The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Andrew Breitbart IS…”The Red States Pimpernel”

In a haunting and heartfelt cri de derrier, “Mr. Spielberg, tear down this wall,” Andrew Breitbart claims that in Hollywood, conservatives must lead secret lives, hiding their true convictions, never daring to speak out against the liberal shibboleths.  You may find this a tarnished accusation and be tempted to demand proof, which he provides — by listing a bunch of people in Hollywood who are openly conservative.
While it is true that the ratio of Obama-to-McCain bumper stickers in West L.A. is about 250-to-1, there are untold closet Republicans in the entertainment industry who dare not advertise their beliefs in movie studio parking lots. (Unfortunately, car keying is a tactic wielded liberally by the self-described “tolerant.”)
Yeah.  I’d love to see the FBI statistics on liberals keying the BMW Z4 roadsters of admitted conservatives in the Paramount lot.  (By the way, if you notice a change in tone from now on, it’s only that I’ve realized Andy and I are in the same business — making shit up — so I feel he’s entitled to a bit of professional courtesy.)  So,  in Hollywood, the car key has become a symbol of tyranny, much as the Guillotine was during the reign of Terror in Revolutionary France.  Got it.
Since the communist-sympathizing Jane Fonda aerobicized her way into the mainstream of Hollywood politics, and about the time that John Wayne died, most Republicans in Hollywood began to shut their mouths.  Other Republicans attempt to win over the bullies by referring to themselves as “moderate,” “libertarian,” “independent,” “classical liberal,” “pragmatist” or “JFK Democrat.”
Well, let’s be fair.  Given the way “Republican” has become toxic throughout the known universe, a lot of people — not just Hollywood conservatives — have adopted this dodge.  According to Wikipedia,Dennis Prager “sometimes labels himself as ‘passionate centrist’ or a ‘JFK liberal,’” and Glenn Reynolds is perhaps the world’s foremost libertarian who apes the positions of a Bush Republican except he’s more frank about his yen to ditch the missus and fuck robots.
The tandem of social and vocational ostracism usually shuts down even the strongest voices.
Except, apparently, for Robert Downey, Jr. and Clint Eastwood, and Bruce Willis, and Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Joel Surnow, and Mel Gibson and David Mamet, and…
The Hollywood dinner party test strongly hints that the talented actor [Downey, Jr.] has lurched rightward during his long road to recovery. Playwright David Mamet recently expressed a similar Road to Da Masses conversion…They join an elite brunch that includes Adam Sandler, Kelsey Grammer and Patricia Heaton who also brazenly wear the Scarlet “R” in the middle of the school cafeteria.
How much do you suppose these poor beleaguered people spend on automotive touch-up paint every month?
Michael Crichton – who, to the chagrin of Al Gore, exposes “environmentalism as a religion” -
He also writes about dinosaursgiant disco balls that give people super-powers, and office machines that can fax people to medieval France without smudging (but beware!  You must return before the toner runs out!).  Anyway, nothing against Crichton’s oeuvre, I’m just saying — “environmentalism as religion” isn’t the only goofy idea he’s ever had.
…and comic genius Dennis Miller…
I see these words less as a burst of cackling insanity, and more as a poignant cry for help.
…show that there are cracks in the wall artificially separating Hollywood from much of America.
I think you’ll find that the cracks, dear Andy, are not in our stars, but in your skull.
Posted by scott on July 15th, 2008

No comments:

Post a Comment