The Lessons of Bikinigate

Marq is right — it’s time to drop the Foley matter for a while, and discuss what is REALLY important: Bikinigate.

For just when you thought that it was safe to go back in the Photoshop, Townhall gave a guest columnist spot to college student Ashley Herzog, the coed whose online photos of innocent young Republican life were hijacked by some anonymous Flickr user.

And here’s Michelle Malkin to present her latest young protegee:

Ashley Herzog is the Ohio University student whose photos were filched by some unknown hate-monger–still unidentified, still out there–who created a fake Flickr site with Photoshopped images of me. Those images were falsely publicized last week by UNC School of Law professor Eric Muller as authentic, and then picked up and broadcast widely by the Gawker Media smear machine. [...] Today at Townhall.com, Ashley talks back to the smear machine.

So, let’s let Ashley tell us some of the sad lessons that she learned from this tragic affair, and listen while she talks back to the smear machine (which probably doesn’t read Townhall, but what the heck).

Future women leaders of America: Beware of Photoshop::By Ashley Herzog
Future women leaders of America beware: if you plan on a career in politics, don’t allow yourself to be photographed in a bikini.

Words we can all live by, especially leaders of America who plan to become women in the future.

Especially if you’re the type of woman who speaks out against the sexualization of young girls, the media will be eager to use it against you. That is what we learned from conservative author Michelle Malkin last week.

And what will happen to you are a future woman leader of America and you allow yourself to be photographed in a bikini? Well, from Michelle, we learned that Gawker/Wonkette will poke fun at you for a day, and, um, well, that’s about all that happens. So, future women leaders, either keep your swimsuit photos off the Internet, or get over yourself, girlfriend.

But wait, there are actually futher things to beware of, since the prankster who put Michelle’s head on another girl’s body also used Ashley’s photos to imply that Michelle had hot friends when she attended college.

Whoever made the photo page apparently wasn’t content to insult Malkin, an Asian woman, with racial slurs – a popular activity among her critics. Instead, they aimed to expose her as a hypocrite. Using pictures stolen from various Webshots.com accounts, including mine, the creator wrote captions to imply that I had had been a classmate of Malkin’s at Oberlin College in the early 90s – and that she was anything but a moralist back then.

The bastards!

So, I guess the real lesson for future women leaders is: avoid having your photo taken with Michelle Malkin, as that’s presumably what led the hoaxster to mess with Ashley’s photo gallery in the first place.

As for Michelle, I guess the lesson is: what goes around comes around.

Or the message for both of them is to stop taking theirselves so seriously.

Anyway, we’ll skip the anecdotes about Liberals Gone Wild in Comments Sections of Blogs, because Ashley just copied them from Michelle.  And we’ll leave you on your own to read the stolen body’s anguish on seeing Michelle’s head attached to her torso (her tale reminds me of the MST classic The Brain that Wouldn’t Die), and get right to Ashley’s disillusionment with online media, blogs, and humankind in general.

This is the brave new world of Internet media. Like many Americans, I entered it with a naïve notion of bloggers as modern-day pamphleteers, throwing the cover off stories that the establishment media won’t touch. I believed that Internet blogs, being far more democratic mediums than mainstream television networks and newspapers, would show respect for the truth.  But after visiting a few popular blogs, I realized I was sadly mistaken. At best, many zero in on political gossip and absurd non-issues, such as whether a conservative author ever posed in a swimsuit. At worst, many political blogs are cesspools of racism, misogyny, and obscenity, not to mention vicious lies.

Speak power to truth, sister! But I think she was a little hard on Powerline and Instapundit (but she certainly has LittleGreenFootball’s number).

The posts and links to my pictures are still up, and I’m no longer anticipating a response from Gawker. They are a multimillion-dollar behemoth; I’m a college kid with a claim to a few stolen photographs. They have nothing to lose by ignoring me. [...]  Gawker and its ilk appear willing to perpetuate bald-faced lies in order to advance an agenda. And they don’t mind taking a few innocent college girls along for the ride.

A sad story indeed — it reminds me of a Dickens novel, or maybe a Lifetime Made for TV Movie (suggested title: Little Photoshop of Horror).

But if you’re like me, you want to know more this innocent college girl, and what she does when not having her photos used to smear Michelle Malkin.  And it turns out that she writes a regular conservative column for the student paper.  Here’s part of one that you might find interesting:

Women Should Cross Party Lines to Combat Porn
One day last spring I was walking down the street, minding my own business, when a schleppy-looking guy in a plaid shirt asked me to pose in his topless magazine.
“Have you ever considered modeling?” he asked, as I picked up my pace in an effort to ditch him. “Come on, don’t keep that body a secret!”

In case you’re curious, here’s a photo of Ashley — she’s the blonde.
Now, back to the story:

On one hand his proposition was comical, especially because I’m not particularly well endowed in any area of interest to a nude magazine. Still, I couldn’t help but fume. Why did this man assume that I – a total stranger – would jump at the chance to undress for him? And why hadn’t anyone else told him to get lost?

