Ellis Washington, Professor of Man-Crush Studies at Chuck and Buck Community College, has been lingually laving Michael Weiner’s Savage Sack for several months now, in what could only be described as a pure and selfless act of love. But today the prof’s oral offering, while equally unrequited, is purely professional, as he puckers up for the wrinkly poultice of World Net Daily founder and Big Birther, Joseph Farah.
This is a tribute article to my boss and my friend, Joseph Farah, who is the founder and CEO of WorldNetDaily, the leading independent news source on the Net.
Although I have never formally met Joseph Farah, I am intimately acquainted with the man through reading his daily columns, whose intellectual depth makes me feel like I am having a marvelous dialogue with a long lost friend who is now found.
Remember Bob Allen, that Florida State Senator who was busted when he offered to pay an undercover cop $20 if he’d let Bob blow him in a public toilet?
I don’t know what made me just think of that. Anyway…
Although personally I have never spoken one word to this man, I feel that I know him better than many of my own relatives, people I attend church with, or even those with whom I grew up back in the day.
When he was a child, Ellis’ imaginary friend filed a restraining order against him.
“Ellis, if you never have met or spoken to Joseph Farah, how can you call him your friend?” I’m glad you asked.
We didn’t, but I think we see the key to your successful relationship with Farah — you do both voices. Kind of like Norman Bates.
In a 2007 article, “Obscurity was good for me,” I recalled my first encounter with Joseph…
Ten years ago, Joseph Farah, founder of WorldNetDaily, had the vision, courage and intellect to start WND, and it has flourished exceedingly and abundantly. For 10 years, it was my daily bread as I wrote books nobody purchased or read.
I admire the “Professor’s” asceticism, since I doubt I could live on nothing but a diet of World Net Daily. Although, considering the amount of shit it produces, it is high in fiber.
A few weeks ago, at this most commendable milestone of WorldNetDaily’s 10th anniversary, I received a note from Joseph Farah asking me to join the publication as a commentator. I did not give him time to change his mind, and I promptly accepted.Joseph recently told me that for years he had watched my career grow from afar and had admired my work. (His unwritten words were that he knew that I had potential, but it wasn’t time yet).
And I’m sure when it’s time to move on, Farah will give you a glowing, if unwritten letter of recommendation.
My weekly column is called: “The Report from Washington” – the same title God put in my heart exactly 25 years ago!
And Joseph made it come true! Wow, he’s like Michael Landon’s weepy, mullet-wearing angel in “Highway to Heaven”!
While I don’t want this tribute article to become unduly fawning
Well it’s already like a pole dance in your mouth, so…
…I really want the reader to understand how grateful I am to Joseph Farah and to WND for giving me, a unknown black American, a chance to be a weekly commentator for this invaluable news source after being in Sisyphus obscurity as an unknown writer and thinker since 1983, when I wrote my first serious articles on aesthetics and political philosophy.
Was Sisyphus primarily known for his obscurity? I thought he was famous for having one of those pointless, make-work, WPA-style stimulus jobs, but apparently he’s so obscure he doesn’t even rate being turned into an adjective.
It was February 2007 when Farah by chance saw some sample articles I had sent to editors at WND as part of my application to be a commentator there and decided to publish them.
So Farah accidentally pulled one of your unsolicited screeds off the slush pile, probably while reaching for a paperclip or a breath mint? Well, it makes more sense that than earlier crap about him watching over you from a distance like Obi Wan watching Luke grow up on Tatooine.
It was Farah working years as a professional journalist and editor at the Los Angeles Herald Examiner and the Sacramento Union that gave him the discerning eye to recognize new, untapped talent.
If you do say so yourself.
Without Farah’s support, I think I would still be unknown to the state-controlled media, the law academy, the GOP, the RNC and conservative writers who claim they want to “help the disenfranchised.”
Yes. Before, none of those people knew you existed. Now, they actually have to ignore you. It’s a clear moral victory.
Before I had met Joseph, I literally sent thousands of e-mails and hundreds of letters with my articles and books attached literally begging managing editors, think tanks, TV executives, Christian ministers, academics, scholars, intellectuals, the GOP and conservative media demigods to give me a chance; to interview me, print some of my work or mention my books on politics, the Supreme Court, constitutional law, culture and society. Their response over the past 26 years … NOTHING!
And Jody Foster never answered your letters!
