The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Mini Golfing For God!

What with all the various blogging about the latest Christian assaults upon our popular culture, such as BibleLand (as blogged by Tbogg) and the brain crushing Creation Museum(as blogged by Whiskey Fire), I’ve found myself remembering what was the most hilarious Christian Themed Family Fun Time thingy I had ever seen: Golgotha Fun Park.
As the good people at the PopCulture Blog YesButNotButYes put it: “What better says family fun than an attraction that translates to “Hill of Skulls” in the original Aramaic?”

It’s not just the the incredibly inappropriate name for a Mini-Golf(which apparently had go carts and paint ball attractions as well), it’s the complete and utter creative laziness that punctuated the owners attempt at bringing their theme to life(click to enlarge, you gotta see it to believe it):
Noahs Ark
Pictures from Roadside America–another GREAT pop culture website

Yep. Lawn Ornaments. They used lawn ornaments for their animal pairs in the Noah’s Ark hole.
Your whole mini golfing experience at Golgotha Fun Park took you from the Old Testament all the way to the New Testament, with the final hole being Christ’s Crucifixition. Remember–he died for your sins just so you could get that hole in one. Don’t forget to visit the gift store on your way out!

Posted by Maryc on Sunday, June 10th, 2007 at 7:34 pm.

16 Responses to “Mini Golfing For God!”

Man. That kinda shit makes UFO mini golf courses look like cultural enrichment….
Where are the “UFO mini golf courses”? Sounds like fun.
And, our antipodean pals have some hot poop on the Ham who founded the Creation Museum:,20867,21843706-2702,00.html?from=public_rss
Geeeee, thanks Mary, my blood pressure needed that… (/snark)
Jeeeeeebus H. on a cracker with a side of horseradish.
I thought that MY relatives were the tackiest motherfuckers on the continent, but nooooooo, ya just hadda go find something THIS much worse!!!
I’ve seen trailer parks with more realistic decorations and more appropriate decoration THEMES. Fuck me sideways with a fucking CHAINSAW, that’s fugly and fucked-up on a level that rivals the scien-phobic Bullshit Museum.
I betcha that Dumbya & his frat buddies have gotten drunk and played mini-golf (or aimed at SOME holes…) at Golgotha at some point in his 2.38-grade-point-average college days…
Golgatha Mini Golf is on the road into Mammoth Cave National Park, here in Kentucky. I’ve gone past it at least a hundred times over the last 28 years, and it always causes amusment in the car. “Play Mini-Golf at the Place of the Skull!”
I’ve never actually stopped there, though, nor at many of the other fine tourist traps in Cave City, such as Dinosaur Land and Gun Town Mountain. I have visited the Mammoth Cave Wax Museum.
Hey, what’s the obstacle on the 18th hole? Is it a chute that, if your ball makes it, nails a Jesus figure to the cross?
Cause if it is, I’m SO there!
I can never manage to time it right to get the ball through the rotating cross, myself.
Thanks for the link!
Hey, I think that’s Noah’s Ark hole is a work of kitsch art! Just be careful of the water hazard. It could take you 40 days and 40 nights to get out, and you still lose a stroke.
Biblical times must have been frightening times indeed to have doves bigger than hogs and armadillos larger than alligators!
I’ve always thought that a Stations-of-the-Cross exercise circuit would be cool.
… just noticed the foxes! They are almost as big as St. Francis there. Yikes!
Oh the fun you will have!
You’ve seen one of the highlights of the nine holes of the Old Testament (the first nine holes) but there’s more!
Will your ball be the Chosen People, passing dry-shod across the Red Sea, or submerged like Pharaoh’s army as the waters return? Drop and lose a stroke.
Are you ready for the back nine of the New Testament?
Putt through the Crown of Thorns. Careful though: too close to the edge and you’ll end up in the leftover loaves and fishes.
Hole out on the 18th into the entrance to Christ’s tomb, but watch out! – time it wrong and the stone won’t have rolled away.
Herr Doktor — those exist. If you ever find yourself damned to the 6th circle of hell known as Baton Rouge, LA, you can find ‘em in half of the public parks and damned near EVERY fucking public-school playground, commercial gym, you fucking name it — if they’re not shoving jeebus up your ass and down your throat 24/7, then they’re just not TRYING HARD ENOUGH!
Mentis, m’dear, you are enjoying this altogether too much… are you drawing-up blueprints for a Kiwi version, for-profit only, of course… ?
Errrrrrrr, not for nothing, but Noah looks rather…young…in that photo.
I think the lawn ornaments are cute as hell. In fact, if taken totally out of context I can even see them as, you know, hip & ironic.
And I now have an ambition to have at least one silver-painted armadillo lawn ornament.
Also: Golgolfa! Perfect.
I pray for all the ant-Christian bigots and fools who diss this park and Christ, my Lord and Savior. May Jesus forgive them and the Holy Spirit find them. Amen

No comments:

Post a Comment