First of all, I’d like to thank everyone for the wonderful birthday wishes; they were much appreciated. And I’d especially like to thank s.z. for the lovely tribute, and a photo which was not only thoughtful and appropriate, but also — according to our sitemeter stats — irresistible to that portion of the online community who spent yesterday searching Google Images for “nude albino Ann Coulter”+”nipples and muttonchops.”
I gave myself the gift of a wingnut free day, but it’s Tuesday morning, which means that Jonah Goldberg has washed down a bran muffin with a glass of Kool-Aid, and passed his latest column.
Obama prefers the word “progressive” to “liberal” because it makes it sound like he’s shedding old liberal ideas.
Or because it’s been regarded as a curse ever since Reagan began referring with mock horror to “the L-Word” (a term that has lately and proudly been reclaimed by fake TV lesbians) or twisted into its own antonym by vandals who gleefully egg and TP the language until oxymorons like “Liberal Fascism” are considered suitable book titles, rather than evidence of aphasia.
America first encountered the vision Obama espouses under Woodrow Wilson, the first progressive president, and the first to openly disparage the U.S. Constitution as a hindrance to enlightened government.
Yes, in those quaint, bygone days, our founding document was actually considered a “hindrance” to unfettered government action, as opposed to today’s more sophisticated view of the Constitution as a novelty doormat.
In a vital essay in the current Claremont Review of Books, Charles Kesler notes that Obama mentions Franklin Roosevelt in his book, “The Audacity of Hope,” more times than any living Democratic politician.
Huh? What the hell has a leader like FDR got to do with hope?
That’s not surprising, given that FDR — a veteran of the Wilson administration — carried the progressive vision of government much further than Wilson himself.
As Wilson’s Assistant Secretary of the Navy, Roosevelt singlehandedly turned the entire service into an anarcho-syndicalist collective.
In 1944, FDR proposed updating the Bill of Rights with a new “economic bill of rights” that would define freedom not as liberty from government intrusion but as the possession of goodies provided by government.
You tell ‘em, Jonah. Can you believe this list of goodies Roosevelt was throwing around like a drunken Mardi Gras krewe pitching beads at a bunch of bare-breasted co-eds?
The right to a useful and remunerative job in the industries or shops or farms or mines of the nation;
The right to earn enough to provide adequate food and clothing and recreation;
The right of every farmer to raise and sell his products at a return which will give him and his family a decent living;
The right of every businessman, large and small, to trade in an atmosphere of freedom from unfair competition and domination by monopolies at home or abroad;
The right of every family to a decent home;
The right to adequate medical care and the opportunity to achieve and enjoy good health;
The right to adequate protection from the economic fears of old age, sickness, accident, and unemployment;
The right to a good education.
All of these rights spell security. And after this war is won we must be prepared to move forward, in the implementation of these rights, to new goals of human happiness and well-being.
Supporting Medicare, public schools, and anti-trust laws with tax dollars is the moral equivalent of Nancy Pelosi driving around in a Hummer and passing out free iPods. But back to Jonah:
“Necessitous men are not free men,” FDR proclaimed.
Quoted, actually. “Necessitous men,” says the Lord Chancellor, in Vernon v Bethell, 2 Eden 113 (1762), “are not, truly speaking, free men; but, to answer a present emergency, will submit to any terms that the crafty may impose on them.” Which makes it even worse, because we’re this close to electing a man who’s in secret thrall to 18th century Soviet commissars! Not to mention terrorists, which Jonah actually does mention because he’s got a checklist to get through. So he also gifts us with yet another citation of William Ayers, a man who — though Obama doesn’t condone his actions in the 1960s — nonetheless helped the future Senator to terrorize public education by bombing the Chicago school system with reform. But Jonah saves his precious wind for the big finish — rearranging the words and meanings of that old Obama radio interview until it resembles a Scrabble match played by four Pentecostals in the grip of glossolalia.
First, let’s look at what Obama actually said (via Political Animal), the better to appreciate Jonah’s lexigraphical legerdemain.
