The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Saturday, September 20, 2014

Hors d’Asses

It’s a bit late and I have to get up early in the morning, so how about we just lightly graze some wingnuts before bed?  First, let’s check in with Nathan Tabor, who was called “the Young Jesse Helms” until it became apparent that even white people wouldn’t vote for him…
For many, many years the function of counting the number of US citizens and residents living in the US and its territories was non-political and free from manipulation by any political party.
However, according to critics of the President Barak Obama Administration, the Democrat Party…
Before we get into this, I’d just like to clarify something.  Is it the “critics” who can’t spell or cope with proper nouns, or is it the Young Jesse Helms who is taking our hand and leading us all into a bold, phonetic future?
One issue that strikes at the heart of the Obama Census plan is the counting of illegal immigrants as if there were citizens.
But then we woke up and realized there weren’t citizens…it was all just a sweet, crazy dream.  A dream of passports, and Selective Service forms, and jury summonses…
The liberal-left politicians want illegal aliens counted as American citizens in order to gather more votes, plain and simple. Recently in Georgia the high court struck down a law requiring voters to show proof of citizenship.
I’ll never forget when Elia Kazan was questioned by the House Un-American Activities about his membership in the Communist Party of the United States of America, and he saved himself from the Blacklist by fingering all the justices of the Georgia state Supreme Court.  The fink.
Now let’s drop by the Home and visit Carey (“the blue pill isn’t working!“) Roberts for a few minutes, before coming up with a lame excuse to leave early, and promising we’ll be back at Christmas.
(Pssst!  I don’t know what that taxidermist charged for the job, but if I were you, I’d put a stop on the check.)
In the minds of many, evil is epitomized by Nazi Germany. An embittered Austrian corporal, a racist ideology, and an amoral eugenics movement all came together at the same point in human history, eventually spelling the deaths of six million Jews and others.
“But that ain’t nothin’ compared to uppity Filipino nurses who don’t seem to give a crap about the lumps in my oatmeal!
Others view Communism as the far greater evil, a godless philosophy that eventually doomed many more millions of souls in the Soviet Union, China, Cambodia, and elsewhere.
Stalin, however, was a pantywaist compared to Margaret Sanger.  Anyway, as you’ve probably guessed, this is all about abortion.
All this is driven by the relentless march of radical feminism, which views abortion as a central sacrament to its destructive ideology.
And as sacraments go, aborted fetuses taste even worse than those wafers.
Just as slavery induced moral turpitude in the hearts of slave owners, abortion oppresses the soul of its advocates.
Good point.  And just suppose slave owners who raped their chattel then forced the slaves they impregnated to get abortions!  Imagine the turpitude!
Next up, RenewAmerica’s Marsha West (“Marsha loves to write fiction for the younger generation. She is currently writing a series of books about a Christian family and the cultural issues they face. Her books equip kids to defend their faith and live for Christ.”  I smell the next Harry Potter…!)
Liberal “Christians” abhor “fundamentalist” Christianity so they cast it aside and adopt their own set of religious beliefs and values. Times have changed, after all, so they feel it’s incumbent upon them to bring Christianity out of the Dark Ages into our postmodern world. Christianity must shed its traditional, orthodox beliefs to blend in with the popular culture.
Their motto is, “If you destroy orthodoxy, they will come.”
Their motto used to be “One Awesome Calorie,” but it tested poorly with Anabaptists.
Before I came to know Christ in a saving way I was a liberal “Christian.”
I totally believe you.
As all liberals do, I molded Christianity into my worldview. Problem was I kept running into a road block — the Bible.
“Some prankster kept chocking my rear wheels with the Good Book so I couldn’t pull out of the driveway.”
As a radical feminist…
Sure. That seems likely.
I was unapologetically pro-choice and loved to spout off about a woman’s right to “choose” to have an abortion.
Gotta admit, it is fun.
Then one day I got into a discussion with a Christian friend who supported the pro-life position. In our discussions I proudly parroted all the pro-abortion talking points. What did this Christian do? She calmly and lovingly shredded my dogmatic assertions with the “sword of the Spirit,” the Word of God!
What would Jesus do?  He’d pull a shiv.
When I finally took my friend’s suggestion to read the passages that teach how human beings are formed I realized my feminist talking points were weak at best and surely didn’t hold water with God.
And you don’t want to piss Him off, because according to the Bible, God formed Woman by taking a rib from Adam, which means he operates the same way those organ traffickers do who steal kidneys from drunk tourists in Mexico.
Up until then I had the temerity to say things like, “I don’t agree with what the Church teaches on abortion.” What I was really saying was that I disagreed with our Creator!
Well, as Doghouse Riley says, you actually had a beef with “Bronze Age superstition.”
The clear teaching of Scripture holds that human life begins at the moment of conception.
And yet, according to Scripture the thing doesn’t get a soul for like 90 days, which I find creepy, because it’s like you’re gestating a little zombie.
More importantly, the Bible says God made humanity in His image. This should not be taken lightly.
Or literally.
My point is that most pro-aborts are unfamiliar with what God says about life.
If they really cared, they’d take the time to read His blog.
Hence, they make decisions based not on the Bible, but on feelings and emotions — and what’s politically correct!
Liberal Christians are as bad as Latina judges!
In a recent sermon on the importance of the Bible, Pastor Stan Way made the following observation:
“The Word of God is living and active, it’s not lifeless on a page.
Unlike the Constitution.
God’s Word is profoundly different from any other voice we hear. His Word is a profound demonstration of power.”
Through God’s creative Word the universe emerged from nothing! Pastor Stan explained that everything is held together by the sustained thought of Jesus Christ. “If He turned away, everything would disappear.”
Gee, I hope nobody distracts him.
To put it another way, Christ is the sustainer of all things. He creates life and sustains life. As I said, the Bible teaches that human life begins when sperm and egg collide. The physical size of the new life is of little consequence. Clearly it is a miniscule human being! Modern science agrees. An unborn child is a person!
Lady, you’re nuttier than a bag of Goobers.
What should matter to those of us who were lucky enough to make it out of the womb is that a microscopic embryo is a viable human person. Even professional basketball player Shaquille O’Neal, a giant in stature, was once a microscopic embryo!
Yeah…so was Warwick Davis.
This indisputable fact has fallen on the deaf ears of hard core pro-aborts. (President Obama, are you listening?) Mere mortals who meddle with the preborn will pay a high price for their folly!
I apologize for the deaf ears, but I tend to stop listening whenever someone shouts at me like they’re Sir Denis Nayland Smith addressing the Insidious Dr. Fu Manchu.
Posted by scott on June 10th, 2009

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