WO'C Archive: Teh GAYZ

Showing posts with label Teh GAYZ. Show all posts

Sunday, November 20, 2011

You May Kiss The Homophobe

Longtime Wo’C companion Bill S. was crazy enough to read World Net Daily’s take on I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry, and kind enough to send us his considered, and considerably snarky, thoughts. Take it away, Bill!
The recent Adam Sandler-Kevin James comedy I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry opened last weekend, finishing #1 at the box office. I haven’t seen it, but judging from the trailer, it appeares to be an innocuous, if stupid movie that combines two very old plot devices: the Marriage of Convenience (which I can trace as far back as 1936′s Libeled Lady, but it might be older) and the Straight Guy Pretending To Be Gay (which goes at least as far back as 1959′s Pillow Talk. The irony is not lost on me). It doesn’t look teribly promising, but I have a friend who’s a Sandler fan so I might end up seeing it (I survived Wild Hogs, so don’t worry, I’m sure I’ll survive this). There’s a good reason to go see it-according to Dr. Ted Beahr of WorldNutDaily, it’s (clutch your pearls, folks) “1 of the most anti-Christian films of the year”
“I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” stars Adam Sandler, Kevin James and Jessica Biel in one of the most blatant politically correct, anti-Christian movies of the year. Well, considering the negative stereotyping of Asian Americans, I don’t know how blatantly P.C. it is. Promoting itself as a comedy about two straight fireman who get married in order to receive better pension benefits, the movie is nothing more than anti-Christian, pro-homosexual propaganda that attacks the traditional, Judeo-Christian moral values of American Culture. Which I’m guessing include denying gay couples pension benefits. Chuck (Adam Sandler) and Larry (Kevin James) are two New York firemen who have been friends forever. When Larry saves Chuck’s life, Chuck says he is indebted to Larry and will do anything for him. Wow, what an affront to traditionial values! Larry, a widower, has two children of which he is the sole provider. Because of a flaw in the system, if something were to happen to Larry, his children would not receive any of his pension benefits. Only Larry’s “spouse” may receive the benfits. Can somebody please tell me why wingnuts are so free with the scare quotes? So, after seeing a newspaper article about same-sex marriages and pension benefits, Laary asks Chuck, who has a well-known reputation as a ladies man, to marry him. Their arrangement is nothing more than a ruse at first-that is, of course, until the fraud department decides to look into their domestic partnership. And then it stops being a ruse and they fall in love, like the couple in Green Card. Oh, wait… Chuck and Larry rush off to Canada to get married so that their partnership looks legitamite, and Chuck moves in with Larry and his kids. Soon,the two hire themselves a lawyer, Alex McDonough (Jessica Biel)
From the looks of her, she graduated from the David E. Kelly Sexy Attorney school. This, of course, proves to be the biggest test of their “marriage” because Chuck is attracted to Alex. As reports of their “marriage” surface, Chuck and Larry find themselves at the center of a whirlwind of public opinion. Who’s the “top” and who’s the “bottom”? After seeing Bulletproof, I think I can guess. On one hand, they are the objects of sexual ridicule from their fellow firemen. Representing tradition American morality. On the other hand, they are the heroes of the homosexual “community”. Representing what causes Ted’s boxers to bunch into a gigatic wad. And again with the superfluous scare quotes. There are moments in the first half of the movie that provide some laugh-out-loud physical comedy and some funny situations. Now I HAVE to see this movie-just to find out what Dr. Teddy thinks is “laugh-out-loud funny”. With that said, “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” is not a comedy. It’s a bleak meditation of the soul, reminiscent of Bergman. Sandahl Bergman. There are several sequences throughout the movie when no one in the audience was laughing for several minutes at a time. The movie quickly moves away from anything resembling entertainment and turns into a boring, perverted, anti-Christian political platform for homosexual activist. Maybe they’d be laughing harder if they were seated close enough to Baehr to watch his foaming-at-the-mouth reaction to the goings-on. The content of this movie is abhorrent. That’s a strong statement coming from a writer for WorldNetDaily. Apart from the homosexual subject matter, the other strong sexual content is out of control. Keep in mind, this guy considers a mere REFERENCE to homosexuals to be “strong sexual content”. Sandler’s character, Chuck, is a womanizing sexual deviant. From implied group sex with five women who appear from his room… I wonder if Adam Sandler had a hand in writing the screenplay? …to receiving mail that includes pornography magazines as well as sexual toys, Chuck is clearly a pervert. Because any straight guy who sleeps with women and likes looking at sexy pictures of them is obviously perverted. Also, in one scene, Larry tries to get effeminate young son to become interested in the nude photos in Chuck’s porn magazines, and the son runs away. Which means the kid is clearly NOT a pervert. Good! Oh, wait, that implies he’s gay. The only Non-perverts are heterosexual men who have zero interest in looking at women. The excessive homosexual content is just more is just more psychological conditioning from the neo-Marxist, anti-Christian politically correct philosophers of our day… UM…”neo-Marxist”? I’m sorry. I just…WHAT. THE. FUCK. DOES. THAT. MEAN? (I wish I had a more clever response to that but…seriously, WTF?) Some of these opinion leaders even support lenient prison sentences for pedophiles who abuse children Wow, that’s one shocking indictment he’s pulled out of his ass. (unless, of course, the pedophile happens to be a Christian leader or white male clergyman) Who, I take it, Baehr thinks should be the ones to get leniency. Who exactly are these “opinion leaders” who say this? Do they hang out with those people Mike Adams writes about? If he can find one real “opinion leader”(whatever that is) who made that statement, I’ll watch Billy Madison 10 times in a rown. If he can find two or more, I’ll thow in 10 viewings of The Waterboy. From multiple manly New York firemen who “come out of the closet”… An unexpected twist in a movie whose plot centers around the premise that there are gay firemen. …to a young boy who is incredibly effeminate and would rather tap dance and be in musicals than play baseball… Sounds like the nephew in Ugly Betty. I love that show! …to making Christians look like stereotypical bigots who use hate speech… An image Ted Baehr’s certainly doing his best to dispel in this review. “I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry” is aimed not at entertainment, but rather at the philosophical destruction of every virtue and the promotion of every vice. Tap-dancing children are destroying America! John Adams, the second president of the United States… Has as much to do with a silly Adam Sandler comedy as John Wayne had to do with Brokeback Mountain. As long as we’re polling dead people for their opinion of current movies, can we maybe ask Gene Siskel or Joel Siegal? In my latest book, “The Culture-Wise Family”… Available where fine books are sold. Buy one of those instead. Of course, the answer to the humanist worldview and pagan immorality of movies like this is the Gospel of Jesus Christ.The Gospel of Jesus Christ preaches the kind of love that does not delight in evils like sexual promiscuity, adultry, greed, envy and murder. The kind of love that equates homosexuality with murder. That’s quite a selling point. MOVIEGUIDE is dedicated to redeeming values of Hollywood by informing parents about today’s movies and entertainment by showing media executives and artists that family-friendly and even Christian-friendly movies do best at the box office year in and year out. Which explains why I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry opened at #1.

