The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

A Dr. Mike Adams New Years: Drunk, Lonely, And Heavily Armed

Via Townhall, we learn that Dr. Professor Mike’s imaginary feminist foes, hippie neighbors, Marxist colleagues and lesbian detractors have all snagged dates for New Years Eve, leaving Dr. Mike to spend the evening alone with a Hungry Man dinner and a flock of Glocks. But he’s put the time to good use, working up a list of New Years Resolutions that go beyond the usual (eat fewer carbs, get back to the gym, become the biggest asshole in the Tarheel State):
Lately, liberals (read: statists) have been giving me a hard time about my opposition to a gun control initiative that would limit gun purchases to one per month per owner. Since I a) don’t like the government telling me how many guns I can own, and b) just hate having liberals…
(read: the voices in Dr. Mike’s head)
…mad at me, I’ve come up with a solution. It takes the form of a New Year’s resolution sure to make everyone happy (myself especially).
I hereby resolve to help the cause of gun control in America by purchasing only one gun per month in 2008. Naturally, I am providing a list of those guns below with pretty pictures you can access with a click of the mouse. I hope you enjoy the following selections:
…This is a great little gun to purchase if you are having trouble finding a gun that will fit inside the fanny pack you use when you are jogging. Of course, I don’t use a fanny pack when I am jogging
Mike likes his fanny exposed and accessible, the better to taunt his enemies.
This year I plan to adopt a nineteen year old girl who still has two years of college left…
Wow, here I was all set for an orgy of unrelieved firearms fetishism, and Mike mixes it up with a premise from Victorian pornography. Well played, Doctor.
My friend Barry Whitehead shoots a Sig 9mm with a 3.9-inch barrel. The gun is so accurate that I can hardly imagine the 4.4-inch barrel version to be better … This is a good side arm for hog hunters. I plan to buy the version with the four-inch barrel.
Mike seems uncomfortable with anything longer than 4 inches.
Penis Envy
See? Who needs a penis?
This is a pretty gun. I would like to have about 72 of these – 36 in .357 and 36 in .45 Colt – sitting around the house. Fresh out of the box and never fired, of course. That would be heaven.
72 virgin guns. In heaven. Get it? (Look carefully — Dr. Mike’s playing a very subtle game here.)
I’ve been told that the 7mm Rem. Mag. is the best Elk round available.
It’s also effective against Rotarians and Oddfellows.
If I’m ever attacked by a an Elk out here on the East Coast I’ll be more than ready. If that doesn’t happen, I guess I’m due for a road trip to Colorado.
Where he’ll snipe an Elk in a petting zoo, then place a .32 snubnose revolver near it’s hoof to make it look like the Elk shot first.
This is a good first gun for anyone.
We like to call it a “nursing gun.”
I’ve been thinking about getting a new shotgun for quail hunting. I feel more comfortable with an over/under than with a semi-auto. After all, I occasionally hunt with a 78 year old lawyer. One can never be too careful.
Because it’s harder to ambush the elderly now. Since the Cheney thing, they’re on their guard and will occasionally shoot back.
I have decided to reward myself with this beauty for a Christmas gift. The 16-gauge with 26-inch barrels should do the trick for pheasant hunting. My only problem is that I cannot decide between a) the Color Case, b) the Bone Charcoal, or c) the Blue receiver
He agonizes the same way in the shoe department, too.
AddThis
Posted by scott on Monday, December 31st, 2007 at 8:34 pm.

34 Responses to “A Dr. Mike Adams New Years: Drunk, Lonely, And Heavily Armed”

And over the dental floss, I’m guessing. Do you think it would help him to know that the world is full of fat lesbians who could kick his ass six ways in five minutes? Accept who you are, Dr Mike. Stop trying to be Robocop, believe me you lack what it takes. Really, you lack what it takes to be George HW Bush, for God’s sakes.
I do have to wonder, of course, if he has a good home security system, since he’s telling all the local criminals where to find a nice bunch of guns, or if he just sleeps with a loaded gun under his pillow and knocks wood every night that some punk *will* try to break in so he can make… his… day…
My new year’s resolution? Laughing at more assholes. I resolve to be, in addition to my Handmaiden to the Goddess of Irony gig, the Left Middle Finger of Karma. It’s an election year. Shouldn’t be too hard.
Dude, Dr. Mike isn’t alone. He has Mrs. Doctor Mike, the undergratuate scourge of people whose opinions Dr. Mike isn’t capable of addressing on his own.
Watch it, kids. She has e-mail and she knows how to use it.
Also happy new years.
OMG! He shoots quail? Sweet, cute, cuddly quail with their little head-feathers bobbing along? I FEED them morning, noon and night, and they still flutter away when they see my shadow. I can’t believe anyone would shoot those little darlings, unless s/he was starving! Even then! That man is evil. What happened to 19 year old wife, anyway? Is she out on the town whilst he fondles his guns?
“Of course” I don’t wear a fanny pack’ Why ‘of course’? Are fanny packs, like, gay or something?
Kathy: Yes. Yes, they are. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. The gay part, I mean. Fanny packs, you’re on your own.
Does that part about adopting a nineteen year old girl make any fucking sense? I’m not surprised, however, that Dr. Mike knows that her boyfriend is “pretty big.”
Fuck this, my New Year’s resolution is to ignore Dr Mike. Happy New Year everyone!
Happy New Year to all! And to all a good night!
More frightening is the “comments” section of that article.
The first comment is a treat:
All I know about guns is that one woman
with a single pistol saved the lives of perhaps hundreds of church-goers one Sunday morning in Denver, against a vicious insane killer who was armed to the teeth with a thousand rounds.

