Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The “It’s Too Hot to Beast Blog” Edition

Working from home can be challenging, especially with two pathologically needy felines in the house who are constantly competing for attention.  But the current foundry-like atmosphere offers one advantage in this regard; if I don’t turn on the a/c in the living room, both the cats turn into bathmats.

Sorry for the peepshow, dude, but I really gotta aerate my pelt.

But occasionally Riley will assert her superior intellect and superincumbent villainy and turn herself into a lap rug just to share the misery.

I don’t care if this is your armrest.  It’s too hot to move, so until further notice it’s my headrest.

Posted by scott on Saturday, August 29th, 2009 at 11:03 pm

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The “Benefits of Seniority” Edition

We’ve had Moondoggie for a bit over two years now, but he’s still the new meat, still a trifle insecure, and not above making the occasional effort to be a stimulating companion in our postprandial discussion salon.

Whereas Riley has tenure, and clearly isn’t sweating the results of her annual review:

“Yeah…?  What’s your deal?

Posted by scott on Saturday, August 22nd, 2009 at 1:41 pm.

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: Kurosawa’s “Throne of Cats” Edition

Riley:

"Here, let me see that camera for a second…"

And Moondoggie:

"Stay sleepy, my friends."

Posted by scott on Saturday, May 23rd, 2009 at 1:19 pm.

moondoggie has it right

Left by distributorcap on May 24th, 2009

it is teh cuuute…

Left by don on May 24th, 2009

Ohhh, look at those talons.
Isn’t it a good thing that kittehs bear us no ill will, though?

Left by Li'l Innocent on May 24th, 2009

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The Conversation You Never Want To Have With Your Cats Edition

“Your marmalade and I are very worried about you…”

“Are you on drugs?  You’re on drugs, aren’t you.”

Posted by scott on Friday, April 17th, 2009 at 9:19 pm.

Y’know, darlin’, as perfect as that picture is to portray THEM as the just-say-no parents, I think that we allllll already know who has a catnip-dependency issue over there…

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on April 18th, 2009

Is this forced perspective or is one cat basically big enough to eat the other one?

Left by Tom Burke on April 18th, 2009

Optical illusion — they’re roughly the same size and exactly the same weight. Although the tuxedo, Riley, appears bigger from above because her full-body dewlap tends to puddle when she stretches out on the floor.

Left by scott on April 18th, 2009

Even with a “full-body dewlap,” Riley is STILL far beyond “svelte” on the other-side-of-fat scale. Compared to MAH spoiled-rotten and calorie-challenged chirrens, Riley is KATE MOSS and Moondoggie is Calista Flockhart.
When His Royal Majesty sprawls out on the floor, in full winter coat and ruff, if he doses off and shuts his eyes, he looks like somebody gutted a black alpaca and made it into a rug. A FULL-GROWN alpaca.
When HER Royal Highness cocks over on her side like a horse lying down with severe colic, she looks like one of those poor steers in the hoof & mouth mass-grave trough in… was it “HUD” or “GIANT”??? You know the one I’m talking about. A little-bitty ol’ Biddy of a cat, with the beer gut of two teamsters, looking like a methane-inflating dead cow. Flattering, huh. Yeah, I know. But they’re both perfect to me, except that elderly cats can get so fucking GROSS. Sheesh.
If, through some sick twist of fate/freak of nature, that I happen to live that long, Y’ALL HAVE ***GOT*** TO PULL THE PLUG!!!!!!

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on April 19th, 2009

And yes, I know that Moondoggie is a dude, but even Lyle Lovett ain’t THAT skinny. Can you imagine him with Calista? They’d start a brush fire, all those raspy, underfed bones clanking and scraping against one another… Like Cali needs more freaks-of-nature fires, or freaks, period…

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on April 19th, 2009

“Are you on drugs? You’re on drugs, aren’t you.”
No, Mom, I just wanted a Pepsi!

Left by gainsayer on April 19th, 2009

…heh heh heh… why in the fuck didn’t I think of Suicidal Tendencies?

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on April 19th, 2009

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The “Who SAID I Was Paranoid?!” Edition

Riley:

“What?  I don’t know how all these socks got here!  I had nothing to do with it…!”

“Mine!  They’re all mine!  Miiiiiine!”

Moondoggie:

“You worry me.”

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The Carnivorous Couches Edition!

Moondoggie:

“Hi.  I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but this thing that you bought me to sit on seems to be eating me.”

And Riley: 

“Hey!  You’re not the only one getting eated around here…!”

