In his Los Angeles Times column today, Jonah Goldberg bitches that former radicals who engaged in domestic terrorism in the 1960s are allowed to rejoin society and even obtain teaching positions at reputable universities, while neo-cons who sponsored terrorism in Central American in the 1980s can only get jobs in the Bush Administration.
But the real point of the piece is to reveal Jonah’s Two Patented Secretsto being a smartypants. Number 1: You don’t have to worry about being able to answer the question if you only ask questions that answer themselves!
“Okay, repeat after me in unison, and all together, at the same time: Us am smart!”
Here’s a few brief examples:
I don’t think such associations should cost people their careers or place in polite society. But shouldn’t this baggage cost something?
If you’re United Airlines, the cost is $25 for each bag. Unless your baggage contains cocaine designed to fund a guerrilla war in Nicaragua, in which case it’s on the house, and please enjoy the complimentary beverage service.
Why is it only conservative “cranks” who think it’s relevant that Obama’s campaign headquarters in Houston had a Che Guevara-emblazoned Cuban flag hanging on the wall?
Because the only other person likely to care whether you have a Che poster on your wall is your Mom, and once you move out of the house, she’s not the boss of you anymore. (By the way, Jonah, whinging about these kids today, with their inflammatory decor and their electoral support for mulattoes, is pretty much the job description of “conservative ‘cranks,’” at least according to the listings on Monster.com.
Indeed, why is love of Che still radically chic at all? A murderer who believed that “the U.S. is the great enemy of mankind” shouldn’t be anyone’s romantic hero.
You want romance? Do what conservatives do and stick with the classics: Abelard and Héloise. Apollo and Hyacinthus. Peggy Noonan and Reagan’s shoe…(I first saw President Reagan as a foot, highly polished brown cordovan wagging merrily on a hassock. I spied it through the door. It was a beautiful foot, sleek. Such casual elegance and clean lines! But not a big foot, not formidable, maybe a little …frail. I imagined cradling it in my arms, protecting it from unsmooth roads.)
Why are Fidel Castro’s apologists progressive and enlightened but apologists for Augusto Pinochet frightening and authoritarian?
1) Because the latter group is in authority, and they’ve made a frightening mess of it. And 2) Because none of Castro’s apologists, no matter how much they might admire him, want to see Fidel put incharge of Iraq: (I THINK ALL intelligent, patriotic and informed people can agree: It would be great if the U.S. could find an Iraqi Augusto Pinochet. In fact, an Iraqi Pinochet would be even better than an Iraqi Castro.)
Why was Sen. Trent Lott’s kindness to former segregationist Sen. Strom Thurmond a scandal but Obama’s acquaintance with an unrepentant terrorist a triviality?
Probably because Senator Obama didn’t appear at William Ayers’ birthday party and declare, “I want to say this about my state: When the Weather Underground tried to bomb the Pentagon, we supported them. We’re proud of it. And if the rest of the country had followed our lead, we wouldn’t have had all these problems over all these years, either.”
I have my own answers to these questions. But I’m interested in theirs.
Because that’s the second of Jonah’s Two Patented Secrets to being a smartypantload: Cheat off the other guy’s paper.
In the Democratic debate this week, maybe moderators can resist the temptation to repeat healthcare questions for the billionth time
…because who cares about that crap? Voters in this election must deal with issues of war, national security, civil rights, a ballooning deficit, a housing crisis, a deteriorating job market, skyrocketing fuel prices, andincreasingly costly healthcare, and the only way we can determine who is best qualified to lead us through these challenges is for the media to stop dwelling on trivialities and find out who Obama sat next to at the board meetings of a local charity.
…and instead ask America’s foremost liberal representatives why being a radical means never having to say you’re sorry.
And if there’s one thing Jonah’s career has demonstrated, it’s that being an idiot means never having to say you’re sorry, either, since you can usually get by with “oops,” “Mommy!” or “here’s my column — oh, and that stuff that’s making the pages stick together is mayonnaise. Honest.”