The answer turns out to be that feminists are against the exploitation of women, and no good conservative girl wants to be taken for a feminist, so they all take their tops off when Playboy comes to town.

After all, it was feminist heroine Gloria Steinem who went undercover as a Playboy bunny in the 1970s – and then attacked the magazine for its egregious sexism. Conservatives have been silent on the issue ever since. As my friend explained, “I think it’s wrong – I just don’t want to be called a feminist.”

So, I guess the lesson that future women leaders of America can take from this is: if a photo of you in a bikini later comes back to haunt you, just claim that you posed in order to show your opposition to all things feminist.

Posted by s.z. on Saturday, October 7th, 2006 at 2:37 am.

If I hear (or read) one more daffy ding-dong refer to bloggers as “modern-day pamphleteers,” I am going shove sticks of dynamite in my ears and light them…just before running naked through the streets of DC. Yuck. BTW, I noticed Ashley’s school email address is at the bottom of the article to which you linked.

Left by circumlocutor on October 7th, 2006

Maybe the lesson is in the next French Prime Minister’s political career: do it only if you have the bod…if you don’t, keep that caftan on.

Left by actor212 on October 7th, 2006

Am I the only one who thinks Ashley’s column was just an excuse to tell everybody that a guy approached her and told her she was really hot?
I will say though, that judging from her photo, she’s all right. The brunette girl reminds me of Diana Canova.

Left by Bill S on October 7th, 2006

Yes, Beware of Photoshop. It hates our freedom. Maybe we can have photoshop declared an enemy combatant, take away its right to habeus corpus, and then ‘persuade” it to tell us who has done such heinous things to Michelle and Ashley.

Left by tomg on October 7th, 2006

First, I’ve owned photo-editing software nearly as long as Ashley’s been alive, and I got my first copy of Photoshop (v. 2.5, IIRC) in 1994, so the idea that she’s suddenly become aware that her pics could be grabbed and manipulated by unscrupulous pamphleteers is flummery.
Second, I’m also old enough to remember those glorious pre-feminist days when young women could walk the streets and never get propositioned. Sheesh, every time I turn around there’s some young Republican or some not-so-young Jonah Goldberg trying to convince me that what has been accomplished in civil and social rights for women, minorities, and gays in the past half-century would have occurred in the normal course of things if everyone had just stayed calm and not talked back to their betters. And no, I don’t believe that even they are so ignorant. Ms Hertzog, had you wished to press charges against that street-corner mope, you can thank feminists, not Phyllis Schlafly, for the fact that your university, or your police force, would bother taking you seriously, or that the defense attorney couldn’t enter those bikini shots as evidence you had it comin’.

Left by Doghouse Riley on October 7th, 2006

Hey! That Ashley girl is actually really cute! I think it’s time for her to start plotting and scheming to take over Ann Coulter’s job. I’ll still hate what she says, but at least she’s a real girl, who’s quite cute.
Come on, Ashley–Do the All About Eve thingy to Ann! She’s too old to still be on TV spouting hateful stuff! Spouting hateful stuff is for teh hot bods of the GOP!

Left by maryc on October 7th, 2006

Well, with Ashley and Ann, it’d be the dollar-store version of “All About Eve”, seeing as how neither is as smart or as interesting Eve and Margo.
On an unrelated note-if my memory serves me right, this Wednesday (Oct. 11) is the birthday of the very demure and soft-spoken Anntichrist S. Coulter. So let me be the first to wish her a Happy Whatever-Her-Age-Is Birthday!

Left by Bill S on October 7th, 2006

Nothing demonstrates one’s great whopping bimbohood to the world quite so well as throwing a fit that your very public image has been cruelly photoshopped onto a bikini model by “hatemongers”, and loudly contemplating libel actions. That’s the same sort of grasp on the law we’ve come to know and love from people like Ann Coulter and Ben Shapiro. (Who, just as soon as I reinstall Photoshop, will end up with his head on Ashley’s body. Then I’m sticking Annie’s head on a praying mantis. Oh, wait, God already did that one.)
It amazes me that Ms Malkin believes it possible to defame or discredit her in any way that is worse than what she’s done to herself. Though I admit the bikini thing was kind of pointless–I’d have put her head on her husband’s body.

Left by D. Sidhe on October 7th, 2006

Sheesh. Some people just don’t have a sense of humor about things. In Michelle’s case, it’s not like anyone Photoshopped a bunch of ping-pong balls into the bikini pic. Maybe she just feels self-conscious about her freakishly tiny head. I’m sure that by utilizing stem cells, we could get it to triple in size, at which point it would be only slightly smaller than normal.

On one hand his proposition was comical, especially because I’m not particularly well endowed in any area of interest to a nude magazine.

Oh, the heartbreak of just not being well hung! Why, it’s enough to drive some young men to crossdress and rename themselves “Ashley.” And all because Rep. Foley “lol”ed when “Ashley” reported back the results of his request for “her” to “measure it.”
D’oh!
Now I’ve gone and Foleyed-up the thread! And just when everyone was getting sick of even clever jokes involving him.
But, ket;s just hope that everyone learns the right lesson from this little kerfluffle, and that Denny Hastert never allows anyone to photograph him in a bikini. Though that nudie photographer just might want to contact him–he’s certainly got the perky man-boobs to spare!