Posted by scott on Thursday, July 26th, 2007 at 9:43 pm.

54 Responses to “You May Kiss The Homophobe”

If You Must Smoke, Please Don’t Pole Smoke

I was a bit disappointed in the productivity of the right wing blogosphere today. Sure, it’s summertime, when output tends to fall as humidity and blood-alcohol levels rise, but still, the usual roaring cataract of crazy has been choked off to a thin, venereal discharge of disgruntlement, and I just don’t know what to do with myself. In desperation, I descended the creaking cellar steps to check out WorldNetDaily, and behind the old bundles of Highlights, the broken Nordic-Track, and the jars of watermelon rind pickles, I discovered a brand new (or at least, new to me) wingnut evolving in the primordial puddle beneath the dripping water heater.

Meet Hank Donald. No, wait. Donald Hank. Well, either way, he’s not letting the summer doldrums stop him from bringing the stupid, as he demonstrates in a little thing he likes to call, Will Ex-Gays Bring Down “Big Sodomy”?

Remember how cool smoking was? If you’re 45 or older, you do.
Whatever happened to that politically correct, cool, suave, debonair habit that was all the rage among college students, profs, teachers, Hollywood actors, big business and just about everyone purporting to have “intellect”?

Well, Donald (or Hank), I not only remember smoking, I remember smoking myself. Unfiltered Chesterfields, which even my three-pack-a-day Dad derided as suicidal “coffin nails.” I just don’t remember feeling any sort of social pressure to ”purport to have ‘intellect’” whenever I approached the cigarette machine by the toilets.

In a nutshell, some scientists at the National Institutes of Health got together in the ’60s, ’70s and later and did some pioneering studies that proved beyond the shadow of a doubt that this cool habit could kill you.

I’m glad to see that you never felt the need to purport to have “intellect,” since outside the nutshell, links between smoking and disease were being demonstrated as early as 1938, and three fairly conclusive studies were published in 1950, including one by Ernst L. Wynder and Evarts A Graham, published in the Journal of American Medicine which showed that 96.5% of lung cancer patients smoked. Meanwhile, in 1957, “Surgeon General Leroy E. Burney declared it the official position of the U.S. Public Health Service that the evidence pointed to a causal relationship between smoking and lung cancer.”

Today, they’re at it again. Only it isn’t smoking. That’s a dead issue, thanks to science and lawyers.

The activists then were Big Tobacco, supported by Hollywood, the advertising industry, the media and academe. Even politicians, like FDR, smoked and helped sell the image.

I don’t recall President Roosevelt actually doing any paid advertising for the tobacco industry. Although I do remember this one:

Anyway, you were saying…?

Now “alternative” sexual lifestyles are all the rage. They, too, are killing people. And again, it’s the “intellectual” cool, liberal, worldly, suave thing to do.

“I’m tellin’ ya, pal, all the big brains are puttin’ their dough into homosexuality. If you’re smart, you’ll dump that skirt you’re squiring around town and buy yourself a monocle and a dickey while you can still get in on the ground floor.”

The usual suspects are involved. All the big name colleges have special programs for promoting “alternative” sex. Businesses promote the Gay Olympics. Politicians like Barney Frank think they can foist alternative sex on people through their power positions.

Hank was a little vague here, so I checked the Kama Sutra…Apparently, the top “power positions” involve a patent leather hammock and a sub-committee chairmanship. Sounds hot.

Hollywood uses its influence to turn the Marlboro Man into a spokesman for today’s popular deadly activity, and major companies like Ford contribute funds from the shareholders’ meager coffers to promote same-sex marriage. It’s just like the bad old days of Big Tobacco, and the Grim Reaper is having a gay old time.

Meaning, evidently, that Death is giving Fred Flintstone a reach-around.

Even school boards, like that in Montgomery County, Md., are urging young students to accept this deadly habit and plying them with the message that anyone who perceives himself/herself as being of a certain sexual orientation is in fact stuck with that orientation and cannot escape. That’s tantamount to a group of educators telling smokers that they were born to smoke, can’t quit and shouldn’t even try.

“I guess I always knew. I remember, when I was five years old, realizing that I was somehow different. None of the other kids in kindergarten had a pack of Luckies rolled up in the sleeve of their Garanimals. Nobody elses’ fingerpaintings seemed to have nicotine stains. Nobody else set off the school fire alarm when they dropped off during naptime with a lit Pall Mall in their chubby little hand.”

Of course, the promulgation of knowledge and data concerning the link between alternative sex and disease is hampered by the bullying tactics of the elite.

Eustace Tilley pushed Donald into a mud puddle and stole the Ding Dong from his lunchbox.

Thus, only a few facts are known at all to some of the public (such as the results of a study in Scandinavia showing that men in same-sex marriages die 24 years earlier than their counterparts in the general population), and these facts aren’t mainstream

…or even real.

So what will turn this movement around? Again, as in the case of smoking, I believe it will be the victims themselves. As soon as they smell the money.
After all, the biggest losers aren’t the Christian right or grass-roots Americans, who have voted overwhelmingly against “alternative” definitions of marriage. The biggest losers are those who gaily fling themselves into the arms of the deadly beast that devours them whole.

