We haven’t checked in with Dr. Professor Mike Adams, Ph.D, for awhile; let’s see who he’s pointing his sanctified Super Soaker at today, and hosing down with the high-pressure, pump-action Blood of the Lamb…
Recently, I received a rare student complaint over an e-mail I had sent to all my classes. In the e-mail, which welcomed all of my students back for a new semester, I characterized myself as an “outspoken Christian professor.”
Well, what first year student taking an Introduction to Criminal Justice course wouldn’t be relieved to know his or her instructor was an “outspoken Christian?” Really, what could be more germane? Plus, when you answer Dr. Professor Mike’s curiously invasive questionnaire, it’ll seem more like confessing to a priest than handing over potential blackmail material to a man with a history of harassing students via email and exposing their private correspondence in his Townhall column.
Questions from Dr. Mike’s syllabus:
PLEASE GIVE ME A LIST OF ALL THE MATERIALS IN YOUR TRASH CAN(S) AT HOME. (No, I’m not kidding.)Tell me about the worst thing you have ever done. This may have been a felony or just a misdemeanor. Maybe it was just something really deviant.
As I say, the potentially discomfited freshman shouldn’t think of Dr. Mike simply as a professor, but as an outspoken religious nut with a large gun collection who asks strangely intimate questions of his captive audience and blurs the line between academic freedom and proselytizing in an effort to provoke yet another confrontation with his superiors, thus providing fodder for future columns, and an excuse to file another lawsuit.
I admitted that I had been critical of some aspects of Darwinism and that I saw my students as more than mere “random mutations.” Finally, I said my Christian views would cause me to treat them differently – namely, by holding them all to a high standard that would help them find their purpose in life: a Divine purpose given to them by their Creator.
And revealed unto them by God’s Only Begotten Associate Professor of Sociology and Criminology.
The remarks in this e-mail were all couched within the context of the story of a former student of mine.
Remember, aspiring professors, it’s okay to foist your religious beliefs on the class so long as you soften it by publicly humiliating and betraying the confidence of a former student. It breaks the ice, and puts everyone at ease.
Speaking of men who think they’re Catholic school nuns, Liberty University faculty member Stuart H. Schwartz believes the cure for homosexuality is country music and a trip to Mount Pilot:
The same-sex marriage push is not about sex, culture or, especially, loving relationships. It is about power, pure and simple, another front in the war of our elites on Judeo-Christian traditions.
Allowing gays access to marriage licenses is like handing fissile material to North Korea!
They view themselves as competing with God, who established marriage as a committed relationship between a man and a woman.
All those millions of pre-monotheism pagan marriages? Just practice.
As laughable as that statement is to our elites, it is truth in a world where some of our most respected scientists have concluded that we seem “hard-wired for God.”
Belly buttons are just the Lord’s USB port.
Judeo-Christian traditions rest on a foundation of right and wrong, accompanied by many shades of gray addressed with the aid of generalized scriptural principles.
So you can get away with pretty much anything.
Rascal Flatts, the country group with a strong Christian foundation, summed up the real issue in plaintive lyrics reflecting on the direction in which our elites are pushing us, “I miss Mayberry… where everything is black and white.”
Except for the 1965-68 color episodes, with Emmett the Handyman and Howard Sprague.
Both God and Rascal Flatts agree: there is truth.
But beware, for Rascal is a jealous Flatts, and thou must have no other country music act before thee.
And, in the marriage debate, this is truth: by any standard, heterosexual relationships tend to work better than the alternatives.
Update: That might not actually be the Gospel according to Rascal Flatts. As our friend Bill S. pointed out in comments, they recently released a song that’s been interpreted as supportive of gay relationships, something the band encourages:
Rascal Flatts will release a new tune on iTunes Tuesday (March 24) called “Love Who You Love,” which was written as a reminder to show affection to the people closest to you. However, if you want to interpret it as a message of acceptance toward the gay community, that’s OK, too, according to the band.“We actually have some gay people that work with us, and we have a lot of friends that are gay, too, and I know that this song has inspired them,” said singer Gary LeVox during an interview at CMT earlier this month. “I know that coming out was tough on their parents and on them and the whole entire family. For a long time, some of them didn’t get to hear ‘I love you’ from their dads or be accepted in that way. … It’s helped a lot of our friends.”“That’s what’s cool about our music,” says guitarist Joe Don Rooney. “You can interpret (it like) that. If you get that — it’s perfect. If you are someone who’s gay or someone who’s straight, you still feel something from the song, and that’s what we want.”“We don’t judge anybody’s lives,” says bassist Jay DeMarcus.
