While perusing the latest Townhall opinion columns, I was struck by the fact that both Professor Dr. Mike Adams, Ph.D. and Christian DJ Kevin McCullough (who doesn’t have any advanced degrees, but who has an acting career, as he was an extra in both My Best Friend’s Wedding and Logan’s Run) had their photos taken in front of American flags. (Mike got the stars, while Kevin had to make do with the stripes.)
And as we all know, there can be only one – so, today, we are voting for the ULTMATE flag-wrapped Townhall columnist whose pieces appear on Mondays. Now, let’s meet our contestants.
First up is Dr. Mike with “Life and How to Live it, Part VI.” It was sparked by a college student who voiced pessimism about defeating “these people,” and it’s what Dr. Mike would have told the lad, if only Dr. Mike had thought of it in time. Instead, he’s thinking it now, and what he’s thinking is full of true-life incidents. Of course, like most of the stories Dr. Mike recounts, they don’t sound like they could have taken place in our reality, which presumably makes them all the more true.
But anyway, here’s Dr. Mike thinking about just a few of his monumental triumphs over leftists, feminists, baby-eating Satanists, and vaginas.
Anyway, Here’s the stirring conclusion to Dr. Mike’s piece:
Next, you must give consideration to the song stylings of Kevin McCullough and his column, “Why gays are losing on marriage,” the gist of which is “Only Chumps Support Homo Nups.” We will now join it already in progress.
But I think it’s great that Kevin has a book about defeating liberalism that soon/is now available. Since Scott and I are hoping to get a real publisher to issue a reprint of our humble book, we will have to send a copy of it to Harvest Home Publishers, since it would seem to be perfect for their purposes. After all, Better Living Through Bad Movies gives you way more than ten principles to assist you in clarifying your thinking (in fact, just the “Weird Sex” chapter gives you the Humanoids from the Deep principle, the Mars Needs Women principle, the “making lovers from dead body parts” principle, and MANY MORE)! Our book will also help you win the bodies of those you engage with.
However, since Harvest was willing to publish Kevin’s book, it probably isn’t any realer a publishing house than I-Universe. Oh, well.
And now, the moral to the story:
And those are our two flag-wrapped patriots. So, who will be the winner of this red, white, and blue competition?
But wait, we have an important announcement from Hair-Mousse-Wrapped Guy!
I don’t know about you, but I can hardly wait until Wayne Bosowicz, the Ross Allen of our generation, captures Skunk Boy and Monkey Butt, throws them in a canvas bag, and then sells them to a zoo.
Okay, now you vote for either Dr. Mike or Kevin.
And as we all know, there can be only one – so, today, we are voting for the ULTMATE flag-wrapped Townhall columnist whose pieces appear on Mondays. Now, let’s meet our contestants.
First up is Dr. Mike with “Life and How to Live it, Part VI.” It was sparked by a college student who voiced pessimism about defeating “these people,” and it’s what Dr. Mike would have told the lad, if only Dr. Mike had thought of it in time. Instead, he’s thinking it now, and what he’s thinking is full of true-life incidents. Of course, like most of the stories Dr. Mike recounts, they don’t sound like they could have taken place in our reality, which presumably makes them all the more true.
But anyway, here’s Dr. Mike thinking about just a few of his monumental triumphs over leftists, feminists, baby-eating Satanists, and vaginas.
I am thinking about the hippies at the University of Oregon who came out to heckle and disrupt my speech about free speech in May. I am thinking about how they started to laugh, smile, and applaud in agreement before the speech was halfway over.If Dr. Mike has this uncanny ability to convert hippies to right thinking, how come his power didn’t work on that hippie from the skiing trip to Sugar Mountain?
I am thinking about the night I walked into a packed auditorium at the University of New Hampshire with an armed police entourage. I am thinking about how the audience applauded at the end of the speech and how most of the dissenters became supporters within the hour.
I am thinking about the law students at the University of Wisconsin who, after one of my speeches, said “we came to protest your appearance tonight but, actually, we agreed with everything you said.”So, to merely hear Dr. Mike is to be converted to wingnuttery. You know, Dr, Mike should do some rallies. He could use his flag as a backdrop. I bet he could get the whole country behind him.
