelligence organization.

Buy a clue, James! While Plame’s status may or may not have met the definition of a “covert agent” as described in the Intelligence Identities Protection Act, she WAS UNDER COVER. She was COVERT. Her CIA affiliation was CLASSIFIED. That’s why the CIA submitted a CRIMES report to the FBI. And that’s why the DOJ authorized a CRIMINAL investigation. But, per Taranto, apparently the government shouldn’t bother to investigate crimes where there wasn’t first a retroactive guilty verdict. (I guess he wants to live in the world of Judge Dredd.)

And anyway, while no one was prosecuted for leaking Plame’s identity, that doesn’t mean that a crime wasn’t committed. (Just like even if there isn’t enough evidence, now, to prove that George W. Bush was legally AWOL from the Texas Air National Guard, it doesn’t mean that the American taxpayers, who paid $1 million to train him, weren’t ripped off.)

And who are the victims of this crime? Yes, the CIA, Valerie Plame, and the American public.
But wait, that’s not what Taranto is claiming!

Reason #3: Taranto is clearly full of crap.

 * Innocent White House officials were distracted from serving the country in order to participate in the investigation, which was in full swing a year ago when Hurricane Katrina struck.

Yes, the real victims here are “innocent White House officials” who had to worry about keeping their own lies straight during DOJ interviews, and who therefore couldn’t concentrate on dealing with Hurricane Katrina. So, Armitage (and Joe Wilson) are responsible for all the death and devastation caused by Katrina, and they should apologize to an innocent President Bush for causing his poll numbers to fall.

Reason 4: Taranto has no shame.

 * Scooter Libby lost his job and was indicted for actions that never would have occurred but for the investigation.

Yeah, don’t you hate when you lose your lose and get indicted for crimes that you never would have committed if there wasn’t some kind of an investigation?  Me too.And I guess that Scooter is the ultimate innocent victim here, in that the government FORCED him to commit a crime (by, you know, asking him questions and stuff).Reason #5: See reasons 1-4.

 * The Democratic left, putting its faith in scandal to bring down the Bush administration, became even more fatuous and ineffective.

But the scandal gave the wingnuts a great new vocabulary word, “kerfuffle,” so it all evened out.

Reason #6: Taranto seems to be unaware of the glass houses/stones law.

The only winner in this whole deal is Joe Wilson’s ego–and think of the toll it’s taken on his poor little superego.

You could probably come up with your own list.  This photo alone is reason enough for polite society to shun Taranto for about a thousand years: 

But hey, life is short, and so we will go back to our usual policy of ignoring the guy, just like we ignore most other Internet trolls (except for Ann Coulter, of course).

Posted by s.z. on Tuesday, August 29th, 2006 at 2:45 pm.

The Republican right, putting its faith in scandal to bring down the Clinton administration, became even more fatuous and ineffective.
Physician, heal thyself.

Left by H. Rumbold, Master Barber on August 29th, 2006

Mmmm-mmmm! Every bit as appealing as a warm glassful of spit… riddled with streaks of blood. Yecch.

Left by Marq on August 29th, 2006

The “this photo” link in the last paragraph is broken…

Left by Nombrilisme Vide on August 29th, 2006

Is the reason that you make an exception for Ann because she’s an Internet trollop rather than a troll?
(Sorry. That was in bad taste, but I couldn’t resist…)

Left by Nombrilisme Vide on August 29th, 2006

Jesus God, every single one of his points can be rebutted by the Bill Clinton impeachment. Please, I’m begging you, someone make him shut the hell up.
And this:
Just like even if there isn’t enough evidence, now, to prove that George W. Bush was legally AWOL from the Texas Air National Guard, it doesn’t mean that the American taxpayers, who paid $1 million to train him, weren’t ripped off.
Oh, my dearies, that’s just where we swallowed the fly. Relying in large part on the bullshit warrior pose, Bush became governor and then president. The million dollars of taxpayer dollars wasted on training him has cost us untold trillions and thousands of lives. It let him become president, where he blew off 9/11 warnings, where he started an illegal war, where he gave the pharmaceutical companies a lovely, lovely gift, where he has aided the people who set your cable bill prices and gas prices in almost fellatial ways, where his idiotic policies have all but killed stem cell research, where his idiotic policies have forced women into abortions through the lack of contraception and genuinely practical sex ed, and where, among other things, he let a major city die as a result of political cronyism.
And he ain’t even done, yet.

Left by D. Sidhe on August 29th, 2006

The “this photo” link in the last paragraph is broken…
Thanks for letting me know, Nombrilisme Vide. Because I couldn’t get the link to work, I had to go ahead and post the image. Sorry if I caused anyone any discomfort.

Left by s.z. on August 29th, 2006

Not discomfort, exactly, but man, is this the guy who keeps calling Clif at Outside the Tent names? Winner.

Left by D. Sidhe on August 30th, 2006

I guess it’s one of those “It’s okay if you’re a Republican” things.
Isn’t everything?

Left by Realist on August 30th, 2006

Say it again, as often as necessary–the Right’s been talking to itself for the past quarter century, and the Golden Reagan Children, Taranto, Brooks, Reynolds, Coulter, the Corner gang, and so on, ad nauseam, (unless you’re already nauseated) have never answered a question and never learned to structure an argument.
Your average nine-year-old has generally recognized he can’t use an argument at 2:30 in the afternoon that totally contradicts what he was saying at 10 AM.

Left by Doghouse Riley on August 30th, 2006

What that photo says to me is that Mr. Taranto could learn some useful things about the proper way to display a flag. James, I understand that if you call 1-800-GOARMY they can direct you on this as well as help you address the other issues you are struggling with.

Left by melior on August 30th, 2006

I’m sorry, but when did “ignorance of the law” become a defense, particularly applicable to such a sensitive area?
Armi knew Plame was CIA. That alone should have been enough to make a sober responsible fellow check first if it was OK to squeal…

Left by actor212 on August 30th, 2006

the Golden Reagan Children…have never answered a question and never learned to structure an argument.
Because they all learned that cup-your-ear-smile-and-wave thing from Ronnie.

Left by punkinsmom on August 30th, 2006