So gay men can sue R.J. Reynolds for manipulating the nicotine content of semen? Cool! By the way, anyone here prefer to get partially devoured by the deadly beast? I mean, that sounds kind of insulting, doesn’t it, like you’re not worth devouring whole, and after all, it’s the deadly beast, right? It’s not the Beast Who Maims Then Has To Unbuckle His Pants And Fall Asleep In Front Of The Game Because He Snacked Between Meals, right?

Note the remarkable parallels with the smoking craze: In both cases, the promoters of the respective dangerous habits had been or are withholding evidence that undoubtedly would have led people not to indulge or to quit. Today, public elementary and secondary schools are doing just that, and in addition, some are teaching, as part of “sex education,” methods for carrying out harmful sexual perversions, including “fisting.”

I’m going to confess something shameful, here…something I’ve never told anyone before…
I was held back in fourth grade because I failed Fisting.

The reverse “coming out” of Michael Glatze is the first major chink in the ramparts of Big Sodomy. More major players will be announcing themselves in time, demonstrating the fallacy of “once gay always gay,” the sandy foundation on which the gay agenda is premised.

“Once more unto the breech, dear friends, or close up the wall with our English queers.”

In his column, Glatze doesn’t mince words, calling homosexual sex purely “lust-based,” meaning it can never fully satisfy.

They he should switch from butt-sex to Chesterfields! THEY Satisfy!

Hopefully Americans aren’t as slow this time to accept the findings, as we were when all we did was smoke.

Well, if we actually had some findings, that would probably help with the whole acceptance thing. On the bright side, we don’t have a lavishly endowed industry mouthpiece like the Tobacco Institute to cast doubt on studies proving that homosexuality is just a dirty habit in case anybody ever came up with studies that actually proved that. What a relief!

If you have a friend or relative who has been persuaded by the media, big business, politicians, university programs, including courses of study, or any person or group to try this deadly lifestyle, and especially if your friend or relative is already suffering from a serious disease contracted as a result of it, talk to him or her at the first opportunity about the very real possibility of starting a class-action lawsuit against the group or groups that persuaded them to enter into the activity that did them in. If you happen to be in a care-giving profession, that is a shoe in the door.

He’s right! First thing tomorrow, I’m filing a class action suit against Michael Medved’s mustache.

Posted by scott on Thursday, July 12th, 2007 at 11:59 pm.

53 Responses to “If You Must Smoke, Please Don’t Pole Smoke”

I notice he picked up Tammy Bruce’s habit of using the word “elite” for anyone who supports gay equality. So when do I get my raise?
Wait…does being gay make you rich, or does being rich make you gay? Those who want to stay straight should send me all their money, just to be safe.

Left by Tara the anti-social social worker on July 13th, 2007

“Big Sodomy?” So being gay is a multi billion dollar industry now? I mean, does he actually think “Hollywood” (of course) and “Big Business” are somehow raking in the cash from the homo-agenda or something? Well at least he’s a bit more…creative in his arguments than most of the phobes.
Oh yeah, the Fifties was fucked up. Just thought I’d mention that.

Left by Gundamhead on July 13th, 2007

Oh, God, he’s just stumbled across that fucking Paul Cameron travesty, hasn’t he. You know, the ex-gay movement would be more convincing if they could show us a couple of people who’ve been happily ex-gay, by which I do not mean “celibate” or “closeted while married”, for a couple of decades. I’ll be holding my breath over here in the Elite Corner.
And, listen, as soon as the secondhand homo starts giving you cancer, and as soon as cigarettes are banned because of secondhand smoke, we’ll listen. Until then, dummy, only fuck your wife, and all the raging homo in the world won’t hurt you.
Incidentally, Hank or Donald, how does it feel knowing that you agree with raving nutbag Fred Phelps and mass-murderer Osama bin Laden on the subject of American Queer Culture?

Left by D. Sidhe on July 13th, 2007

If you have a friend or relative who has been persuaded by the media, big business, politicians, university programs, including courses of study, or any person or group to try this deadly lifestyle, and especially if your friend or relative is already suffering from a serious disease contracted as a result of it, talk to him or her at the first opportunity about the very real possibility of starting a class-action lawsuit against the group or groups that persuaded them to enter into the activity that did them in.

Ah, yes, I remember my first time well. This guy approached me. He wasn’t even that hot–he had a beer-gut and several days’ growth of beard. He said, “Hi! I’m Bill with teh FFB (Fags For Buttsex, later changed to teh F4B for pollitically correct reasons). Wanna ride ny boner like a Campfire Girl?” Well, his smegma smelled so enticing that I tried a couple o’ puffs, and I was hooked!
Ever since that day, I’ve been a three-pricks-a-day guy.
OK, seriously. Smoking=gay‽‽‽ That is the stupidest analogy that I have *ever* envountered. Ever. Is this guy fucking retarded? Who, exactly, does he think is raking in all those big “sodomy bucks,” other than pr0n producers? Evidently, the school system. Action alert, teachers! You *so* aren’t being paid your fair share! Strike, my pretties, strike!
Christ, I’ve crapped corn-studded turdlings that were brighter than this bozo. A pox upon him.

Left by Marq on July 13th, 2007

Uh, “encountered.” Right.

Left by Marq on July 13th, 2007

Isn’t Tammy Bruce a lesbian? She really sneers at anyone who supports gay rights?
I was held back in fourth grade because I failed Fisting.
It’s nothing to be ashamed of. I was just lucky to have some deeply committed teachers who kept pounding it into me until I got it. It was one of the hardest, yet most rewarding, times of my life.
I hope Hank will keep us posted on how this class action lawsuit is coming.