Left by Marq on October 7th, 2006

If you plan on a career in politics, don’t allow yourself to be photographed in a bikini.
It didn’t hurt Irene Sáez’s political career, but then she didn’t have to confront the pernicious power of the Gawker Media smear machine.

Left by J— on October 7th, 2006

Let’s not be too hard on Ashley. That piece about feminism and porn was a billion times better than anything V-Ben or Debbie Schussel have ever written in their respective pitiful lives. I realize that’s a pretty low bar, but I read a lot dumb ass conservatives, and Ashley beats most of them by miles.
As for Malkin, I can’t be as kind. I can see her being pissed for the photoshop. I can see her being pissed about ping-pong balls. But she must realize in her small mind that she brings a lot this upon herself with her own racism. There was a brief time when everyone, including Ronald Reagan, agreed that the Japanese internment was wrong.

Left by Mark S. on October 7th, 2006

Bill S: ‘this Wednesday (Oct. 11) is the birthday of the very demure and soft-spoken Anntichrist S. Coulter. So let me be the first to wish her a Happy Whatever-Her-Age-Is Birthday!’
she’ll be in hospital that day as well.

Left by rimone on October 7th, 2006

Oh, I didn’t know that.
That sucks.
Well, I hope she’ll be alright.

Left by Bill S on October 7th, 2006

Let’s face it, the only real victim in this sordid “scandal” is Meredith Chan, the woman whose lovely body was desecrated with a photoshopped Michelle head.

Left by The Kenosha Kid on October 7th, 2006

Kenosha,
thanks for posting that. Meredith really is the victim here. After all, someone photoshopped a fascist head on her body. Ugh.
As for Malkin, she’s ugly on the inside.

Left by Satan luvvs Repugs on October 8th, 2006

Take care of yourself, Annti. And happy birthday. We’ll be thinking about you.

Left by D. Sidhe on October 8th, 2006

Thank you, my darlings Bill, Rimone and D.
Yup, turning 36 right about the time that they’ll be wheeling me out of the O.R.
But hey, I’m finally getting my back fixed (AGAIN!) after a year-plus of fun & frivolity with that, so at least there’s SOME progress.
I’ll have guest-bloggers over at my place starting Tuesday evening, ’cause I sure as hell haven’t had a spare second to post worth a shit lately, so please be nice to them, would y’all?
Y’know, unless somebody posts something utterly inane or useless as tits on a boar hog — in which event, please feel free to give ‘em hell for me!
Love y’all.
Nighty-night.

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on October 9th, 2006

On the rare occasions I see an old picture of myself in a bikini, I sigh, “Gosh, I looked GREAT! How could I ever have thought I didn’t?”
Fortunately, I have no plans to enter politics.
Cheers, Annti, and a belated happy BB-day (Birthday and Back)!

Left by Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel on October 9th, 2006

Thanks, Mrs. Biscuitbarrel (I thought about abbreviating it to “Mrs. TB,” but y’know, that just left a nasty taste in my mouth… heh.) — but no, my darling, you are never belated, as the axe ain’t swingin’ ’til 7A on the 11th. Wheeeee.
I thought that after the last round of torture-approximating-pain-equal-to-that-of-organ-failure, that the shit was FIXED and PERMANENTLY.
Heh.
Showed me.
But what the hell… I needed a vacation anyway…

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on October 10th, 2006

So, let’s let Ashley tell us some of the sad lessons that she learned from this tragic affair, and listen while she talks back to the smear machine (which probably doesn’t read Townhall, but what the heck).
Uh, since we are the smear machine, I think it’s safe to say that we do read Townhall…

Left by Brad R. on October 10th, 2006

Dear recovering Annti, hope the post-op meds are at least adequate. “Mrs. B” is more than fine by me (“Mrs. T” is already taken as a brand-name drink mixer). Since D. Sidhe and I are also well-acquainted with pain-approaching-multiple-organ-failure, perhaps we should offer s.z. a joint guest post about bone-stupid responses to our dilemmas from medical personnel and others.
My all-time least favorite came from a psychologist (!) that my then-neurologist at Georgetown insisted that I see. Moron Ph.D. recommended that I read and “internalize” the works of Viktor Frankl, a Holocaust survivor who essentially used his time in the camps as a transformative experience. I’d already read Frankl, an amazing spirit, but needless to say, not everyone had the same response to the Shoah…
I asked Dr. Moron if she were Jewish. She was not. I said that I found her suggestion deeply offensive on several levels, as though surviving Auschwitz were a surefire path to spiritual One-ness, a way to get ready for swimsuit season, while eliminating unnecessary hair, teeth, and family members.
You can tell that ten years later, this still makes me mad. You SAY you’ve got “incapacitating pain”? Here, read this book!

Left by Mrs. Tarquin Biscuitbarrel on October 12th, 2006