I am pleased to announce the winners of the “Caption the Presidential Portrait With Bonus Bush” contest. All of the entries were amusing, thus making it hard to pick a winner. As is often said (you know, by people and such), “World o’ Crap readers are the wittiest, smartest, and generally best people in the world.” But, in order to provide a sense of closure, I selected five entries that made me laugh. Here they are in order of posting:
1. “What is that strange and magical device on my right wrist?” - darkell2. “Why ain’t the mirror movin’?” - M. Bouffant3. “I call that hand thing I’m doin’ ‘The Potholder’. Been workin’ on it for several weeks now. Makes me look smarter.” - Doghouse Riley4. “Don’t never let anyone say Preznidentin’ ain’t hard work. I had to keep saying ‘cheese’ for 13 hours straight!” - arghous5. “President Pleased Portrait Proves He Passed Yale Course in Handweaving” - Fearguth
And what do our award-winning quipsters get for their outstanding efforts? Well, to help limit their tax liability, our accountants mandated that we give them nothing of value. So, lucky winners, please enjoy the cover of Ann Coulter’s latest book!!!
Yes, Ann’s wardrobe consists entirely of black cocktail dresses from ”Skanks ‘R Us.” You know, the title of her book reminds me of that pretentious Calvin Klein perfume ad from the ’80′s with the slogan, “If obsession is a sin, let me be guilty.” In Ann’s case, I guess the line would be, “If an obsession with demonizing half the country is a sin, let me be guilty, and then send me to Gitmo for the rest of my life.” Ah, Coulter, the smell of it. Smells like tobacco breath, stale gin, and desperation.
And, lucky winners, here’s a bonus prize for you: a review of/promo for “Guilty” by WorldNetDaily.
Get Coulter’s latest – autographed! – only from WND!In her most controversial and fiercely argued book yet,
Ann does argue fiercely in this one, giving body slams and kidney punches to the facts, and actually pulling a knife on some non-cooperative statistics. But I don’t think WND is fooling anyone when they claim that one of Ann’s books is capable of causing a controversy at this point, let alone anything more than a pained sigh or a bored shrug.
.. . Ann Coulter calls out liberals for always playing the victim – when in fact, as she sees it, they are the victimizers. In GUILTY, Coulter explodes this myth to reveal that when it comes to bullying, no one outdoes the Left. GUILTY is a mordantly witty and shockingly specific catalog of offenses which Coulter presents from A to Z
I think the examples are: “A – Liberals are the ones who are always making fun of Ann Coulter; Z – The liberal San Francisco zoo has a horse named Ann, the moniker undoubtedly chosen to make fun of Ann Coulter.” There you have it : proof positive that liberals are the victimizers in this country!
Ann Coulter, author of multiple New York Times best sellers – every one of which sends the establishment into fits of apoplexy –
Up the establishment, man!
. . . is about to release her latest and most fearless book, “Guilty”!It’s true.
Hey, I never doubted for an instant that this is her latest, or that Ann isn’t afraid to keep putting out this drek.
Every time Coulter releases another book, the establishment goes crazy –
And Richard Nixon puts somebody on his enemies list.
– as it did with “Godless,” and before that “Treason,” and before that “Slander,” and several others.
“Others” like “Witless,” “Coprophilia,” and “Slimer,” plus some other ones that even the folks at WND are too busy to list, let alone read.
Coulter’s books electrify those millions of Americans who still believe in liberty and common sense, while driving everyone else nuts.
Yeah, the people who read Ann’s books do drive everyone else nuts, since having to deal with the annoyingly delusional can become very trying. Maybe electricity (or rather, electro-shock therapy) for them IS the answer.
And that’s just how Ann likes it.
She likes her readers to serve as malignant irritants to the rest of society, much as Willard liked having an army of rats that he could use to get back at the society which had ignored him.
Her latest – just in time to “crash Obama’s Inauguration,” as Matt Drudge put it – is titled “Guilty: Liberal ‘Victims’ and Their Assault on America.”
Wow, maybe Obama should hold off getting inaugurated if he’s going to have to compete with the release of an Ann Coulter book. After all, Drudge has never known to have been wrong about something.