Left by Mark S. on July 13th, 2007

(Banging head on desk.)
Marq already pointed out how idiotic this guy’s analogy is. It’s also incredibly insulting to suggest that some outside influence could persuade you to “turn gay”. I mean, that kinda shit makes me wanna fucking scream, but it’s so the FUCKING OPPOSITE of my own experience (and I’m probably not alone in that.) I don’t remember anybody telling me it was “cool” to be gay. In fact, just about every message I got about, beginning in elementary school (when “gay” was already an all-purpose pejoritive, even they kids didn’t know what it meant)was that being gay was some horrible thing. When I first came out to my mom, in a roundabout fashion, at age 15 (what I said was “I probably won’t even get married, except to another guy”), she let out a shriek of horror and said, “Don’t even think about that-you’d be a disgrace to the family!” (I hadn’t even had sex yet at the time). I pretended I was kidding and didn’t bring it up again. (I never officially “came out’, she just figured it out on her own.)
In other words, every message I got about being gay was negative, and none of that was enough to make my dick get stiff for women. I was just as gay as ever. So this stuff pisses me off like you wouldn’t believe.
As for Michael Glatze’s claim that he’s suddenly straight, just sayin’ it don’t make it so. I’ve never run across an “ex-gay’ whose claims were even remotely credible. This guy’s no exception. Most of these people are incredibly fucked-up to begin with. I can’t even imagine how “reparative therapy” would even work-isn’t just a lot of sitting around and talking? I mean, most of them are religeous based, so I doubt therapy involves holding up a copy of “Penthouse” with one hand, or trip to a tittie bar. In any case, the only people who even seek therapy are the ones who’ve screwed their lives up, or had some horrible experience that shakes them up (Glatze’s sudden change was preceded by a breakup from a long-term relationship.)
Oh, and I can’t let this slip by: “If you happen to be in a care-giving profession, that is a shoe in the door.” Why do I get the feeling he’s alluding to people involved in the treatment of A.I.D.S. patients? (Probably because all wingnuts thing “Gay=A.I.D.S.”) Wonderful. That’s just what somebody needs when they’re facing a life-threatening illness-some jackass telling them to Repent, Then Sue. (And who do they sue, exactly?)
Sorry to write such a long comment. This stuff just leaves me unable to even make snarky jokes. But I will leave you with one last thing: My mom no longer feels that way, and in fact, feels bad about saying that-she realized, a long time ago, that it was out of line. Her attitude changed so much that it’s actually impossible to imagine her saying that today.

Left by Bill S on July 13th, 2007

In the new remake of “The Graduate:”
Mr. McGuire: I want to say two words to you. Just two words.
Benjamin: Yes, sir.
Mr. McGuire: Are you listening?
Benjamin: Yes, I am.
Mr. McGuire: Teh gay.

Left by trenchcoat on July 13th, 2007

Scott:
Fantastic in every way, except for “Pickled Watermelon Rind”. I got a shiver and flashed back to a semi-regular (every other month or so) dinner from my youth: Boiled Tongue and Pickled Watermelon Rind.
But, I’m not teh ghey, so it didn’t harm me too much.

Left by dbati on July 13th, 2007

I can’t even muster the strength to comment on this wing-nut, my wrists are so limp. As with all the straight people I know (some of my best friends are…well, not really, but my parents and siblings are, it doesn’t seem to be contagious and their hetrero nature hasn’t rubbed off on me) my only choice was whether to be honest or to try to lie about my sexuality. I’ve never been a good liar, or an actor. Unlike Ronald Reagan, I don’t even play one on TV.
It seems my dick don’t lie, either. Maybe Donald’s has been whispering subversive thoughts to him, and he’s beginning to get the urge to go to the gym…get tattooed and buzz-cut…wax his back…buy a big bucket of Elbow Grease and some rubber gloves….
I guess I have to defend the right of assholes to be themselves, too, but their views don’t have to go unchallenged. God bless the Filipina drag queens of Stonewall, chasing the cops down the street in their cha-cha heels. We still gotta fight for our right to exist, let alone party!

Left by ButchPansy on July 13th, 2007

I think it was a nice British guy who tipped him off when he said he was “gonna step outside for a fag”

Left by preznit giv me turkee on July 13th, 2007

Eustace Tilley pushed Donald into a mud puddle and stole the Ding Dong from his lunchbox.
Oh Scott, you rag!! tee hee! Well thank God for your visits to the basement, or I would have to get by on reading the wingnuts for myself which does my blood pressure almost as much damage as 3 packs a day of unfiltered Chesterfields (Hey, tell me you weren’t serious about that – I’m beginning to wonder…..)
Bill S, your mom sounds like a wonderful lady. I can certainly imagine that having a son like you would have gone a long way toward dispelling her previous prejudices. Good for you and her!

Left by BeginningToWonder on July 13th, 2007

Isn’t Tammy Bruce a lesbian? She really sneers at anyone who supports gay rights?
She is. And she writes unbelievably idiotic stuff attacking the “elites” who believe in marriage equality.

Left by Tara the anti-social social worker on July 13th, 2007

Gay, it’s the new cool.
Um,yeah, cause all the gay people I know really aren’t. They’re just following a fad.
Oh my heck.

Left by Nancy Liedel on July 13th, 2007

My mother thinks it’s just a phase my partner and I (and our last long term third) are in, which I find hilarious but also a somewhat inevitable response from straights, being basically bi. Hell, I know *gay* people who think it’s just a phase I’m in.
You believe what you gotta believe to think well of yourself, I guess, and if that’s that your daughter is just pulling your leg with the whole bisexual, poly, pagan thing, or if it’s that bisexual people are just straights trying to be cool or partially-closeted gays, I suppose you go with it. I just kind of wish they’d stop telling me what they believed so that I could continue to think well of myself.

Left by D. Sidhe on July 13th, 2007

Ho hum. Kinda bored today. What to do, what to do? Let’s check the web. Not much happening there. The game hasn’t started yet.
I’ve GOT it! I’ve been meaning to try that whole gay sex thing for years. I mean, I’m not really attracted to men, and I don’t think there’s anything overly arousing about buttholes, but I’ve just GOTTA give it a try.
Curious? Not really. I just feel a lot of pressure. There’s Tom Cruise, there’s Gavin Newsome, hell, there’s Omar Vizquel! All these happy, wealthy kweers flaunting their joyous “lifestyle”. I mean, how else am I supposed to be cool?
Ok, let’s see. How do I do this? Excuse, me, sir? Would you like to have some sex? No, with me. Of course I’m not saying you’re gay. I’m not gay either. But don’t you want to be cool, hip and happening? No, there’s no need for that, I’ll be on my way.
Hmm, maybe there’s something on the web now…
mikey

Left by mikey on July 13th, 2007

Meet Hank Donald. No, wait. Donald Hank.
and is he “special friends” with Perry Rick? or is that Rick Perry?