Obama in that interview said, “If you look at the victories and failures of the civil rights movement, and its litigation strategy in the court, I think where it succeeded was to vest formal rights in previously dispossessed peoples, so that I would now have the right to vote, I would now be able to sit at a lunch counter and order and as long as I could pay for it I’d be okay.”“But,” Obama said, “The Supreme Court never ventured into the issues of redistribution of wealth and sort of more basic issues of political and economic justice in this society. And to that extent as radical as I think people tried to characterize the Warren Court, it wasn’t that radical. It didn’t break free from the essential constraints that were placed by the founding fathers in the Constitution, as least as it’s been interpreted, and Warren Court interpreted in the same way that generally the Constitution is a charter of negative liberties, says what the states can’t do to you, says what the federal government can’t do to you, but it doesn’t say what the federal government or the state government must do on your behalf. And that hasn’t shifted.”Obama said “one of the, I think, the tragedies of the civil rights movement, was because the civil rights movement became so court focused, I think that there was a tendency to lose track of the political and community organizing activities on the ground that are able to put together the actual coalitions of power through which you bring about redistributive change, and in some ways we still suffer from that.”
When a caller inquired about whether the courts are the appropriate mechanism for socio-economic progress, Obama said remedies should come through legislation, not the judiciary.
Now let’s see how a master wordsmith can take these old words internally, digest them, and pull something entirely new, fresh, and misleading out of his ass:
A just-unearthed 2001 interview with Obama on Chicago public radio reveals as much. Then a law school instructor and state legislator, Obama offered an eloquent indictment of the Warren court for not being radical enough. While the court rightly gave blacks traditional rights, argued Obama, the “tragedy” was that “the Supreme Court never ventured into the issues of redistribution of wealth.” Unfortunately, according to Obama, “it didn’t break free from the essential constraints that were placed by the founding fathers and the Constitution.”
Now that’s some seriously green-minded recycling. And if Jonah hasn’t quite succeeding in turning his raw sewage into potable water, he’s at least made it suitable for irrigating the grapes of wrath.
Save for his skin color, Obama doesn’t represent anything novel. Rather, he symbolizes a return to an older vision of the United States that was seen as the “wave of the future” eight decades ago.
I for one have no desire to go back to that future.
In short, all Obama has going for him is his skin. And although that dusky flesh promises change for the future, it’s really a time machine that will take us back to the past! And who wears fake, but technologically advanced skin? The Lizard People from V, who conquered the entire Made for TV earth in 1983! And since leg warmers, crimped hair, and Ronald Reagan were also popular back then, I think I’ll just stay here with Jonah. You kids go on, have fun. Give my regards to the side ponytails and the Cabbage Patch dolls.
Posted by Scott on Tuesday, October 28th at 3:36 p.m.
24 Responses to “Jonah Goldberg Tells The Negroes: Your Skin Is Just A Fashion Statement”
Will Jonah Who Swallowed The Whale EVER run out of stupidity? I mean, just exhaust every resource of dumbass within until he callapses and just stops writing altogether?
See, this is why, when I’m in the mood for scrambled history I turn to David Brooks: the calories are just as empty, but there’s less lard and he rarely tries to garnish it with hacked-up bits of FDR.
For chrissakes, “Wilson was the first progressive president?” What, TR and Taft don’t count because they were Republicans? Does he imagine his audience didn’t finish junior high? Okay, so that’s justified. But, sheesh, “pathetic” is something for him to aspire to.
Honestly, the Times owes that Gelernter hack an apology.
For chrissakes, “Wilson was the first progressive president?” What, TR and Taft don’t count because they were Republicans? Does he imagine his audience didn’t finish junior high? Okay, so that’s justified. But, sheesh, “pathetic” is something for him to aspire to.
Honestly, the Times owes that Gelernter hack an apology.
As Wilson’s Assistant Secretary of the Navy, Roosevelt singlehandedly turned the entire service into an anarcho-syndicalist collective.
And made them paint the ships a pretty pink!
Unfortunately, according to Obama, “it didn’t break free from the essential constraints that were placed by the founding fathers and the Constitution.
But SCOTT! This is central to his point that Obama is a socialmalist!
And made them paint the ships a pretty pink!
Unfortunately, according to Obama, “it didn’t break free from the essential constraints that were placed by the founding fathers and the Constitution.
