Welcome to our occasional series in which we attempt to answer the burning Google (and one Bing) queries bringing the inquisitive to World O’ Crap.
1. is “jesus fucking christ” blasphemy
That’s a good question, Billy, I’m glad you asked. If “fucking” is used merely as an intensifier to attract Jesus’ attention (he is, after all, a busy Christ), then you’re on safe theological ground, according to the First Ecumenical Council of Nicea. If, however, the word is used as a verb (i.e., you’re accusing Jesus of fucking Christ), such statements have been considered blasphemous since the Council of Chalcedon, which outlawed this form of ecclesiastical slash fiction and urged its adherents to get into something a little more wholesome, like a lesbian nun fetish.
2. medieval society Pageboy
As you may know, before I got into the business of poking gentle fun at internet wingnuts, I was the country’s leading scholar of feudal hairdos; and while that is not the raison of World o’ Crap, this site naturally reflects my academic expertise, just as Protein Wisdom is informed by the proprietor’s interest in semiotics, and martial arts in which the penis is used as a blunt object.
3. boy boner
We’d like to welcome a couple of celebrity guests here today: Former Representative Mark Foley, of Florida, and radio personality Rush Limbaugh, who very kindly took the time to visit World o’ Crap’s referrer stats while busily preparing for his next trip to the Dominican Republic.
4. Love not the world
Believe you me, dude…It gets easier every day.
5. Douche bags Attack. This actually sounds more like an order than a query. Something Cobra Commander might say, if he were the editor-in-chief of Townhall.com, or a producer on Fox and Friends.
6. roark titanium bicycle comments
When John Galt’s static electric engine is combined with Howard Roark’s titanium bicycle, America’s Captains of Industry will be able to Go Green as they Go Galt.
7. Diaphanous nightgowns
We’re actually the number one search result for this on Google, which just goes to show these last six years of our lives haven’t been wasted.
8. How to get a boner. Not quite sure how we became the go-to boner experts (can a summons to appear on FoxNews and discuss Bill Clinton be far behind?), but yes, to answer your query, O Seeker of Internet Knowledge, How to get a boner is a remake of Richard Lester’s classic look at the Sexual Revolution in Britain, The Knack…and How to Get it. In this version, the social competition between mods and rockers is replaced by the tension between Viagra users and impotent men who prefer the more homeopathic Enzyte.
9. British woollen underpants
Because nothing goes better with a diaphanous nightgown and Wellington boots to complete the perfect sexy ensemble. Who needsViagra?
10. “I was a lug”
Pilgrims in quest of the truth who type this string are rewarded with my Koufax Award-winning 9-part series, detailing my personal journey from LUG, or “Lesbian Until Graduation,” to my present status as a well-adjusted, heterosexual man with a happy marriage and a lesbian nun fetish.
Well, as you’ve probably noticed by now, explaining these search strings only begets more search strings, but hey, you can’t blame a guy for trying to drum up traffic.
Posted by scott on Sunday, July 26th, 2009 at 11:40 am
23 Responses to “Top 10 Google Search Strings”
Well, I’m insufficiently nerdy to know how you get search string data, but that sure was funny! Both the strings themselves – such inventiveness and originality – and your lovely commentary.
I understood “Jesus fucking Christ” was blasphemy because it implied that they were different people?
Underpants Gnomes.
There, a whole new raft of Google referrals.
There, a whole new raft of Google referrals.
“Diaphanous”
According to some online dictionary, “delicately hazy”.
I can see that and woolen underpants as possibly some kind of renaissance revival bedtime play, worn of course by a man sporting a boner and a pageboy.
According to some online dictionary, “delicately hazy”.
I can see that and woolen underpants as possibly some kind of renaissance revival bedtime play, worn of course by a man sporting a boner and a pageboy.
Hey, I just googled “Top 10 Google Search Strings”. Brought me right here.
Genius, man, genius. Phase three follows: profit!
Genius, man, genius. Phase three follows: profit!
D. Sidhe:
I understood “Jesus fucking Christ” was blasphemy because it implied that they were different people?
So is a trinity anything like a threesome?
I understood “Jesus fucking Christ” was blasphemy because it implied that they were different people?
So is a trinity anything like a threesome?
America’s Captains of Industry will be able to Go Green as they Go Gvealt.
Fixed!
Fixed!
Argh. Typo of the first order! GEValt…
“and martial arts in which the penis is used as a blunt object”
Hmmm, sounds like a “Hanzo the Razor” reference, to me.
Hmmm, sounds like a “Hanzo the Razor” reference, to me.
“How to get a boner”
People need Google to figure this out?
People need Google to figure this out?
“How to get a boner”
People need Google to figure this out?
Only the Images tab. Or shopping.