I am also thinking about the time I advised students to post 1000 pictures of a man sodomizing another man all over campus – with the words “celebrate diversity” superimposed above their heads – just two hours before parents’ weekend. I am thinking about how they should have taken pictures of the university employees frantically ripping the pictures down before the parents saw them. I am thinking that they could have mailed them to gay rights groups and started a war between the university and the homosexual community.And I am thinking of the time I advised the President to use the Death Star to defeat all the terrorists in the world. And I am thinking about how this could have started World War IV, which would have resulted in turmoil, destruction, and the death of millions, which would have been pretty cool. But, alas, he apparently didn’t hear me through the TV, because he never followed my course of action. But if he had, it would have been so sweet!
I am thinking about a kid who flunked English four years in a row in high school and later gave speeches around the nation – speeches televised during prime time on CSPAN, and occasionally introduced by United States Congressmen. I am thinking it was Winston Churchill who said something about never, never, never, never, never, never giving up.Is this a great country, or what? (But I think that Churchill’s advice to Dr. Mike would have been “Never, never, never bother me again! And shut the f#*& up.”
I am thinking about all the guns I have bought with money I earned making fun of feminists.And what Dr. Mike thinks about while he polishes his guns is better left unsaid.
Anyway, Here’s the stirring conclusion to Dr. Mike’s piece:
I am thinking that the kid who was saying “You can’t beat these people” needs to read about a man named Ronald Reagan.A man who beat “these people” (Democrats, hippies, feminists, Commies, gays, welfare queens, scientists, poor little kids, etc.), and then died. Let him be an example to all other college students who don’t want to help Dr. Mike put up posters of a man sodomizing another man.
Next, you must give consideration to the song stylings of Kevin McCullough and his column, “Why gays are losing on marriage,” the gist of which is “Only Chumps Support Homo Nups.” We will now join it already in progress.
No gene, no cell, no DNA has ever been proven to cause one man to engage in all varieties of sexual acts with another man.Yes, scientists have spent decades watching that one man engage in all varieties of sexual acts, and they haven’t been able to prove that his prowess was caused by DNA. But they’re going to keep watching him just the same, because they find his antics rather arousing.
Presently the reason homosexual activists are losing on the battle to redefine marriage is simple – it’s just plain wrong.So, homosexuality is like alcoholism, while same-sex marriage is like drunk driving. And just like you would lecture drunken Uncle Otis on how drinking is bad for him, you must tell gay Cousin Floyd that he is going to hell unless he changes his sexual orientation — and if you really loved both of them, you would take away Uncle Otis’s keys and Cousin Floyd’s penis, to keep them from getting into trouble.
I know, it’s not a popular position to take. Neither is telling the uncle who is always drunk how alcohol might kill him someday. But if you really loved you’re uncle – wouldn’t you at least try? And you certainly let him get behind the wheel.
My book which comes out August 1st (MuscleHead Revolution – Overturning Liberalism with Commonsense Thinking, Harvest House Publishers) will soon/is now available right here on TownHall.com, in it I will give you 10 principles to assist you in clarifying your thinking so that you can take positive action in not just winning the debate of the issue, but even win the hearts of those you engage with.I suspect that Dr. Mike was Kevin’s high school English tutor.
But I think it’s great that Kevin has a book about defeating liberalism that soon/is now available. Since Scott and I are hoping to get a real publisher to issue a reprint of our humble book, we will have to send a copy of it to Harvest Home Publishers, since it would seem to be perfect for their purposes. After all, Better Living Through Bad Movies gives you way more than ten principles to assist you in clarifying your thinking (in fact, just the “Weird Sex” chapter gives you the Humanoids from the Deep principle, the Mars Needs Women principle, the “making lovers from dead body parts” principle, and MANY MORE)! Our book will also help you win the bodies of those you engage with.
However, since Harvest was willing to publish Kevin’s book, it probably isn’t any realer a publishing house than I-Universe. Oh, well.
And now, the moral to the story:
Marriage is winning, and the activists are losing.I’m sure the radicals will thank you for your help some day, Kevin, just like drunken Uncle Otis will be glad you broke his arms and legs and put him in a coma to keep him from possibly buying some beer at the grocery store.