But SCOTT! This is central to his point that Obama is a socialmalist!
Assuming that Jonah (whom, I confess, I don’t read except in loving and protective environments like WoC’s) isn’t consciously misrepresenting Obama’s points in that interview, this a plummy example of how a mental pre-set can seriously warp understanding of printed material. He probably skimmed the transcript and certain key words like “radical” and “redistribution” leapt out to his eye as if illuminated by kosmikray hi-liter, and he instantly felt entirely justified into jumping to the same conclusions he always jumps to.
You see the same thing on the teevee all the time: Interviewee does not respond to what Interviewer actually asked because it doesn’t square with or relate to what Interviewee has already fixed his or her face to say. In some cases this is purposeful, but often it seems to be involuntary. They really don’t hear anything that’s not already in the internal script.
You see the same thing on the teevee all the time: Interviewee does not respond to what Interviewer actually asked because it doesn’t square with or relate to what Interviewee has already fixed his or her face to say. In some cases this is purposeful, but often it seems to be involuntary. They really don’t hear anything that’s not already in the internal script.
Shorter every conservative: Aiieeee! Obama thinks the government should HELP people! Scary! Scary!!
Liberal: Haven’t you been promising voters lower taxes — i.e., more money — for about 40 years?
Conservative: Black Muslim Marxist Terrorist Sissy African Chicagoan Abortionist Grandma-Killer!
Liberal: Haven’t you been promising voters lower taxes — i.e., more money — for about 40 years?
Conservative: Black Muslim Marxist Terrorist Sissy African Chicagoan Abortionist Grandma-Killer!
He probably skimmed the transcript and certain key words like “radical” and “redistribution” leapt out to his eye
The right wing is doing oppo-research by Google. “Did he ever say anything about ‘redistribution’? Try ‘redistribute’ and ‘redistributive’ too. OMG, a hit!!! To Drudge, away!”
The right wing is doing oppo-research by Google. “Did he ever say anything about ‘redistribution’? Try ‘redistribute’ and ‘redistributive’ too. OMG, a hit!!! To Drudge, away!”
You’d think that the LATimes could save themselves some money and cut out the middle-man by placing themselves on the same mailing list through which Jonah receives his talking-points, and simply printing them directly.
Roosevelt singlehandedly turned the entire service into an anarcho-syndicalist collective.
And made them paint the ships a pretty pink!
A Cubist / Vorticist colour-scheme would be more appropriate. Bring back Dazzle Ships, sez I.
Roosevelt singlehandedly turned the entire service into an anarcho-syndicalist collective.
And made them paint the ships a pretty pink!
A Cubist / Vorticist colour-scheme would be more appropriate. Bring back Dazzle Ships, sez I.
“…as opposed to today’s more sophisticated view of the Constitution as a novelty doormat.”
Favorite phrase of the day.
I’m still waiting for somebody to explain to me what, exactly, if any, purpose that Doughy Pantload serves on this planet,especially since it’s already overpopulated, so his turning oxygen into carbon dioxide is hardly a position that’s dying to be filled.And yes, I’m sure that the Cheetos company would feel a serious market-share twinge, should Jonah finally finish the black-hole-of-death that his “writing” (bleeding colitis) generally tends to rend in the time-space continuum, from its utter inversion of all reason and logic. In other words, he is the giant sucking chest-wound of the universe, into which all sense, grammar, writing skill, intelligence, and truth are disappeared as in a collapsed star’s wake.
But Cheetos would survive, as would we, if somebody could finally get this bigoted, ignorant-ass, useless-as-tits-on-a-boar-hog, moronic titty-suck of a cunt-fart OFF OF MY PLANET.
I’m not quite up to the road trip as of yet, but if I ever do hit the Powerball, I’ll be interviewing hit-women and hit-men by the dozens. It won’t be a fair fight, obviously, it’s not like Pantload can “outrun” anybody, but it will still be entertaining as hell. Imagine the You-Tube videos! Imagine the pay-per-view specials and the DVD sales!
Favorite phrase of the day.
