Two Separate Looks At…

Our internet connection was down for about a day and a half, so I’m a little behind in my wingnuts, but popping into Townhall I immediately noticed they’re still blaming the Enlightenment for Playboy’s Party Jokes.

Ashley Herzog, author of the self-published, self-hatehelp bookFeminism vs. Women, is in a fierce, Valerie Solanas-grade rage over leftist chauvinism:

This year has been Misogyny Mania for liberals who claim to be “pro-woman.”

Perhaps I shouldn’t have picked the Washington State Gynophobes for my NCAA bracket.

First there was the character assassination of Miss California Carrie Prejean, in which liberals thought a deft response to her anti-gay marriage comments was to call her a slut.  By saying that marriage should be between a man and a woman, Prejean did nothing more than restate the official position of Barack Obama, Joe Biden, John Kerry, Bill Clinton

Only the last of whom is a proven slut.

That’s how liberal woman-haters think. Male politicians are allowed to have opinions; young beauty pageant contestants aren’t.

Ever since the jackbooted liberals shut down the beauty queen think tanks, our national debate has become so shallow.

Meanwhile, Bishop Harry Jackson, chairman of the High Impact Leadership Coalition and senior pastor of Hope Christian Church in Beltsville, MD, was feeling sad that he had no shoes, until he met a vest that had no sleeves.

While ["pro-family"] groups meditate on the political ramifications of recent marriage regulations and decisions, new alliances are being formed and millions of nameless and faceless Americans will soon join the struggle to affirm biblical marriage.

Um, “nameless and faceless Americans,” Bishop?  So you’re recruiting an army of mindless zombies, hideously disfigured by decay, to beat back the tide of marriage-minded homosexuals?

Dude, that’s awesome!

The New Hampshire legislature muddied the waters in the marriage debate by attempting to throw the religious community a bone, declaring that conservative ministers would not be forced to perform same-sex marriages.

Despite the New Hampshire governor’s attempt to paint this as a compromise position, the religious services exemption is tantamount to giving pro “biblical” marriage proponents the sleeves out of one’s vest. In most cases openly gay people will not seek out conservative ministers to perform their weddings.

Hey, wasn’t that one of the religious right’s primary arguments against gay marriage — that clergymen would be forced to officiate at homosexual weddings, or go to jail?  And didn’t you just poke a big hole in it and let all the air out?  Personally, I think that’s great, but listen — if you see Maggie Gallagher?  Hide.

Knowledgeable pro-traditional marriage advocates understand that the real danger lies with the unintended consequences of gay marriage on the next generation…In California five-year olds are asked to become gay “Allies” and they can join such a club, which meets during breaks in their elementary classrooms.

Well, you can’t really blame that on gay marriage, since, thanks to you folks, we don’t have it in California.

What will the landscape of America look like if same-sex marriage is legalized across our nation?

Tidier?  Better color-coordinated?

According to the writings of Dr. Stanley Kurtz, nations who have gone this way see a dramatic increase in out of wedlock births, long-term singleness, and other symptoms of the devaluation of the institution.

So no change, then.  Damn.  I was hoping we could at least do something about these drapes…

Consider these statistics. Over half of Americans studied in a survey in 2001 by Harvard University’s Kennedy School of Government believe that the high number of single-parent families is a major cause of poverty.

Consider these statistics:   “Most Americans believe that angels and demons are active in the world, and nearly 80 percent think miracles occur”

Repeatedly, scholarly studies focused on adolescence show that early onset of puberty in girls is a major problem.

And clearly, gay marriage is the culprit.  Back when homosexuality was the Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name, girls were content to wait until 13 or 14 years of age before they rushed into menses; and they frequently put off lesbian experimentation until summer camp in high school, or even until they pledged a sorority, but these menstruating, boob-popping brats have apparently never heard of “delayed gratification.”

An eight year study of girls and their families showed that a father’s presence in the home, with appropriate involvement in his children’s lives, contributed to later pubertal timing of the daughters in the seventh grade.

In the old days, a father was a young girl’s ideal, a source of love, support, and guidance.  Now he’s mostly there as a hormone inhibitor, which — according to my brief survey of the medical literature — helps to prevent the apple of his eye from acquiring pubes or prostate cancer.

In conclusion, let me cite the fact that even former Vice President Al Gore sees the need for strong fathers to remain in the nuclear family.

Even that sexual anarchist Al Gore, with his retinue of common-law wives and litter of semi-feral bastards recognizes a role for fathers?  Can another Great Awakening be far behind?

Let’s set our sights high. Let’s not fall victim to the inevitability argument of our opposition.

Especially when we wake up in some strange, damp, and aromatic bed the morning after the Greenwich Village Halloween Parade, still a little drunk, and naked except for a Bedazzled tank top and a pair of assless chaps made from Mylar.

Posted by scott on June 8th, 2009