In doing so we commonsense types are helping the radicals by simply pointing out some really old fashioned ideas – like right and wrong.
And those are our two flag-wrapped patriots. So, who will be the winner of this red, white, and blue competition?
But wait, we have an important announcement from Hair-Mousse-Wrapped Guy!
ClashRadio.com has been upgraded! We have added several new features to our show such as: Skunk Boy’s “Evolution’s Holdover”, Dr. Full’s “You can be a Loser”. In addition, Giles has a new :60 spot called “Hey, Monkey Butt”, a ten minute “Growth Stimulant” session for personal oomph and he has a excellent interview with Wayne Bosowicz, “The Black Bear Hunting Expert”.
I don’t know about you, but I can hardly wait until Wayne Bosowicz, the Ross Allen of our generation, captures Skunk Boy and Monkey Butt, throws them in a canvas bag, and then sells them to a zoo.
Okay, now you vote for either Dr. Mike or Kevin.
47 Responses to “Battle of the Flag-Wrapped Men!”
“win the hearts of those yuou engage with”?
Ooh, this I gotta see. He thinks he’s clever enough, and persuasive enough talk ME into agreeing with him?
Well, I haven’t come across a homobigot who could, so he must be some kinda genius. Which explains why he’s writing for Townhall.
As for Mikey…well, he used to really irritate the hell out of me, but now that I see how deluded he is…well, that’s just sad. So very, very sad. Does he have any idea at all what he sounds like when he writes that shit?
Ooh, this I gotta see. He thinks he’s clever enough, and persuasive enough talk ME into agreeing with him?
Well, I haven’t come across a homobigot who could, so he must be some kinda genius. Which explains why he’s writing for Townhall.
As for Mikey…well, he used to really irritate the hell out of me, but now that I see how deluded he is…well, that’s just sad. So very, very sad. Does he have any idea at all what he sounds like when he writes that shit?
“No gene, no cell, no DNA has ever been proven to cause one man to engage in all varieties of sexual acts with another man.”
Interesting he seizes this image since women can be gay too of course.
Interesting he seizes this image since women can be gay too of course.
I suspect that Dr. Mike was Kevin’s high school English tutor.
Okay, that’s me for the day. I’ll be over here in the corner laughing hysterically if anyone needs me.
As to voting, it’s pretty clear they’re both standing in front of the same flag. Is it possible there’s a little hand-holding going on out of camera range? Choosing one over the other would serve only to break up what looks like it might be a beautiful relationship. Well, either that or Dr Mike’s just trying to make Doug jealous after he stopped inviting Dr Mike along on the hunting trips.
Okay, that’s me for the day. I’ll be over here in the corner laughing hysterically if anyone needs me.
As to voting, it’s pretty clear they’re both standing in front of the same flag. Is it possible there’s a little hand-holding going on out of camera range? Choosing one over the other would serve only to break up what looks like it might be a beautiful relationship. Well, either that or Dr Mike’s just trying to make Doug jealous after he stopped inviting Dr Mike along on the hunting trips.
The only man who really looks good wrapped in a flag is Stephen Colbert. Mmmmm.
Interesting he seizes this image since women can be gay too of course.
Yeah, but when women do it, it’s HOT! When guys do it, it’s icky, and therefore un-American.
Yeah, but when women do it, it’s HOT! When guys do it, it’s icky, and therefore un-American.
but what will the winner get to shove down the throat of the loser? that’s what I want to know
I sense a lot of fear and anger from these guys.
Maybe the flag is a way for them to distract themselves from masturbation. You know, how like some wives put up a picture of Jesus in the bedroom, with the eyes that follow you around?
Maybe the flag is a way for them to distract themselves from masturbation. You know, how like some wives put up a picture of Jesus in the bedroom, with the eyes that follow you around?
Kevin McCollough, film extra? For now, but I predict that if anyone ever greenlights The Justin Darr Story he’s movin’ up to leading man.
Still, it’s not fair to ask anyone to compete with “Dr.” Mike, is it? Even on a level playing field–they’re both backtracking (“Please, just listen to us for a few minutes! We know you’ll like us!”)–”Dr.” Mike runs circles around the competition. Why, he’s got documented proof of his mind-altering abilities, where Pin Shot McCollough isn’t even off the presses yet.