Posted by scott on Tuesday, February 26th, 2008 at 9:18 pm.14 Responses to “Jonah Goldberg Says: Now You Can Be Almost As Smartest As Me Are!”
Why is it only conservative “cranks” who think it’s relevant that Obama’s campaign headquarters in Houston had a Che Guevara-emblazoned Cuban flag hanging on the wall?
Errr, maybe because it’s only the conservative “cranks” who think it WAS Obama’s campaign headquarters, when most rational people know it’s a volunteer satellite office, set up by and FUNDED by volunteers–not Obama’s campaign.
Errr, maybe because it’s only the conservative “cranks” who think it WAS Obama’s campaign headquarters, when most rational people know it’s a volunteer satellite office, set up by and FUNDED by volunteers–not Obama’s campaign.
I hope that the appropriate copyright payments are even now on their way to the inventor of the rhetorical question (this being Rhythmic Rhetor the Rhyming Rhetorician from Rhodes).
Why are… apologists for Augusto Pinochet frightening and authoritarian?
It’s more that they are brain-chillingly ignorant, and intent on staying that way. Faced with the hard work of Googling “history democracy Chile”, they prefer to stick to their comfortable assumption that there has never been anything south of the Equator except banana plantations and coups d’etat, allowing them to commit such crimes against Irony as
Pinochet’s abuses helped create a civil society… Pinochet built up democratic institutions and infrastructure.
Why are… apologists for Augusto Pinochet frightening and authoritarian?
It’s more that they are brain-chillingly ignorant, and intent on staying that way. Faced with the hard work of Googling “history democracy Chile”, they prefer to stick to their comfortable assumption that there has never been anything south of the Equator except banana plantations and coups d’etat, allowing them to commit such crimes against Irony as
Pinochet’s abuses helped create a civil society… Pinochet built up democratic institutions and infrastructure.
Afterthought. The article would have more impact if Jonah could point to cases where being a Pinochet apologist or a Holocaust denier had held back his own career.
Indeed, why is love of Che still radically chic at all?
It’s not. It’s just the sort of thing kids do to get grumps to grump at them. You know, like Satanism, owning a lockpick set, and tongue piercings. Some of them are actually into these things, but most of them are just going for a reaction to being the kind of person who is into those things. Which, Jonah, is both answered by and caused by your other question about why conservative cranks are the only ones yelling “Turn that goddamned music down!” at the college kids with the Che posters. Because everyone else remembers their own young adulthood and knows it only encourages their idiocy and hinders their eventual finding of their own way in the world.
Incidentally, I view this as a good reason we should all be ignoring Jonah’s book. It just encourages him to be an asshole, and as long as he’s convinced he’s the Stephen Hawking of fascist fingerpointing he’s never going to develop an actual personality.
There are, of course, other reasons we shouldn’t be ignoring him, reasons mostly relating to the health of public discourse, and they tend to outweigh Jonah’s lack of personal happiness. So, you know, taunt the clown all you like. I’m gonna.
It’s not. It’s just the sort of thing kids do to get grumps to grump at them. You know, like Satanism, owning a lockpick set, and tongue piercings. Some of them are actually into these things, but most of them are just going for a reaction to being the kind of person who is into those things. Which, Jonah, is both answered by and caused by your other question about why conservative cranks are the only ones yelling “Turn that goddamned music down!” at the college kids with the Che posters. Because everyone else remembers their own young adulthood and knows it only encourages their idiocy and hinders their eventual finding of their own way in the world.
Incidentally, I view this as a good reason we should all be ignoring Jonah’s book. It just encourages him to be an asshole, and as long as he’s convinced he’s the Stephen Hawking of fascist fingerpointing he’s never going to develop an actual personality.
There are, of course, other reasons we shouldn’t be ignoring him, reasons mostly relating to the health of public discourse, and they tend to outweigh Jonah’s lack of personal happiness. So, you know, taunt the clown all you like. I’m gonna.
