The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.
Showing posts with label Prager. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Prager. Show all posts

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Dennis Prager Sez: Tell Those Sabine Bitches To STFU

Dennis Prager brings some much needed perspective and cool, sober, common sense to the bruhaha surrounding the Duke Lacrosse case in his new Townhall offering, “The Rape of a Name is Also Rape.” 
The rape of a name can be as vicious a crime and as destructive an act as the rape of a body.  Sometimes the rape of a body is worse, sometimes the rape of a name is worse.
Yes, nothing is sadder than a name huddled on a gurney in the ER with a black eye, a broken collarbone, and severe vaginal tearing.  A body, on the other hand, pretty much deserves what it gets for wearing provocative clothes and being corporeal.
But they are both rapes. And morally likening the two is in no way meant to lessen the horror of rape; it is meant only to heighten awareness of the horror of intentionally destroying the name of an innocent person.
The fact that Dennis is using what rhetoriticians call the Mounds-Almond Joy Dichotomy (Sometimes you feel like a nut.  Sometimes you don’t.) to draw a parallel between rape and defamation in no way undermines the ethical majesty of his argument.
These words are written in the aftermath of the destruction of three young men’s names by a lying woman whose name is still hidden by The New York Times and other major newspapers whose commitment to truth is not as strong as their commitment to political correctness.
Their names having been destroyed, the three young men must now go through life being known by whatever cast-off, second-hand monikers they can scrounge.  At press time, the victims were calling themselves “Bachelor Number 1,” “Joe Doakes,” and “Miss Thing.”  Victims of “body-rape,” however, don’t have their bodies destroyed, so they can just, in the immortal words of my old baseball coach, “walk it off.”
Upon first hearing a comparison of name-rape to body-rape, most people are likely to recoil. But upon reflection, it becomes clear that the two are morally comparable. In fact, I have had women listeners to my radio show call and e-mail me to say that they have been raped — one woman had been gang raped — and felt they were better able to go on with their lives than men they loved who had been falsely accused of rape or molestation.
Wait, he has listeners who have not only been raped, but have also had their husbands, fathers and boyfriends falsely accused of rape?  Listeners, plural?  Wow.  I would never accuse Dennis of stitching together a hamperful of sock puppets to support his morally dubious fantasias, but I would suggest that some of his fans are a bit overscheduled.
If you are a woman and this seems far-fetched, imagine that a man you love — such as your father, brother, husband or son — were publicly accused of a rape he had not committed. Imagine the pain he and your family would endure. Why is that pain not comparable to the pain suffered by at least some women who are raped?
Because no matter how brutally you’re being raped, eventually the guy’s gonna blow his load and zip up.  But what about your imaginary male relation who’s being roasted in the tabloids?  Makes you feel a little silly, doesn’t it, still moaning and groaning about your concussion, fractured wrist, and hepatitis C?
To this day, a decent human being named Clarence Thomas, who has become a major Supreme Court thinker, is identified by his political enemies with sexual harassment (of the most innocuous variety, even if true) and of having looked at pornography (along with the majority of other decent men in America), as if those charges define his life.
And all he got out of that ordeal was a lifetime seat on the Supreme Court.  Imagine what the first President Bush would have offered Thomas if he’d let the Secret Service sodomize him with a broomstick!
The lying woman in the Duke lacrosse case, Crystal Mangum, raped three men. Generally speaking, it is meaningless to speak of women raping men’s bodies; it is men who rape women’s bodies. What women can rape is a man’s name.
And it’s apparent which of these assaults Dennis thinks is the more heinous.  Sticks and stones may break your bones, but names can never hurt you!  Names are holy, blameless creatures; white, silken, and pure, like a unicorn’s mane.  And what do you sexist bitches do?  You take our virginal, unsullied names into the shower and treat ‘em like Linda Blair in Born Innocent.
It is a symptom of the major sexism of our time — against men (see Christine Hoff Sommers’ “The War Against Boys” for a detailed discussion of this sexism) — that not only is the rape of men’s reputations not considered anywhere near as serious as the rape of a woman’s body, but the women who perpetrate such destruction are protected by feminist, politically correct news media. That is why, to this day, The New York Times and most other liberal newspapers refuse to publish Crystal Mangum’s name, let alone advocate that she be tried or punished for her cruelty.
Yeah, the only real sexism in America is prejudice against men!  Need proof?  The sole person who’s been punished in this fiasco is Mike Nifong, the Durham County District Attorney who framed the defendants by lying to the court and concealing exculpatory evidence.  And after all that, he was the one who got disbarred, while the stripper who made the original accusation was apparently allowed to keep her license to practice law.
The Talmud, the set of books of Jewish law and philosophy that rank in Judaism second in importance only to the Torah, says, “Whoever humiliates his friend in public is considered as if he has shed his blood.” That is why some rabbis call undeserved public shaming “emotional murder.”
Occasionally, a woman who has “emotionally murdered” a man can plea bargain the charge down to “psychological manslaughter with intent to commit grievous nomenclatural injury.”
That was written nearly 2,000 years ago.  The lack of interest by elite America in even identifying, let alone punishing, a woman who “emotionally murdered” three young men proves that those who believe in the inevitability of moral progress frequently delude themselves.
In short:  Until the thousands of women who are raped every day in America (yet live) realize that the handful of men who are falsely accused of rape every year are suffering much more than they are (because their names are emotionally dead), the authors of two millenia-old religious texts will think you’re a bitch.