Oh, and “Dr.” Mike? I know it took every bit of self control you possess to type “armed police entourage”, but a) an “entourage” is a group of hangers-on; what you had, if it extended beyond your dreams, was an escort of university cops and b) they come armed, if you’ll pardon the expression. It’s damned near impossible to get them to disarm, even when the assignment is “guard insane guy from the murderous lesbian hippies he sees everywhere.”
Still, it’s not fair to ask anyone to compete with “Dr.” Mike, is it? Even on a level playing field–they’re both backtracking (“Please, just listen to us for a few minutes! We know you’ll like us!”)–”Dr.” Mike runs circles around the competition. Why, he’s got documented proof of his mind-altering abilities, where Pin Shot McCollough isn’t even off the presses yet.
Oh, and “Dr.” Mike? I know it took every bit of self control you possess to type “armed police entourage”, but a) an “entourage” is a group of hangers-on; what you had, if it extended beyond your dreams, was an escort of university cops and b) they come armed, if you’ll pardon the expression. It’s damned near impossible to get them to disarm, even when the assignment is “guard insane guy from the murderous lesbian hippies he sees everywhere.”
I don’t know about you, but I can hardly wait until Wayne Bosowicz, the Ross Allen of our generation, captures Skunk Boy and Monkey Butt, throws them in a canvas bag, and then sells them to a zoo.Okay, now you vote for either Dr. Mike or Kevin.
Was that supposed to be part of the block quote at the bottom or separate? Cause I was having difficulty figuring out that paragraph.
Sadly, it still made more sense than Dr. Prof. Mike, PhD. Okay, DPMPhD, so you’re “thinking about” all these events. As my speech teacher to say, “SO WHAT?” What about them? (Jeez, I can’t believe they let this man teach.)
As for Kevin, if you ask him “Why is homosexuality wrong?”, I’m sure you get the argument-ending, “Because I said so.”
Was that supposed to be part of the block quote at the bottom or separate? Cause I was having difficulty figuring out that paragraph.
Sadly, it still made more sense than Dr. Prof. Mike, PhD. Okay, DPMPhD, so you’re “thinking about” all these events. As my speech teacher to say, “SO WHAT?” What about them? (Jeez, I can’t believe they let this man teach.)
As for Kevin, if you ask him “Why is homosexuality wrong?”, I’m sure you get the argument-ending, “Because I said so.”
Did y’all click on Mike’s Cafe Press link?
It’s got this “brown slug for president” fixation that’s kind of Freudian if you can stomach that thought. And all those things that Mike is thinking about? He thinks about them every day, over and over.
Regarding the commenters to Kevin McCullough’s drivel—there seems to be a direct correlation between their anti-gay rabidity and an aversion to learning the definition and function of “spell checker.”
But I vote Mike if for no other reason than his striking resemblance to Heinrich Himmler. (Yes, I know it’s a cheap shot, but so’s Mikey.)
It’s got this “brown slug for president” fixation that’s kind of Freudian if you can stomach that thought. And all those things that Mike is thinking about? He thinks about them every day, over and over.
Regarding the commenters to Kevin McCullough’s drivel—there seems to be a direct correlation between their anti-gay rabidity and an aversion to learning the definition and function of “spell checker.”
But I vote Mike if for no other reason than his striking resemblance to Heinrich Himmler. (Yes, I know it’s a cheap shot, but so’s Mikey.)
No, he’d say, “Because teh B1bl3 sez so!” :::sigh::: These twits can’t come up with a reason other than that, yet they think it Wins Teh Argument Every Time™!!1!
[rolls eyes]
Can anyone explain why Dr. Mike needs so goddamned many guns? I mean, realistically speaking, he can only use a maximum of two at a time, one if it’s a rifle/shotgun-type gun. Allowing for a backup, any more than three is fairly redundant. Or does he just not know about reloading them when the ammo runs out? That would explain a lot.
And while Doug isn’t crazier than the other two, he takes the prize for being the biggest dipstick, an award he’d probably be proud of. What an utter knob! “Skunk Boy”?!? “Hey, Monkey Butt”?!? WTF, d00d–yer an unmitigated arse. Boy am I glad I’m not that “hot Italian chick” you’re married to, ‘cos if I caught you smokin’ stinky cigars in my closet or peeing all over the toilet seat, I’d conclude you were suffering from testosterone poisoning, and take steps to remedy it. You’d do fine with just one nut, baby!
