Post-Friday Beast Blogging: The Conversation You Never Want To Have With Your Cats Edition

“Your marmalade and I are very worried about you…”

“Are you on drugs?  You’re on drugs, aren’t you.”

Posted by scott on Friday, April 17th, 2009 at 9:19 pm.

Y’know, darlin’, as perfect as that picture is to portray THEM as the just-say-no parents, I think that we allllll already know who has a catnip-dependency issue over there…

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on April 18th, 2009

Is this forced perspective or is one cat basically big enough to eat the other one?

Left by Tom Burke on April 18th, 2009

Optical illusion — they’re roughly the same size and exactly the same weight. Although the tuxedo, Riley, appears bigger from above because her full-body dewlap tends to puddle when she stretches out on the floor.

Left by scott on April 18th, 2009

Even with a “full-body dewlap,” Riley is STILL far beyond “svelte” on the other-side-of-fat scale. Compared to MAH spoiled-rotten and calorie-challenged chirrens, Riley is KATE MOSS and Moondoggie is Calista Flockhart.
When His Royal Majesty sprawls out on the floor, in full winter coat and ruff, if he doses off and shuts his eyes, he looks like somebody gutted a black alpaca and made it into a rug. A FULL-GROWN alpaca.
When HER Royal Highness cocks over on her side like a horse lying down with severe colic, she looks like one of those poor steers in the hoof & mouth mass-grave trough in… was it “HUD” or “GIANT”??? You know the one I’m talking about. A little-bitty ol’ Biddy of a cat, with the beer gut of two teamsters, looking like a methane-inflating dead cow. Flattering, huh. Yeah, I know. But they’re both perfect to me, except that elderly cats can get so fucking GROSS. Sheesh.
If, through some sick twist of fate/freak of nature, that I happen to live that long, Y’ALL HAVE ***GOT*** TO PULL THE PLUG!!!!!!

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on April 19th, 2009

And yes, I know that Moondoggie is a dude, but even Lyle Lovett ain’t THAT skinny. Can you imagine him with Calista? They’d start a brush fire, all those raspy, underfed bones clanking and scraping against one another… Like Cali needs more freaks-of-nature fires, or freaks, period…

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on April 19th, 2009

“Are you on drugs? You’re on drugs, aren’t you.”
No, Mom, I just wanted a Pepsi!

Left by gainsayer on April 19th, 2009

…heh heh heh… why in the fuck didn’t I think of Suicidal Tendencies?

Left by Anntichrist S. Coulter on April 19th, 2009