The World O' Crap Archive

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Friday, June 27, 2014

Mamma Mia That’s A Spicy Moron

With so many wingnuts fixated on the George Bush as Batman theme, we wondered who was left to denounce the subversive dancing queens defiling the other half of our multiplex screens this weekend.  Fortunately, Debbie Schlussel has risen to the challenge, and revealed the startling truth that a disco-infused piece of musical theater may be guilty of harboring secret gay undertones.  Even better, our friend Bill S. has also seen both Mamma Mia! and The Dark Knight, and with the recent retirement of Roger Ebert, this seemed like a good time to revive that old “bickering, but loveable opposites attract” formula that once made Ebert and Gene Siskel such a critical powerhouse.  So take it away, Bill!
The plot to Mamma Mia! is utterly (and probably intentionally) silly. But hey, it’s a jukebox musical in which the characters break out into ABBA songs, so if you were looking for complexity, you’d be a blame fool. Meryl Streep sings sweetly, Amanda Seyfried and Dominic Cooper are cute as the young lovers, and overall, it’s as light as the other movie is dark. Of  course, if you have a low tolerance for ABBA’s music, you won’t want to see it, but otherwise, it’s a sweet, good-natured comedy.
In short, I pretty much enjoyed them both. I don’t know what that says about my taste in movies, but I will say part of my enjoyment came from the fact that I didn’t look for any political agenda in either of them. Doing that tends to suck the joy out of going to the movies, which hasn’t stopped wingnuts from doing it. As we learned from twoprevious Wo’C posts, The Dark Knight is a movie that champions conservative values. And now, in a recent column, Little Debbie Crabcakes warns us that Mamma Mia! is pushing the agenda of the Slutty Homo Commies:
Did you know that feminists are trying to turn this weekend’s box office take into a battle of the sexes?
No, but’s that’s just stupid enough a theory for some wingnut to seize upon.
They are, and in this “Mamma Mia!” versus “The Dark Knight contest, it’s really no contest. They’re gonna lose.
‘Cause girls are weak, y’know. Well, “The Dark Knight” did, in fact, open at #1 at the box office, but “Mamma Mia!” came in a respectable second, with the highest grossing opening weekend for any musical. It also raked in nearly twice as much as the movie that came in third.
When the “Sex & the City” movie came out earlier this year, I wrote that it was a national IQ test for women. If you liked it, you failed.
I have a similar test when it comes to the writings of Debbie Schlussel.
What i didn’t realize was that it was a two-part test.
The second part debuted at midnight last night. It’s “Mamma Mia!” More like Homo Mia!…an ode to slutdom and what gay men want to project onto straight women and their relationships.
The director’s a woman, the book was written by a woman, and the score was written by two heterosexual men. But other than that, there are no holes in that theory.
The three middle-aged, haggish, oversexed women at the center of it all–Meryl Streep, Christine Baranski, and some chick with a butch haircut and an English accent, whose name I don’t care to know–
I don’t know the name of the haircut and accent, but the actress in question is Julie Walters, a well-respected British comedienne with 30 films, two Oscar Nominations and an OBE to her credit. Oh, and her name’s clearly displayed on all the posters, including the one featured with Schlussel’s review.
-are the “Sex & the City” women in ten years. Blechhh! Who wants to see and hear three dirty old women simultaneously having hot flashes and yearning for orgasms, set to music now played only in gay dance clubs?
Who wants to read the rantings of a gibbering loon? I wonder how she knows what’s getting played in gay dance clubs? Does she sneak in on “drag night”?
Yesterday, I arrived late to the screening of the movie, and I went to a midnight showing to see the beginning I had missed.
I’m confused. She said earlier that the first show started at midnight (which doesn’t sound right), but now she’s saying there was an earlier show?
Amidst a cinema multiplex filled with males attending several sold-out showings of the excellent-but-violent Batman flick “The Dark Knight”, the theatre also had the midnight showing of “MM!” thinking that women would flock to see it, while their husbands and boyfriends saw Batman.
I had no idea that movie theatres could think. How does she know that, at a multiplex, they were going to see “The Dark Knight” and not something else? Were those the ONLY two movies that had a midnight screening?
No such “luck”.
Once again wingnuts can’t resist gratuitous scare quotes.
In the empty theatre along with me were three middle-aged women and a gay guy.
So it wasn’t actually empty.
In his effeminate voice, he said to me, “I’m not a Batman guy, I’m a Mamma Mia guy”. No kidding.
Seeing as how he was, y’know, at the screening of “Mamma Mia”.
(Except maybe for the “guy” part.)
Oh, that’s what she meant.
There’s some sort of weird feminist anti-Batman backlash hype the press is trying to generate against “The dark Knight” in favor of “MM!”