Posted by scott on Saturday, January 17th, 2009 at 1:51 pm

Awwwwww… I trust that the evil couches were defeated a’la that opening sketch on the Simpsons (was it one of the Treehouse of Horror eps?), and that everyone escaped relatively unscathed? Riley, as always, seems so aloof, so above the very concept of “panic,” but li’l Moondoggie looks genuinely worried, amongst the aura of utter confusion.
And where in the hell did you FIND carnivorous furniture? ‘Cause if I ever DO hit the powerball, I will SURELY want to invest in some for teh Fallen Uterus and Her Dick… heh heh heh… A girl can dream, right? OOH!!! And we could redecorate Dick Cheney’s secret inside-a-mountain hideout, too! Hmmm… which evil will triumph, the carnivorous couches or THE Source Of All Evil In Teh Universe…? That’s a thinker… Maybe if they ever do find a place to store the toxic/nuclear waste that they wanted to put into Yucca Mountain, we can send Biggus Dickus, Rummy, Poppy & Bar Bush, etc., to work out there, as they should. We can even pick up a couple of black vans with big eyes on the side…

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on January 17th, 2009

Scott, do I have blog-cooties or something? I finally get to visit here and JG again, for the first substantial times in a LONG fucking time (especially since the Lyrica lobotomy), and I seem to KILL every fucking thread that I join. WTF, dude? Is it me, or am I being more paranoid than usual?
(And as always, just because you’re paranoid STILL doesn’t mean that they’re not out to get you.)

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on January 29th, 2009

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The Hollywood Squares Edition

“Yes, Peter, I’ll take Moondoggie to block, please.”

MOONDOGGIE: “You said I could be Paul Lynde this time…”

Posted by scott on November 23rd, 2008

Happy Halloween!

Non-fun, totally unappreciated costume ideas from our ex-friends, The Cats:

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: Shocking Unretouched Cats Edition

Well, I think we need to do something, and quickly, to get the taste of that last Ann Coulter photo out of the blog, so here’s a rare picture of both cats in the same frame.  Moreover, it’s an image that perfectly captures each of their personalities:

Moondoggie gazes dreamily into the distance, envisioning a perfect world of peace, justice, and laps a’plently.  Meanwhile, looming above, Riley wants you dead.  Dead!  But not enough to actually get up and do something about it.

Posted by scott on October 11th, 2008

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The “You Can’t Be Comfortable” Edition

Riley in…Möbius’s Cat.

Meanwhile, Moondoggie is stoned on catnip and hallucinating that he’s been the victim of a vicious cow-tipping.

“I’ve fallen and I don’t want to get up.”

Posted by scott on October 4th, 2008

Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The Great Debate Hangover Edition

We all deal with the stress of this political season in different ways.  Riley, for instance, copes by taking bong hits off Mary’s running shoes:

“I am so baked right now…”

While Moondoggie passes the time by getting himself into one wacky sitcom predicament after another:

“Oh.  Hi.  I didn’t see you — what?  Your cable’s out?  Well nowthat’s odd…”

Posted by scott on Saturday, September 27th, 2008 at 6:14 pm.

Moondoggie is so pwned!

Left by Slywy on September 27th, 2008

kyute kiddeez.
appropos of nothing here, but, in Entertainment News That Really Sucks, I found out that Paul Newman passed away.

Left by Bill S on September 28th, 2008

I know, Bill. I did a brief post about this amazing man over to my place. Broke my heart. He was a bit before my time in his heartthrob days, but he was still a sharp as a tack, all the way to the end, and those blue eyes never stopped melting hearts.
But the main reason that I admired & respected him is how he dedicated his LIFE to helping others. How many people can really say that? That their lives added up to a major PLUS for the planet? I sure as hell can’t. Paul Newman was an individual, never let them turn him into any “demographic pull” or nail him down to one “audience,” he was no marketer’s tool. He was his own man, and a damned good one at that.
I generally don’t give a flying frog fuck about what celebrity fucks what wannabe, or vice-versa et al., but that man was damned lucky in that department, and he never once forgot that. If he hadn’t shared his life with Joanne Woodward, he probably would still have been a damned good guy, but he wouldn’t have been the SAME guy. I can’t imagine the heartbreak that she is enduring right now; they are one of those very rare couples that make marriage look like a good idea (even if it isn’t), because they were EQUALS, partners in the truest sense of the word, and they really truly valued that, and each other.
If you get the chance, read Newman’s books about the building of Newman’s Own and his charitable foundations. Wry, wit drier than a desert, self-effacing smart-assedness, and general common-sense wisdom that showed how big his heart truly was.
If more people in this world tried to be more like Paul Newman and less like the narcissistic starlet/harlot-of-the-week/man-whore of the week, then the creative arts might actually be worthy of TRUE respect, instead of paparazzi scum.
As always, Scott, your kittehs are gorgeous, hysterically funny, and spoiled-rotten adorable. I thought that MY cats were the only stinky-shoe fetishists… Is that how cats get high, when the catnip runs low? ‘Cause I know that the THC in catnip doesn’t kick-in for them until they’re at least a couple years old, but my two fat spoiled brats have been foot/shoe freaks SINCE BIRTH. When they were just tiny little balls of feral fur, they’d dive-in, head-first into The Boy’s size-14 gunboats, and stay in there until they were UNCONSCIOUS from the fumes.
To this day, when I go to put my Sha-Shaas on, Boy (the cat, not the whore ex) still FIGHTS ME for the damned shoes! I have to wrestle a 20-lb. cat for the right to wear my own fuckin’ shoes. We have passed through the looking-glass, Alice.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on September 30th, 2008

Post Friday Beast Blogging: The I Called Shotgun! Edition

We traveled up to the desolate, sun-blasted, big box store-infested wastelands of the San Fernando valley, and bought a reclining Mission Chair which I hoped would be good for my back.  And for all I know it would be…if I ever got a chance to actually sit in it…!

