The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Saturday, May 31, 2014

Dorothy Parker Called Her Parakeet “Onan”

…because he was “always spilling his seed.”
Jonanism, the second-greatest word ever*, is roughly defined here (“any and all loose examples of [Jonah Goldberg's] self-contradictory, tedious piffle”) and coinedby my new hero, Calling All Toasters. Pinko Punko speaksthe awful truth:
The fact that no one came up with “Jonanism” before the above suggests that the entire snarkopotamia should hang their heads in disgrace and possibly turn in their commenting badges.
It’s sad. But this wrong can righted, can it not? Let’s get this puppy in the vernacular.
I agree. This neologism is like a soothing balm. Let’s apply it generously to the inflamed, throbbing ass of the English language, and help to heal the chromosomal damage that two older, previously useful words, “liberal” and “fascism,” suffered through prolonged exposure to Jonah.
It’ll be like those old commercials they used to air during the holidays, with a stop-motion Santa tobogganing around on a Norelco shaver: “Jonah: Even his name says ‘I’m wanking.’”
Posted by scott on Thursday, February 28th, 2008 at 1:27 pm.

Great, the old “What have you done for me lately?” internets. I guess my own contribution, “Six scatological things the “F.” in George F. Will might stand for” is ancient history to you kids.
If I had a parakeet named Jonah, I’d eat it.
Wouldn’t that make you throw up?
The idea of Jonah as a parakeet does make me think of “Whatever Happened To Baby Jane?”, and casting Lucienne in the Joan Crawford role. But who’d be Bette Davis in that scenario? And who’d be Victor Buono?
Liberal Fascism is not a book to be put aside lightly; it should be thrown with great force.
If I had a parakeet named Jonah, I’d trade it in for a real keet.
What do you call a couple of poets?
Pair o’ Keats!
Darnit, Monkay, now I’m wracking my brain trying to remember which book that originally referred to-that’s a Parker quote, isn’t it?
Darnit, Monkay, now I’m wracking my brain trying to remember which book that originally referred to-that’s a Parker quote, isn’t it?
yep, it was Benito Mussolini’s “The Cardinal’s Mistress” and google is your friend
Oh, comparing Jonah to Mussolini is SO unfair.
…to Mussolini.
(Like nobody saw THAT coming. :) )
So, when are scott or s.z. going to offer their glowing tribute to the late racist, anti-Semitic homophobic gasbag W. F. Buckley?
If Parker was born forty years later, she would have named it “Onan the Batarian”…
Maybe it’s the drugs, but y’all are fucking SMOKING tonight!!!
I couldn’t be prouder of y’all. Honestly, all snark aside. I am envious and vaguely depressed by all of the great lines in this thread, ’cause I don’t have a fucking thing to top any of them or to even vaguely compete.
Now I don’t just feel like an outsider/lurker around here, I feel like that kid who got left-back so many times that she was rolling her own cigarettes and dating the teachers in JUNIOR HIGH. Short-bus special.
But nonetheless, my inferiority complexes aside, know that y’all done good. Damned good. Gold stars all around.
Years ago some talk-show host accidentally introduced an author saying about his book: “Once you put it down you just can’t pick it up!”
so I guess a practitioner of Jonanism would be known as an “OrangeManhood”
Is that like an Orange Julius?
nah, more the after-effects of Cheetoh(TM) stained fingers
Ah. I missed the visual…
Lucky you.
It’s time to take Goldberg’s “Liberal Fascism,” turn it around, bend it over and love him right back.
That’s right, Jonah-bitch, ugh-ugh, you like that, don’t you? And that little, ugh, twist at the end? That’s gonna cost you extra!
This post has been up for days. Is anybody there?

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