There is? Why have I missed that? It must be stealth hype.
And this weekend, NOW–the National Orginization for (Ugly) Women–
Would that be NO(U)W?
–is billing its three day conference in Bethesda, Maryland, with this theme:
Uh, no thanks. “Super Women”? There’s a reason no–one uses “Wonder Woman” and “NOW” together in the same sentence.
Yeah, what a bunch of losers! Here’s a few of the speakers at this thing:  Barbara Hillary, who became the first African-American woman to reach the North Pole-at age 75, no less. Lily Ledbetter was an “average” hardworking woman, until she spoke out against wage discrimination, igniting a fierce battle that reached the U.S. Supreme Court and the Halls of Congress…Irshad Manji is a writer who has been called “Osama Bin Laden’s worst nightmare” for her efforts to promote Muslin reform.
Remind me again, what has Debbie Schlussel accomplished?
Since It’s a musical, you have to wonder why they cast Pierce Brosnan as one of the male costars.
Well, he’s not going to make anyone forget Paulo Szot, but, as BAD singers go, he’s no worse than, say Bruce Willis, who got a deal with Motown before anyone heard his voice.
It’s truly embarrassing to see the fall of the formerly suave James Bond now forced into singing, karaoke-style, the playlist of an Elton John-George Michael soiree, while wearing–as he does in the conclusion–a fluorescent, tight jumpsuit and platform high-heeled boots. How do you say “007″ in fruity-speak?
I don’t know. How do you say “misogynist, homophobic cretinous jackass” in wingnut-speak?
Meryl Streep plays a single mother hippie whose daughter is getting married. The daughter doesn’t know who her real dad is and surreptitiously read mom’s diary to find out. During the time she was conceived her mother slept with three different men, so she invites all of them to her wedding. The tripartite family values of being a slut, I guess.
I read that last sentence a dozen times and I still have no idea what she’s trying to say
In the meantime, Streep is trying to dissuade her daughter from getting married and push her toward pursuing her career instead, which…is what she ultimately does. And all the while, Streep’s two slutty, middle-aged friends in heat are desperately hitting on anything in pants.
Considering this movie has a plot a 10-year-old could follow, it’s amazing how many things she got wrong. Streep’s character, Donna, is supportive of her daughter Sophie’s marriage — it’s the girl’s fiance who wants to postpone it. Later, Donna’s ex, Sam (Brosnan) suggests that Sophie pursue a career before getting tied down. Donna’s friends are seen mostly propping her up and trying to smooth out her anxieties about Sophie growing up. In fact, Christine Baranski’s character rejects the advances of a hunky young man who’s smitten with her.
Embarrassing and classless.
Said the woman whose site features a cleavage-bearing photo of herself that was clearly taken several years ago, instead of a more recent-and dignified-photo.
The “jokes” in this movie are so bad, it’s not funny.
There aren’t enough side-splitters like “Homo Mia!”, “National Orginization for (Ugly) Women” and “Except for the ‘guy’ part”.
It’s not that I don’t like musicals–one of my favorite movies is the classic “Showboat.” And last year’s “Sweeney Todd” was cool.
She doesn’t say which version of “Showboat” she likes, but I’m guessing it’s the 1951 version that toned down the racial issues and boldly cast Ava Gardner as a mulatto.
And I don’t dislike some of ABBA’s hits either. It’s just that the ’70s called, and they want their songs back.
The ’90s called and they want their jokes back. But yeah, who wants to hear a bunch of old stuff? Debbie prefers to rock out to Oscar Hammerstein, or the cool sounds of a Stephen Sondheim musical that originally opened in, um…1979.
But if you’re a guy whose wife or girlfriend wants to drag you to see “Mamma Mia,” take it from me, kill yourself first. You’ll thank me from your man cave in Heaven.
Omigod! I just realized with that last sentence: Debbie Schlussel is actually Doug Giles in drag. That explains so much about both of them.
Keep your manhood-and your sanity–intact, and go see “The Dark Knight,” instead.
Yeah! Prove your manhood by watching the stars of The Velvet Goldmine and Brokeback Mountain playing a handsome bachelor who runs around town in a latex bodysuit and a guy who wears makeup throughout the film, at one point dressing up as a woman!
The only ABBA song that truly fits here is “S.O.S.”
The only ABBA song that truly fits Debbie Schlussel is “Cracking Up
Debbie concludes by rating the movie “Three Marxes”. I have no idea what this movie has to do with Karl Marx, but then again, I also had no idea what “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” had to do with Marxism either.
She gave “The Dark Knight” three “Reagans”. She said she’d have rated it higher but for the excessive violence, which is, I take it, inconsitant with the Great Communicater’s pacifist values.
-Bill S.
Thanks Bill!  Actor212 has more on another right wing pearl-clutcher who went to Mamma Mia! expecting sort of Robert Bly drum circle.

