Concerned Woman Matt Barber doesn’t claim to be anybody special. He’s just another dogface drafted into the Culture War, hunkered down in a foxhole, rinsing his socks out in his helmet and dreamin’ about home. Just minding his own business minding other peoples’ business; then suddenly, he felt a STAB in the back! Matt reached behind, and sure enough, pulled a knife from between his shoulder blades. A gruesome stiletto that could’ve come from only one place:
A Happy Meal.
Hard to believe, but Private Barber has the bloody proof that McDonalds has violated the Neutrality Act and been trading with the enemy — married homosexuals. But let Matt tell you in his own words, which I should point out are mostly free of gay undertones or inadvertent double entendres:
In an apparent effort to pierce the hyper-demanding good graces of the radical homosexual lobby, these clowns (pun intended) have thrown the vast majority of potential Mickey D’s customers, worldwide, under the bus. Because of this colossal corporate blunder, the hamburger giant is now facing an embarrassing and ever-growing international boycott.
Well, “international” in that they have a petition up on the World Wide Web, which makes it slightly less international than International-Harvester, but slightly more than IHoP.
McDonald’s self-inflicted woes started back in March, when the company paid $20,000 to have Richard Ellis, McDonald’s “out and proud” homosexual vice president of communications, placed on the board of the innocuously tagged “National Gay and Lesbian Chamber of Commerce.” NGLCC is an extremist, “gay” activist organization that lobbies for leftist causes, such as “gay marriage,” and pushes for other policies that would grant special privileges to certain individuals who define themselves based upon unhealthy, traditionally immoral and changeable sexual behaviors.
I suppose you could argue which is less healthy, gay sex or eating at McDonalds. But as I get older, I find myself increasingly appalled by the newfangled, ever-changing immorality of today’s on-the-go youth, and yearning for the more sedate, traditional immorality of my parents’ and grandparents’ generations. So I’ve got to agree with Matt there. As for “changeable sexual behaviors,” though, I’ll be happy to take Matt’s word for it as soon as he decides to switch his polarity, buy some decent shoes, and start doing two shows nightly at Aunt Charlie’s.
For example, under communist-tested, McDonald’s-approved “hate speech” legislation, such as the so-called Employment Non-Discrimination Act, Christians and other business owners with traditional values would be forced – under penalty of law – to abandon sincerely held religious beliefs and adopt McDonald’s own secular-humanist, moral-relativist view of right and wrong.
Yes, as we learned from Janet Folger, America is the new Roman Empire, where it is now a capital offense to profess faith in Christ. But at least in ancient Rome you could choose an alternate god from a pretty cool pantheon, while here the government forces you to worship Ronald McDonald.
But perhaps most damaging is that McDonald’s is now publicly supporting counterfeit “same-sex marriage,”
I admit, I bought one of those knock-off gay marriages from Hong Kong and it stopped working within a week.
As far as bad business decisions go, this one’s a real whopper (sorry for the mixed metaphor). This has, no doubt, made shareholders grimace … (OK, I’ll stop).
Oh you and your puckish sense of whimsy.
Still, same-sex marriage is a contradiction in terms. It’s a bizarre bastardization of legitimate marriage. It both mocks and undermines the genuine article.
Even worse, it softens your hands while you do the dishes!
Marriage is a fundamental building block to any healthy society. If you introduce counterfeit money into commerce, the dollar is devalued. If you introduce counterfeit marriage into society, true marriage is devalued and society is harmed.
On the bright side, you can now pay for your gay marriage license with a three dollar bill. But enough of these vague innuendos and unsupported arguments. Let’s see Matt engage McDonalds position, in a clear, direct, point by point manner.
“At McDonald’s we respect and value everyone … blah, blah, blah … Diversity … blah, blah … Inclusion … yada, yada … We have a long and proud history of leadership … blah, blah, (gag!)” You know the drill.
Okay, maybe Matt should reconsider changing his sexual behaviors. With a gag reflect that sensitive he’s not likely to be very popular.
Posted by scott on Wednesday, July 30th, 2008 at 5:16 pm
19 Responses to “Concerned Woman-Man Wants To Slip You His Whopper”
Could we aim that drill at Matt’s head and drain all the stupid out of it?
Ze Hamburglar plants ze shiv again!
Uh, what was his point in all that?
McD’s is bad?
And this: “Hatred has no place in our culture.” Nice job, Bill. I’m sure the hundreds of millions of customers you’ve just smacked down with this little insult are itchin’ for a Happy Meal now.… is supposed to have any damn effect on the crowds that chug thru the McD drive up windows daily?
That boy must surely get paid by the word, because that whole piece of work seemed like a limp rant to me.
But this is really rich: counterfeit marriage. Like the sham I went through with my ex-wife? Oh, if only she had gone to big house after divorce, that would have made things more better! But tell me again why two gays getting married would have changed that shit one iota.
McD’s is bad?
And this: “Hatred has no place in our culture.” Nice job, Bill. I’m sure the hundreds of millions of customers you’ve just smacked down with this little insult are itchin’ for a Happy Meal now.… is supposed to have any damn effect on the crowds that chug thru the McD drive up windows daily?
That boy must surely get paid by the word, because that whole piece of work seemed like a limp rant to me.
