The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

George Bush’s Body Is A’Moldin’ In The Polls: An Elegy

Historic occasions deserve words of historic value; inspiring, enduring speeches, such as Lincoln’s Second Inaugural (“with malice toward none, with charity for all”), Martin Luther King’s, “I Have a Dream,” speech, and Miss Teen South Carolina’s Address to the Pageant (“I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps”).  Today is one such occasion.  Not merely because we have elected Barack Obama president, but because we are about to bid farewell to George W. Bush.  But is it possible for mere words to do justice to this man, and the giant-asteroid-from-Armageddon-like impact he has had on this nation over the past eight years?  Personally, I would think a horsewhip, barrel of tar, or federal indictment would be a more apposite testimonial; nonetheless, I suspect that even now, all across Wingnuttia, grown men and women are biting down on their quivering lower lips, and putting pen to tear-stained foolscap.  And you know what that means…
It means another World O’Crap contest!  Brought to you by our friend, David E., who sent me this prescient email on July 14:
I’m thinking ahead, as many of us are, to Jan. 20, 2009. In the cinema of my mind, I see Obama approaching Bush on the tarmac in front of the helicopter waiting to take Bush away. Bush reaches out his hand to shake Obama’s. Obama starts to lean in, but then pulls his hand back and knees him in the groin.  The movie usually ends there, but I suppose after the credits, Michelle could kick him in the face with a spiked heel. And then Sam Jackson could appear just because it would be cool.
But I digress. I got to thinking about how our seriously nutty friends in the right-wing blogosphere will summarize the Bush presidency. What rhetorical flights of fancy they will use in the verbal fellatios. What will the encomiums be? Hinderaker’s going to have work hard to top his “Bush is like a misunderstood genius” post of years ago, which won him the coveted World O Crap Top Wingnut award (or whatever we called it). But I think between him, and Pam, and Malkin and K-Lo and Ace and Confederate Yankee, they’ll make a run for it.  My visions run along the lines of, “Fly, little sparrow. The world will come to appreciate the wonders you worked, to see your healing power. You did unite us, whether we know it or not. Our hearts are forever transformed. America has the chance to be reborn in your wake.”
So, I propose a contest. Let W’oC readers submit their own parody encomium of the Bush years. Put them up as a gallery . . . and then let’s compare to the actual ones that start emerging from the swamp. Winner goes to any W’oC reader that can make one in parody that is more saccharine and sentimental than the worst of the actual ones.  I’m not sure it can be done.
But I certainly think it’s worth trying, don’t you?  Last night I received this email from Sheri:
I was just scrolling through “the Corner,” looking to see how the election results were going (I figure the Cornerites are like canaries in a mine), and I saw this:
While We’re Waiting   [Lisa Schiffren]
o be honest, when I saw the headline, I thought this was going to be a sniffy, “thanks alot for getting us into this mess” kind of piece. But no, it is genuine thanks to a President who did a few really important things, because they were the right and not the popular thing to do. And he did them with the sure knowledge that his thanks will come when he is long gone. I join Andrew Breitbart in still believing, despite all the domestic failings, despite the policies that leave conservatism in a heap on the ground, awaiting revival, that George Bush is a genuinely decent man, with very solid instincts in the War on Terror — the signal issue of his terms. Keeping us safe is not a small thing. So thank you, Mr. President, indeed. We hope your successor does as well.
It has begun . . .
And I just stepped in this, over the the WSJ:
Just as Americans have gained perspective on how challenging Truman’s presidency was in the wake of World War II, our country will recognize the hardship President Bush faced these past eight years — and how extraordinary it was that he accomplished what he did in the wake of the September 11 attacks.The treatment President Bush has received from this country is nothing less than a disgrace. The attacks launched against him have been cruel and slanderous, proving to the world what little character and resolve we have. The president is not to blame for all these problems. He never lost faith in America or her people, and has tried his hardest to continue leading our nation during a very difficult time.
Our failure to stand by the one person who continued to stand by us has not gone unnoticed by our enemies. It has shown to the world how disloyal we can be when our president needed loyalty — a shameful display of arrogance and weakness that will haunt this nation long after Mr. Bush has left the White House.
True, this is actually more pouty than weepy — Americans are a bunch of snotty ingrates who don’t deserve to have a man like Bush do our presidentin’ for us — but I’m sure David is right, and as the day of his departure draws nigh, the retrospectives will grow increasingly lachrymose.

So here’s the rules.  Write your own encomium to Bush, Cheney, their administration, accomplishments, and legacy, and make it as teary, over the top, and choked with rage and self-pity as possible.  Post it here in comments, and the winner (announced January 20, 2009) will receive either a valuable prize, or a Wo’C Mug and an autographed copy ofBetter Living Through Bad Movies.
Posted by scott on November 5th, 2008

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