38 Responses to “Dennis Prager Sez: Tell Those Sabine Bitches To STFU”

Dennis sounds a little too upset to be a disinterested commentator, only trying to direct the public towards more moral, civilized behavior. He sounds like a guy who’s REALLY, REALLY worried about a rape accusation ….
I’m sorry, Scott, I really really tried to make it all the way through, but when I got to this line:
“Why is that pain not comparable to the pain suffered by at least some women who are raped?”
I blew out so many synapses, I can’t find my toes at the moment.
We’re not talking about cognitive dissonance here, we’re talking about a little cum-sucking pus-wad of pure, unmitigated EVIL.
And I want his home address, and a good lawyer.
“Yes, nothing is sadder than a name huddled on a gurney in the ER with a black eye, a broken collarbone, and severe vaginal tearing.”
What’s even more fun is when the neanderthal orderlies and residents and nurses and other assorted state-paid troglodytes make a point of OPENING and RE-OPENING the E.R. room door where you’re sitting there in a cervical collar, with the entire right side of your head turning into a giant, swollen, black eggplant, so that every DWI, every convict, every lowlife in New Orleans can STOP ON A DIME and STARE AT YOU LIKE YOU’RE THE NEWEST EXHIBIT WITH THE JIM ROSE FUCKING SIDESHOW.
Seriously.
I want this guy’s home address. I can find a way to get the gas money on my own.
I want Dennis Prager to know what it feels like to be raped. With a four-way tire tool and a MagLite. Oh, and my nephew’s aluminum tee-ball bat, that he gave me when I returned home after the above-mentioned beatdown.
That was seriously one of the most despicable columns I’ve read in a while.
Thanks so much for ripping his column to shreds. i am a black student at NC Central, where Mangum went to school and I am so tired of this whole ordeal. The Duke Lacrosse boys got what they deserved, just as much of the media doesn’t mention Mangum’s name or suggest that she should be punished, much of the media also hasn’t told you what the Duke have admitted to, but Prager won’t talk about that either. He won’t be talking about how they admitted to racially intimidating her, threatened her and told her to penetrate herself with a broomstick. Racial intimidation is a crime in NC by the way, and a Klansman in nearby Oxford, NC was charged with it just a few days ago. So if Prager wants Mangum charged for her sins, they should be charged too, they are not blameless.
I wouldn’t want innocent men to go to prison for a crime they didn’t commit, but Mangum’s accusations have revealed to the world that they are racists and the smear punished them for what they did in fact do to her and it taught them that, despite being lacrosse players with a feeling of entitlement, they are not above the law. Had Mangum simply filed a complaint of racial intimidation, nothing would have been done in Durham, so she did what she had to do to get some sort of justice.
And as far as criticism of the media and how unfair it has been, did you see how the mainstream media kissed Duke Lacrosse team’s booty on their way to losing to John Hopkins in the national championship this year?? They made it seem like this team overcame so much to accomplish so much; please, the team is still made up of a bunch of racist, rich kids who have never had to struggle through anything.
Oh yeah, and thanks also for mentioning that the media has fried Nifong for his wrongdoings, something else the rightwing doesn’t care to mention when they speak of biased media coverage
Thanks, Scott. As close as I got to a response on that one was “Fuck you, you little prick.” That’s my usual reaction to Dennis, who seems to lack even a vestigial sense of empathy, but I admit it’s getting more emphatic with each column.
I remember the first comment I ever made here at WoC, it was Dennis. He was explaining, if I recall correctly, that the nation was full of minimum wage pussies and killjoy lawyers because they told him in the path of a hurricane that they were not going to check a hotel room to him. He was outraged that they wouldn’t let him take his own risks. (This was pre-Katrina, where I believe he had harsh words for those citizens too lazy to get out of the way of a hurricane, actually.)
My thought at the time was that whole masses of people simply didn’t register in his awareness, which would include hotel employees who would then have to babysit Dennis rather than going home to be with their families.
Now he’s wholesale dismissing rape victims to make a point. Still that same epic lack of humanity and disdain for the legal system. It’s nice to know some things never change.
Incidentally, Dennis, I used to know a guy who’d been molested as a kid, and was later accused of rape by someone on usenet, and I can promise you that the accusations didn’t begin to compare to the rape.
I’m a lazy sod, so I shall merely resubmit the post on the same hideous piece of shit I made @ Sadly, No!:
“I think one of the accused’s names was Whitey McWasp.
Prager rapes his own name every time he opens his mouth.
One can only wonder what the reaction would have been if it had been a Euro-American dancer/party favor @ a kegger thrown by the (I assume, but you never know w/ Duke) mostly Afro-American football team. Presumption of innocence? Doubt it.
Not to mention how completely fucking lame, disgusting & stupid the whole concept of renting someone to dance around half naked for you is in the first place. Coming soon: Naked green slave girls, in a Star Dreck® stylee.”
wow, this guy REALLY is a totally clueless fuck! Does he even KNOW any women who have been raped? Does he know any women at all?
I hope that the boys at Duke never find happiness again and I hope this dried piece of used jet trash, Dennis, gets, at minimum, an introduction to reality.
Yet more “oppressed white man” bull shit. What a fucking putz. Grow the fuck up Dennis! Being falsely accused, and then vindicated (without going to trial)is not morally equivalent (see? Librulz can use that buzz-word to!) to being brutally assaulted and sexually violated. Maybe if they had spent ten years in prison for a crime they didn’t commit, Prager might have a point, but it never even went to trial, so I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with this guy.
What a fucking needle dick.
Oh my sweet Lordy-Gordy.
Y’know, Dennis has a truly amazing gift: every time you think, “He can’t possibly sink any further”, he does it.
Annti, you might have difficulty exacting the appropriate punishment, because the slime trail he leaves is hard to walk through. You’d have to fly over him-but then there’s the stench wafting from him to contend with. In fact, I don’t think there’s a haz-mat suit that could survive contact with him.
“Had Mangum simply filed a complaint of racial intimidation, nothing would have been done in Durham, so she did what she had to do to get some sort of justice.”
Can you say post hoc rationalization? I knew that you could. And as for this:
“I hope that the boys at Duke never find happiness again . . .”
Why? ‘Cause they hired a stripper? ‘Cause they made lewd comments to her? ‘Cause they’re privileged white fratboy assholes? ‘Cause you’re pretty sure someone said the “N” word? Help me understand the logic.
No doubt Prager is a douche, and his comparison of physical rape and defamation is reprehensable. But some of the comments here are contemptable too.
I’ll be back in a minute. I’m busy tallying up all the times Prager complained about prosecutorial malfeasance when it was Ken Starr pipelining false accusations to the Washington Post.
In fact, I have had women listeners to my radio show call and e-mail me to say that they have been raped — one woman had been gang raped — and felt they were better able to go on with their lives than men they loved who had been falsely accused of rape or molestation.
Well, really that just makes it sound like these men who were falsely accused were whiners and wusses.
It seems the obvious escapes many wingnuts; that while courtroom injustice sure does suck no matter what, at least these boys didn’t end up beaten half to death by a lynch mob before being hung on a tree limb, unlike countless black men in the Jim Crow era accused of improper relations with a fair lady.
I’m sorry; what’s that, Emmet Till? Did you want to add something?
“Yeah, I’m still fucking dead here.”
