The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

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Saturday, October 4, 2014

Beach Blanket Brrr!

We’re experiencing a record-setting heat wave here in Portland, day after day of triple digit temperatures that have me longing for the monotonous, but moderate summer heat of Los Angeles.  Finally, yesterday, we’d had enough, and took the two hour drive to the beach.
It was my first trip to the Oregon coast, and also my first opportunity to get sunburn and hypothermia at the same time.  Thanks, Oregon!

Posted by scott on Sunday, August 2nd, 2009 at 10:03 am

20 Responses to “Beach Blanket Brrr!”

Trust me on this: we longtime Portlanders (I personally grew up in the horrible humid midwest) are also longing for our moderate and monotonous temperatures; surely you’ve heard a lot of moaning and groaning while you’ve been here? Not to mention the people dropping dead on the sidewalk from heat prostration right in front of you? However, we don’t go to “the beach,” we go to “the coast.” At the coast, you expect a brisk Pacific breeze. Remember always to bring your lined windreaker. Anyway, as a fan of the site, and a lover of my city, I’m thrilled you were here and hope other visits offer better weather!
It’s like going to San Francisco in July — best to bring your gloves & a nose mitten.
Here in the sweaty midwest, we’re enjoying an atypically cool summer. I wouldn’t care if the mercury never went above 80 degrees F.
My Seattle friends are dying of the heat too. Oddly enough, here in Iowa, we had the second coldest July on record. It’s been bright, dry, sunny, and absolutely lovely for most of the past few weeks. We’ve been loving it.
One thing though: There’s not much in the way of home air conditioning in the Pacific Northwest. I sure didn’t have air when I lived there, although I was lucky enough to have a pool at my apt complex. And it does get hot in Seattle, contrary to popular belief. Nice dry heat,in my experience, and it cools off at night. At least here in the normally hot and humid Midwest, almost everyone has air conditioning. I guess the PNW folks have reason to complain.
The worst sunburn I ever got was on a cool day at Stinson Beach. The sun felt sooooo good that day, but by the evening, good grief.
But…but…global warming isn’t real! :-D
Well, it’s noon in mid-central Illinois & the temp. is supposed to be 95 (it’s 72 as of now & I don’t see it climbing at all into the 90’s) with rain & rain actually for the next five days. It’s been balmy for the past several days & haven’t needed the air-conditioning…’s bliss to just have the windows opened full up! I can take this! Was there a switch done while I wasn’t paying attention and I’m actually living in Portland?
What a coinkydink. I just posted on this at M.Bouffant’s place.
imogene: Yes, my sister has corrected me on the whole beach/coast nomenclature. We come up twice a year, usually around Christmas and Independence Day, but this is the latest in the summer we’ve ever visited, and I assume the ecological disaster we’re experiencing is my fault for being tardy.
We here in Texas have missed out on many things and I’m thinking “nose mittens” is one of them. Where can I get one???
However, we don’t go to “the beach,” we go to “the coast.”
Fucking nambypamby Volvo driving pussies…
Wow, this is some spooky synchronicity, because I live in Portland, and I was just visiting LA. I thought to myself, “It will sure be nice to get back to Portland, and out of this awful heat”.
Boy was I disappointed.
So I went out to the coast to cool off. We went to Mo’s restaurant at Cannon Beach. I got a mood ring stuck on my finger and I bought it so I wouldn’t have to stand in the store trying to pull it off for another twenty minutes.
Have you ever had a moment that made you go, now I know exactly what it feels like to be a character in a bad sitcom?
It’s a weird feeling.
That’s even worse than a sitcom moment — that’s a Love, American Style situation.
Y’know, Scott, just that title is enough to make me glad that I never saw that show.
Y’all wanna bitch about heat?
Normally, when it rains, even here in Satan’s Crotch, LA, the raincools things off. Post-non-existent global warming, IT GETS WORSE. If I were still working in the Quarter or the French Market, I would EXPECT the “bottom-of-the-cereal-bowl-trapped-by-the-pavement-stifling-steam-humidity-and-nothing-ever-fucking-EVAPORATES” sensation. Being up here in the West Redneckistan, where there USED to be trees but are now SUBDIVISIONS, that whole “escape to the country house for the summer” thing that NOLA rich folk used to do to escape the Yellow Fever? Yeah, not workin’ for us anymore. Trees gone, replaced by MORE PAVEMENT, and there ya go.
I have now declared war upon all construction corporations, real-estate scumbags, suburban/rural “development planners,” and the like. If I see the fuckers, they’re speed bumps.
Having labored under the onus of gravitationally-challenged tits since the age of 9, I’m used to sweating THERE. I am not, however, used to sweating so much under my fucking NECK BRACE that I get ALLERGIC TO FOAM RUBBER and BREAK OUT IN A FUCKING RASH. I am, however, damned grateful that I finally got the a/c in the pickup fixed last year, ’cause when I can finally drive again, ain’t no way in HELL that I’m doing it without A/C unless they wanna let me drive nekkid & floured in Shower To Shower. Period.
Y’all are very welcome for THAT lovely image.
(and if ONE person — that means YOU, Actor — makes a “go for the wet spot!!” joke, EVERYBODY PAYS FOR IT.)
Having labored under the onus of gravitationally-challenged tits since the age of 9
Christina Mason! Is that you????
It was my first trip to the Oregon coast, and also my first opportunity to get sunburn and hypothermia at the same time.
If you spend a typical day and night during a San Francisco summer, that’s easy to pull off. I once got sunburned under cloudy skys because I didn’t put sunblock on until the sun came out, by which time it was too late.
So true, DA. UV rays are vicious and evil and gave me water blisters one very cloudy/cool July 4th, circa 1983-ish. Silly me.
Good to see ya, too, DA — it seems like forever!
“Christina Mason! Is that you????”
Ummm… NO. Do tell, though.
Ummm… NO. Do tell, though.
She was a C cup in fifth grade.
I’ve been meaning to look her up. And down.
Oh, like you need any encouragement!
Good luck with it, though… If hers are still, y’know, where you can look UP to them, ’cause lemme tellya, as a THIRD-grade C-cup, GRAVITY ARE A BITCH.
Your ideas intrigue me. I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.
I doubt that you’d enjoy the newsletter — there’s no maps, color pictures of anatomy, instructions (except anecdotally) or coloring-book pages.
You prolly have way better pictures in yer head, anyway.

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