The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

L’chaim! L’Mavet!

We’ve had a pretty busy weekend, taking in Eddie Izzard’s show at the Kodak on Friday, then catching Paul F. Tompkins at Largo on Saturday with our friend Elizabeth, and to be honest, my vivant isn’t as bon as it used to be.  So let’s just check the cornucopia of low-hanging fruit and see what looks squishy and rotten…
Does She Or Doesn’t She (Tuck And Tape)?  It’s cross dresser meets hair dresser in the wackiest romantic comedy of the summer.  “It’s like Priscilla Queen of the Desert meets The Crying Game,” says Premiere magazine.  “Except with more suicides after the press screening.”
Okay, you know what…lower.  Need lower fruit…
Ah!  Pastor Swank!  Perfect for a late Sunday evening snack!
swank.jpg Death to life
As Jesus Christ gave Himself every minute to the Father agenda, so Jesus died out to His own zeal.. He was human, as we are human; therefore, He was tempted in all areas like as we. But He did not sin. He did not yield to the allurements of self-governance.
Remember kids, Democracy = Sin.
Jesus made certain that at every turn — especially when applauded by the masses for miracle producing — that He did not permit Himself to be fooled. He refused the forbidden fruit. He would not bite into that which was hanging on the forever tree in the center of the world’s garden.
I remember when my folks were redoing the yard, my mom wanted to to plant forever trees in the front garden, but fortunately my dad convinced her to go with the Chinese maple and the weeping spruce.
Jesus allowed His very being to be baptized into a sanctified plot outside Himself. He would know nothing until it was revealed to Him.
Jesus was a big believer in spoiler alerts.
This same Jesus has become our Model.
And his swimsuit calender is selling extremely well.
He invites us to be baptized into the death to our own zeal.
Um, gee, I’d love to accept, but I’ve got a wedding to go to…
How many within the courts of religion are overcome with their own zeal? Their energy drives are at fever pitch daily. For what? For the praises. They even hunger for audience approval in the name of Jesus Christ. They have become accustomed, even addicted, to this explosive feeling of ego achievement.
I must say, Pastor, that I’m glad you’re taking the time to expose these attention whores in one of your 5 daily columns posted on 8 different web sites.
The purpose of the cross is to teach this lesson of zeal submission.
Unfortunately, the WWE has ruled “zeal submission” an illegal hold.
Consequently, spiritual leadership must scour their motives to make certain that death to personal drive is real, that they have been baptized truly into the death of Christ in order to know His holiness in life.
God has already proven Himself two thousand years ago. Death was followed with life. Jesus was there to reveal it. Disciples saw and handled it.
Some people freaked, but the disciples, they were totally chill.
Life! “I am the. . .the Life.”
I don’t meant to be critical, but the guy spends three days in a tomb, nothing to do but rehearse, and he still forgets his line?
We then have hope. It is the believing that makes the glory possible. Faith is power in that it propels component into component according to heaven’s scheduling.
But reserve your components early, because heaven’s always overbooked for the Labor Day Weekend.
Yet we want to mix things up so as to be wiser than heaven. We have a plan and it should be thus and that.
Well I think it should be this and those, and I’m willing to schism over it!
We also have a calendar on which to pin the plan. Therefore, we bring this blueprint to heaven for heaven’s smile. We even beg for heaven’s approval. Sometimes we ask other believers to engage their intercessions with yours in order to convince heaven by our amassing numbers.
All this is “of the flesh.”
Indeed, the gracious God is kind in permitting certain glimmers of life even in the baptism to death. Jesus saw the life even while dying.. He saw the life come into the repentant thief’s eyes, then his soul. That was encouraging to Jesus even while tied to the tree.
Wait.  I thought he was nailed to a cross…?
Jesus saw the tearful allegiance of mother Mary, crumpled at the cross’ hole in the earth. As Jesus, Son, looked on at mother’s woe, yet mother not leaving her Son to desertion, Jesus was consoled even while in the last agonies of Golgotha.
Lucky him.  My mother would have gotten bored after half an hour and gone to the 7-Eleven for a pint of Popov and a pack of Bensen & Hedges.
Jesus saw the Roman soldier begin to move away from a callused empire-loyal heart toward recognition that the hanging One might be the long-awaited Messiah.
Yeah, but that Roman soldier thought the same thing about one of those hanging Bill the Cat suction-cup dolls.
There is the newness of life budding even now in your distress. See it. It is there. Then it vanishes.
Newness of life is clearly fucking with you.
At least in this brief time frame, there is more for you to learn from the awful cross cut into your soul’s shoulder.
So, my soul is into self-harm. That's a relief, I thought it was bursitis.
Nevertheless, the newness is birthed where you are now. It will come into full life in heaven’s calendar.
Have faith.
It is true just as it was true in the biography of Jesus Christ.
I’ve got to stop watching A&E.  It’s starting to make no sense whatsoever.
Posted by scott on August 11th, 2008

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