I’m still waiting for somebody to explain to me what, exactly, if any, purpose that Doughy Pantload serves on this planet,especially since it’s already overpopulated, so his turning oxygen into carbon dioxide is hardly a position that’s dying to be filled.And yes, I’m sure that the Cheetos company would feel a serious market-share twinge, should Jonah finally finish the black-hole-of-death that his “writing” (bleeding colitis) generally tends to rend in the time-space continuum, from its utter inversion of all reason and logic. In other words, he is the giant sucking chest-wound of the universe, into which all sense, grammar, writing skill, intelligence, and truth are disappeared as in a collapsed star’s wake.
But Cheetos would survive, as would we, if somebody could finally get this bigoted, ignorant-ass, useless-as-tits-on-a-boar-hog, moronic titty-suck of a cunt-fart OFF OF MY PLANET.
I’m not quite up to the road trip as of yet, but if I ever do hit the Powerball, I’ll be interviewing hit-women and hit-men by the dozens. It won’t be a fair fight, obviously, it’s not like Pantload can “outrun” anybody, but it will still be entertaining as hell. Imagine the You-Tube videos! Imagine the pay-per-view specials and the DVD sales!
Poor Teddy gets left out. If one of my freshman had turned in Jonah’s essay in my history class I would have given it a solid D-. And he’s supposedly one of the brains of the RW???
Goddammit, my partner and a dozen co-workers just got laid off due to the shitty economy fuckwits like Goldberg brought us. The fact that a fuckwit like Goldberg still has a job that not only pays him well and flatters his ego but also gives his family health insurance has just turned from incomprehensible to utterly fucking insulting.
Every time I hear or read those any of those sycophantic morons giving out terror screams about “redistribution of wealth” I feel like going on a killing spree.
They have no problem redistributing my labor and efforts to suit their needs, to garner their wealth as they please, but somehow, when I ask for just compensation, the ability to live worry-free from the final financial end through disease, the ability to afford reasonable transportation (or have available, useful public transportation), comfortable housing and better eating than the soup isle at the dollar store, they whine incessantly that I am taking from them .
Nothing moral or logical determines the thinking of these fuckwits who steal the constructive hours of my life and wear my body to the bone serving their needs in order to feed myself, nothing.
For the last thirty years they have used the government as an instrument to steal from me the fruits of my labors, whether by my intellect or my back. Indeed, I am sure they understand quite well, that when their logic is applied in reverse to those like me, we deserve the government to act on our behalf to reclaim what has been stolen.
Obama scares the living hell out of them and to hear them scream from under their silk sheeted beds, knowing that actually its is in fear, gives me some comfort.
At least it keeps me from the gunshop.
They have no problem redistributing my labor and efforts to suit their needs, to garner their wealth as they please, but somehow, when I ask for just compensation, the ability to live worry-free from the final financial end through disease, the ability to afford reasonable transportation (or have available, useful public transportation), comfortable housing and better eating than the soup isle at the dollar store, they whine incessantly that I am taking from them .
Nothing moral or logical determines the thinking of these fuckwits who steal the constructive hours of my life and wear my body to the bone serving their needs in order to feed myself, nothing.
For the last thirty years they have used the government as an instrument to steal from me the fruits of my labors, whether by my intellect or my back. Indeed, I am sure they understand quite well, that when their logic is applied in reverse to those like me, we deserve the government to act on our behalf to reclaim what has been stolen.
Obama scares the living hell out of them and to hear them scream from under their silk sheeted beds, knowing that actually its is in fear, gives me some comfort.
At least it keeps me from the gunshop.
I’m not quite up to the road trip as of yet, but if I ever do hit the Powerball, I’ll be interviewing hit-women and hit-men by the dozens.I can’t pay you much for the job, but I do promise to tape the results!
What would you prefer I use:
A) a whiffle bat;
B) derision in a concentrated liquid form; or
C) bags of Cheetos, for the ultimate in Pantload desire/anguish?
C’mon, hire me! I can bring cookies!
After reading Jonah, I had a desire to see his head being repeatedly slammed against an iron bar. Then a vision, Jonah Goldberg and Dr. Mike in a cagefight to the death. That would be worth watching
The only way Jonah could be useful would be if he were willing to participate in some sort of charity benefit as the target in a dunking booth. Perhaps one filled with raw sewage. (Think of the line that’d form!)