I know, Emmet. But it was never about what people like you or even the Duke kids had to go through, it’s about the same old wingnut tribalism. They see politics as a spectator sport, where you just mindlessly cheer your side and boo the opponents. In this case, it’s like “Damn nigras got one over on us!” Doesn’t matter how comparatively lucky they were, the fact that white kids could even begin to face some of the same treatment as countless black guys who who weren’t able to afford top-notch attorneys or tap into a pre-existing Selective Outrage lobby, permanently on hair-trigger alert, is intolerable.
I remember that this and Imus happened right about the same time, and wingnuts who had long been open apologists for a police state all of a sudden rediscovered their inner Patrick Henry over their right to insult black people, and this just added to their sense of aggrievement. Why won’t The Man ever give Whitey a fair shake?
Bill, darling, I’d be willing to take that risk.
Really.
I mean, it’s not like I’m asking you to carry my ammo or anything, but a little encouragement would be nice.
And a bigger MagLite — I’ve got the small “consumer”-sized one that only uses 3 C-cell batteries — I want the BOUNCER-SIZED MagLite that takes FOUR D-CELLS. The ones that I’ve seen used oh-so-effectively on rude/drunk/asinine/handsy scumbag tourists in the Quarter when they don’t know when to shut the fuck up and go back to their hotel rooms.
Gosh, A.F., I will absolutely keep in mind next time I’m pissed off at a rape apologist that I might be earning the contempt of some concern troll I didn’t know existed. And why is it the concern trolls always fingerwag a group based on the comment of someone the group had never heard of either?
Anne, I had that thought too. The existence of exceptionally strong rape victims does not in any way mitigate the damage rape does. And to be honest, people who have been raped are likely to take false accusations of rape very seriously *because* they have been raped, and they know it leads to exactly the kind of bullshit Dennis is shoveling out.
Annti, luv…he lives in Los Angeles. Couldn’t tell you beyond that. Stop at Pink’s while you’re out there – great hot dogs.
It won’t be quite as satisfying, but if you can sound sweet and get past his call screeners, you might be able to get a few relevant words out on the air during his radio show. 1-8-PRAGER-776 or 1-877-243-7776. Not sure when the live broadcast is.
Be sure to tell him you’d just left Bible class, too.
If I accuse myself of rape am I jacking off my name?
A.F.,
Please explain how I’ve committed a post hoc fallacy. I am looking at the statement you quoted and I’m not seeing where I am guilty of the fallacy.
SCS, please don’t feed the concern troll. er, he is not your concern. :)
I thought AF’s post was entirely reasonable. Why the anger and troll accusations?
As someone who was once (horrors!) falsely charged with sexual harassment…I like a dirty joke now and then, unfortunately, this person mistook someone else’s voice for mine…AND as a rape victim, I can assure Dennis he’s talking out of his ass, but let me be quick to add, neither is an experience I would like to relive anytime soon.
Scott, you obviously don’t understand how much these young men have suffered.
[/snark]
But some of the comments here are contemptable too.
The plural. Personally, I wouldn’t claim SCS’s argument that rape accusations are a valid tool to be used against an indifferent legal system, if only because false accusations lead to assholes like Dennis arguing in response that false accusations are just as bad as violently physically assaulting people. But I didn’t see anyone else’s comments here that struck me as even marginally contemptible.
If you’ve got an issue with a specific comment, say so. But AF is either suggesting that we’re collectively responsible for someone I’ve never heard of before or too sloppy to point out who else he or she is suddenly filled with contempt for.
actor212, I’d be willing to accept that false accusations of rape are worse than false accusations of sexual harassment, but even then you could sign me right the fuck up for sexual harassment charges every day for the rest of my life and there’s no way in hell I’d trade it for a single ten minute rape.
I don’t wake up nights screaming because I just had a nightmare about someone filing false charges against me, or stay home from work because I’m afraid it’ll happen again. I didn’t even quit the stupid job, but I don’t leave the house after dark.
If I’d been in fact arrested and tried for a false accusation, I’d probably modify my behavior in some ways that are similar to how I have after being raped, I’d for example stop trusting people and probably wouldn’t be spending any time alone with people I didn’t know really well and I might avoid public scrutiny. I might even have a few nightmares about being arrested. It would not be good.
But I probably wouldn’t have required decades of therapy to only be chronically *moderately* depressed and *borderline* suicidal.
So while I am sympathetic to those falsely accused, Dennis Prager can fuck right off.
One thing I have learned from feminism is that anything that happens to men is more important than anything that happens to women. False accusations of rape are far more damaging than real rape, because men are the victims.
What?!?
- I —
He… no. really…
Arrgh — I, I…
He didn’t.
He just couldn’t have!
Gah!
OK, OK, just calm down.
10…
9…
8…
7…
6…
5…
4…
3…
…
Ah, fuck it. I tried to count it off. Missed it by this much!
Wow, have any of you ever been so angry that you couldn’t even *see* straight? Well, congrats, Dumbass. You’ve just made me that mad. Thanx bupkis for nada, asswipe. And, it usually doesn’t even happen. Not even when Pastor Swank is wishing for my death, and the deaths of all my people. But, this? Fuck Prager sideways with a Target Greaterland. Twice.
Oh, and BTW Annti, I own a Mag-Lite™ that uses 6 D-cells, black, naturally. And stop thinking sick thoughts.
I keep it in my car.
For, you know, flashlighting purposes.
I keep it in my car.
For, you know, flashlighting purposes.
well, as long as you aren’t doing it in the dark it’s prolly ok
D. Sidhe,
I think we both agree that Prager is an absolute asshole, and that his attitude stands directly as an obstacle towards making everyone safe.
If Prager is an asshole (and he is! He IS!!!!!) then what is Dan Riehl? Anybody read his take on the Jessie Davis murder?
Y’know, guys like this make me ashamed of my own gender-is there some third category we could shove them into?
Bill: Tain’t gender, it’s assholery, which of course transcends both genders and all ethnicities.
But what an awful fucking world we do live in, populated by such assholes. ‘Tis indeed a world o’ crap.
actor 212: Absolutely. We actually seem to agree on most things, I’ve found from reading your comments. :-)
And Bill, I won’t hold Dennis against you if you won’t hold Lucienne Goldberg against me. (Um, eeew. Idiomatically speaking of course.)
Because, really, when you come right down to it, misogynists are homophobes and vice versa, and they both go along with racism fairly often. The underlying thread here is that it’s unseemly for straight while males not to be treated better than the rest of us, and for any of the rest of us to be angry about it.
Well, Marq, yet another first.
You’ve given me Mag-Lite envy.
You should feel heartened and duly proud.
(Make whatever tacky puns you will, Preznit.)
But hey, at least now you know what to get me for my birthday!
(And yes, I want a black one, ’cause it’ll match 90% of my wardrobe.)
Bill S,
Dan Riehl was elected by the readers of the (loss lamented) Martini Republic as the single stupidest person on the planet.
“We wanted to nominate him for a Darwin Award” stupid
I think I found somebody stupider-I’ll let all of you be the judge:
http://pandagon.net/2007/06/30/fundie-arrested-for-assault-says-gays-made-her-do-it/
Even for Dennis Prager, this one is WAY out there.
I’m pretty sure it’s all some sort of hallucination.
How do you stay funny when reading shit like this?
Actually, I don’t think anyone that hasn’t been viciously lied about by someone behind their back understands just how bad it can be, but comparing it to being physically abused is, well, kind of like comparing an anxiety disorder with cancer.
While I think that Dennis’s context is way out of whack, I like the fact that he has at least turned this into a talking point that might get more air-time than it has in the past.
As a victim of vicious lies (not the rape-kind exactly, but sexual), I appreciate more discussion in this area, because whenever I tried to bring it up elsewhere, I was generally ignored, but Dennis’s perspective loses me completely after the first minute.
I’d pay money to see Mr. Prager get schooled in the ways of body-rape so he could understand just how ridiculous his editorial is.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