In the end, I gotta vote for Doctor Perfesser Mikey, ‘cos his column combines the “best” aspects of the other two–it’s both amazingly st00pid and it’s Arkham Asylum-crazy. A t00fer!
[rolls eyes]
Can anyone explain why Dr. Mike needs so goddamned many guns? I mean, realistically speaking, he can only use a maximum of two at a time, one if it’s a rifle/shotgun-type gun. Allowing for a backup, any more than three is fairly redundant. Or does he just not know about reloading them when the ammo runs out? That would explain a lot.
And while Doug isn’t crazier than the other two, he takes the prize for being the biggest dipstick, an award he’d probably be proud of. What an utter knob! “Skunk Boy”?!? “Hey, Monkey Butt”?!? WTF, d00d–yer an unmitigated arse. Boy am I glad I’m not that “hot Italian chick” you’re married to, ‘cos if I caught you smokin’ stinky cigars in my closet or peeing all over the toilet seat, I’d conclude you were suffering from testosterone poisoning, and take steps to remedy it. You’d do fine with just one nut, baby!
In the end, I gotta vote for Doctor Perfesser Mikey, ‘cos his column combines the “best” aspects of the other two–it’s both amazingly st00pid and it’s Arkham Asylum-crazy. A t00fer!
Dr Mike is/will the winner, in my opinion. He’s just so good at gloating about every damn thing and is so convinced he’s a Big-Time Winner that I can’t resist him. I’ve heard he can bestride the earth and gently hold 100 (full-term, not Snowflake) baby wingnuts in the palm of one of his massive, horny hands. His laugh is said to be so manly that women fall pregnant at the very sound, and upon hearing it, lesbians die by their own hands en masse at the thought of their wasted lives. Men envy him but grudgingly admit they bear him no malice, for how can they? Dr Mike is a force of Nature. His brave exhortation to plaster the campus with handbills depicting male-on-male sodomy is rendered no less admirable by the fact that he added the codicil, “And by the way, be sure please to send me 50 copies.” He only wanted them for target practice, after all. *sigh*! Just consider me another Feminist for Mike.
I am thinking about all the guns I have bought with money I earned making fun of feminists
Is it just me, or does Doctor Professor Mike seem a wee bit . . . well, obsessed with making sure we know about his gun collection? It’s almost like he’s trying to compensate for something, isn’t it?
Is it just me, or does Doctor Professor Mike seem a wee bit . . . well, obsessed with making sure we know about his gun collection? It’s almost like he’s trying to compensate for something, isn’t it?
It just occurred to me that Dr. Adams has probably invented a cunning device that allows him to shoot guns using his toes, so he could potentially use four at once! He probably wishes he had a prehensile tail, too, so he could fire five guns simultaneously. Too bad evolution is a big lie, eh, Mikey?
He probably wishes he had a prehensile something to shoot that fifth gun.
Oh, and one final note regarding Dr. Mike: is it just me, or does the unfortunate lighting of his portrait make it look as though streams of snots are flowing from his frankly cavernous nose holes?
What?
Oh… I see. Well, that is a darned unfortunate state of affairs to be in. And really repulsive, ew!
[ponders for a moment]
‘Scuse me for a minute. I gotta buy some stock in the company that makes kl33n3x!
What?
Oh… I see. Well, that is a darned unfortunate state of affairs to be in. And really repulsive, ew!
[ponders for a moment]
‘Scuse me for a minute. I gotta buy some stock in the company that makes kl33n3x!
Hooray for MST3K references!
Is Ross Allen the hunter guy from MST?
I was wondering if you bothed McCollough’s screed right. Surely, if you really cared about your drunk uncle, you’d certainly not let him get behind the wheel. How wrong I was.
And Dr. Mike? Just think how many feminists he could convert if he just posted his awe-inspiring words on his office door? (Sorry, I guess that would dry up his arms funding source.)
Anyway, I vote for McCollough. After reading his entry, I’m now all a-twitter about his new book coming out tomorrow (‘MuscleHead Revolution‘). Sorry S.Z./Scott, your book will have to wait.
