The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

I’ll Have The Stuffed Crab Legs, The Twice-Baked Potato, And The Loaded Questions

Over at Pajamas Media, Kyle-Anne Shiver has unbuttoned the flap of her feety union suit and unleashed an amazing coil of rhetorical questions:
Can we adopt a more socialist approach to government and transform America into a state not of equal opportunity for individuals to create their own happiness, but a state where a nanny bureaucracy operates for the supposed “good” of its citizens?
You know, I’m generally uneasy with polling questions that contain scare quotes, but I’m sure you’re asking in good faith, so…
Can we accept tyranny by a rainbow proletariat of minorities and special interest groups who wish to mandate permanent entitlements for themselves?
Well I already prayed for the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, so I guess if the brown people want my plasma TV I’ll just have to get used to watching Burn Notice through the plate glass window of the appliance store.
Can we, as Americans, vote to hand over a huge chunk of our national sovereignty to international consensus and global taxation?
Yeah, let me get back to you on that one.  Oh!  I see your ride’s here.  Hey, why don’t you grab your stuff and I’ll go tell the black helicopter you’ll be right out…
Can we adopt the Marxist cause of the class struggle, the utopian fix for all that ills us
I sure hope that utopian fix works on grammar.
…and become part of a unified coalition of socialist countries around the world, in the hope that mankind can find Obama’s “collective redemption”?
I’m beginning to suspect the methodology of this poll may not be wholly sound.
Can we?
Geez, I don’t know, lady!  I just got here!
That’s not the question.
Thanks for wasting our time.
We’re Americans. We are our own government
Hey c’mon, Kyle-Anne, it’s Tuesday — it’s my turn to be the Air Force!  You have to be the Department of Agriculture, or I’m gonna tell Mom!
…and we, the electorate, decide what course we will take.
The last two times we decided to set a course straight down the toilet, but I’m sure we’ll get the hang of it eventually.
No change whatsoever is necessary to effect our own national will.
Not as long as our Green Lantern rings are fully charged!
We are a government of the people, by the people, and for the people. Always have been. Since the beginning.
You’re right.  Well…You’re 3/5ths right.
Obama answers the wrong question with his now banal statement: Yes, we can.
I’ll say.  The question was “What two countries are separated by the 49th Parallel?”
Because the question before Americans has never been, Can we become socialists?
The question has always been, can we do it while appealing to males 18 to 34 years of age?  So actually I guess the real question is, can we become socialists and still work in a bit of nudity?  Nothing tasteless.  Side-boob and butt-crack, that’s it.
Not only is Obama slipping in the national polls, but he received no discernible bounce from his highfalutin, veryexpensive trip abroad.
He acts like he’s so smart and everything, but not once in Iraq, Afghanistan, or Germany did he stay in a Holiday Inn Express.
Candidate Obama used campaign funds to take himself, the press, and a retinue of 700 — count them, 700 — campaign aides, first class all the way, on a trip that was luxurious by any standard, and at a time when many Americans could not even afford a small summer vacation due to very high gas prices.
Do you have any idea how much it costs to drive to Europe these days?
Despite the underreported fact that we have now all but won the Iraq War — the war Democrats prematurely declared lost— we are still at war.
I love the taste of victory.  It tastes like…cud.
Posted by scott on August 8th, 2008

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