The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Friday, June 27, 2014

Jonah Goldberg To Speak At Clown College Commencement

Jonah has heard the clamor of his fans, answering the old Zen koan, “What’s the sound of one hand clamoring?”  And what do they most dream and hope for?  More conservative comedy!
But there are few questions I’m asked more than, “When are you going to do another one of those conservative comedy nights like you (and Mark Steyn and Rob Long) did in New Hampshire or the Conservative Summit?”
Well, to that one I have an answer: In a couple weeks!
Alas, Mark Steyn couldn’t make this one. At first, my reaction was “Well, that’s that. We can’t do it without Steyn.”
Known professionally as “Slappy.”
Then, I found out that Christopher Buckley would sub-in for him. My reaction was sort of like that of Hugo Drax inMoonraker when he’s talking on the phone with the personal assassin employment agency inquiring about a new henchman. He describes his needs with much urgency, but then the person on the other side of the line says he can deliver Jaws. “Oh, you can get him?” Drax replies, “Yes, well, that will be more than satisfactory.”
I remember Moonraker — not as well as Jonah — but I clearly recall the dread I felt when Richard Kiel’s character “Jaws” appeared, and I realized that the absolute worst film in the Bond franchise was about to get exponentially crappier.  Which is, I have to admit, exactly the same feeling I get when hearing the words “Mark Steyn.”
Anyway, me, Buckley and Long will be at the Broadmoor in Colorado Springs, offering some much needed counter-programming to the Democratic Convention down the road. The drinks will be flowing. And hopefully a good time will be had by all. I should note — with some pride — that at the New Hampshire event, the laughter from our room was so loud that Bill Clinton, speaking at a rally next door for the woman he happens to be married to, had to wait a minute for the noise to die down before he could resume talking. That was pretty cool.
Until Jonah glanced down at his 3×5 cards and noticed the shirttail extruded from his open fly, and suddenly his alarmingly red face and gush of tears turned the gay hilarity into scattered, nervous coughs, loud calls for the check, and the busy, overlapping sound of chair legs scraping on linoleum.
Get your tickets early.
Posted by scott on August 6th, 2008

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