People need Google to figure this out?
Only the Images tab. Or shopping.
Only the Images tab. Or shopping.
Personals. Some of us know exactly what we’re looking for in a man.
Personals. Some of us know exactly what we’re looking for in a man.
I’ve had my own various forays (10 of them, at last count) into String Theory, or what I call “Boolean Bozoism”, in highlighting some of the most bizarre and intellectually bankrupt and incomprehensible search phrases that bring people into Pottersville. Samples:
“Suck my troops.”
“Big yellow bone bouncing up and down.”
“Frank Rich is a kike.”
Most of them, of course, are misspelled. I’m at a loss to understand what goes through peoples’ minds and am even more at a loss to fathom how the detritus of their minds lands them in Pottersville.
Just to get offtopic for a minute, I’ve run into a bit of trouble lately. Actually, I’m in a lot of trouble and on the eve of my fiancee’s arrival. Could someone please help me out? Any small amount would make a difference. TIA.
“Suck my troops.”
“Big yellow bone bouncing up and down.”
“Frank Rich is a kike.”
Most of them, of course, are misspelled. I’m at a loss to understand what goes through peoples’ minds and am even more at a loss to fathom how the detritus of their minds lands them in Pottersville.
Just to get offtopic for a minute, I’ve run into a bit of trouble lately. Actually, I’m in a lot of trouble and on the eve of my fiancee’s arrival. Could someone please help me out? Any small amount would make a difference. TIA.
When I see (or hear) the phrase “diaphanous nightgowns”, I anstantly think of the MST3K episode with “Manos: the Hands of Fate”. What does that say about me?
“instantly”, not “anstantly”. Why is it I always spot those goofs right AFTER I hit “submit”?
“Why is it I always spot those goofs right AFTER I hit “submit”?”
Same reason I do probably, you just love this site and the people here and you get all excited like and wanna say your piece and then you stutter all over the damn place and make a fool outta yerself and everyone says, “God, what’s up with him/her?”
Same reason I do probably, you just love this site and the people here and you get all excited like and wanna say your piece and then you stutter all over the damn place and make a fool outta yerself and everyone says, “God, what’s up with him/her?”
Some of us know exactly what we’re looking for in a man.
A woman?
A woman?
I’m flexible.
kate, I’ve honestly never said that even when the typos fall into the hilarious range. Mostly, it’s there-but-for-the-grace-of-godism. I used to hang out on a usenet place where it was not uncommon to offer each other hugs and fuzzy ducks. You’d be amazed the typos you can get out of that….
kate, I’ve honestly never said that even when the typos fall into the hilarious range. Mostly, it’s there-but-for-the-grace-of-godism. I used to hang out on a usenet place where it was not uncommon to offer each other hugs and fuzzy ducks. You’d be amazed the typos you can get out of that….
Best bits, to me, anyway:
3. boy boner
We’d like to welcome a couple of celebrity guests here today: Former Representative Mark Foley, of Florida, and radio personality Rush Limbaugh, who very kindly took the time to visit World o’ Crap’s referrer stats while busily preparing for his next trip to the Dominican Republic.
7. Diaphanous nightgowns
We’re actually the number one search result for this on Google, which just goes to show these last six years of our lives haven’t been wasted.
10. “I was a lug”
Pilgrims in quest of the truth who type this string are rewarded with my Koufax Award-winning 9-part series, detailing my personal journey from LUG, or “Lesbian Until Graduation,” to my present status as a well-adjusted, heterosexual man with a happy marriage and a lesbian nun fetish.
Can’t really top that.
But these were my favorite comments:
“Underpants Gnomes.
There, a whole new raft of Google referrals.” — Vosburg
I just HAD to repeat that one, to up the probability. Plus, how often does one see an original phrase like “underpants gnomes”? I dunno why, but it makes me think of one of the many special species in Terry Pratchett’s Discworld… Actually, it makes me think of SEVERAL species on the Discworld… heh heh heh…
“‘Only the Images tab. Or shopping.’
Personals. Some of us know exactly what we’re looking for in a man.” — D.Sidhe
Or, if we’re talking about my exes & what we’re looking for in a man: a dull, rusty blade.
“‘Some of us know exactly what we’re looking for in a man.’
A woman?” — Actor212
FINALLY, he’s paying ATTENTION!!!!!!
“’and martial arts in which the penis is used as a blunt object’
Hmmm, sounds like a “Hanzo the Razor” reference, to me.” — gigglehurtz
Never seen “Puppetry Of The Penis”?
