I popped into NRO’s The Corner a few minutes ago, just to see if they were waxing wroth about middle class communism and the ever-increasing acreage of anti-American America, and found the joint fairly dead, except for NR editor and former Bush speech writer Jay Nordlinger, who was pacing around, cranking out post after consecutive post, and arguing with himself like Anthony Perkins in Psycho. First, he treats us to an account of his evening at the cinema, but wanders off-topic midway through when he begins to hallucinate that his neighbors are reptiles:
What’s in a Hiss? [Jay Nordlinger]Had a funny moment last night — and it has to do with hissing. I’ve written on this subject: The Left hisses. I first noticed it when I was a kid growing up in Ann Arbor. Horrible, sinister sound — snake-like. Anyway, was in a movie theater on the Upper West Side (Manhattan). And a preview of Oliver Stone’s movie W. came on. And the hissing was kind of strange — sort of tentative hissing. Because they were hissing the president, of course — they had to do that. But they were aware it was an Oliver Stone movie, too – and Stone is good in their theology. So, they were unsure whether to hiss or not. They wanted to hiss the subject of the film, but not the film itself. You know? It was the most unusual hissing I have ever heard.
I’ve occasionally wondered what would drive someone to write for the NRO when there are many more respectable and lucrative forms of online porn that are equally hungry for content. And if we are going to judge the matter by Jay, it’s clear the motivating force is some sort of psychopathy; but I have to give him credit for a remarkably genial and phlegmatic brand of dementia, since he seems less horrified than bemused by the prospect of sharing the Upper West Side with a race of bipedal reptiles who communicate their socialist agenda entirely with sibilance.
Fifteen minutes later, Jay was visited by a much more congenial delusion:
A Vote from (Way) Up North [Jay Nordlinger]Had lunch with a couple who had just been to a law-school reunion in California (Stanford). They met a classmate who, immediately after law school, moved to Fairbanks and has practiced there ever since. The inevitable question: “What do you think of your governor?” The answer, “Oh, we love her — everyone in Alaska does. Everything she says and does is right. And, I tell you: If she ever came up against Putin, he’d fall before her. She’s tough as nails. There’s steel beneath the attractive warmth.” Yup. I hope she goes far, far. And the campaign of hate and vilification against her has been one of the most disgusting things I have ever witnessed in American public life.
Yes, it’s one thing for Bull Connor to turn police dogs and fire hoses on non-violent protesters, but the MSM sought to destroy the Republican Party by letting Katie Couric off the leash! Fortunately, there was no harm done, as the Alaska governor is made of liquid metal.
Your Papers, Please [Jay Nordlinger]Have a friend who was in Riverside Park (Manhattan) with his baby daughter. A woman came up to him and said, “Are you a registered Democrat?” He said no. She said, “Well, you can register right now — it will just take a second. I have the necessary paperwork here.” He said, “No, actually, that’s not it — I am registered. It’s just that I’m a registered Republican.” He said that the woman gave him a look of hate such as he had seldom seen — sent a shudder down his spine. She walked away, still glaring, bitterly, without a word.
Now I want to believe Jay — he hasn’t lied to us yet, has he? — and on the surface, this story certainly sounds plausible, because after all, haven’t we all been accosted in a park by bitter voting registration activists who glare at us and seethe with silent hatred? But the thing is, if the woman was really a Leftist, wouldn’t she have hissed? I’d find this anecdote a lot easier to swallow if she’d said, “Well you can regissssssster right now — it will jussssst take a sssssecond. I have the necesssssssary paperwork…” and then maybe smelled him with her tongue. I mean, to hear Jay’s friend tell it, you’d scarcely believe she was hiding scales underneath her latex face.
Now, the thing is, my friend’s not very political at all — he’s not like me and the rest of us NRO-niks. He just has a nice career (unrelated to politics), and a nice family, loves to play golf, likes to go to the movies, and goes about his business. And he thought, “Shouldn’t she simply have been pleased that I was registered? Isn’t political participation and good citizenship what it’s all about?”
Oh, no, no, my friend — not by a long shot. Come the revolution, you will understand. And that lady will give you a good long time in a camp to think about it.
On the bright side, I hear they’ll be serving honey-glazed chickenwith whole wheat pita and your choice of fruit in the camp. Plus, if you’re an Autumn, those orange jumpsuits will flatter your natural coloring.
Posted by scott on Sunday, October 19th, 2008 at 9:47 pm.
