Cindy McCain, A Real First Lady, by Katherine Jean Lopez: With all this talk of “change,” it’s important to remember that the First Lady embodies many of our most quintessentially American customs and virtues, and it’s easy to imagine Cindy McCain as a part of that sacred heritage. Like Nancy Reagan, she boasts a glossy, immobile, deathmask-like face thanks to Botox and plastic surgery; like Betty Ford, she’s a former prescription drug addict; and like each and every one of her predecessors, she maintains a long and unblemished record of being white.
Why I’m Voting Democrat, by Ben Shapiro: “All Jews are funny,” is a vicious stereotype, which I’m going to debunk right here by writing some jokes.
Is Gay Marriage Inevitable? by Maggie Gallagher: No! No, dammit, no! There’s still time to wage a holy war! Those bundles of sticks they used to burn people at the stake during the Inquisition were called “faggots” for a reason!
Was the Holocaust Inevitable? by Patrick Buchanan: Sadly, no. If Winston Churchill was so smart, he would’ve allowed the Third Reich to eliminate the Soviet Union, then Hitler wouldn’t have ordered the Final Solution when things went sour, and would merely have continued his pre-War policy of sending Jews to concentration and slave labor camps.
Justice Kennedy: American Idle, by Ann Coulter: Surprise! I still exist.
Degrees of Incompetence, by Rich Tucker: “Well, it’s that time of year again. Students are pouring out of high schools across the country, with most getting ready for the next natural step: college. In one sense that’s good. Today’s economy requires more people than ever to have college degrees, and studies show those people make more money and enjoy their jobs more than people without college degrees.” See what I did right there? I padded out the word count with inane cliches and mundane observations — a valuable skill I learned…in college! Anyway, too many poor people and minorities are going to college and diluting the value of my bachelor of arts degree when they should be going to vocational schools or doing manual labor so we don’t have to look the other way when all those Mexicans cross the border.
Bay Buchanan Shares Her Story of Conservative Activism with Students, by Laura Donovan: If you’re a woman in government, don’t fight for equal treatment and respect, because you’ll just be remembered as a bitch. But if you pick your battles, you can go down in history as a doormat.
Posted by scott on June 21st, 2008
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