Posted by scott on Sunday, July 27th, 2008 at 7:53 pm

25 Responses to “Mamma Mia That’s A Spicy Moron”

“The three middle-aged, haggish, oversexed women”
Ever looked in a fucking mirror, Slutssel?
Debbie is truly the most repulsive, rock stupid, ugly and all around worthless Wingtard commentator in existence, with the possible exception of Micheal Savage. And I’m not totally convinced that he’s not actually some sort of performance artist/satirist. She’s seriously just beneath you.
“at one point dressing up as a woman!”
Joker in nurse drag Rocks! The best nurse since that Blink 182 “Enema of the State” album cover.
Debbie was not the only right winger to have her jock in knotsover this movie.
She needs to turned in her oversexed insignia in RIGHT NOW.
Oops-looks like I wrote “Muslin reform” instead of “Muslim reform”.
On the bright side, there were a LOT more typos in my original e-mail to scott, so I’m grateful he got the others.
Oops-looks like I wrote “Muslin reform” instead of “Muslim reform”.
They hate us for our cotton.
“Did you know that feminists are trying to turn this weekend’s box office take into a battle of the sexes?
No, but’s that’s just stupid enough a theory for some wingnut to seize upon.”
The irony detector just asploded.
The tripartite family values of being a slut, I guess.
Meaning: I believe I know what ‘tripartite’ means, and can use it in a sentence!
Subtext: I am sadly mistaken!
Thanks Bill S. ! Marx vs. Regan? I’m gonna shake my head till that image flies out my ear…. now I’m dizzy.
Hmm. If I were to rate movies using presidents rather than thumbs up or stars or bags of popcorn, who would I use?
I give this movie 3 Roosevelts! But that one gets only 1/2 of a Hitler!
Debbie concludes by rating the movie “Three Marxes”. 
Groucho, Harpo and Chico?
I have no idea what this movie has to do with Karl Marx, but then again, I also had no idea what “I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry” had to do with Marxism either.
neither did Chuck or Larry
I don’t know. How do you say “misogynist, homophobic cretinous jackass” in wingnut-speak?
perfesser Dr Mike Adams, PhD?
How do you say “misogynist, homophobic cretinous jackass” in wingnut-speak?
I’m pretty sure they just say “I.”
ciocia, there’s a bit of a misprint. The first sentence was written by Debbie, the second was my response to that question. I forgot to break the lines in my original e-mail to scott, so my sentence appears to have come from her review.
…and it looks like scott just fixed it. That was fast! When does he sleep?
Groucho, Harpo and Chico?
I get the feeling it’s more Gummo, Zeppo, and Chico.
Or maybe she was throwing in Joe Besser and mixing metaphors.
I think I can presume to speak for the 70s, and say that we really don’t want those songs back and you’re welcome to them.
Maybe we should divide the country into Blue States and “Rant States” !
And if my cuir peeps and i had anything to do with fucking Abba’s existence to start with, then i want my sexual identity back!
Which isn’t to say that Meryl Streep doesn’t really really really need to take a break from crap films.
Hey, Lamb! Dan Collins is looking for you…(see the Jeff G thread below, as well as Skippy)
I wouldn’t go so far as to say that the ’51 Show Boat is Schlusspump’s favorite of all. It’s likely the only one she knows exists. Helen Morgan would scare ol’ Deb to death. As would James Whale.
Not to mention the awesome Irene Dunne and her “shuffle” dance. Which I suppose could be viewed as racist or culturally co-opting, but I prefer to see it as just cute. The blackface number, though, forget about it.
The thing about Schlussel’s column that really annoyed the crap out of me was, there’s a tiny grain of truth to the idea that a movie featuring women over 50 will, in all liklihood, appeal mostly to women over 50, while a testosterone-fuel action movie will, in all liklihood, draw a largely male crowd. From that relatively sane jumping point, she takes a flying leap into Lake Crazy, where she finds a dog-eared copy of “Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche”, and thinks it’s a manifesto. I also couldn’t stand the whole, “Boys Are Cool And Like Cool Things, Girls Are Dumb And Like Dumb Things” mentality. It’s annoying enough when applied to popular culture, but wingnuts allow it to spill out into all areas of life, which is kinda scary.
The thing about Schlussel’s column that really annoyed the crap out of me was, there’s a tiny grain of truth to the idea that a movie featuring women over 50 will, in all liklihood, appeal mostly to women over 50, while a testosterone-fuel action movie will, in all liklihood, draw a largely male crowd.
Hmmm. I am a female hominid, over 50. I do not want to see either film. I shall settle back onto my comfy sofa and watch a DVD from my Buffy The Vampire Slayer collection. Or perhaps the “big damn heroes” DVD from my Firefly collection.
Ooh. I am happy. Tonight I shall kill no one. Literally.
I am a male under 50 who went to both. And loves “Buffy” AND “Firefly”.
I can only presume that means I’m easy to please. Except that every time somebody says the the MOVIE version of “Buffy” is better than the TV show, I want to slap them. Repeatedly.
I was coerced into seeing Mamma Mia (the play), which ended up being great… as for the movie version, sounds fun, though it’s awkward to think of ol’ Pierce trying to sing, yeeesh

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