22 Responses to “On Sundays, Nordlinger Likes To Sneak Into The Corner And Run Around Nude”
Come the revolution, you will understand. And that lady will give you a good long time in a camp to think about it.
Concentration camps for Republicans? I thought that’s what “gated communities” were for – after all, self imposed prisons are the most cost effective prisons of all since the inmates actually pay for the “privilege”.
Once we get them all safely ensconced, just don’t open the gates anymore.
Concentration camps for Republicans? I thought that’s what “gated communities” were for – after all, self imposed prisons are the most cost effective prisons of all since the inmates actually pay for the “privilege”.
Once we get them all safely ensconced, just don’t open the gates anymore.
Do these idiots ever think about what living in constant terror does to them? Or how blind panic doesn’t help a discourse? Or -
Oh, wait. First five words.
Never mind.
Oh, wait. First five words.
Never mind.
Wait, so in New York you register either as a Republican or a Democrat? Even for the general election? Or do they just allow registrars to specialize?
“Shouldn’t she simply have been pleased that I was registered? Isn’t political participation and good citizenship what it’s all about?”
Um, hasn’t Krusty’s Korner been on a bender about Obama’s web of sinister associates who are communists, terrorists, gangsters, or agglomerations thereof? Shouldn’t they simply have been pleased that Obama was willing to be a public servant and an all-around good sport?
Um, hasn’t Krusty’s Korner been on a bender about Obama’s web of sinister associates who are communists, terrorists, gangsters, or agglomerations thereof? Shouldn’t they simply have been pleased that Obama was willing to be a public servant and an all-around good sport?
“Come the revolution, you will understand. And that lady will give you a good long time in a camp to think about it.”
Yeah? And when Black Osama sends your honky ass to Gitmo without charge or trial, who will have given him the precedent and legal justifications to do it? Remember Nerdlinger, it’s not torture unless you start loosing organs, so stop complaining.
Yeah? And when Black Osama sends your honky ass to Gitmo without charge or trial, who will have given him the precedent and legal justifications to do it? Remember Nerdlinger, it’s not torture unless you start loosing organs, so stop complaining.
Jay needs a girlfriend.
Wait, so in New York you register either as a Republican or a Democrat?
No. You can register as whatever you please, including independent. Hell, Bill O’Reilly claims he’s registered as an independent here!
No. You can register as whatever you please, including independent. Hell, Bill O’Reilly claims he’s registered as an independent here!
He said that the woman gave him a look of hate such as he had seldom seen — sent a shudder down his spine. She walked away, still glaring, bitterly, without a word.
So here we have Nordy’s second hand account of a… what’s the legal term, again?
Oh right, HEARSAY conversation that his friend likely misheard (maybe the woman had stepped in dogshit while walking over?), perhaps after he’d taken a hit of crack in the woods behind the parkhouse.
It would be irresponsible not to speculate…
So here we have Nordy’s second hand account of a… what’s the legal term, again?
Oh right, HEARSAY conversation that his friend likely misheard (maybe the woman had stepped in dogshit while walking over?), perhaps after he’d taken a hit of crack in the woods behind the parkhouse.
It would be irresponsible not to speculate…
It’s not as if there hasn’t been a fair amount of this sort of thing on the left the past few years. Talk of cancelled elections, false flag attacks, detention camps, etc. I’ve always felt that this kind of talk was over the top, regardless of whom it was coming from.
Of course, such talk from the left has come during an administration that has shown demonstrable disregard for the Constitution, as opposed to an entirely theoretical future administration that nobody knows much about, making theirparanoia quite a bit nuttier.
Of course, such talk from the left has come during an administration that has shown demonstrable disregard for the Constitution, as opposed to an entirely theoretical future administration that nobody knows much about, making theirparanoia quite a bit nuttier.
Me,
I call it the “roller coaster” syndrome.
You know, you’re standing in line for the latest thrill ride at Six Flags or Knott’s, and it’s a lonnnnnnng line, and you’re chatting with your friend nervously about this turn or that hill, but when you take the ride and it’s over, it wasn’t nearly as terrifying as you led yourself to believe.
Of course, what this does do is codify a whole long list of “predictions” we can throw back in their faces in four years when they start complaining about how awful Obama has been and how he’s lived down to their expectations.
I call it the “roller coaster” syndrome.