November 24, 2004 by s.z.


Townhall Thanksgiving Dinner


If you're like me, sometimes you find the holidays kind of depressing (more so now that there's not even an MST Turkey Day marathon to look forward to).  But despite everything, there is always something to be thankful for. 

And to help YOU appreciate your blessings, I've assembled a Townhall family that you can be grateful that you don't have to spend time with on Thursday. But if you were there, I think it would go something like this . . .

1. Even before you've finished your carrot & raisin salad, annoying little brother, Ben Shapiro spouts off about how not everybody who voted for George Bush is an inbred hick.  He does this just so he can remind everybody that he is a violin virtuoso, and (wait for it!) a student at Harvard Law.
If only hillbillies voted Bush, I’m an Orthodox Jewish hillbilly who plays violin, listens to Bach, Beethoven and Brahms, graduated from UCLA, and lives in Cambridge, Massachusetts while pursuing a degree in law from the Harvard Law School. 
Of course, you throw your Pillsbury crescent roll at him, but that doesn't shut up the little bastard.
Just like the vast majority of us hillbilly Bush voters, I believe in an active God, and I’m a fan of the National Rifle Association.  I love the police and the military, and I hate criminals and “freedom fighters.”  I’m a supporter of traditional marriage, and I like paying less taxes and giving more charity. 
You sweetly ask him why his support of marriage doesn't include entering the institution himself (since he is over 20 now, and past the age when he should have started a home and begun to sire a passel of children), but he just ignores you.
I listen to talk radio and watch Fox News.  I don’t subscribe to the New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Chicago Tribune, Time or Newsweek.  And I surely don’t watch CNN.
You murmer that maybe ignoring reality is what caused him to vote for Bush -- but that just causes him to claim that he and his ilk are more moral than everybody else because they do ignore reality.
Maybe we aren’t as “nuanced” as some of the “big city” liberals, but that’s because we believe in the ideas of good and evil.  Perhaps we’re hard line, but that’s because we don’t believe in mushing all politics into a gelatinous mass of root causes so as to provide an excuse for not solving anything.  Perhaps we’re old-fashioned, but we like our morality old-fashioned.  
You intone softly, "Newt Gingrich, Bill Bennett, Henry Hyde, Rush Limbaugh,  Jack Ryan, Bill O'Reilly, Ann 'Man Hands' Coulter ... "

This causes Bennie to break into sobs.  He kicks you hard in the shins, and then runs from the room.  Nobody seems to care.