“The book exposes and mocks, in graphic detail, the media’s love affair with all things Democrat and Obama. Coulter presents exhibits A through Z,” Drudge noted.
With this emphasis on “A through Z,” It sounds like Ann’s latest work is an alphabet book for really slow, mean-spirited, right-wing children. I wonder who did the illustrations — too bad Dr, Seuss is dead.
In “Guilty,” Coulter writes: “Liberals seem to have hit upon a reverse Christ story as their belief system. He suffered and died for our sins; liberals make the rest of us suffer for sins we didn’t commit.”
Thus, wingnuts are actually Christ-figures. Self-aggrandize much, Ann?
“Who are the victims here?” she continues. “To hear liberals tell it, you’d think they do nothing but suffer at the hands of ruthless entities like the ‘Republican Attack Machine’ and Fox News.”
When, the truth is that Republicans and viewers of Fox News are the real victims, often suffering from shrunken brains as a direct result of their political and/or television choices.
Among the many subjects:* Single mothers: “Getting pregnant isn’t like catching the flu. There are volitional acts involved – someone else explain it to Dennis Kucinich. By this purposeful act, single mothers cause irreparable harm to other human beings – their own children – as countless studies on the subject make clear.”
Let me get this straight: Ann Coulter is denouncing other single woman for choosing to have sex??? Ann Coulter, the woman who famously said, “Let’s say I go out every night, I meet a guy and have sex with him. Good for me. I’m not married,” is dumping on other women for committing this same volitional act??? Or is she just railing on them for choosing to not get abortions when their birth control methods fail, as they are known to do at least 1/100 of the time?
* “Brave” liberals: “In addition to being beautiful, compassionate tribunes of the downtrodden, liberals are brave. I know that because they’re always telling me how brave they are. Why, five nights a week, MSNBC’s Keith Olbermann courageously books guests who completely agree with him. It doesn’t get much braver than that.”
Aw, Ann has a crush on Keith Olbermann and is miffed because he won’t invite her to be on his show! How cute is that!
* The offenders are offended!: “Republican senator George Allen’s career was destroyed when he made a joking remark to a privileged Indian American harassing him at campaign stops.
Yes, Allen “jokingly” twice called the dark-skinned young man who was “harassing” him by filming his appearances a “macaca,” which means “monkey” and is commonly understood as a racial slur in french-speaking countries. So, obviously Allen is the real victim here, in that he got in trouble for something he did.
When did rich kids become a new protected category that must be shielded from words that are insulting in other languages?
Yeah, when did it become unacceptable to use racial slurs against brown people who it turns out are not poor? And shouldn’t it be okay to insult people in a language that they presumably don’t speak, because being dark, they should be from the underclass?
How did Sidarth become a specially anointed victim?
And how come Ann thinks that Allen is a victim for showing his true (short-tempered, intemperate, possibly racist) self, and getting called on it?
What did we ever do to India?
See, unless we enslaved them or something, it should be okay to mock them for their skin color.
And why didn’t we ever hear about the far more offensive anti-Semitic flyers of Allen’s opponent Jim Webb?”
Um, perhaps because the charges that the flyers were anti-Semitic were quickly debunked (see “James Webb Accused of Anti-Semitism in Democratic Primary“)? But hey, let’s not let the truth get in the way of Ann’s claim that conservatives are the real victims here, in that they lost the elections.
The bottom line, as Coulter proves again and again in “Guilty,” is that self-righteous liberals “viciously attack, all while wailing that they are the true victims.”
As we’ve seen in just the couple of examples provided here, Ann proves her thesis by lying, basically. And presumably if anybody calls her on it, then she will gain victim status once again, because she’s a “conservative” and anyone who disagrees with anything she writes is a liberal meanie.
Help Ann Coulter crash Obama’s Inauguration – order your copy of “Guilty: Liberal ‘Victims’ and Their Assault on America” today!
Teacher said, “Every time a copy of ‘Guilty” is ordered, an inauguration is crushed.”
But you’ve got to act quickly because Ann’s hand is getting tired.
Hey, what she does in private with her own hand is none of our business, even if it does make the saints cry!
When she’s done signing books, she’s done.
Oh, if only that were true!
Posted by s.z. on December 24th, 2008
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