On the grounds that we can’t have too many aging rightwing teen columnists telling us what the Foley Affair really means, let’s now turn the floor over to Hans “Last Defender of the Boy Scouts” Zieger, who will explain that what’s really going on here is “The death of manliness.”
At least, I know I did.
Mark Foley is a sick man in a sick culture. He apparently was abused by a priest as a child, and then he, too, abused House pages (how extensively is uncertain) before it ruined him. By the way, as his attorney affirmed on Tuesday, Mark Foley “is a gay man.”Hans, don’t you mean, “swishing around”?
Aside from the political tides generated by Foley’s resignation, there are much larger cultural tsunamis swashing round.
The Foley scandal intensifies the strain on relationships between youth and adults. It is particularly damaging for relations between old men and young men, or between men and boys, or between young men and boys. [...]
But why must we be suspicious of men in this age more than in others?Yeah, it’s the damned boys that we should be suspicious of, because they seem to be the constant in this equation.
Because related immediately to the problem between adults and youth is the problem of homosexuality. [...]
The Boy Scouts insist that their policies banning homosexuals and their policies to prevent pedophilia are separate, but there is an evident link between homosexuality and pedophilia. When I made this claim on Penn and Teller’s Showtime Network program, Penn Gillette shot back with a mountain of profanity, because there really can be no substantial answer to the charge.How dare Gillette fail to provide a substantial answer to Hans’s unsubstantiated charge that there is an “evident link” between homosexuality and pedophilia?
Men who determine to have sex with other men find an easy target with boys.Just like men who determine to have sex with women find an easy target in six-month old girls. Sure, some heterosexuals might claim that not all of them are attracted to babies, but there can be no substantial answer to my charge.
In the absence of manliness — of strength, virtue, courage — men find open seasons for gratification, and then boys find an open route to Gomorrah,Or gonorrhea
especially if that route is advertised enthusiastically by a conspiracy of cultural influences. The route then is a rout — from marriage, from family, from community, and not least from God.I suppose I should challenge Hans’s unwarranted claims, but I come not to rebut him, I come to admire his purple prose. So, let’s skip over his claim that “It is not merely that there are fewer persons of homosexual orientation, but that there are none,” and go straight to his dramatic conclusion:
Thus lies manhood perverted on the grounds of the nation. It knows no purpose. It cannot defend itself; it cannot defend the ladies. Uninstructed in beauty and maturity, it preys upon innocence and childhood. But it is castrated. The best it knows to do is to check itself, like Mark Foley, into a clinic in hopes of some recovery. Yet real manliness does not dwell within a rehab center, or in Congress, and just where it does dwell is now a challenge to know. The simple quiet of manliness is drowned by the metallic screams and the roars and the hideous emotive sighs of deranged wimps, if indeed it is manliness down there beneath it all.When we read that, I think we all shed a tear for poor, perverted, castrated manliness, lying there on the ground of the nation, being drowned by the metallic screams of deranged wimps.
At least, I know I did.
16 Responses to “My Prediction: He’ll be Pastor Swank in Another 50 Years”
This, from a guy Esera Tualo could snap in half like twig.
Come to think of it, Jim J. Bullock probably could do it too.
Come to think of it, Jim J. Bullock probably could do it too.
Holy mother of fritos, that’s awful. This guy must have been home schooled by a box turtle.
No, he meant “swashing”, SZ. It’s what happens when you’re the catcher.
Wow. You know, every time I realize that I live in a world where a fine publication like RenewAmerica is available to all on the intertubes, I take another Valium and have a nice lie-down.
Do you think that they just grab random street-corner ranters and say, ‘Hey, how’d you like your own column?’ I don’t know how else to explain the level of talent they manage to muster.
It’s either that, or it’s outpatient therapy for the local mental health clinic.
Do you think that they just grab random street-corner ranters and say, ‘Hey, how’d you like your own column?’ I don’t know how else to explain the level of talent they manage to muster.
It’s either that, or it’s outpatient therapy for the local mental health clinic.
Mark Foley is a sick man in a sick culture.
Reagan Republican, Roman Catholic, member of the House majority, businessman, son of acop First Responder…what culture would you have him come from, exactly?