2.  But then weird uncle Dennis Prager, who has been just waiting for a chance to deliver one of his tirades about how the culture is going to hell in a handbasket, starts in.  This rant is about the scandalous "Desperate Housewives"/Monday Night Football promo, and the Pacers/Pistons riot -- and how they teach us "important lessons."
First, let's finally stop repeating the false notion that big business has conservative values. Big business has no values. Big businesses are concerned with making money for their stockholders. Nothing else matters to publicly owned companies.
You say that OF COURSE big business is about making money, and ask him who has ever said that that big business, an as entity, was socially conservative?  He glares at you, and continues unabated.
Liberals perpetuate the falsehood of big business as conservative for three reasons: They have a materialist view of the world (just about everything is explainable by economic status and motives; it aids in getting people to vote Democrat); many people resent the amorality of big companies; and it seems to counter the argument that the major news media are liberal -- "How could the news media possibly be liberal when they are all owned by large corporations!"
You agree that big business is evil, and suggest that it be forced to give up its tax breaks and the favorable changes in legislation introduced under President Bush, in order to teach it a lesson.  Uncle Dennis twitches, but keeps on talking.
Second, it is yet another example of how deep the values divide in America is that liberal commentators overwhelmingly ridiculed concern with ABC showing the raunchy promo right before televising the widely watched Monday Night Football game.
You want to say that liberal commentators probably just ridicule Uncle Dennis on general principle, but he's really getting worked up, and you're afraid that this might give him a heart attack.
Nothing about protecting children or the concept of public decency
You indicate that it sounds like he's saying we should protect the concept of public decency by banning football.

Uncle Dennis hisses, "Liberal bitch, why don't you go fuck yourself!"  Spittle flies everywhere.
Liberal opinion makers tend to have little regard for an issue that deeply concerns most conservatives -- how high or low the decency level of public life is. That is why liberals are more likely to be apathetic toward public cursing as well as to public displays of sexual behavior. Indeed, they consider it the height of conservative hypocrisy for Republicans to order an R-rated movie in their hotel rooms, or curse privately and then object to such behaviors when done publicly.
You reply that you think that it's great that Jack Ryan wanted to watch dirty movies in private and screw his wife in public, in order to show those stupid liberals a thing or two about about their misguided sensibilities.
Uncle Dennis is not amused.
For those -- conservative or liberal -- who do not see the difference between public and private behavior, I cite the simple example of a man relieving himself. In private it is perfectly appropriate; in public it is highly inappropriate.
And to prove his point, Uncle Dennis gets up and pees into the green bean casserole.
Everyone is really embarassed.  You all go into deep denial mode, the standard way of dealing with these kinds of incidents in your Townhall family, and pretend that nothing happened.  Then your mother quietly removes the casserole from the table, and your father calls "the home" and asks the attendants to come pick up Uncle Dennis.  

But as the men in white suits strap the straight jacket on him and lead him out, he shrieks:
When I was a kid, people got dressed up to go to ballgames, and the worst words fans screamed were "you're a bum" or "kill the ump." But, of course, many people smoked. Today there is no smoking even at outdoor stadiums, but many fans scream obscenities and routinely act like lowlifes. This is because we have substituted preoccupation with smoking for preoccupation with cursing. 
Everyone continues to pretend that they don't hear anything, so they don't have to acknowledge that this is even more embarassing than his peeing in the beans.

3.  But just when you thought you could eat your candied yams in peace, step-Grandma Phyllis Schlafly brings up her latest conspiracy theory: that the "New Freedom Commission on Mental Health created by President George W. Bush in 2002" is going to declare that all the conservative kids in America are crazy, so that it can make them take dangerous prescribed drugs.  And then they will kill themselves, or worse yet, have to live with the stigma of having something about mental health included in their permanent file.
Illinois became the first state to jump on board. By near-unanimous votes in 2003, the General Assembly passed the $10 million Illinois Children's Mental Health Act creating a Children's Mental Health Partnership, which is expected to become a model for other states. The partnership's plan, released July 16, calls for periodic social and emotional developmental examinations to be administered to all children, and for all women to be interrogated for depression during pregnancy and up to a year postpartum.
From the way she says it, you can tell that she thinks these pregnant women are going to be interrogated by sadistic Nazis using bright lights and rubber hoses.  That's just how evil she thinks anything to do with mental health is.
The partnership requires the Illinois State Board of Education to develop and implement a plan that incorporates social and emotional standards as part of the mandated Illinois Learning Standards, which are due on Democratic Gov. Rod Blagojevich's desk by Dec. 31.
And from the way she says, "DEMOCRATIC Governor," you know that this is a key point in her theory.
This inevitably opens up screening for politically incorrect attitudes and nonconformity with liberal attitudes of tolerance.
You get her some tinfoil to put over her head, and slip her medication into her coffee, and she soon calms down, but not before asking plaintively:
Will they face coercion and threats of removal from school, or child neglect charges, if they refuse privacy-invading interrogations or unproved medications? How will a child remove a stigmatizing label from his records?
And you realize that her concern for the stigmatized children is really her way of dealing with the knowledge that everybody calls her "Crazy Phyllis" behind her back.