Left by preznit giv me turkee on July 13th, 2007

secondhand homo
Instant classic.
I’m not convinced he’s a True Wingnut. Not once did he ever complain about having teh gay “stuffed down his throat” like a seasoned wingnut would.
I am curious how these folks would explain my gay brother. We were brought up in the family of a conservative Christian minister, Christian school, services 3 times a week and devotions every evening.
The Gay is a truely powerful Overlord that none can resist. All hail The Gay.

Left by Spirula on July 13th, 2007

What Bill S. had to say about teh ghey being the ultimate in uncool. Much the same experiences with me, except by 15, I had definitely had loads of teh sex, and I didn’t come out to my dad ’til I was 21. He was really cool with it–not to the point of joining PFLAG or anything, but he did read a book or two about having gay kids, so totally no freakout. Considering that even TODAY, being gay, bi, transgendered, etc., is only marginally acceptable as long as you don’t in any way FLAUNT IT shows we’ve got a long way to go before we even *enter the neighborhood* of full acceptance. In the meantime, we are to accept straight people and everything they do without question, because they’re so inherently right. Yeah, right. I don’t even feel safe in my own damned country, so how equal am I?

Left by Marq on July 13th, 2007

Sorry, I think Dank Honold is really onto something here….
So, if I ever turn gay and get a dizeez as a result, I’m going to sue Dick Cheney for trotting his gay daughter out as a fine example of a successful gay person to emulate (even though I’m not the same gender as she is), the folks at Talon News Service for promoting the idea that even call-boys can make it into the White House, and the Rev. Ted Haggard and New Life Church for promoting meth-charged romps with masseurs as a path to God.
Some folks think that doing something and pretending they don’t is better than just accepting it as part of who you are. The battle isn’t Anti-Sodomy vs. Big Sodomy, it’s Sneaky Sodomy vs. Honest Sodomy. And that’s the one respect in which the smoking analogy might be useful here: The cigarettes you smoke in the crapper with the fan on, and then pretend you didn’t, will affect your health exactly the same as the cigarettes you smoke in public.
And I bet by lunchtime some sleazebag porno outfit starts production on a feature film called “Big Sodomy.” Maybe starring Matt Sanchez. If they don’t, something is wrong.

Left by trashfire on July 13th, 2007

I was planning to write something full of snark in response to this, but when I got to the part about the class-action lawsuit, my brain just stopped. Now I have to go lick 9-volt batteries to try to kickstart it again.
On the bright side, my partner is a lawyer, so screw class-action. I’m gonna personally sue Charles Nelson Reilly’s estate for taunting me into gayness with his televised gayosity, along with Kurt Russell and Lee Majors for being smokin’ awesome hot and inspiring wicked thoughts in my youthful brain.

Left by Penh on July 13th, 2007

I used to smoke cloves until a gay friend told me they made me smell like a ham. TEH GHEY SAVED MY LIFE!

Left by tigrismus on July 13th, 2007

Okay, I think I’ve regained some of my sense of humour since this morning.
If there’s any truth to that Scandanavian study (and I suspect he’s misrepresenting the findings), doesn’t that mean bisexual men live 12 years longer than gay men?
If media and cultural influences are the only thing that lead men to become attracted to other men, and women to become attracted to other women, why hasn’t the sheer volume of heterosexual imagry in our culture-which is far greater-been enough to just turn them back?
If there’s any outside cultural influence that convinced me that there’s nothing wrong with being gay, it’s not gay-rights groups or liberal media or anything like that. It’s the ANTI-GAY assholes, from school bullies to Anita Bryant to Bible-beating-off fundies to Homophobic politicians to dimbulb pundits like this dipshit. The more offensive, insulting, crazy or just plain stupid they were, the more convinced I was that I should trust my OWN instincts.
And to those of you who believe in God, please consider the follwing:
Who’d he send to encourage people to be less racist in their thinking? Charismatic, articulate people like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Who’s the most famous spokesman against homosexuality? A creepy old man who stands outside funerals toting a sign depicting stick figures having anal sex.
I think that gives you a pretty good idea of where He really stands on this issue, doesn’t it?

Left by Bill S on July 13th, 2007

Scott, this is terribly exciting. As the author of two monographs in the field (2005′s “Taco Myths of the American Nativists”, and last April’s “Libertarian Ghost Dance Rituals in a Middling Tennessee Faculty Lounge”, both, if I may say so, justifiably lightly regarded), I believe you may have uncovered the first example of a cargo cult on North American soil. Honking David Hank (English translation: “One Who Expels Intestinal Gas From The Head”) seems to have caught on to the idea that a magic called “Sci-ance” is at the heart of his enemies’ power over him, and is attempting to utilize its “Mojo” for his own purposes, within the confines of his linguistic limitations, of course. One can only hope to view this ritual in its natural setting, as Wingnut chiefs gather by the light of FAUX News to spread tales of miraculous power and don the Lab Coat of Power in the vain hope of a return to the glorious “Reagan Land” of their forebears.

Left by Doghouse Riley on July 13th, 2007

Even the Abortion Industry meme makes more sense than Big Sodomy. People pay for abortions, but they don’t have to pay for gay sex (unless they’re Ted Haggard-ba bump ching!)

Left by Hysterical Woman on July 13th, 2007

I am curious how these folks would explain my gay brother. We were brought up in the family of a conservative Christian minister, Christian school, services 3 times a week and devotions every evening.
You just did.

Left by Mooser on July 13th, 2007

Well, people report that even years and years after giving up cigarettes, that every once in a while they still have a craving for one . . . pack or two.