But this is really rich: counterfeit marriage. Like the sham I went through with my ex-wife? Oh, if only she had gone to big house after divorce, that would have made things more better! But tell me again why two gays getting married would have changed that shit one iota.
“In an apparent effort to pierce the hyper-demanding good graces of the radical homosexual lobby, these clowns (pun intended)…
I’m fairly certain that’s not actually a pun.
…”have thrown the vast majority of potential Mickey D’s customers, worldwide, under the bus.”
Can we please stop saying “under the bus” already? It sounded stupid the first time, it sounds stupid now.
“Hatred has no place in our culture.” Nice job, Bill. I’m sure the hundreds of millions of customers you’ve just smacked down with this little insult are itchin’ for a Happy Meal now”
Yeah Matt, I’m sure your average fast food customer really gives a shit.
I’m fairly certain that’s not actually a pun.
…”have thrown the vast majority of potential Mickey D’s customers, worldwide, under the bus.”
Can we please stop saying “under the bus” already? It sounded stupid the first time, it sounds stupid now.
“Hatred has no place in our culture.” Nice job, Bill. I’m sure the hundreds of millions of customers you’ve just smacked down with this little insult are itchin’ for a Happy Meal now”
Yeah Matt, I’m sure your average fast food customer really gives a shit.
You know, for an excessively hyperbolic, psychotically manic, innuendo-laden rant, that was surprisingly boring. Rather like seeing Ozzy Osbourne in drag at Mardi Gras. What’s the point, really?
For example, under communist-tested, McDonald’s-approved “hate speech” legislation, such as the so-called Employment Non-Discrimination Act, Christians and other business owners with traditional values would be forced – under penalty of law – to abandon sincerely held religious beliefs and adopt McDonald’s own secular-humanist, moral-relativist view of right and wrong.
Gee, it’s a pity the First Amendment doesn’t apply to private employers…and if anyone thinks this boycott is going to do squat to changing Mickie D’s mind, they are nuts.
Gee, it’s a pity the First Amendment doesn’t apply to private employers…and if anyone thinks this boycott is going to do squat to changing Mickie D’s mind, they are nuts.
Man, that Bus really gets a work-out, doesn’t it? I wonder who’s driving? Is it a school bus or a greyhound? Or is it something like the McCain “stuck in reverse” bus?
Still, same-sex marriage is a contradiction in terms. It’s a bizarre bastardization of legitimate marriage. It both mocks and undermines the genuine article.Even worse, it softens your hands while you do the dishes!
It’s a dessert topping and a floor wax!
Good god, these people are stupid. McDonalds is a bigass, amoral business. If they’re supporting gay rights, it’s because they think it’ll accrue them good will and improve their bottom line. Sure, maybe some McDonalds decision-makers personally care about the issue, but that is entirely secondary to profit motive. It’s a purely mercenary decision. I thought right-wingers were capitalists, but listen to them howl like banshees–excessively whiny banshees–over a corporation playing within the rules of the system that they are alleged to support. It is to laugh.
McDonald’s is now SICKDonald’s with Gaylands, McBuggers, and “fallen” arches!
Clara
Clara
McDonald’s is now SICKDonald’s with Gaylands, McBuggers, and “fallen” arches!
So THAT’S why my Chicken McNuggets came with McPenises!
So THAT’S why my Chicken McNuggets came with McPenises!
I prefer to think of that bus as a nice, flat faced Blue Bird.
So THAT’S why my Chicken McNuggets came with McPenises!
You ordered the “Mr. Happy” Meal.
You ordered the “Mr. Happy” Meal.
So THAT’S why my Chicken McNuggets came with McPenises!
You ordered the “Mr. Happy” Meal.
He was going to order the Happy Ending Meal but remembered he was allergic to Special Sauce.
You ordered the “Mr. Happy” Meal.
He was going to order the Happy Ending Meal but remembered he was allergic to Special Sauce.
He really thinks some puny boycott will impede the global juggernaut that is McDonalds? Is he like, stupid or something? Ronald has a message for you, Matt: “Bring it on, punk.”
McDonalds is to companies what gonorrhea is to STDs. It will continue to spread until someone develops a vaccine. You might as well boycott pneumonia or epilepsy.
But it is nice to see companies finally catching on that teh gheys usually make much better customers and/or employees than those who oppose them.
McDonalds is to companies what gonorrhea is to STDs. It will continue to spread until someone develops a vaccine. You might as well boycott pneumonia or epilepsy.
But it is nice to see companies finally catching on that teh gheys usually make much better customers and/or employees than those who oppose them.
I took the delicious liberty of posting a few comments over at the Boycott McDonalds webby-do for S&G. Childish? Yes. Fullfilling? Not for very long, I guess. Worth it for a cheap thrill? Abso-fargin’ Lutely. Mostly because it’s a big pile of wind-pissing and multiposts to be sure. Try it, I won’t tell:http://www.boycottmcdonalds.com/comments.aspx
speaking of Mr Happy Meal
Upon closer inspection, I think the comments on Boycott McDonald’s are fake… There are no requirements to register, no codes to enter, no requirement to sign the petition, yet nothing you type and post shows up. Also, what kind of petition doesn’t have a visible list of signatories. Hurm…
He was going to order the Happy Ending Meal but remembered he was allergic to Special Sauce.
Only if I swallow.
Only if I swallow.
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