Joseph Farah and WND have been on the cutting edge of many stories that other media entities either are too afraid to report or too apathetic to be interested in. Farah has distinguished himself through WND to go where no media entity has gone before (to paraphrase the intro to the “Star Trek” TV show).
Yes, even some WND readers aren’t sufficiently cutting edge that they’re hip to a 43 year old pop culture reference.
If you doubt me, pick any controversial story possessing substantive news interest, gravitas, constitutional or cultural issues, and chances are WND has either broken the story wide open or has been the lone wolf to continue the story long after other media entities have moved on:
- The story of conservative radio host Michael Savage being blacklisted on May 5 by Great Britain in collusion with America and the Obama administration;
- President Obama’s failure to provide definitive proof of his natural born citizenship according to Article 2, Section 1, Clause 5 of the U.S. Constitution;
- Farah alone continues defending himself against universal blacklisting and vicious libel and slander leveled against his name by socialist radicals and the state-controlled media for 12 years since his cofounding of WorldNetDaily with his dear wife, Elizabeth.
In conclusion, Joseph Farah is a man’s man. He is fearless and is loyal only to God, America and the truth…
Yes, but what mythological or historical hero does he bear a resemblance to that only you can see? Michael Savage is Prometheus and Captain Dreyfus. You’re Sisyphus this week. Even Obama got to be Emmanuel Goldstein from 1984. You ask me, Farah ain’t getting his 20 bucks worth here.
Exceeding gratitude to you, Joseph Farah, and to all the editors, writers and staff at WorldNetDaily for being a clarion voice of Veritas (truth), when all other voices have either been silenced or compromised.
You know, whenever my quarterly review came up, I’d just pad my timesheets.
Posted by scott on Thursday, August 13th, 2009 at 11:54 am.
31 Responses to “I’ll Show You Amateurs How to Teabag!”
I believe it is by now clear that the only reason a benevolent God allows people like this to exist is so that Scott can thereby bring the rest of us great joy.
Is he EVER right about ANYTHING?
He’s reached a critical mass of stupidity that ALMOST makes me feel sorry for him.
He’s reached a critical mass of stupidity that ALMOST makes me feel sorry for him.
Boy, do I hope this guy is actually some sort of parody. Because otherwise it’s just too embarrassing. I’ve never read anything so cringingly obsequious in my entire life. “He gave a poor, humble black man a chance! Oh, how I love that wonderful white man!” Jesus.
Although I note that pseudo-professor Washington wasn’t so overcome that he forgot to get in his digs at everyone else who didn’t publish him. Resentment is truly the staple food of the wingnut.
Although I note that pseudo-professor Washington wasn’t so overcome that he forgot to get in his digs at everyone else who didn’t publish him. Resentment is truly the staple food of the wingnut.
In a just world “Well it’s already like a pole dance in your mouth” would echo through the ages until the University of Mars-Olympus Mons has the fucking thing engraved over the entrance to its Student Center.
Heeping praise indeed, sophronia. What an embarrassing read.
Was Sisyphus primarily known for his obscurity?
And is it really that hard to determine that the adjective form is “Sisyphean”?
Was Sisyphus primarily known for his obscurity?
And is it really that hard to determine that the adjective form is “Sisyphean”?
Good Lord, this is the most hilariously gratuitous adulation I’ve seen since My Pa! (by Junior Bear, age seven-and-a-half).
Wonder if Joseph Farah, when he read this shameless brown-nosing, made any of the same grimaces Papa Bear did.
Wonder if Joseph Farah, when he read this shameless brown-nosing, made any of the same grimaces Papa Bear did.
I feel like I need a shower just for reading that. It’s like Ellis heard a rumor that Farah was going to scrap his crappy column and panicked at losing the only thing standing between him and a self-administered lead sleeping pill.
And I’m such a child that, of all the wit on this site, it was “wrinkly poultice” that sent my beer down the wrong pipe.
anyone else think Ellis Washington and Kenneth Gladney were separated at birth and both raised by moronic dung beetles?
It’s like Ellis heard a rumor that Farah was going to scrap his crappy column
Okay, I read that as “Farrah was going to scrape his crappy colon.” Must go to bed, now.
Okay, I read that as “Farrah was going to scrape his crappy colon.” Must go to bed, now.
This is some offensive and demeaning bullshit, just so you know.
Just to be clear, the above from “Stepin Fetchit” was from me. It was meant ironically.
Yes, but what mythological or historical hero does he bear a resemblance to that only you can see?
Well, Briareus had a hundred hands, and Argus had a hundred eyes. Someone must have had a hundred anuses. It was the olden times.