Oops. My Lifeclock has just started blinking red/black. Gotta go.
And Dr. Mike? Just think how many feminists he could convert if he just posted his awe-inspiring words on his office door? (Sorry, I guess that would dry up his arms funding source.)
Anyway, I vote for McCollough. After reading his entry, I’m now all a-twitter about his new book coming out tomorrow (‘MuscleHead Revolution‘). Sorry S.Z./Scott, your book will have to wait.
Oops. My Lifeclock has just started blinking red/black. Gotta go.
Oh, and a word of advice for Dr. Mike Adams, Ph. D.I.C.K.-if you want to look at gay pornography, you don’t have to involve your students in some stupid, juvenile prank. Just do what Pete Lebarbera does-get a subscription, and tell everybody it’s for “reasearch purposes”.
I can’t help but notice that Mikey and Kevin both seem preoccupied with man on man action, but are oblivious to lesbian sex. I’m sure there’s a perfectly manly, hetereosexual reason for that.
I can’t help but notice that Mikey and Kevin both seem preoccupied with man on man action, but are oblivious to lesbian sex. I’m sure there’s a perfectly manly, hetereosexual reason for that.
“research”. Stupid typo. Me so genius am.
I am also thinking about the time I advised students to post 1000 pictures of a man sodomizing another man all over campus – with the words “celebrate diversity” superimposed above their heads – just two hours before parents’ weekend. I am thinking about how they should have taken pictures of the university employees frantically ripping the pictures down before the parents saw them.
Oh, what an original idea.
Perhaps we should go to the College Rethug convention and paste up 1000 pictures of hardcore male-female porn with the words “Celebrate traditional marriage” and take pictures of staff ripping them down. And that would prove SO MUCH.
Of course, if you posted them by the US military recruiting booth no-one would see them, since you could hear crickets chirping and see spiderwebs being spun in that area.
Oh, what an original idea.
Perhaps we should go to the College Rethug convention and paste up 1000 pictures of hardcore male-female porn with the words “Celebrate traditional marriage” and take pictures of staff ripping them down. And that would prove SO MUCH.
Of course, if you posted them by the US military recruiting booth no-one would see them, since you could hear crickets chirping and see spiderwebs being spun in that area.
I am thinking that the kid who was saying “You can’t beat these people” needs to read about a man named Ronald Reagan.
Yeah, you remember when Reagan sent the 82nd Airborne into Moscow to win the Cold War. No, wait, he negotiatied arms reductions with Gorbachev, to the horrified screams of conservatives about “never negotiate with eeeeevul commies”, then the Soviet Union ran out of money and resources and imploded a couple years after he left office.
You could give Reagan credit for funding the Osama bin Laden’s Mujahedin which bled the Soviet Army dry in Afghanistan, but that didn’t turn out so well in the long run, did it?
But hey, Reagan swaggered and postured and talked a lot of tough shit like John Wayne inbetween his bouts of Alzheimer’s, and blew hundreds of billions on unworkable war toys rusting in the desert, and in ConservativeFantasyland that’s what scared the commies into surrendering. It’s so much happier and simpler to repeat simple slogans and authority-worship the Big Strong Man than to do any of that fancy-pants book-learnin’ or opening your mind to deal with reality.
Yeah, you remember when Reagan sent the 82nd Airborne into Moscow to win the Cold War. No, wait, he negotiatied arms reductions with Gorbachev, to the horrified screams of conservatives about “never negotiate with eeeeevul commies”, then the Soviet Union ran out of money and resources and imploded a couple years after he left office.
You could give Reagan credit for funding the Osama bin Laden’s Mujahedin which bled the Soviet Army dry in Afghanistan, but that didn’t turn out so well in the long run, did it?
But hey, Reagan swaggered and postured and talked a lot of tough shit like John Wayne inbetween his bouts of Alzheimer’s, and blew hundreds of billions on unworkable war toys rusting in the desert, and in ConservativeFantasyland that’s what scared the commies into surrendering. It’s so much happier and simpler to repeat simple slogans and authority-worship the Big Strong Man than to do any of that fancy-pants book-learnin’ or opening your mind to deal with reality.
