The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Friday, June 27, 2014

Would You Willingingly Share A Bathroom With This Woman?

You may recall that last month, Janet Folger was heading to Colorado to become a martyr for segregated plumbing.  And for those of you wondering how she fared when the whip came down (anyone?  No one?  Okay…) she’s back to recount her horrifying time as a POW in the Homo Hilton.
It’s been quite a month.
On July 1, I was in Denver breaking the new state law by handing out my book, “The Criminalization of Christianity: Read this before it becomes Illegal.” Although I was a bit high-profile to arrest right now, the “Bible Ban Bathroom Bill” (SB 200 – now law) I was protesting not only welcomes men wearing dresses into your daughter’s shower room, it bans books like mine and … the Bible.
I’m actually thinking of getting out of satire completely, because when the job requires you to top “Bible Ban Bathroom Bill,” it’s just too damn much like real work.  I mean, she didn’t even build up to that; it was in the second paragraph!  Where are you supposed to go after that?
All the talk of “tolerance” is coming from the most intolerant folks around. They scream and shout about “hate” but spew it more than any other group in America.
All, still working the old “tolerant”-liberals-are-intolerant-of-my-intolerance wheeze, eh?  Well, Sally Rand was born in 1904, yet she was still ambulatory enough to fan dance for the Mercury astronauts, so shake your moneymaker Janet.
As I spelled out in my book, the name-calling is just the first step.
Step 1: Ridicule
Lable anyone who disagrees an “ignorant, hateful, intolerant, bigot.” Yep, old-fashioned name-calling, seen on playgrounds for centuries. We would do well to remember some lessons from grammar school: Bully appeasement doesn’t work – and losing your lunch money is just the beginning.
Strangely enough, as I remember the old schoolyard pecking order, it generally wasn’t the bigots who were most at risk of being bullied.  In fact, without going to the Venn Diagram, I’m pretty sure there was a significant amount of overlap between those two groups.
Step 2: Blame
I’ve seen it from the same group firsthand. Yes, the San Francisco Board of Supervisors passed another little gem 10 years ago against those of us who expressed hope for change for those struggling with homosexuality with an ad campaign featuring ex-homosexuals (850 were in one photo). We disagreed with them, so they blamed us for the death of Matthew Shepard: “It’s not an exaggeration to say that there’s a direct correlation between these acts of discrimination, like Matthew Shepard, such as when gays and lesbians are called sinful and when major religious organizations say they can change if they try, and the horrible crimes committed against gays and lesbians.”
Janet wrote more about this public service campaign here:
In 1998, I oversaw the national “Truth in Love” campaign, which expressed hope for change for those struggling in homosexuality – something for which I was accused of murder. Here’s a sample of one of the full-page “Truth-in-Love” campaign ads that caused all the commotion. One ad pictured 850 ex-homosexuals with the headline, “We’re standing for the truth that homosexuals can change.” Brace yourself for “hateful,” “bigoted” and “intolerant” speech said to be responsible for murder. (Note: If you’re under 18, you may want to ask your parents before reading it.):
“We believe every human being is precious to God and is entitled to respect. But when we see great suffering among homosexuals, it’s an inherent Christian calling to show compassion and concern.”
Wow. With words like “precious,” “respect,” “compassion” and “concern,” you can understand why the city of San Francisco would be prompted to accuse us of murder
That does seem unreasonable, especially when you factor in the sincere and respectful words with which Janet began her column:
I’ve already told you about how H.R. 1592 will destroy equal justice (setting up a victim hierarchy), set up a Gay Gestapo with unlimited funds and send grandma to jail for sharing her faith on the public sidewalk
See, it happens every time.  You craft a loving, sincere call for sinners to stop their abominations and return to the fold, but do they thank you?  No!  Instead, they have the effrontery to question your motives by going behind your back and reading all the stuff you wrote about them when you thought they weren’t looking!  No wonder people hate the queers so much.
Step 3: Censorship
That’s what the San Francisco Board of Supervisors tried to do to us 10 years ago: All dissenters must be silenced! And if they won’t be intimidated into submission; they’ll do it with whatever club they can find: resolutions (like the one that passed unanimously), court action and the law – from thought crimes to the redefinition of marriage. For those of you keeping track, that’s exactly where we are in the agenda from the group that screams of “tolerance” and “diversity.”
Also for those of you keeping track, remember that Freedom is a zero-sum game, so if you grant gays the same right to marry that straight couples enjoy, you actually take rights away from Janet.
I can argue why marriage matters for the continuation of civilization. I can tell you about every study that shows without a doubt that children do best with both a mother and a father.
Okay, leaving aside the (admittedly anecdotal) point that most gay couples I know don’t have children, here’s something that’s always bothered me.  If extending equal rights to gays and lesbians is going to break apart straight families, then how come the absence of gay marriage didn’t keep my parents together when I was a kid?
ME:  Daddy!  Stop packing!  Homosexuals are still barred from entering into a union analogous to traditional marriage!
MY DAD:  Awww, crap.  Here, help me put my shoe-trees back in the closet.
But let me cut to the chase: If we don’t win the marriage battle, now on the ballot in California, Florida and Arizona, people who disagree with homosexual behavior will … go to jail.
Wait a second…!  What’s with the future tense, here?  Janet told us last month she was going to Colorado to commit civil disobedience and get arrested for violating the Bible Bathroom Ban!  Don’t tell me we read this far only to discover that she wimped out and that “Cat,” the alpha dyke on the cellblock hasn’t spent the last three weeks making Janet her bitch!
People in California are starting to understand just what is at stake in the battle for marriage – freedom itself.
When the church was persecuted in England and Europe, our Founding Fathers came to America for freedom. People still build boats from scrap wood to try to come here for a glimpse of it. America is the last, best hope of the world. If we lose, there is nowhere else to go.
Just imagine the heart-wrenching scene:  a leaky boat full of Cubans who are yearning to breathe free approaches the shores of the promised land, only to be turned back at the last moment by a pod of magical dolphins who inform the desperate refugees that they were better off at home, because the Girls bathrooms in America’s grammar schools are crowded with gay men, and you can’t even say “fag” anymore.
America will remain the land of the free only as long as it is the home of the brave. If you care about America’s freedoms, muster the courage to stand up, sign up and speak up for marriage and McCain.
Well, speak up for second marriages and McCain.  The first one is really just practice.
Posted by scott on July 22nd, 2008

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