You know, you’re standing in line for the latest thrill ride at Six Flags or Knott’s, and it’s a lonnnnnnng line, and you’re chatting with your friend nervously about this turn or that hill, but when you take the ride and it’s over, it wasn’t nearly as terrifying as you led yourself to believe.
Of course, what this does do is codify a whole long list of “predictions” we can throw back in their faces in four years when they start complaining about how awful Obama has been and how he’s lived down to their expectations.
Until the registration deadline closed I had been asked at least once a day (sometimes three or four times a day) if I was registered to vote (I do a lot of walking). I had never, ever, not once, been asked if I had been registered as a particular party.
Now this isn’t PROOF that Jay Nordlinger is full of shit. But it does suggest that he is.
Now this isn’t PROOF that Jay Nordlinger is full of shit. But it does suggest that he is.
shorter Nordlinger:
“Since a child I’ve been scared of smart people. In order to deal with their scornful rebukes, I imagine them as ugly old lizards.
Since I’ve become an adult, I’ve found that my childhood fantasies are real. I am accosted by these lizards in disguise on street corners and in movie theaters.
I find comfort in knowing that there is a mean mommy figure rising up on my behalf, to take vengeance against all these awful, scary lizards.”
“Since a child I’ve been scared of smart people. In order to deal with their scornful rebukes, I imagine them as ugly old lizards.
Since I’ve become an adult, I’ve found that my childhood fantasies are real. I am accosted by these lizards in disguise on street corners and in movie theaters.
I find comfort in knowing that there is a mean mommy figure rising up on my behalf, to take vengeance against all these awful, scary lizards.”
First they glared at the Republicans, and I said nothing because I wasn’t a Republican.
Then, they glared at a bunch of other people, and I said nothing, because I wasn’t a bunch of other people.
Finally, they glared at me, and I went home and watched Mythbusters and then I felt better.
Anyway, somebody at Sadly, No! linked to the voter registration piece. I feel like it would be guache to repeat the jokes I made there, but, luckily, it packs a lot of material into a small package. For example, when I first read it, I glossed over this:
Then, they glared at a bunch of other people, and I said nothing, because I wasn’t a bunch of other people.
Finally, they glared at me, and I went home and watched Mythbusters and then I felt better.
Anyway, somebody at Sadly, No! linked to the voter registration piece. I feel like it would be guache to repeat the jokes I made there, but, luckily, it packs a lot of material into a small package. For example, when I first read it, I glossed over this:
[My friend]’s not like me and the rest of us NRO-niks. He just has a nice career (unrelated to politics), and a nice family, loves to play golf, likes to go to the movies, and goes about his business.
Apparently the NRO-niks hate their jobs, are married to squawking harpies, hate fun, and constantly butt into other people’s business.
Seems pretty accurate, really.
Once it would have been thought gouache to repeat jokes from S,N!, but standards have declined. O tempera! O mores!
If anyone cares, not all Alaskans luuuuuurve Palin. In fact, there’s quite the healthy contingent of us that wishes she’d just go away and stay there. We’re also heartily sick of hearing about her every time we open the paper, but since she’s a local, we won’t be rid of her for a long, long, ridiculously long time…
Jay needs a girlfriend.Actor, why do you hate women so much?
Well, bagel, when I think of Nordlinger, I always remember that old standard:
“You’re nobody till somebody loves you.”
Clearly, it applies in Nordlinger’s case. SOMEone will just have to make the sacrifice for all our sakes.
“You’re nobody till somebody loves you.”
Clearly, it applies in Nordlinger’s case. SOMEone will just have to make the sacrifice for all our sakes.
But wouldn’t anyone who loves this toe-rag be severely damaged and desperate?
The inevitable question: “What do you think of your governor?” The answer, “Oh, we love her — everyone in Alaska does.”
Really? Including that Wasilla woman who wrote the widely-distributed e-mail about what a bitch Palin is?
Really? Including that Wasilla woman who wrote the widely-distributed e-mail about what a bitch Palin is?
So, Liberals are actually the villains in the 1980s SF series “V”? Cleverly-disguised reptilian creatures who seem nice until their true nature is revealed?
“Had a funny moment last night…” “Have a friend…” “Had lunch with a couple …”
Likes to drop his initial pronouns. Makes him feel masculine. Thinks it gives off a Raymond Chandler vibe. Masturbates bitterly every night.
Likes to drop his initial pronouns. Makes him feel masculine. Thinks it gives off a Raymond Chandler vibe. Masturbates bitterly every night.
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