Meanwhile, back at Dr. Schwartz’s Mote Removal Service…
In the Judeo-Christian tradition, God is not simply a transcendental homophobe who gets his kicks from zapping the satellite feed for cable’s “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.” Rather, he’s the guy who — having designed this place — helps us live a life that works. Homosexuality — like other behaviors, attitudes or values contrary to his guide to living, the Bible — generally does not work.
Maybe you’re just not doing it right. Try more lube.
Blame God or Charles Darwin (if you believe the latter got us to this point)
I believe Darwin observed evidence of natural selection, I don’t actually believe he’s responsible for it. But go ahead…
…but that is the conclusion of decades of scientific and medical research. Life expectancy for “gay and bisexual men is 8 to 20 years less than for all men,” conclude Canadian medical researchers.
To prove this, Stu links to a Canadian study designed to “assess how HIV infection and AIDS (HIV/AIDS) impacts on mortality rates for gay and bisexual men. METHODS: Vital statistics data were obtained for a large Canadian urban centre from 1987 to 1992.“ Twenty year old statistics, focusing on a five year period, and studying the effects of a terminal illness on mortality, doesn’t seem to have a lot to say about the general life expectancy of the average gay men, but then I was never very good at math.
Lifestyle makes a difference
Well, really any condom does, but we all have our favorites (I can personally recommend “Dual Pleasure” and “Kiss of Mint”).
…as homosexual men, are more involved in “rape, incest…sexual sadism and masochism” and are prone to “dehumanized sexual activity, sexual dysfunctions; (and) depressive disorders and panic attacks.”
That seems like a pretty strong accusation, but Stu backs it up bylinking to an book chapter, and then lying about what it says because he figures you’re too lazy to click through and read it for yourself. (For the record, this is the part he left out: “Both heterosexual and homosexual borderline obsessive men manifest antisocial sexual behavior including rape, incest, and paraphilias such as sexual sadism and masochism. Both experience driven, dehumanized sexual activity; sexual dysfunctions; and other psychiatric symptoms, syndromes, and disorders, such as depressive disorders and panic attacks.” So, yeah, both straight and gay men who are mentally ill may be driven to do crazy or bad things. Advantage: Bible!)
They are significantly less healthy, both mentally and physically, than heterosexuals and more likely to experience personality disorders.
For instance, they’re more likely to seek validation by joining the staff of a right wing website and making up defamatory shit about men who make them feel funny deep down in their Fruit of the Looms. Poor, sick bastards…
Gay is not happy, to paraphrase the t-shirt by a suburban Chicago public school district during its celebration of homosexuality. A University of Minnesota medical school study showed that 28% of bisexual/homosexual males reported suicide attempts compared to 4% of heterosexual males, concluding there is “a strong association between suicide risk and bisexuality or homosexuality in males.”
Or a strong association between suicide risk and being shamed, harassed, dehumanized, and assaulted.
American Thinker’s Kyle-Anne Shiver compares the behavior of gay activists in the public arena to “Bull Conner on a rampage with his fire hoses.”
Kyle-Anne’s symbolic dreams about gay sex aren’t really relevant to the discussion, but they are amusing, so we’ll let that pass. We should, however, point out that Kyle Anne is well known around Wo’C (seehere and here), so citing her as an authority on anything may not be your quickest route to credibility.
But the fire hoses are not only manned by gays. The mainstream left delights in hosing down traditionalists.
Yeah, um, Dr. Schwartz? Meet Dr. Freud.
If it were about compassion, traditional marriage advocates would not be consistently ridiculed in the mainstream media.
If only gays didn’t want to get married, husbands on sitcoms would be smarter.
It is about power…and the rhetorical fire hose is the chief weapon.
All right, come on, now! I’ve tried to be nice about the bukkake thing, but this is getting a bit much…!
In Mayberry, results count and compassion dominates.
I thought conservatives wanted strict constructionist Justices of the Peace, and were opposed to results-oriented Mayberrys.
The gay issue is a microcosm of a larger set of issues. It is not about solving problems, or individual peace and fulfillment. It is about control…achieved by destroying Mayberry.
I thought it was only the sanctity of marriage and the traditional family that was in danger — now I’ve gotta worry about queers rhetorically firehosing Goober and Aunt Bea? I say we draw a line in the sand, and defend Mayberry unto our dying breath! This far, and no farther! No Pasaran!
But the gays can have Mayberry RFD. That really blew.
Posted by scott on Monday, June 1st, 2009 at 7:42 am