Fuck, Jonah’s actually flogging the “but he had a Che poster!” and the “he once sat next to a commie!” talking points. I’m sorry to say I gave him to much credit. I had thought that stuff was to transparently stupid even for him. You always find new ways to impress me Doughwad.
Well, in Jonah’s case, I actually BELIEVE it’s mayonnaise.
or “here’s my column — oh, and that stuff that’s making the pages stick together is mayonnaise. Honest.”
Gee, thanks a heap for that image, scott. From now on I won’t ever be able to enjoy a sandwich with mayo on it.
Why couldn’t you have picked on some other sticky-white substance, like library paste? It’s not as if Doughbob Pantboy doesn’t eat the stuff, so it’s even plausible that it would be sticking the pages of his latest Magnum Crapus together.
And don’t you dare say a word about butter or triple-cream brie; leave us something to enjoy!
Gee, thanks a heap for that image, scott. From now on I won’t ever be able to enjoy a sandwich with mayo on it.
Why couldn’t you have picked on some other sticky-white substance, like library paste? It’s not as if Doughbob Pantboy doesn’t eat the stuff, so it’s even plausible that it would be sticking the pages of his latest Magnum Crapus together.
And don’t you dare say a word about butter or triple-cream brie; leave us something to enjoy!
Peggy Noonan needs to be put into a padded cell and fed through a slot in the door. I was fixing to go all “tut, tut” on you for hyperbole and then I Googled “President Reagan as a foot,” feeling like a fool as I did so. Oh. Dear. Me.
I’m going to go and lie down with a cool cloth on my forehead for a while…
I’m going to go and lie down with a cool cloth on my forehead for a while…
Fish in a barrel called, and they really want you to quit picking on Jonah.
Wait, that Noonan stuff was real? (Googles the quote) I’m speechless.
Why are… apologists for Augusto Pinochet frightening and authoritarian?
Much easier to demonstrate than explain. I suggest that Jonah volunteer for the Victor Jara treatment, which begins with having one’s hands cut off and then gets creative.
Much easier to demonstrate than explain. I suggest that Jonah volunteer for the Victor Jara treatment, which begins with having one’s hands cut off and then gets creative.
i am convinced Jonah and momma Lucianne share a blue dress
Well, you know, Pinochet overthrew the elected government of Chile with backing from the good old US of A.
But, to be fair to Jonah, Castro’s apologists have also wielded huge amounts of power and convinced the US government to ally itself with Castro.
Castro apologists also convinced us to annex Candyland, which is why the price of gumdrops here is half what it is in Europe.
Okay, isn’t the LA Times a fairly large and well-regarded paper? Who the fuck hired Jonah Goldberg, and why?
Incidentally, my dad always gets irritated by people who use the Black Panthers as scapegoats. His main memory of them is the soup kitchens they opened.
Also, black people in the 60s were in arguably worse shape then the founding fathers were when they decided to use an armed revolution to achieve their goals.
But, to be fair to Jonah, Castro’s apologists have also wielded huge amounts of power and convinced the US government to ally itself with Castro.
Castro apologists also convinced us to annex Candyland, which is why the price of gumdrops here is half what it is in Europe.
Okay, isn’t the LA Times a fairly large and well-regarded paper? Who the fuck hired Jonah Goldberg, and why?
Incidentally, my dad always gets irritated by people who use the Black Panthers as scapegoats. His main memory of them is the soup kitchens they opened.
Also, black people in the 60s were in arguably worse shape then the founding fathers were when they decided to use an armed revolution to achieve their goals.
It would be great if the U.S. could find an Iraqi Augusto Pinochet. In fact, an Iraqi Pinochet would be even better than an Iraqi Castro.)
We had one. And then we had him hanged. Saddam something or other.
We had one. And then we had him hanged. Saddam something or other.
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