Well, Briareus had a hundred hands, and Argus had a hundred eyes. Someone must have had a hundred anuses. It was the olden times.
WND has indeed been on “the cutting edge of many stories that other media entities are too afraid to report” primarily because there is not one shred of verifiable evidence in support of such stories, other than the wild and paranoid imaginings of some delusional wingnut (usually Farah himself). WND has never retracted a report or issued an apology for the many baseless scribblings and outright lies that it regularly publishes. Journalistically, it ranks amongst the lowest of the low (see Terry Krepel’s conwebwatch.tripod.com for an enjoyable shredding of Farah and his ilk). It is the scrapings that are left over after the barrel has been thoroughly scraped. Ellis’s fellatory adulation of Joseph Farah and WND is a bit sad. It is the last stop of a man utterly devoid of any literary talent before final oblivion.
“Remember Bob Allen, that Florida State Senator who was busted when he offered to pay an undercover cop $20 if he’d let Bob blow him in a public toilet?
I don’t know what made me just think of that.”
Geee, I can’t figure it out, EITHER… heh heh heh heh heh heh… damn you, Scott, making my toothache ratchet-up a notch!
(Anybody brave out there with a pair of needle-nosed pliers?)
“‘While I don’t want this tribute article to become unduly fawning…’
Well it’s already like a pole dance in your mouth, so… “
Ohhhh, the pictures you paint in my head, Scott, oh the pictures you paint. If I could successfully extract slides or even a low-rent CGI illustration, that would be some truly amusing shit right there.“And is it really that hard to determine that the adjective form is “Sisyphean”?”
I dunno, Mentis, I think that in “professor” Washington’s case, it would suffice to simply use the more-concise “SISSY.” Plain, simple, to-the-point… well, hell, 2 outta 3, and it’s Ellis himself!
And Jay… “University of Mars-Olympus Mons” I believe that I have a lingual-anatomical bone (pelvic?) to pick with you… if we’re gonna be talking about any monses, they’d damned well better be closer to VENUS!
Vosburg, I may never forgive you for introducing me to the ursine nightmare that I just viewed. Baby Huey & the Abominable Snowman did it better. That “kid” belongs in a “special” home where the short but never leaves the grounds, the mother obviously o.d.’ed on “mother’s little helpers,” and the old man needed a cave all to himself; obviously not the familial type.
Reminded me a bit of myself, but I would’na waited ’til that giant galoot of an offspring showed up to figure that out. All that being said, the ursine Baby Huey is still more eloquent and intellectual than Ellis’ best butt-licking day.
Preznit, dear heart, I think that you do dung beetles a cruel and undeserved disservice, by linking them to either of those doddering dipshits. Honestly. At least dung beetles serve a PURPOSE on this planet, dammit.
Ellis, meanwhile, comforts the ghost of Buckwheat, as that poor kid, whenever he died, surely never humiliated himself nor ingratiated himself before the crotch/feet of Tha Man in such a shamelessly ridiculous fashion. This guy makes Mario Van Peebles look FOCUSED and damned near MILITANT, if not entirely altogether too intelligent.
Times like this that I really miss “In Living Color,” ’cause Damon would’ve had a BLAST with this idiot. Yeah, Keenan could’ve done it, too, but Damon’s ever so much more wicked.
I don’t know what made me just think of that.”
Geee, I can’t figure it out, EITHER… heh heh heh heh heh heh… damn you, Scott, making my toothache ratchet-up a notch!
(Anybody brave out there with a pair of needle-nosed pliers?)
“‘While I don’t want this tribute article to become unduly fawning…’
Well it’s already like a pole dance in your mouth, so… “
Ohhhh, the pictures you paint in my head, Scott, oh the pictures you paint. If I could successfully extract slides or even a low-rent CGI illustration, that would be some truly amusing shit right there.“And is it really that hard to determine that the adjective form is “Sisyphean”?”
I dunno, Mentis, I think that in “professor” Washington’s case, it would suffice to simply use the more-concise “SISSY.” Plain, simple, to-the-point… well, hell, 2 outta 3, and it’s Ellis himself!
And Jay… “University of Mars-Olympus Mons” I believe that I have a lingual-anatomical bone (pelvic?) to pick with you… if we’re gonna be talking about any monses, they’d damned well better be closer to VENUS!