Bill- judging by his work product, and his parentage,raw sewage was the Pantload’s amniotic fluid- falling into a tank of it would be like a return to the womb for him.
I, too, couldn’t get past the Wilson flatulence. It’s a good thing Goldfart went to the school he did. Had he been in my mother’s history classes, she’d have failed him on this “essay” alone.
Okay then…how about a tank filled with bulimic parahnas?
I’m still waiting for somebody to explain to me what, exactly, if any, purpose that Doughy Pantload serves on this planet
Comic relief?
oh, and torture fantasies, apparently…
Comic relief?
oh, and torture fantasies, apparently…
Okay then…how about a tank filled with bulimic parahnas?
I’m telling PETA on you!
How about we stake him out over a pit of pungee sticks using his school rep ties?
I’m telling PETA on you!
How about we stake him out over a pit of pungee sticks using his school rep ties?
Or hang him by bungee chords over a pit of carnivorous reptiles?
(They might lose their appetite around him, but he’d probably be so filled with fear he’d wet himself to death.)
(They might lose their appetite around him, but he’d probably be so filled with fear he’d wet himself to death.)
Is that even possible, Bill? If excessive urination could become a form of expiration, wouldn’t Dumbya have died on 9/11?
And I kinda like most reptiles, I wouldn’t wish an artery-clogging diet like Doughy Pantload on ‘em.
Wait, I know!
Stake him out in Death Valley, drizzle his corpulent corpse with honey, and bring a big mess of African cow ants to sting him, slowly, to death, and then carry off tiny chunks of his greasy flesh to their lairs. No, wait, we can’t let him die before the dismemberment, that’d be too kind…
And Thursday, honestly, a WHIFFLE BAT!??!?!? You KNOW that I save those for the orgies! Pfft. Amateurs.
Besides, your forearms would disintegrate from trying to bludgeon that thickly-boned boulder that Jonah calls a head. The one on his pudgy, no-neck shoulders, you perverts.
Maybe we should take Lucienne out to the desert with him, and force her to read her nightmarish excuses for “books” aloud as we watch the cow ants nibble away… But then, how would we dispose of HER?
And I kinda like most reptiles, I wouldn’t wish an artery-clogging diet like Doughy Pantload on ‘em.
Wait, I know!
Stake him out in Death Valley, drizzle his corpulent corpse with honey, and bring a big mess of African cow ants to sting him, slowly, to death, and then carry off tiny chunks of his greasy flesh to their lairs. No, wait, we can’t let him die before the dismemberment, that’d be too kind…
And Thursday, honestly, a WHIFFLE BAT!??!?!? You KNOW that I save those for the orgies! Pfft. Amateurs.
Besides, your forearms would disintegrate from trying to bludgeon that thickly-boned boulder that Jonah calls a head. The one on his pudgy, no-neck shoulders, you perverts.
Maybe we should take Lucienne out to the desert with him, and force her to read her nightmarish excuses for “books” aloud as we watch the cow ants nibble away… But then, how would we dispose of HER?
Maybe we should take Lucienne out to the desert with him, and force her to read her nightmarish excuses for “books” aloud as we watch the cow ants nibble away… But then, how would we dispose of HER?
Bucket of water and watch her melt.
Bucket of water and watch her melt.
1. Too merciful for a piece of karmic smegma like Lucienne. She wouldn’t suffer nearly enough.
2. She’s definitely not high-up enough on the evil food chain to be a witch. She’s not NANCY REAGAN, for fuck’s sake! Of course, she’s not the Father Of All Evil like Bar Bush, either…
3. Can we break-out the towtruck on this one? Yes, I realize that the odds of that haggard old crag still having a uterus after delivering Doughy Pantload are slim, but I’d still love to send an expeditionary team up there with the rusty tow-hook.
2. She’s definitely not high-up enough on the evil food chain to be a witch. She’s not NANCY REAGAN, for fuck’s sake! Of course, she’s not the Father Of All Evil like Bar Bush, either…
3. Can we break-out the towtruck on this one? Yes, I realize that the odds of that haggard old crag still having a uterus after delivering Doughy Pantload are slim, but I’d still love to send an expeditionary team up there with the rusty tow-hook.
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