I am thinking about the time I told Dr Mike, “I came to protest you, but now I agree with everything you said.” then I threw my arms around him and promised to renounce lesbianism forever.
Do you think he’s noticed the “kick me” sign yet?
Do you think he’s noticed the “kick me” sign yet?
you remember when Reagan sent the 82nd Airborne into Moscow to win the Cold War. No, wait
He’d have sent the 82nd Chairborne if only they’d existed back then.
He’d have sent the 82nd Chairborne if only they’d existed back then.
I am thinking about the time I photoshopped a picture of Dr. Mike sucking off a dog and captioned it “Celebrate Diversity” and posted the pictures at all the local elementary schools. I am thinking about how traumatized all of those kids were by the picture. I am thinking about how the judge at my sentencing hearing said that he wished he could sentence me to death.
Funny, Mark S, but I think the photo s.z. has posted here would be traumatizing enough.
Tara, if you really did that, I would dedicate my life to you.
And, uh, Beginning To Wonder, I think lesbianism is anything but hot for Dr Mike. Remember, this is a man driven to paralytic fear by the word “vagina”. I hate to imagine how he’d react if he ever tried to think about two of them… together.
And, uh, Beginning To Wonder, I think lesbianism is anything but hot for Dr Mike. Remember, this is a man driven to paralytic fear by the word “vagina”. I hate to imagine how he’d react if he ever tried to think about two of them… together.
KNOCK KNOCK1
Mike A: Who’s there?
VAGINA.
Mike A: Vagina who?
VAGINA VAGINA.
KNOCK KNOCK?
Mike A: Who’s there?
VAGINA.
Mike A: Vagina who?
VAGINA! VAGINA!
KNOCK KNOCK?
Mike A: Who’s there?
VAGINA.
Mike A: Vagina who?
VAGINA! VAGINA!
KNOCK KNOCK!
Mike A: Who’s there?
ORANGE.
Mike A: Orange who?
ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY ‘VAGINA’ AGAIN?
Mike A: Who’s there?
VAGINA.
Mike A: Vagina who?
VAGINA VAGINA.
KNOCK KNOCK?
Mike A: Who’s there?
VAGINA.
Mike A: Vagina who?
VAGINA! VAGINA!
KNOCK KNOCK?
Mike A: Who’s there?
VAGINA.
Mike A: Vagina who?
VAGINA! VAGINA!
KNOCK KNOCK!
Mike A: Who’s there?
ORANGE.
Mike A: Orange who?
ORANGE YOU GLAD I DIDN’T SAY ‘VAGINA’ AGAIN?
No gene, no cell, no DNA has ever been proven to cause one man to engage in all varieties of sexual acts with another man.
You could insert (hehe, insert) any pharse in place of “engage in…”. No gene, no cell, no DNA has ever been proven to cause one man to win a blueberry pie contest at the Kanasas State Fair! Stop the pies!
You could insert (hehe, insert) any pharse in place of “engage in…”. No gene, no cell, no DNA has ever been proven to cause one man to win a blueberry pie contest at the Kanasas State Fair! Stop the pies!
I guess no one took my suggestion and found the Malkin bikini pix. Or maybe it’s old news.
I was too creeped out by the notion, Lucy. I’ve got a migraine plus nausea. I don’t think that’s gonna help.
Did you feel that way before or after the mention of Malkin bikini pix?
Dr. Mike gets my vote! He’s so butch…
Heh, indeed!
Heh, indeed!
I am also thinking about the time I advised students to post 1000 pictures of a man sodomizing another man all over campus – with the words “celebrate diversity” superimposed above their heads
I tried rewrapping that one:
I am also thinking about the time I advised students to post 1000 pictures of a man doing a woman doggy-style all over campus – with the words “celebrate heterosexuality” superimposed above their heads.
My conclusion: that man is to logic what Columbus was to the steam engine.
I tried rewrapping that one:
I am also thinking about the time I advised students to post 1000 pictures of a man doing a woman doggy-style all over campus – with the words “celebrate heterosexuality” superimposed above their heads.
My conclusion: that man is to logic what Columbus was to the steam engine.
and if you really loved both of them, you would take away Uncle Otis’s keys and Cousin Floyd’s penis, to keep them from getting into trouble.
OK, I LOL’d.