Vosburg, I may never forgive you for introducing me to the ursine nightmare that I just viewed. Baby Huey & the Abominable Snowman did it better. That “kid” belongs in a “special” home where the short but never leaves the grounds, the mother obviously o.d.’ed on “mother’s little helpers,” and the old man needed a cave all to himself; obviously not the familial type.
Reminded me a bit of myself, but I would’na waited ’til that giant galoot of an offspring showed up to figure that out. All that being said, the ursine Baby Huey is still more eloquent and intellectual than Ellis’ best butt-licking day.
Preznit, dear heart, I think that you do dung beetles a cruel and undeserved disservice, by linking them to either of those doddering dipshits. Honestly. At least dung beetles serve a PURPOSE on this planet, dammit.
Ellis, meanwhile, comforts the ghost of Buckwheat, as that poor kid, whenever he died, surely never humiliated himself nor ingratiated himself before the crotch/feet of Tha Man in such a shamelessly ridiculous fashion. This guy makes Mario Van Peebles look FOCUSED and damned near MILITANT, if not entirely altogether too intelligent.
Times like this that I really miss “In Living Color,” ’cause Damon would’ve had a BLAST with this idiot. Yeah, Keenan could’ve done it, too, but Damon’s ever so much more wicked.
Okay, I read that as “Farrah was going to scrape his crappy colon.” Must go to bed, now.
Candy? You there? Next time, go to bed before entertaining the notion of sharing such pensees with us.
Please?
There is not enough bleach in the world…
Candy? You there? Next time, go to bed before entertaining the notion of sharing such pensees with us.
Please?
There is not enough bleach in the world…
1. Michigan Law Review and an academic career (if overstated)? How has this guy fooled anybody?
2. Back in the BBS days, if you’d'a told me that within twenty years the Internet would develop to the point where one man, working in a closet, could single-handedly lower the regard in which the legal profession is held I’d have offered you 20-1 against. Ain’t technology grand?
2. Back in the BBS days, if you’d'a told me that within twenty years the Internet would develop to the point where one man, working in a closet, could single-handedly lower the regard in which the legal profession is held I’d have offered you 20-1 against. Ain’t technology grand?
leading independent news source
OK, class, there are exactly three things wrong with this description. Can you name them all?
Although I have never formally met Joseph Farah, I am intimately acquainted with the man
We exchanged precious bodily fluids on webcam.
Ten years ago, Joseph Farah, founder of WorldNetDaily, had the vision, courage and intellect to start WND
It’s hard to tell exactly why Ellis’ nose is brown…
For 10 years, it was my daily bread as I wrote books nobody purchased or read.
Y’know, part of the reason no one has bought them or read them is over the past ten years is, well, you’ve been reading WND for TEN YEARS!
Joseph recently told me that for years he had watched my career grow from afar and had admired my work. (His unwritten words were that he knew that I had potential, but it wasn’t time yet).
How ya gonna keep ‘em down on the farm?
I know, let’s wait until we elect a Negro President before we cull our own house n*gger!
Well it’s already like a pole dance in your mouth, so…
You really have to stop living inside my head, Scott. Or at least pay the back rent!
Without Farah’s support, I think I would still be unknown to the state-controlled media, the law academy, the GOP, the RNC and conservative writers who claim they want to “help the disenfranchised.”
So this is an affirmative action thing?
He’s reached a critical mass of stupidity that ALMOST makes me feel sorry for him.
Must. Resist. “Black. Hole.” Comment.
Someone must have had a hundred anuses.
Rectumus the Wide Open
OK, class, there are exactly three things wrong with this description. Can you name them all?
Although I have never formally met Joseph Farah, I am intimately acquainted with the man
We exchanged precious bodily fluids on webcam.
Ten years ago, Joseph Farah, founder of WorldNetDaily, had the vision, courage and intellect to start WND
It’s hard to tell exactly why Ellis’ nose is brown…
For 10 years, it was my daily bread as I wrote books nobody purchased or read.
Y’know, part of the reason no one has bought them or read them is over the past ten years is, well, you’ve been reading WND for TEN YEARS!
Joseph recently told me that for years he had watched my career grow from afar and had admired my work. (His unwritten words were that he knew that I had potential, but it wasn’t time yet).
How ya gonna keep ‘em down on the farm?
I know, let’s wait until we elect a Negro President before we cull our own house n*gger!
Well it’s already like a pole dance in your mouth, so…
You really have to stop living inside my head, Scott. Or at least pay the back rent!