 4.  Bitchy and self-righteous cousin Michelle Malkin uses the momentary silence to tell everyone about her own adorable children (who are homeschooled, you know), and then to segue into a screed about how the public schools are discriminating against Christians again.
My 4-year-old daughter recently learned to say grace at mealtimes.  [...] In typical toddler fashion, my daughter is now absolutely fanatical about her new routine. Not only must we say grace before every meal, but also before each snack.
Cousin Kathleen Parker says that in HER family, children learn to walk properly by the time they are two, and she would be mortified if her kids were still toddlers at the age of four.  Michelle pulls some horrible faces, which cause Kathleen to shut right up.
 The snobs of secularism will no doubt disparage such simple-minded expressions of piety. They call us "Jesus freaks," "Bible-thumpers" and "fundies." They accuse us of being "weak" and of suffering from a "neurological disorder."
You remind Michelle that it wasn't "snobs of secularism" who said she was suffering from a neurological disorder, it was Dr. Hendricks of the Mayo Clinic.  And he said it not because he saw Michelle and her kids saying grace over their juice boxes, but because he saw these photos of Michelle. 
She flips you off, but continues.  
They consider us such a threat that they have sought to expunge even the most innocuous references to thanking God in the public schools.
You say that you talked to "the snobs," and they said that while they still consider Michelle such a threat that they think she should be interned, they aren't expunging God because of her -- that's just her delusion of grandeur speaking.
Here in my home state of Maryland, according to the Annapolis Capital, "Maryland public school students are free to thank anyone they want while learning about the 17th century celebration of Thanksgiving -- as long as it's not God."
True to the religio-phobic conception of educational "diversity," Maryland public school officials have turned Thanksgiving into a multicultural harvest devoid of its spiritual essence. Students are taught that Pilgrims had a "belief system," but nothing further.
You ask cousin Michelle if she wants public school children to have to spend a semester learning Puritan theology as part of their second grade curricum.  She says she thinks that would be a much better use of their time than learning about non-white cultures.  She then goes back to that newspaper article written by a student reporter who seems to have talked to all of 4 people within the schools, none of them teachers.
Not to worry, though. "The Pilgrim Story is read in Spanish and English," Alfreda Adams, principal at Mills-Parole Elementary School in Anne Arundel County where 70 Hispanic students attend, told the Capital. "We make sure that we celebrate all cultures."
Michelle really sneers when she says the words "Hispanic" and "all cultures."  Then she catches a glimpse of her reflection in her spoon, scares herself, and has to go lie down.

5.  This allows Matt Towery his chance to monopolize the conversation.  Matt is your sister's ex-husband -- he had nowhere else to go, and so was invited to dinner because everybody felt sorry for him (until they remember how annoying he is).  He begins to further expound on his theory of making airlines profitable by raising ticket prices beyond the reach of people who wear tank tops and flip-flops.
In response to my suggestion that the airlines should price seats based on the cost per passenger and a standard mark up, what used to be Business 101, she [a purported college student who allegedly read his last column] wrote: "If the airlines raised their fares to compensate for the costs of operations and the fares were marked up for a profit, those airlines would lose the business of the less-frequent traveler and those unwilling to pay outrageous prices."

So let me get this straight: Airlines can't price in order to make a profit because those who don't travel much or who don't want to pay their fair share wouldn't be able to fly? Wow. Well, let's just redistribute the wealth and completely capture the "people who want other people to pay for them" demographic.

To be fair, the comment doesn't shock me. It is reflective of the opinion among many in America who really do believe that, when it comes to air travel, health care or a multitude of other services, they should pay only what they want to pay, and others should shoulder the burden of the difference between what they want to pay and what the particular good or service being provided actually costs.
You mention, once again, that airlines charge more for some tickets than they do for others because they WANT to fill up the planes, and they can't do that with only the business travelers (who pay full coach fares because they want the flexibility that comes with refundable tickets and last minute purchases, not because they are being discriminated against). 

Matt just looks at you blankly, apparently still under the misapprehension that the goverment is forcing airlines to subsidize the trailer trash travel industry as part of their "Communism in the Air" plan.
It's this concept that is not only killing airlines, but ultimately will place an impossible burden on the same person who is now, say, a college student. The same young person who currently enjoys the cheap fare underwritten by some other passenger will someday have to pay more and more toward a Social Security system from which he or she might never have the opportunity to benefit. Ditto for the high cost of health insurance he or she will have to pay. The list goes on and on.
You ask Matt if his point is that people SHOULDN'T have to ever pay more in insurance premiums than they will get in claims; or that once an old person has been given out more in social security than they paid in, they should be cut off, or killed?  He says yes, that this seems only fair. 

He then starts whining about how another thing that's not fair is making men pay insurance premiums that are used to pay for maternity benefits for WOMEN, when men never get pregnant.  At this point, your sister goes after him with the paring knife, and everybody else heads for TV, to see if there are any bare boobies or naked Nicolette Sheridans to be glimpsed. 

So, another traditional Townhall Thanksgiving.  Again, be thankful that you aren't there for it.

3:25:51 AM    




Who Said It?


Bill S. was the first to correctly identify our first two mystery guests from Monday, James Lileks and Doug Giles.

[Speaking of Lileks, be sure to check out Sadly, No!'s further analysis of Hewitt's nominees for Safire's job.  For instance, here's part of his talking points on Gnat's Dad:
Pro: Leading international expert on Target.
Con: Leading international expert on Target.
I think we know enough just from that to say that Lileks should not only get Safire's former job, but also Safire's house and wife.

Oh, and speaking of Giles, we were remiss in not providing you with his ClashPoint:
My ClashPoint is this: The Church would be helped immensely if more pastors were to spiritually breed for ecclesiastical and cultural courage instead of the Sunday morning poodle show.
So, pastors should do more spiritual "breeding"  (presumably amongst themselves, because the wimmin folk aren't tough enough to be pitbulls), to make them more manly and pugnacious.  And they should do it doggy-style!]

But back to our other winner from last time: commenter bgn correctly identified our Super Mystery Guest as Michael Barone.  To help you get to know Michael better, here's part of a blurb from his latest book, Hard America, Soft America: Who's Packing a Rod, and Who's Impotent in the USA.
Pick your adjective. He is the brilliant Michael Barone. The encyclopedic Michael Barone. The unparalleled Michael Barone.... Being around him is to be in a constant state of saying 'Gee, Michael, I didn't know that.' -- National Review
Now, don't you feel cheated because you don't get to hang out with him?