All my life I have feared guns, and have never even touched one.
My New Years resolution is that when I get a decent job, hopefully in the Spring, I will learn to shoot, and then purchase a gun, in that order.
One small person with enough courage CAN make a difference.
Nice set of priorities there:
1. Get a job
2. Get a gun
3. Um, maybe pay my bills or something
Look, I don’t want people to think I’m wacko, but please don’t misundestand me when i say this:
Gun regulations are fine, but gun controls which take the people’s rights to bear firearms away completely is unconstitutional and enables an unrestrained police-state with no civilian checks or balances.
Why do so many people favor the black and white “it’s either no guns or too many guns and complete insanity” picture of reality? Whatever happened to the gray medium between the extremes?
Why can’t i have just one gun to protect myself against criminals without somebody calling me wacko and suggesting I’m just another gun-loving wacko?
Nobody said you can’t, Nick. It’s just that the people who make a fetish out of owning guns and bragging about their guns and idiotically suggesting that their guns are somehow going to be used in a noble battle against the blue-helmeted U.N. troops that have come to throw us all in concentration camps are, well – wacko.
I know plenty of people who own a gun. Most of them don’t identify with it to the point that they include it as one of the top three things they want others to know about them. For them, it’s just a tool that hopefully will never have to be used, like a smoke alarm, and therefore not worth talking about.
When his wife finds out he’s gay she’s going to have plenty of weapons to hand.
I hope he locks them up.
No I don’t.
TM – apparently that urban legend has legs. She shot ‘at’ him, but he offed himself. And Nick, a gun will not protect you, trust me. I know.
You ever meet someone so messed up in the head that you can analyze their issues simply when they open their mouths? You know, because they are so fricked in the head that they can’t tell?
Well, here’s Mike:
“This year I plan to adopt a nineteen year old girl who still has two years of college left (at Bucknell University). Her boyfriend is pretty big but he’s often busy studying for medical school. So I plan to buy her this stainless 380 for personal protection. It is both an accurate and a reliable weapon. Plus, she thinks it’s “cute.”
Now, I don’t know about you, but in an essay that purports to let everyone know that Dr. Mike is gonna own as many guns as he wants, no matter what anyone says, what else do you think he wants to own?
Could it be a supple 19 year-old with probably some serious self esteem issues? Or is this 19 year old simply playing the good Doc for an A and boyfriend is waiting to see what comes next.
Anywho, I’m sure the Doktor has this fantasy every year and every year it turns out the same way, said girl blows him a kiss, says thankee very much for the A and his fascinating lectures and moves on.
And he sits there at his desk, alone once again with the not-so-supple and naive Mrs. Mike and his guns.
Yes Mike, the you go on you, give that girl a gun so she can do away with boyfriend and run off with you. You do that baby. We’re all waiting.
Oh, kate, you don’t really think there is a 19-year old do you? She’s just another one of Dr. Mike’s imaginary playmates.
How many times a day do you figure Dr Dick, er, Mike fires off his popguns?
Three? Four? Do you think he takes Cialis for long stretches like this when he might need some rapid fire relief?
Oh Fardels, I think there is possibly, sitting in one of his classrooms, in the back, not paying much attention to him but to give him a bored, bemused smile every now and then upon which his imagination is fueled.
I also know that there are young girls, whose emotional maturity fall under or their emotional needs fall over the line of allowing them relationships with their peers. They allow themselves to be exploited by the Dr. Mike’s of the world.
Neither speaks of anything healthy or manly. Lets hope the 19 year old is in the imaginary realm.
I dunno, kate. I kinda hope she’s real. It sounds like a recipe for a hilarious late night thought-someone-was-breaking-in shootout.
Oddly, Kate, Mrs. Dr. Mike was one of his undergraduate students when they met.
Sometimes I feel sorry for Dr. Mike. Concealed beneath a carefully constructed ‘manly’ exterior is a small frightened boy that seeks refuge in his imagination. This gun fetish, along with his misogyny and racism, is just part of his brittle persona. Probably having been bullied while a child, Dr. Mike has dealt with this by identifying himself with the agressor. It is worth noting that Dr. Mike’s bully-like behaviour is usually directed at (probably imaginary) hippies, young women, small dogs and children -in fact anyone who cannot retaliate. This man has some real issues. However, he is probably impervious to psychological intervention. I know the type – evasive, lying, anything to avoid facing reality.