Left by David Robinson on July 13th, 2007

some are teaching, as part of “sex education,” methods for carrying out harmful sexual perversions, including “fisting.”
WTF?! Where the hell was all this when I was in school back in the 70s? Fisting lessons, teachers having sex with students, iPods–kids these days have it sweet, and make no mistake.
Also: Barney Frank is still alive? Haven’t wingnuts been kicking him around for, like, 300 years?

Left by Doc Washboard on July 13th, 2007

An obvious closet case, whose struggle with his true desires is only weakened every time he sees a gay person who hasn’t been burned at the stake. I think the “study” in question has been de-bunked already, might have read that at Randy Andy’s Daily Dish sometime this week, or somewhere recently.
P. S.: I’ve lived in West Hollywood, Hollywood & Silver Lake for the last 30+ years, and none of the gay people who are vital parts of those areas (or any of the gay people I’ve worked w/ over the years, or been to school w/, or drank, smoked [Camel non-filters & their "Mexican Laughing" cousins] & partied w/, or what have you) have ever come on to me or tried to convince me heterosexuality was “uncool,” or anything else along those lines. And I’m not that ugly!! (OK, I am obnoxious, but that’s not necessarily bad.)
I guess it’s a good thing I wasn’t involved in school or college past the ’70s, or I might have been convinced by “Big Sod” to, well, who knows?
Too bad, ’cause I’d just love to sue some academic institution on the basis that their suggesting that maybe beating/murdering “homos” is not a good idea turned me gay. Oh well.

Left by M. Bouffant on July 13th, 2007

Tammy Bruce is sort of a road company Camille Paglia who fancies she’s Florence King but more closely resembles Debbie Schlussel.
She’s not terribly talented, but then the competition for librutarian gaybashing lesbian conservative political punditry isn’t all that great. I imagine she’s got a dartboard with Norah Vincent on it somewhere.

Left by julia on July 13th, 2007

teh Tammy

Left by julia on July 13th, 2007

Thanks a lot, Julia. I had completely forgotten the existence of Norah Vincent. Blecch! Tammy Bruce, unfortunately, has sullied my ears on recent occasion.

Left by M. Bouffant on July 13th, 2007

“God bless the Filipina drag queens of Stonewall, chasing the cops down the street in their cha-cha heels. — ButchPansy
Beeeeauuuutiful. Couldn’t have put it better.
“Isn’t Tammy Bruce a lesbian?”
Think about it. Tammy. BRUCE. I mean, come ON, people!!! Where are your pun hats?!?!??! NOBODY could’ve pounced on THAT giant flaming cliche’??!?!?! Okay, maybe it’s not so much a “cliche’” as it is REALLY REALLY *REALLY* BAD CAMP, but still — Bill S., darling, Marq, darling — I’m so disappointed that nobody leapt upon this. Obviously I don’t have the skills necessary to do anything with “Tammy Bruce” aside from pointing out the comedic potential and bitching about it, but Y’ALL HAVE A DUTY TO THE READERSHIP, DAMMIT!!! Not even a SINGLE Debbie Reynolds joke. Tsk.
And D., sweetpea, welcome to my jungle. If I have ONE MORE gay guy or straight guy or guy PERIOD to tell me to “GET OFF OF THE FENCE,” I’m going to be making Lorena Bobbitt look like a RANK FUCKING AMATEUR!!!!!! Believe it or not boys, SOME OF US ARE *BORN* THIS WAY!!!!!! So call us greedy. So the fuck what? Y’know what being bi REALLY means? It means that you can now be REJECTED by 90% of America, instead of just slightly-less-than-50%, or the 10%-ish of the lesbians who MIGHT stop being so snotty about it and DARE to “risk” a fling with a “bi-girl.”
“Eyew — you’ve got DICK on your breath!”
As IF.
Hell, I haven’t done two in a day in at least…. jeeeeebus, I don’t even wanna say, ’cause it makes me feel THAT much older.
And Bill S., pumpkin, your King/Phelps breakdown was TOO FUCKING PERFECT!!! It damned near made me cackle with glee!
Except for one thing — teh haters SHOT Martin Luther King, Jr.
When in the FUCK is somebody going to draw a bead on SKELETOR PHELPS?!??!?!?! I’ll buy their fucking AMMO!!!!!!
Okay. Enough bolding and italics. For now, anyway.
Somebody get this self-loathing little freakazoid closet-case (and he’s probably a FURRY, TO BOOT!!!) illiterate dog-lusting mouth-breathing knuckle-dragging inbred cousin-fucking troglodyte off of my fucking PLANET!!!!!
It’s not bad enough that losers, morons, and slaughterers of the English language like this are actually somewhat “EMPLOYED” as so-called “WRITERS” (which is more than enough to make my fucking skull explode) — it’s that somebody is paying this dumbass toad-licking motherfucker to “write” his “OPINIONS”!!!!!!
I’ve seen more prescient observations, opinions and conversations on the bathroom stall walls of the Dragon’s Den in the Faubourg Marigny — hell, ANYWHERE ON DECATUR STREET, FOR FUCK’S SAKE!!!!!
And I’d put any and every queen who’s ever worked at the Clover Diner or Poppy’s (those bitches know how to sling some hash, honey!) up against this hairy-palmed little prevert ANY FUCKING DAY. Writing, fisting, parsing “logic” (if that word has ever frolicked across his dented & demented little skull), parting hair (oft-times with a .22 pearl-handled derringer) or pulling fresh flowers out of a fresher asshole.
Ugh.
I feel like I need a full-body dip in clorox after digesting this moron’s travesties against the English language, against logic, and against all things that are rational and right in this universe.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on July 13th, 2007

This article was truely satisfying! Thanks.

Left by Rick on July 14th, 2007

Lemme see- Gatze (an editor) was living with the publisher. Now he is anti-gay. Someone doesn’t take rejection very well, do he?

Left by bronco214 on July 14th, 2007

Oh, shooting Phelps would just make him a martyr-y’really want the fundies to re-write history about that shriveled old prick? Besides it’s a waste of ammo-I imagine throwing a bucket of water on him would do this trick.