Reagan Republican, Roman Catholic, member of the House majority, businessman, son of a
Ummmm, I thought Republicans were grownups, the party of personal responsibility, never blaming society for their problems?
OK, OK, O realize that during this Foley fiasco that screeds of this calibre (or lack thereof) are gonna be flying in at about 578/minute, and every one of them is gonna have that sick “gays = pedophiles” lie, or some variation on it. Just as I’m sure many will quote discredited liar Paul Cameron about how “a third of gays eat their lovers’ fecal matter” (you know, considering that I’ve never seen this in action, and I am a huge slut, where the fuck are these coprophages hiding, anyway?). In any event, too steady a diet of this kinda crap just makes me want to kill people. No, really, it enrages me to no end. So, I’d really appreciate the occasional non-gaybasher to mock. I might even say something nice about them (but don’t hold your breath). So, no offense, ladies, but I really wish Rep. Foley had been diddling the sixteen and seventeen-year-old female pages.
quote discredited liar Paul Cameron about how “a third of gays eat their lovers’ fecal matter”
Well, I guess we know what kind of internet porn HE looks at.
Well, I guess we know what kind of internet porn HE looks at.
I could not stop laughing after
It cannot defend itself; it cannot defend the ladies.
because my internal voice reading this put a drawn out emphasis on “the ladies”, pronouced it as “da laaaaydaaaays“, which forced me to imagine “SmooveMove” Hans “o’Def” Zieger in his pimped out vintage 1973 AMC Gremlin, cruisin the streets looking for a piece. Oh yeah, baby- He’s got it goin on!
It cannot defend itself; it cannot defend the ladies.
because my internal voice reading this put a drawn out emphasis on “the ladies”, pronouced it as “da laaaaydaaaays“, which forced me to imagine “SmooveMove” Hans “o’Def” Zieger in his pimped out vintage 1973 AMC Gremlin, cruisin the streets looking for a piece. Oh yeah, baby- He’s got it goin on!
Wow! A whole lot of projecting going on here.
Hans:
I’m sorry, dude. Those feelings your trying so hard to control? No, you’re not gay. You’re a pedophile.
Hans:
I’m sorry, dude. Those feelings your trying so hard to control? No, you’re not gay. You’re a pedophile.
I might also point out that Penn & Teller’s Showtime show was actualled *called* “Bullshit” — the point being to debunk lies. Where did he think he was? Penn & Teller’s Hugging & Sharing Hour?
I’m shedding a tear for the English language.
Yes, David E., he did, and he was really disappointed.
As for this young person’s potential for becoming another Swank (what’s his first name, anyway? unless it’s “Pastor”…), I have my doubts. Where is the dismembered sentence structure? Where is the wild boinging from crag to conceptual crag, too fast for the normal reader to follow, as if someone was twiddling a live electrode around in the Pastor’s brain? You can’t develop those chops, you have to have them given to you by, um, God.
“The simple quiet of manliness is drowned by the metallic screams and the roars and the hideous emotive sighs of deranged wimps, if indeed it is manliness down there beneath it all.”
Issssuuues, anyone?
The projection here is beyond…something.
The people who obsess over, and write long columns about these issues never seem to get that.
They just assume we’re all (or half of us) stewing over our keyboards screaming, “teh gayz! Teh gayz!”
Issssuuues, anyone?
The projection here is beyond…something.
The people who obsess over, and write long columns about these issues never seem to get that.
They just assume we’re all (or half of us) stewing over our keyboards screaming, “teh gayz! Teh gayz!”
When we read that, I think we all shed a tear for poor, perverted, castrated manliness, lying there on the ground of the nation, being drowned by the metallic screams of deranged wimps.
Joe: There’s that badass Chevy again. Look at the snatch he’s got with him.
Ants: Hey, man, he looks like a wimp.
Curt: Probably is. Wimps get all the snatch.
[Carlos and Ants look at him. Like who asked him to open his mouth.]
–American Graffiti
Joe: There’s that badass Chevy again. Look at the snatch he’s got with him.
Ants: Hey, man, he looks like a wimp.
Curt: Probably is. Wimps get all the snatch.
[Carlos and Ants look at him. Like who asked him to open his mouth.]
–American Graffiti
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