Anyway, time for our new Mystery Guest to enter and sign in please.
So, who said this on October first?
Khan's group, CAIR, has too often served as an apologist for that radical strain within Islam.
And said this a couple of weeks ago?
These symptoms sound remarkably AIDS-like, don’t they? An AIDS diagnosis would certainly accord with what is widely known about Arafat’s personal way of life. (Some of the lurid, homoerotic details can be found in the memoirs of Lt. Gen. Ion Pacepa, former head of Romanian intelligence under Nicolae Ceausescu.)
And then said this yesterday?
I should probably alert readers that two weeks ago I was served with libel papers by CAIR Canada in connection with a column that run in the National Post on October 1.

1:50:27 AM

November 16, 2004 by s.z.


A Little Townhall Fun


While we're waiting for the first-string team to make their appearances, let's see what the Junior Varsity Townhall team has been up to.
1.  Well, it seems that Matt Towery had to wait in line to get through security at the airport, and so he is proposing that we try to keep "those kind of people" from flying.  You know, poor people.
After all of the important issues brought up in the recent presidential battle, why focus on the issue of a bad day at the airport?
Because it was MATT's bad day!
Because our nation's economy depends on the strength of air travel and our system of air transportation, which must be present to support the serious work of business travelers. Unfortunately, it is the business traveler who must pay the highest price and most frequently endure this virtual "hell" in the skies.
Let's all take a moment to contemplate the horrific lives of business travelers.  I don't know why anybody is talking about wounded soldiers or dead civilians when business travelers are the REAL victims, having to go through airport security on a regular basis!
The fact is that air travel, as noted, remains critical for business travel. But with prices so low, everyone seems to think that hopping on a plane for even the most nebulous of reasons is a good idea.
I know that many is the day when I've woken up, had no idea of what to do with myself, so I've hopped on a plane (using a non-refundable ticket I bought 90 days in advance), because it was so cheap that I couldn't afford to stay home.
If everyone flying on a plane pulled his or her equal weight in fares, the airlines would be making money and fewer frequent freeloaders would be clogging the system.
Matt, honey, do you know who those "freqent freeloaders" clogging the system are?  They are the business travelers, using the flyer miles they racked up in hell, for some personal travel.
Why spend hundreds of millions of dollars in additional funds to beef up security, so that more people flying for virtually nothing can simply make those lines longer and force airlines out of business?
Yeah, why should we spend millions of dollars in additional funds to beef up security for trailer park trash who are just flying somewhere stupid, like Branson, MO?  Since plane fares are now so cheap, the less desirable elements of society can scrape together a fare by collecting aluminum cans on their walk in from the parking lot, and then they inconvenience the IMPORTANT people who are flying to do IMPORTANT stuff.  So, we should make plane tickets really expensive, so that only the worthy people can afford to fly -- and then we won't need to spend more on security, since only a few people will be flying, and the planes will be 90% empty.  And that will keep the airlines in business! 
Sound elitist? Perhaps. But in the post-9/11 world of transportation, travel has become so horrendous that it's time for us to truly look at what made air travel in the pre-Jimmy Carter era of deregulation actually work.
[...]
Airlines should price tickets based on the business acumen which worked so well in earlier decades. Each ticket should be set to cover the costs of operations and be marked up for a profit; after all, these airlines are allegedly for profit.
Wow, wait til the airlines hear Matt's idea! They will be kicking themselves because they never thought of running their businesses for profit!
The endless number of tank-topped, flip-flop-wearing passengers riding on these seemingly flu- and bacteria-bearing flying tubes, need to return to flying only when necessary. Otherwise, they should drive a car, ride a bus or take up the habit of reading newspapers and books, rather than seeking $25 airfares to entertain themselves.
Yes, airline travel should be only for those who DESERVE it -- people like Matt, who dress nice and who don't have germs.  Everybody else should just stay home and read a book.  Because otherwise Matt would have to wait in line -- and that's just not right!

2.  Then, there is Dennis Prager's exciting tale of derring-do, "A Jew Defends the Cross."  It's about how Dennis led a crusade to stop the liberal Los Angeles county supervisors from taking that little cross off of the county seal.  It seems that he got about 2000 of his followers (some of whom were even JEWISH!) to show up on a week day and stand around, or something.  And so, we should all admit that Dennis is a hero, and let HIM be Secretary of State.
I am asked why, as a Jew, I have led this fight to keep the cross on the county seal.
Well, I never asked.  I bet you didn't either.  But he's gonna tell us anyway.
I have three responses.
First, I fear those who rewrite history.
As I noted in a previous column on this subject, when I was a graduate student at Columbia University's Russian Institute, I learned that a major characteristic of totalitarian regimes is their rewriting of history.  
So, if the cross isn't included on the county seal, LA will fall to the commies.  And Dennis once went to college.  Got it.
Second, I fear intolerance. And the move to expunge the singular Christian contribution to an American county and city is intolerant to the point of bigotry. No religious Christians, despite their deep opposition to paganism, ever objected to the pagan goddess that is many times larger than the cross.
Hey, I bet they're just mad that they didn't think of complaining about the seal first.  
So, the ACLU of LA County are better whiners than the religious Christians opposed to paganism.  Don't any of them have better things to do -- such as hopping on a plane for the most nebulous of reasons, thus getting in front of Matt Towery in those airport security lines?
Third, and most important, I fear the removal of the Judeo-Christian foundation of our society.  This is the real battle of our time, indeed the civil war of our time. [...]
In 1834, 99 years before Adolf Hitler and the Nazis came to power, the great German poet Heinrich Heine, a secular Jew, predicted what would happen if Christianity ever weakened in Germany:

A drama will be enacted in Germany compared to which the French Revolution will seem like a harmless walk in the park. Christianity restrained the marshal ardor of the Germans for a time, but it did not destroy it; once the restraining guard is shattered, savagery will rise again . . . the mad fury of the berserk of which Nordic poets sing and speak.
Heine may have been a German, but I am pretty sure that he didn't actually write "marshal ardor."
That is what this American, this Jew, and millions of others believe is at stake in the Left's attempt to impose a redesign of the Los Angeles County seal and thereby redesign America.
So, that cross on the county seal is the only thing keeping Los Angelinos from turning into savage berserkers who would rape and pillage their way to Guatamala, and then become Nazis.  Good thing to know!