Seriously, “it’s gross” is never a valid reason to object to someone ELSE doing something. Yeah, stitching up someone’s horrible table-saw wound, and so is shoving a baby out of your vagina, and so is ripping into the scorched muscle tissue of a bird. But, if you think it’s gross, DON’T DO IT. Christ, why is this so hard?
OK, I LOL’d.
Seriously, “it’s gross” is never a valid reason to object to someone ELSE doing something. Yeah, stitching up someone’s horrible table-saw wound, and so is shoving a baby out of your vagina, and so is ripping into the scorched muscle tissue of a bird. But, if you think it’s gross, DON’T DO IT. Christ, why is this so hard?
That Kevin McCullough gives new meaning to the term “word salad.” He should not have quit his day job, umm, extra-ing, or whatever they call it.
Hate to say it, but Dr. Mike, Ph.D., O.M.G.W.T.F.B.B.Q., wins this round, even with that tepid little wish fulfillment fantasy. The world’s worst asshole appears to have been tamed! I guess he needed that felony charge against him to keep the blood boiling. Someone sue him, quick!
You know, you wouldn’t think that a person listening to Dougie’s radio show would actually need advice on how to be a loser, would you?
Hate to say it, but Dr. Mike, Ph.D., O.M.G.W.T.F.B.B.Q., wins this round, even with that tepid little wish fulfillment fantasy. The world’s worst asshole appears to have been tamed! I guess he needed that felony charge against him to keep the blood boiling. Someone sue him, quick!
You know, you wouldn’t think that a person listening to Dougie’s radio show would actually need advice on how to be a loser, would you?
Oh, and I don’t care how many times Doctor Professor Mike says “I am thinking” in his column – I ain’t buying it.
sophornia, what did those initials stand for? I could guess part of it but got lost halfway through.
“when i hold you
in my arms…
and i feel my finger
on your trigger…
i know nobody can do me no harm…”
–John Lennon
in my arms…
and i feel my finger
on your trigger…
i know nobody can do me no harm…”
–John Lennon
Bill S. — It’s just a term used on message boards to poke fun at the people who use internet-speak like OMG!!!!11!!LOL!!! So it doesn’t really stand for anything.
I vote for Dr Mike because he´s so delusional. I believe he meant to say “I´m dreaming of the time…”
As for McCullough, he needs to try a different method of writing. Taking magnetic words and tossing them into the air in front of his fridge isn´t working.
As for McCullough, he needs to try a different method of writing. Taking magnetic words and tossing them into the air in front of his fridge isn´t working.
I am thinking about the time I told Dr Mike, “I came to protest you, but now I agree with everything you said.” then I threw my arms around him and promised to renounce lesbianism forever.
Do you think he’s noticed the “kick me” sign yet?
Excellent idea, but I suspect Dr Mike would wink out of existence if he ever came into contact with a creature possessing a vagina.
Do you think he’s noticed the “kick me” sign yet?
Excellent idea, but I suspect Dr Mike would wink out of existence if he ever came into contact with a creature possessing a vagina.
I dunno. Apparently he’s married to a former teaching assistant of his. So he’s survived contact with at least one female. Which is amazing, because I would think any woman living with him for an extended length of time* would have smothered him in his sleep.
*longer than two days.
*longer than two days.
Thank you, trashfire. I’m guessing John would be horrified.
Look up Scott McCaughey’s group The Minus Five. Their latest, The Gun Album, thows guys like Dr Mike into high relief. And is also nice to listen to.
Look up Scott McCaughey’s group The Minus Five. Their latest, The Gun Album, thows guys like Dr Mike into high relief. And is also nice to listen to.
I am thinking that Dr. Mike wisely used the search-and-replace function to put “I am thinking about” in place of “I’m masturbating over.”
I am thinking that Dr. Mike has to keep buying bigger butt plugs so the queers won’t rape him in his sleep.
I am thinking of a number between one and ten that describes Dr. Mike. No, wait, I mean between zero and ten.
I am thinking that Dr. Mike has to keep buying bigger butt plugs so the queers won’t rape him in his sleep.
I am thinking of a number between one and ten that describes Dr. Mike. No, wait, I mean between zero and ten.
No comments:
Post a Comment