Without Farah’s support, I think I would still be unknown to the state-controlled media, the law academy, the GOP, the RNC and conservative writers who claim they want to “help the disenfranchised.”
So this is an affirmative action thing?
He’s reached a critical mass of stupidity that ALMOST makes me feel sorry for him.
Must. Resist. “Black. Hole.” Comment.
Someone must have had a hundred anuses.
Rectumus the Wide Open
“Without Farah’s support, I think I would still be unknown to the state-controlled media, the law academy, the GOP, the RNC and conservative writers who claim they want to “help the disenfranchised.”
Isn’t that what Fucks News is? The State controlled media?
And isn’t a black rightwinger an oxymoron?
Isn’t that what Fucks News is? The State controlled media?
And isn’t a black rightwinger an oxymoron?
“Boy, do I hope this guy is actually some sort of parody. Because otherwise it’s just too embarrassing. I’ve never read anything so cringingly obsequious in my entire life. “He gave a poor, humble black man a chance! Oh, how I love that wonderful white man!” Jesus.”
You’ve never read anything so cringe worthy because he’s never sold a fuckin book.
You’ve never read anything so cringe worthy because he’s never sold a fuckin book.
wait, this clown made Michigan Law Review?!?!?! Were they THAT hard up??? He’s yet to use any literary reference and actually get it right…
I would imagine that Washington would identify Farah with Zeus, with fantasies of himself as Ganymede.
To the rest of us, I think Sterculius, the Roman god of crap would be most apt for Farah.
To the rest of us, I think Sterculius, the Roman god of crap would be most apt for Farah.
I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry… On behalf of the City of Savannah and the entire State of Georgia I apologize for Ellis Washington.
Personally, I often drop my cars keys in my boss’s office and pick them up, waving my behind in his direction.
Lingering.
Waiting for approval.
Lingering.
Waiting for approval.
Marion, let’s not start that, please. Every ten years I’m in danger of winding up in Dan Burton’s district.
Has anyone actually seen proof that Washington is real? I mean, he could easily be a sock puppet of Savage’s, lent unwashed to Farah for a little buck up.
Marion,
Savannah is the only thing in Georgia that needs no apology! What a tremendous city — great food, good drinking, Flannery O’Connor and at one point Luis Tiant coached the Art School’s baseball team.
Washington’s baroque ineptitude only adds to the perfect surreality of the place.
Savannah is the only thing in Georgia that needs no apology! What a tremendous city — great food, good drinking, Flannery O’Connor and at one point Luis Tiant coached the Art School’s baseball team.
Washington’s baroque ineptitude only adds to the perfect surreality of the place.
Is it wrong that, when I was reading Washington’s column, I kept expecting, at some point, to see the word “Massah”?
[I am so going to hell for that, aren’t I?]
[I am so going to hell for that, aren’t I?]
Was Sisyphus primarily known for his obscurity?
*shrug*
Sorry, Julia, I waited through 28 comments, but the joke simply had to be made.
*shrug*
Sorry, Julia, I waited through 28 comments, but the joke simply had to be made.
Vosburg, I may never forgive you for introducing me to the ursine nightmare that I just viewed. Baby Huey & the Abominable Snowman did it better. That “kid” belongs in a “special” home where the short but never leaves the grounds, the mother obviously o.d.’ed on “mother’s little helpers,” and the old man needed a cave all to himself; obviously not the familial type.
Obviously, I can’t demand that anyone be a fan of “Bear For Punisnment”, but this is about as good as Chuck Jones and Michael Maltese got. Look again.
Obviously, I can’t demand that anyone be a fan of “Bear For Punisnment”, but this is about as good as Chuck Jones and Michael Maltese got. Look again.
Sorry, Annti, that was brusque.
Look, Jones and Maltese have a long history in classic Warner Brothers animation, and perhaps the more I know of it (yeah, I’m a total fanboy), the more my jaw drops at the gags that this pair perfected over the years and brought home in “Bear For Punishment.”
Maybe on first glance, not so much [laughing], but this was vintage, mature, top of the game stuff.
Warner Brothers animation, pick your favorite. You do have one, don’t you?
Look, Jones and Maltese have a long history in classic Warner Brothers animation, and perhaps the more I know of it (yeah, I’m a total fanboy), the more my jaw drops at the gags that this pair perfected over the years and brought home in “Bear For Punishment.”
Maybe on first glance, not so much [laughing], but this was vintage, mature, top of the game stuff.
Warner Brothers animation, pick your favorite. You do have one, don’t you?
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