Left by Bill S on July 14th, 2007

THE trick.
Why’d I write “this”? I need more coffee.

Left by Bill S on July 14th, 2007

Great old ciggie ads, especially the Reagan one.
A few years back, somebody posted this (MP3 audio, ~640Kb) to a Usenet MP3 newsgroup. I particularly like “What cigarette do YOU smoke, DOCTOR?” Talk about yer chutzpah.

Left by Realist on July 14th, 2007

It all makes perfect sense when you realize that Hank’s theory was stolen from Van Morrison one day when he and Haggard were listening to music while under the influence of crystal meth.
You see, as Van postulated three decades ago, if you set the gays on fire you will live longer and become wealthy.
“Search in your bag
Light up a fag
Think it’s a drag, but you’re so glad
To be alive, honey
Alive, honey
Say, when this is all over
You’ll be in clover
We’ll go out and spend
All a your (blue money)
Blue money (blue money)
Do-do-you-do, n’-do-do-you-do
n’ do-do-do-you do, n’ do-do-do-you-do”

Left by ec1009 on July 14th, 2007

By the way, anyone here prefer to get partially devoured by the deadly beast?
Can he eat me until I’m nearly blind?

Left by actor212 on July 14th, 2007

Wellllll, Bill, I know that you’re right, but dammit, I am SICK of that cadaverous old fuck WASTING MY OXYGEN and TORMENTING THE FAMILIES OF SOLDIERS MURDERED BY DICK CHENEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Yes, I know, there’s that honor-guard of big-ass vet bikers who escort the funerals now to keep Phelps and his flying monkeys away, but still. This piece of shit does not deserve to draw breath (though carbon monoxide would work wonderfully)… And yes, a big bucket of water (especially if it were “holy” water!) would prolly work, too, but why hasn’t anyone TRIED it yet?!??!!?!
Now as to the uber-freudian slip of “THIS trick”… well, I think that you’ve figured that one out by now, honey… heh heh heh… I hope that you tipped well… heh heh heh…

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on July 14th, 2007

Now I have to go lick 9-volt batteries to try to kickstart it again.
I think I need to get my tongue bifurcated so I can put it across the terminals of a car battery. Something that can deliver 75 amps at 12 volts, anyways.
But if Lank Ronald (or whatever his name is wants) an exemplar of Teh Ex-Ghey, perhaps he shouldn’t look too closely at the late British jazz singer and surrealist George Melly. Died a couple weeks ago aged 80. Was almost exclusively gay through his 20s and 30s, played mixed doubles for the next couple of decades, then pretty much stuck to the concave sex for the remainder of his life, and never expressed a solitary regret about ANY of it.
Where he most signally fails the Republican purity test is that at his death he had been married to the same woman since 1963. I bet that would fuck with their tiny little minds most of all.

Left by Mentis Fugit on July 15th, 2007

I think I need to get my tongue bifurcated so I can put it across the terminals of a car battery.
Try jumper cables. They work for me just fine.

Left by RobW on July 15th, 2007

Think about it. Tammy. BRUCE… Bill S., darling, Marq, darling — I’m so disappointed that nobody leapt upon this.

[snort]
Hmm. Huh? [yawn] Ugh. Soooooo sleepy [smack smack]!
Tammy Bruce? Ummmmmmm… [quick, brain, think of something funny and clever to say about Tammy Bruce! "Who?" D'oh!]
Do I have to turn in my “Gay™” card if I admit that I’ve never heard of her?So, all I’d be doing would be recycling lame, generic lesbian jokes. Sorry!
Not that there’s anything more wrong about lame, generic lesbian jokes than there is about lame, generic gay jokes*.
.
.
.
.
*realizing that there is an extremely vocal minority out there that really runs from “crisis” to “crisis”, stamping their little feet while proclaiming it Teh Most Important Crisis Evarrr!!1!!
Of course, it isn’t.

Left by Marq on July 15th, 2007

Frankly, I’m amazed no one riffed on the old Tareyton slogan, “I’d rather fight than switch.”

Left by actor212 on July 15th, 2007

Well, for me, the name “Tammy” by itself tends to conjure up that campy song by Debbie Reynolds. But the name Tammy Bruce tends to conjure up only vomit, so my ability to write a parody tribute to her tends to get sidetracked. Maybe in the near future I’ll try to write one, but I ain’t making promises.
Oh, and Annti, it wasn’t just the TIP.
(Ooh…did I SAY that? I’m sooo bad.

)

Left by Bill S on July 15th, 2007

GGRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOAANNNNNNNNNNN!!!!!!
Get the hook!!!
And Marq, darling, I know that you’ve been laid-up this week (shaddup, Bill), but I can’t believe that you didn’t make the “Tammy’s In Looooooooove” connection!!!
And Bill, you are sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo wrong. So wrong. Tsk. Hand me that whip.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on July 15th, 2007

*sigh*
“Tammy” (Debbie Reynolds) + BRUCE (cliche’ gay male name) = SOMEBODY shoulda come up with a good joke about this, dammit!!!

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on July 15th, 2007

Whatever happened to that politically correct, cool, suave, debonair habit that was all the rage among college students, profs, teachers… and just about everyone purporting to have “intellect”?
Hell, I’m 45 years or older, but when I first read that, I was wondering whether the particular habit he meant was
(a) Licking cane-toads;
(b) boiling up cactus juice; or
(c) smoking datura flowers.
Here in NZ we evidently have different standards of coolness and suavity.

Left by Herr Doktor Bimler on July 15th, 2007

Meanwhile, in 1957, “Surgeon General Leroy E. Burney declared it the official position of the U.S. Public Health Service that the evidence pointed to a causal relationship between smoking and lung cancer.”
…Not wanting to question US leadership in these issues or anything, but in Britain the Health Minister announced that the smoking / cancer link was beyond doubt, back in 1954. That was after Richard Doll’s 1951 and 1954 BMJ papers.
some scientists at the National Institutes of Health got together in the ’60s, ’70s and later and did some pioneering studies that proved beyond the shadow of a doubt
…And this is why 9 out of 10 social scientists do not consult Conservapedia when writing an article.

