The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Well Those Weapons Of Mass Destruction Aren’t In Your Ass, Mr. President

Mitt Romney, he of the chiseled features and airport-quality shoulders, takes a cue from another Man of Faith, Michael Medved and “looks past platitudes about love to focus on the raw actuality of male-male eroticism.”

Anyway…Caption contest anyone?

32 Responses to “Well Those Weapons Of Mass Destruction Aren’t In Your Ass, Mr. President”

The rejected cover for that Blink-182 album.
Jan. 3, 2007: Outgoing Gov. Romney prepares to sign bill banning irony.
Aug. 31, 2007: Former Republican frontrunner Mitt Romney’s campaign took another turn toward the bizarre today. He celebrated the 40th anniversary of the flub that cost his father the nomination by hosting a Romney family colonic. “My dad said he’d been brainwashed. Well, I’m taking it to the next level. C’mon now, boys, cleanliness is next to godliness. You, too, Craig!”
No stranger to pandering, Romney explains to Log Cabin Republicans that it’s “Best to play safe when packin’ fudge.”
Startled by a blogger’s question at his latest photo-op, Willard “Mitt” Romney denies that he’s the love child of Ted Dansen and The Addams Family’s Lurch.
(A lame effort, I know, but I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks, now.)
He’s going to need longer gloves.
He just lost the over 50 male vote.
Yeah, but he may have picked up the coveted Housewives Under Forty Who Vacuum In Pearls And Dig The Undertaker Look voting block.
I just have this image of him and Ann Coulter as King and Queen of the Senior Prom, Twin Peaks Alternative High School, Class of ’74.
Annti, you got the brain bleach over there? Can I borrow it?
“Now You Know Why They Call Me ‘Mitt’ (…AND KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!!)”
“Vote ROMNEY: He Digs Deeper”
“Romney, for every answer at the latest Fox ‘News” Republican’t Debate, shouts ‘Nothing up my sleeve… Presto! Ooh, musta been teh wrong asshat,’ in a Bullinkle voice, as he yoinks a snarling rhino, tiger, or lion out of the sphincter of one of his fellow Republican’t candidates.”
But, don’t worry…
Those green rubber gloves are infused with aloe, so nobody will be effected with itchy assholes.
Particularly not the RHINOs.

Governor Romney prepares to embody his presidential slogan: “This will hurt me more than it will hurt you…I can assure you.”
Five minutes later, Romney had a revelatation, leading to a refinement of the message: “No, you were right, it’s going to hurt you the worst.
“Bend over. I’m looking for votes.”
“Well, they said I was a fudge packer, so I thought I should put on these gloves.”
Have no fear, D., the 50-gallon drum is on its way.
Along with those shoulder-length gloves that vets use to palpate cows.
I can’t be the only one who thinks of “Dr. Strangelove” when I hear the name, MITT!, can I?
Letterman had a cute list last night about MITT!
There’s a new little meme running around the internets and you’ve been tagged with it.
We’d be interested to read your response, but you have to understand, we don’t get out much.
Okay, Diamond LeGrande wins my vote for best caption, and second place goes to Scott for the title of this post. You know, you gotta hand it to these rightwing loonies: if they weren’t so incredibly stupid, we couldn’t have nearly so much fun.
Wait, I got one more. (Well, some of us are slow.)
“Reminded to wear gloves when touching the customer’s food, Romney prepares to do more for the safety and well-being of the citizenry than he ever will as president.”
Probably wasn’t worth it, was it. The Bigfoot in the kitchen came up with it, I swear.
Now, I know you’re only supposed to use a finger to check the prostate, but where’s the sport in that???
“no glove, no love”
The rejected cover for that Blink-182 album.
Left by Bill S
I was thinking more Spinal Tap
D. Sidhe’s reference to the Senior Prom reminds me of the story of Mittens’ first meeting w/ the Ann he would marry:
Read it & weep.
“Let’s see what I can pull out of my butt besides that bogus story about French marriages being replaced by 7-year contracts.”
“Fine! I’ll put the glove on! What a bunch of sissies you people are.”
A non-dirty joke:
Mitt’s family warned him about the caffeine content in chocolate, but he didn’t listen, so now he’s hooked.You know what they say:
Once you go caffeinated, you can’t be rehabilitated.
{Okay, so that was funnier in my head.Stop reading this thread and look at s.z.’s cute kitty pictures.)
Hey hey O-hi-o, Im in ur azz, steeling ur votes.
“See, it’s like a condom you can use five times!”
Yeah, right, like Mor(m)ons use CONDOMS.
Well, Smint wore the gLove *every time,* saying to his wife, “I don’t see how this is supposed to prevent pregnancy!”
5 sons later, she went on an IUD.
Ol’ Willard was heard to say, “Hey! I really think I’m getting the *hang* of these things!
Yes, I only told that true story to leave you with the mental image of Mitt naked except for green rubber gloves. Thank me later!
:::flogs Marq mercilessly with iron-tipped cat-o’-nine-tails until the 50-gallon-vat of clorox arrives:::
Two by two, hands of blue…
(for all you Firefly fans)
“Just let me get this glove on and I’ll be packing fudge like Mark Foley.”
Hey, if it’ll help, Annti, picture a different imageto chase away the one Marq left you with-like Mitt peeling those gloves off with his teetch…but the exact same expression he has in the above picture. Then dangling the gloves…somewhere.
Bill, dammit, you know that I’m too fucking tired to really give you a proper flogging with the cat o’nine… Go flog yourself.

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