3.  And now here's part of Steven E. Woodworth's review of Richard Poe's Hillary's Secret War:The Clinton Conspiracy to Muzzle Internet Journalists:
While Bill Clinton was an instinctive politician and borderline sociopath, Hillary was the evil genius of the couple's relentless pursuit of power.
The Clenis and his even more nefarious moll,The Senator!  I think the comic book artists of Marvel should be working on designing just the right costumes for these supervillains.
An anti-American ideologue with great cunning and not the slightest hint of a scruple, Hillary employed shady private investigators and hired thugs to silence - in one way or another -
Silence permanently!  Take them for a ride.  Give them the big sleep.   You know, MURDER them!
those who possessed knowledge not only of Bill's serial adulteries but also of crimes such as the Clintons' drug-running, money-laundering connections to Chinese intelligence.
Well, since everybody knows about those crimes (to include the Clintons' white slavery, actual slavery, and illegal parking), why are any of us still alive?
Beginning with the strange case of White House counsel Vincent Foster and the attempted cover-up of events surrounding his alleged suicide, Internet journalists began exposing the Clintons' darkest secrets.
In a previous job, I used to have to read the rambling letters sent to us by schizophrenics.  They usually included conspiracy theories and plots much like those recounted by Poe.  However, I never consider our correspondents to be "journalists."
Poe credits the new medium of communication with short-circuiting Hillary's plans for a 2000 presidential run and thus helping to change the course of American history.
I'm sure he does.  And some people credit the tinfoil on their heads for keeping the thoughts being broadcast by the CIA satellite out of their brains. 
Steven E. Woodworth teaches history
I find that very hard to believe.  Wouldn't a history teacher be able to recognize that Poe's book is total nonsense?
. . . at Texas Christian University.
Okay, now I believe it.

4:09:31 AM    




Maybe You CAN'T Fool All of the People All of the Time


Wow, WorldNetDaily readers are smarter than I thought!  Here are the results (as of right now) of their poll for today (top 4 answers only):

What do you think of Condoleezza Rice as Bush's choice for secretary of state?
Doesn't matter who Bush picks, his administration is going in the wrong direction51.93% (3271)
The wrong choice for such an important position40.63% (2559)
She's a great choice, kudos to Bush3.81% (240)
She's been not only competent, but loyal in the face of fire2.41% (152)


Okay, some naughty liberals may have hijacked their poll, but since you have to register with WorldNetDaily in order to vote, they would have had to have been really dedicated naughty liberals.  So, I'm guessing that WorldNetDaily readers are just ticked that an evangelical Caucasian man didn't get the job -- you know, somebody like James Dobson or Buck Williams.

3:27:24 AM    



Who Said It?


Yes, as Vivek (and several others) indicated, the guy who claimed that that abortion is "morally no different than slavery" was the Indiana Jones of the Right, Jack Wheeler. 
Now, who said this?
I tell you, I think the most wonderful, delicious irony would be if Erik Estrada, who has been abused so badly by the Democrats on the Judiciary Commission--Committee, was picked and went onto the court.  He's a superb candidate, brilliant guy. An immigrant from down in Central America, a Hispanic, I mean, it'd be marvelous to see him on the Court.

While you think about that, we will re-run this story from last year, back when Erik was serving another master . . .

Episode II:
Attack of the Clowns
--by Scott C., a reporter a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away


It was a time of great disorder in the Bear Flag Republic. The Trade Federation, under the direction of Viceroy Enron had plunged the Republic’s finances into deficit through the use of a fraudulent energy derivative scheme code named "Death Star." But the Viceroy was merely a pawn under the control of two Dark Lords of the Sith: Vice Chancellor Cheney, secretly known as Darth Aneurysm, and the recently installed Governor, Darth Terminex.

In those grim days, all that stood between light and darkness, goodness and evil were the CHiPs, an ancient order of mystics who used the supernatural powers of the California Vehicle Code to maintain peace and justice in the state. When Terminex overthrew the Old Republic, Hobie-Cat Kenobi, a young CHiP master and purveyor of fine Roto-Molded Polyethylene catamarans flew to the city planet of Sacramento to confront him.

"Ah, Governor Schwarzenegger," he said. "I thought I recognized your foul stench when I entered."

"Sorry," said the Governor. "I just had a raw egg and liver protein shake."

"You have a 38 billion dollar deficit and no credible plan to cut spending or raise revenue. You can’t win, you know."

"Can’t I?" sneered the Governor. "What would you say if I told you that the state government was even now under the control of a Sith Lord."

"Impossible," said Hobie-Cat. "The Highway Patrol would be aware of it."

"Alas, my young CHiP, the corporate media has clouded their vision. They are no longer able to use the powers of the Vehicle Code, especially Section 312, Subsection 3e, which governs speed limits in conditions of impaired visibility. No, I’m afraid you have no option but to join me, or die!"

"Never!"

"Don’t be foolish. You cannot imagine the power of the Dark Side!" Closing his eyes and stretching out a talon-like hand, the Governor used his mystical powers to lift a staffer’s blouse up and expose her bra. "Join me," he hissed, "and together we will rule this state as molester and accomplice!"

Hobie-Cat escaped, but in the days to come the Governor would hunt down and murder the remaining CHiPs with the aid of his apprentice, Darth Ponch.

An inky blanket of evil spread upon the Galaxy, and all seemed lost. But unbeknownst to the Governor, the seeds of his doom had already been planted, and would one day arise, in:

EPISODE IV
A NEW GROPE

3:09:57 AM