Left by Herr Doktor Bimler on July 16th, 2007

So…give up lust? What you lust after? Great sex? For what….? Perfunctory sex with your (cover person)?
Been there, done that, not in the case of being gay and pretending…but in the case of my husband cheating on me and not really being there in the moment when I was.
It is among the worst and lonliest feelings in the world and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
In the end, no pun intended, you have to be true to yourself and live as an authentic life as you can. This is something the Repugs seem to miss. Dems are much more who they really are.

Left by moistened bink on July 17th, 2007

But with Rethugs, you get to play “Spot Teh Pooftah!”, that wacky new gameshow hit imported from the UK by ABC, just like “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?”. Ecpect the spin-off show, “Spot Teh Adulterer!” to follow shortly.

Left by Marq on July 18th, 2007

“Expect,” damnit! Is my hand-eye coordination really that bad?
Wait.
Don’t answer that.
No, really.
Don’t.

Left by Marq on July 18th, 2007

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Mountain Grown, The Stupidest Kind

“Dammit” Janet Folger asks the readership of World Net Daily an important question:

Just who are the haters? Here are some of the blog postings from homosexual activists following the death of one of the godliest men I have ever met, Dr. Jerry Falwell:

[Janet then produces a string of damning quotes, like a magician pulling a chain of multicolored scarves from his sleeve, except these are random, unattributed remarks from imaginary homosexuals, and she's pulling them out of her ass.]

No surprise – this is exactly how homosexual activists treated Rev. Falwell when he was alive. Homosexuals more than hated Jerry Falwell, whom they attacked, maligned, ridiculed and threatened. He didn’t make it widely known, but homosexual activists even attempted to kill him.

Seriously. Does anyone really believe that if Jerry Falwell had dodged a fabulous gay bullet, he would have bravely kept it to himself, rather than immediately rushing on camera to claim that God had saved him from the assassin’s hand so that he, the Reverand Mr. Falwell, could continue to enjoy your faith gift of 25, 50, or 100 dollars?

And through it all, he met hate with love.
As Peter LaBarbera of Americans for Truth pointed out on my radio program, when homosexuals protested Dr. Falwell, they were surprised to look up and find the reverend hugging his harassers.

Nevertheless, the subsequent reach-around still came as something of a shock.

…Those kind of hateful statements are perfectly acceptable, free from any repercussions of any kind. They get their own forum at the ACLU. However, if two 16-year-old Crystal Lake girls say an unkind word about homosexuals and pass out a few flyers to their classmates, they are in “violation of an Illinois state hate crime statute.” They face felony charges and are locked up in juvenile detention while bail is denied.
Felony for a flyer or a forum for defilement? It’s not equal rights these people are after; it’s tyranny.

I don’t know the girls in question, but we must assume that their motives were pure, and that they were compelled to speak out by the imperatives of their Christian faith. Although Janet doesn’t come right out and say so, it’s clear that the girls have resisted the blandishments of our sex-obsessed culture and remained virgins, since any teenager who has sex in Crystal Lake is immediately skewered by a zombie in a hockey mask. And why shouldn’t these budding brides of Christ have the right to speak out against sinful behavior? It’s not as though they were engaging in petty revenge against one particular individual…

McHenry County State’s Attorney Lou Bianchi said the students clearly broke the law when they printed and distributed fliers that showed a male student and another boy kissing, along with inflammatory statements about homosexuality…

Crystal Lake South juniors Ryan Diamond and Crystal Erdman said the fliers stemmed from a recent dispute between one of the girls who was arrested and one of the boys who was pictured.

The pair used to be best friends but recently feuded, Erdman said, and one of the girls posted the picture on her MySpace page before police said she and another girl printed the fliers and distributed them in the school’s parking lot.

Bianchi said the students targeted a specific person and his sexual orientation. Under Illinois law, a person commits a hate crime when he or she commits a crime against another person based on that’s person race, color, creed, religion, ancestry, gender, sexual orientation, disabilities, or national origin.

“This is a classic case of the kind of conduct that the state Legislature was directing the law against,” Bianchi said. “This is what the legislators wanted to stop, this kind of activity.”

Investigators and school officials would not specify the flier’s contents or whether the students remained in school this week. But classmates said the flier showed a picture of two boys kissing along with the words, “God hates fags.”

Okay, okay, let’s not get bogged down in details. The important thing, as Janet says, is that we must not let the forces of Sodom and “diversity” suppress our Constitutional and natural right to paper a school with pictures of some guy kissing another guy in an effort to get the first guy beaten up by the water polo team.

S. 1105, the so-called “hate crimes” bill, is the most dangerous bill in America. It will revoke what used to be called the freedom of speech. I don’t agree with all the speech I hear. You may not agree with mine. But if we don’t stop this bill together, we will all lose the right to disagree, to quote the Bible and to speak the truth. Speak up before you are locked up
Go to StopHateCrimesNow.com and send your senators a “Don’t Make Me A Criminal Packet” – complete with handcuffs, mug shots and a personal letter.

No, wait…that’s the packet you’re supposed to submit to eHarmony.

The alternative is 16-year-old girls imprisoned and ministers’ graves desecrated. It’s Catholic mothers murdered, and the thought police in schools. What do you want the future to look like?

Personally…?

I’d like it to look like this:

Outside the Tent has more.

Posted by scott on Friday, June 1st, 2007 at 5:00 pm.

33 Responses to “Mountain Grown, The Stupidest Kind”

Oh, my sweet Lordy-Gordy. JANET FOLGER is saying homosexuals are the “real” haters? The same Janet Folger who thinks the hate crimes law are a way for scary, predatory homosexuals to coerce helpless straight men into having sex with them, less they be charged with a “hate crime” for rejecting their advance?
http://pandagon.net/2007/05/09/fundie-hate-crimes-legislation-gets-in-the-wa-of-gay-panic/
The quote from her in the above link is one of the most hateful, unhinged things I’ve heard a fundie say about gays…recently.