Friday Beast Blogging: The Yeah, Yeah, We’ve All Got Problems Edition

I’m off for a consultation with a doctor at the Cedars-Sinai Pain Center to see what, if anything, can be done about my herniated disc, and it’s wholly-owned subsidiary, “Ouch!”  I hope to be back later today, but in the meantime, here’s some cat pictures.

Riley:

I can’t stop thinking about Pepsi…!  Why?  WHY?!

And Moondoggie:

Phew, what a day!  I’m too tired to even lick my own junk…

Hey…Can you put that camera down and help a brother out?

Posted by scott on Friday, June 27th, 2008 at 11:09 am.

Riley is a complete cat slut, isn’t he?
(That could be the title of a book. The Complete Cat Slut: Everything You Wish You Didn’t Have to Know about Your Feline Friend)

Left by Slywy on June 27th, 2008

Yikes! Kitty Porn!

Left by Bill S on June 27th, 2008

Clearly I meant Moondoggie! My brain is still dysfunctional.

Left by Slywy on June 27th, 2008

Is that balls? Do cats have balls like that? I’ve only ever had girl or fixed-boy cats.

Left by tps12 on June 27th, 2008

To be honest, I have no idea what that is, but I do know…I ain’t getting close enough to find out.

Left by scott on June 27th, 2008

And yes, while Moondoggie is gentle, loving, and a thorough-going goofball good for hours and hours of enjoyment, if there was one thing I could change about him, it would be his tendency to flop onto his back and air out the jewels. Especially when company is over.

Left by scott on June 27th, 2008

Well, with a set like that, who can blame him for wanting to show off! My goodness!
Hope you feel better soon, Scott – though I must say you have been on quite a roll. I’m not sure I want to lose the effects of whatever it is that you’re on!

Left by AnnPW on June 27th, 2008

Good luck, Scott. And pet the kitties for me, provided you can bend over.
We saw the Atlanta World of Coca-Cola today, btw. I too can’t stop thinking about Pepsi, I swear to god there’s not a drop of it in the city limits. Which is fine for me as a Tab drinker, but still weird. If you get the chance to go to the World of Coca-Cola, don’t. It’s creepy. The only actual appeal is the tasting room, where I sampled a beverage flavored with candied pine nuts today. It is apparently popular in Africa. They had four taps serving that, and only one in the whole joint offering Tab. I feel so persecuted. Someone get Janet Folger and Joseph Farrah on the line so I can get pointers on being poutraged…

Left by D. Sidhe on June 27th, 2008

The Monterey Bay Aquarium was the same way — 90 minutes just to get in the door on a weekday morning. Definitely worth the wait, though. Oddly, the Audubon Aquarium in New Orleans was a piscine ghost town — and this was a year before Katrina.
As for the World of Coke, there’s not a chance in hell I would ever visit it, mainly because I never touch the stuff, but partly because — to be honest — Tab creeps me out. Nothing against the beverage per se, but it reminds me of my mother, who basically lived on Tab and amphetamines, and spent most of my childhood vibrating like a tuning fork.
And when Mary gets home I’ll subcontract her to deliver your pettings to the kitties. I assume you wouldn’t object to a little bit of cronyism under the circumstances…?

Left by scott on June 27th, 2008

hope your back is better
as for moondoggie — wouldnt you lie like that if you could get away with it

Left by distributorcap on June 28th, 2008

Nah, can’t complain. Iala has been abandoned till Sunday, so we’ve been calling the answering machine and talking at it to her. My partner is amazingly tolerant of Teh Silly.
MBay has actually never been that bad when we’ve been there, weird. But as members (whoohoo!) we get to use the members entrance to this one, which means no line. Or did yesterday anyway. The weird thing about the Georgia Aquarium is they make you buy tickets for a specific hour entrance–if you bought tickets for noon to one, you ain’t gettin’ in early. Members can turn up without reservations and be allowed in whenever. That, combined with the two days’ worth of admission and the discount on the behind-the-scenes tour made it worthwhile even though we’re unlikely to ever be back.
As to the World of Coke, I dunno. My beloved and passed on grandmother used to live on the stuff too, so I have fonder memories. The creepiest thing (aside from the weird-ass movie they showed us about what goes on inside a Coke machine) was actually the sense that you were going to run into James Lileks at any moment.

Left by D. Sidhe on June 28th, 2008