And Scott, since the Mark Of The Beast traffic has been cut to a quarter of what it was before the censorship, I have to thank you for this post, ’cause I never thought that I’d miss the psychotic/sociopathic/perverted search strings that brought people to M.O.B., but now I kinda do. *sigh*
Thanks again for the wunnerful fundraiser/help post, I can’t thank the lurkers and known commenters enough for their uber-considerate help, except to mention that it ain’t over yet. I know, I know, I’m a disgustingly egregious blog-whore, but sometimes a woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do. And I’ve gotta go get an MRI on my left knee and x-rays of my right hand, now that the neck shit is half-way over, so the fun just keeps snowballing. Twisted the knee back before the neck surgery, but hadda recover from the neck before going into the tube, and then I seem to have dislocated my right forefinger somehow, and it hurts like a motherfucker, even with the pain meds for the neck. If I was a horse, they truly woulda shot me back in ’95, but I still can’t find anybody merciful enough to put me to sleep @ the vet’s.
Love and gratitude to all.
XOXOXO
A.S.C.
3. boy boner
We’d like to welcome a couple of celebrity guests here today: Former Representative Mark Foley, of Florida, and radio personality Rush Limbaugh, who very kindly took the time to visit World o’ Crap’s referrer stats while busily preparing for his next trip to the Dominican Republic.
7. Diaphanous nightgowns
We’re actually the number one search result for this on Google, which just goes to show these last six years of our lives haven’t been wasted.
10. “I was a lug”
Pilgrims in quest of the truth who type this string are rewarded with my Koufax Award-winning 9-part series, detailing my personal journey from LUG, or “Lesbian Until Graduation,” to my present status as a well-adjusted, heterosexual man with a happy marriage and a lesbian nun fetish.
Can’t really top that.
But these were my favorite comments:
“Underpants Gnomes.
There, a whole new raft of Google referrals.” — Vosburg
I just HAD to repeat that one, to up the probability. Plus, how often does one see an original phrase like “underpants gnomes”? I dunno why, but it makes me think of one of the many special species in Terry Pratchett’s Discworld… Actually, it makes me think of SEVERAL species on the Discworld… heh heh heh…
“‘Only the Images tab. Or shopping.’
Personals. Some of us know exactly what we’re looking for in a man.” — D.Sidhe
Or, if we’re talking about my exes & what we’re looking for in a man: a dull, rusty blade.
“‘Some of us know exactly what we’re looking for in a man.’
A woman?” — Actor212
FINALLY, he’s paying ATTENTION!!!!!!
“’and martial arts in which the penis is used as a blunt object’
Hmmm, sounds like a “Hanzo the Razor” reference, to me.” — gigglehurtz
Never seen “Puppetry Of The Penis”?
And Scott, since the Mark Of The Beast traffic has been cut to a quarter of what it was before the censorship, I have to thank you for this post, ’cause I never thought that I’d miss the psychotic/sociopathic/perverted search strings that brought people to M.O.B., but now I kinda do. *sigh*
Thanks again for the wunnerful fundraiser/help post, I can’t thank the lurkers and known commenters enough for their uber-considerate help, except to mention that it ain’t over yet. I know, I know, I’m a disgustingly egregious blog-whore, but sometimes a woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do. And I’ve gotta go get an MRI on my left knee and x-rays of my right hand, now that the neck shit is half-way over, so the fun just keeps snowballing. Twisted the knee back before the neck surgery, but hadda recover from the neck before going into the tube, and then I seem to have dislocated my right forefinger somehow, and it hurts like a motherfucker, even with the pain meds for the neck. If I was a horse, they truly woulda shot me back in ’95, but I still can’t find anybody merciful enough to put me to sleep @ the vet’s.
Love and gratitude to all.
XOXOXO
A.S.C.
Thanks Sidhe for the reality check, because a lot of the time I look at what I post here and think, “Oh no, even I can’t figure out what they hell I was trying to say.”
Even though I had it all thought out perfectly prior. Its just after releasing it into the reality of type the grammar is butchered, the spelling sucks all to hell and I don’t look so smart or witty or even indicative of normal intelligence.
Even though I had it all thought out perfectly prior. Its just after releasing it into the reality of type the grammar is butchered, the spelling sucks all to hell and I don’t look so smart or witty or even indicative of normal intelligence.
“‘Some of us know exactly what we’re looking for in a man.’
A woman?” — Actor212FINALLY, he’s paying ATTENTION!!!!!!
Can I watch?
A woman?” — Actor212FINALLY, he’s paying ATTENTION!!!!!!
Can I watch?
Nobody said a damned thing about you suddenly being grantedspecial privileges, boyo…
What, exactly, have you done in order to EARN such an honor?
BE SPECIFIC.
But not ***THAT*** specific.
What, exactly, have you done in order to EARN such an honor?
BE SPECIFIC.
But not ***THAT*** specific.
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