Sometimes I feel sorry for Dr. Mike. Concealed beneath a carefully constructed ‘manly’ exterior is a small frightened boy that seeks refuge in his imagination.
I agree with you, except for two points:
1) What manly exterior? There isn’t a closet big enough to hold him in.
2) The “feel sorry” bit.
By the by, that “closet” reference was in no way meant to imply that Dr. Mike is gay or that there’s anything wrong with being a closeted gay man who likes his guns and his underage pedophiliac fantasies to prove his heterosexual cred.
So has Mrs. Dr. Mike left him, or is she sitting around the arsenal/suburban domicile nodding and smiling while he writes about the 19-year-old? I mean, really, is he trying to convince us that he’s got a harem going on or something?
So has Mrs. Dr. Mike left him, or is she sitting around the arsenal/suburban domicile nodding and smiling while he writes about the 19-year-old?
I think she may be out looking for a .357 instead of a popgun
One of my resolutions for 2008 is to lobby the White House to get Mike that License to Kill that he wants so badly.
if only they would stop with the handing out “License to Annoy” like Huckabee Rapist Pardons
I think she may be out looking for a .357 instead of a popgun
Left by preznit giv me turkee
So she’s moving to a liberal state, huh?
Just for the record, “Mrs Dr Adams” decided to grow up, and grow a brain. She left Dr Adams last March and she is happier than she has ever been in her life.
Just for the record, “Mrs Dr Adams” decided to grow up, and grow a brain. She left Dr Adams last March and she is happier than she has ever been in her life.
Ahhhhh. That explains his plans to adopt a new 19 year old student. How long till she grows up and grows a brain as well, I wonder?
The fact that his now ex-wife is feeling happier than ever is great news, though! Thanks for the update, Scott!
What are the odds that the good doctor is our next school shooter? Pretty good would be my guess.
Hello all,
I am very puzzled by the amount of time it you all are giving a man that you hate.
Dr. Mike is a truly good guy. He uses his whitty sarcasm to rhile up the uneducated and alikes. This man is making liberals, hippies, and feminists look absolutely retarded.
Do you really think that he is adopting a 19 year old girl? hey, I got news for you, you CANNOT adopt a 19 year old girl, dumbasses…..
Dr. Mike uses sarcasm to appeal to his true readers, the educated and savy. It keeps them interested and entertained. It truely amazes me that some of you think that he would go as far as to support a school shooting.
If you are a man, and you are from the south, and you’re not gay, guns are the coolest things ever. The more the better. Does having more than one gun make you a “wacko?” Is my uncle (a winner of the silverstar and purple heart in vietnam) a whacko because he has 4 four gunchests just for his rifles?
FIRST you people need to get a sense of humor.
Second, you need to appreciate the effort that Dr. Mike makes to effectively communicate his well-thought ideas.
Whether you agree or not, he is just a smart, ex-law student, who inevitably helps people out of dyer situations.
I can say for a fact that even the liberal students in my class find his rhetoric entertaining. Moreover, he is the best college professor I have ever had.
I suggest all you anti-gunners put a big sign in your front yards saying, “Gun-Free Zone”. Perhaps you might — just might, mind you — gain some perspective.
The saying, “When seconds count, the police are only minutes away”, will gain new meaning for you…should you survive.
Oh yeah — good luck.
[...] (If you want to subject yourself to the rest of the column, be prepared for the fact that he’s arguing that the fact that Notre Dame’s student newspaper only wants to print pieces against homosexuality if a gay-supportive counterpoint is also provided means that the newspaper is homophobic. Understand that Mike Adams is projecting his own fear of gay men onto his column, and also that he writes for an abjectly stupid audience, i.e. people who read the American Family Association blog and TownHall for hard news.  Also, understand that he looks like this, read the caption, and chortle to yourself.) [...]
[...] (If you want to subject yourself to the rest of the column, be prepared for the fact that he’s arguing that the fact that Notre Dame’s student newspaper only wants to print pieces against homosexuality if a gay-supportive counterpoint is also provided means that the newspaper is homophobic. Understand that Mike Adams is projecting his own fear of gay men onto his column, and also that he writes for an abjectly stupid audience, i.e. people who read the American Family Association blog and TownHall for hard news.  Also, understand that he looks like this, read the caption, and chortle to yourself.) [...]
He uses his whitty sarcasm to rhile up the uneducated and alikes.
Maybe he should just pay you to take English as a second language lessons, instead of blowing yuo for these posts.
czemu nie:)

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