The World O' Crap Archive

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Saturday, October 4, 2014

Sunday Sermonette: Jim Henson’s Father Coughlin Babies

Today’s homily comes to us (in a roundabout way) from Chuck Baldwin, the former 2004 Constitution Party vice presidential nominee, and a pastor whose recycled sermons kill time over a handful of AM stations in the Deep South.  Chuck, who calls himself “Dr. Baldwin” because he’s received two honorary degrees, also claims in his RenewAmerica bio that he’s “the host of Chuck Baldwin Live, a daily, two hour long radio call-in show on the events of the day,” although if you actually go to, you’ll see that:
Chuck Baldwin Live” aired its first program on August 1, 1994. The broadcast originated as a Radio Talk Show and continued in that capacity for eight years. The current format of the show features a recording of Dr. Baldwin’s sermons and commentaries.
In keeping with this loose approach to advertising claims, today’s sermon isn’t actually by “Dr.” Baldwin, it’s written by his son,Timothy, “an attorney who received his Juris Doctor degree from Cumberland School of Law in Birmingham, Alabama. He is a former prosecutor for the Florida State Attorney’s Office and now owns his own private law practice. He is married to the former Miss Jennifer Hanssen.”  I’d complain about the bait-and-switch, but the only choresmy Dad ever made me do were to take out the trash and mow the lawn, so I figure Tim has suffered enough.
On July 10, 2009, Alaskan Governor Sarah Palin became the second governor in these States United (Governor Phil Bredesen of Tennessee is the other one) to sign into effect a State Sovereignty Resolution. (See ). These Sovereignty-type bills, resolutions and laws are an obvious and rightful response that the super-majority of the States in the Union is expressing to and against the usurping powers of the federal government.
On the one hand, I feel obliged to note that two out of fifty doesn’t constitute a majority, let alone a super-majority; on the other hand, this is the kind of thing you always get when Bil Keane lets Billy draw the strip.
While the effects of federal tyranny are being felt more seriously than ever, history and human nature prove that the people of a society do not respond or revolt immediately against tyranny —
Most societies will wait at least a half an hour after eating before going revolting, so they don’t get a cramp.
Fortunately, the sleeping giant is being awakened, to the dismay of our Centralist-worshipers today.
Not to mention the dismay of the giant, who’d hoped to skip church this morning and sleep in.
[T]he Constitution of the United States of America was a compact assented to by the individual Sovereign States of America, and that the Federal government’s authority only extended to the specific and enumerated grants acceded to it by the sovereigns of each State. It was not until 1861 that this understanding of Constitutional government and State Sovereignty was seriously challenged.
You mean when Lincoln objected to the slave states seceding from the Union and setting up their own He-Man Yankee & Manumission Haters Club?
Oh oh…!
Since the Reconstruction period after the War Between the States…
Really?  You’re really gonna go there, huh?
…the philosophical acknowledgements of what State Sovereignty means, implies and mandates has been flipped on its head, to where the States seem to believe that they are powerless over the demands of the federal government.
Well maybe you should start another war.  You’ve got all the guns, you might actually win this one, and then you could flip it all back.
This concept is completely contrary to the original principles of our Confederated Republic, which was overwhelmingly acknowledged from 1787 to 1860.
Just like it says in the founding document of our Confederated Republic, the Articles of Confederation and Perpetual Union.  Anyway, Timothy gasses on about states rights and state sovereignty through three or four stentorian paragraphs that make me think we interrupted him in the middle of his John C. Calhoun cosplay session.  Then he cites Confederate Vice President Alexander Stephens’ history of the Civil War — sorry — “the Late War Between the States,” because if there’s anyone with an unbiased view of civil and human rights, it’s the author of the Cornerstone speech (”Our new government is founded upon exactly the opposite idea; its foundations are laid, its corner- stone rests, upon the great truth that the negro is not equal to the white man; that slavery subordination to the superior race is his natural and normal condition”).
While few are advocating secession (at least not yet), the battle for State Sovereignty against Federal usurpation and expansionism has clearly begun. Americans should not fear the movement for State Sovereignty. Rather, we should embrace it; because it is the only saving grace and vehicle for freedom left in this Confederate Republic we call the United States of America. Unless we stand for State Sovereignty, freedom will most certainly fall.
I’m sure Timothy’s convictions are sincere, and it was only his busy schedule that kept him from bringing all this up while the White Guy was still in charge.

Posted by scott on Sunday, August 9th, 2009 at 4:17 pm

23 Responses to “Sunday Sermonette: Jim Henson’s Father Coughlin Babies

1) I’d like to ask him his opinion on Bush v. Gore vis a vis states rights and b) I’d like to see the states that are grousing about the 10th Amendment stuff cut back to only take only 100% of the money that their citizens have paid in Federal taxes for the next 10 years minimum as a start. according to the latest stats shown Alaska was the 3rd highest in getting more back than was paid in federal taxes
What would Ellis Washington say?
What would Ellis Washington say?
Maybe next time, “Dr” Baldwin should ask his grandson to draw the…I mean, write the column.
“Not to mention the dismay of the giant, who’d hoped to skip church this morning and sleep in.”
Speaking as a shrunken former giant, can a sister get an ay-menn on the sleeping-in???
“I’m sure Timothy’s convictions are sincere, and it was only his busy schedule that kept him from bringing all this up while the White Guy was still in charge.”
And those, dear hearts, are the only parts I remember reading, as my eyes erupted into hard-core gushing of blood forth as soon as I tried to read anything… “written”… by young Timmy, a kid who should’ve been dropped down a fucking well if I ever saw one.
And no, I don’t wanna try again. I just want him in the damned well, with the opening cemented shut after him.
Don’t worry, Preznit, we’ll give you a walkie-talkie so that you can ask Timmy those questions, and then destroy said walkie-talkie, so that we won’t have to hear a single, stammering, illiterate moan or murmur from his rock-sucking mouth.
it was only his busy schedule that kept him from bringing all this up while the White Guy was still in charge.
Indeed, all the recent talk of secession, states rights, along with the general tone of menace and hysteria among certain people who want to “take their country back”, has nothing whatever to do with our newly-elected president, I’m sure.
I always knew that a certain faction in our country would have trouble adjusting to a black prez–even one as centrist and accommodating as this one–but the level of 1861 that we’re seeing is truly eye-opening.
These Sovereignty-type bills, resolutions and laws…
So I guess my next question is, “Do they teach the distinction at Cumberland School of Law? Or do they just tell you that once you get a degree in law-talkification people will believe whatever bullshit you feed ‘em?”
(And really, just once, just once I’d like to hear from one of these maroons–law degree or no–with a passing command of sixth-grade civics. Just fucking once.)
Not to mention the dismay of the giant, who’d hoped to skip church this morning and sleep in.
Yeah, that’s your Giants for ya. They’re slackers. Beanstalk merchants have known this for years, and it’s only the MSM’s reluctance to reveal the troo fax to the people that has virtually killed the magic bean industry in this country, and by extension, the rest of the economy as well.
Sad, really.
As my 4-yr-old nephew said when confronted with turkey leftovers 3 days in a row after Thanksgiving, “Oh no! Do we have to eat this shit again?!”
Or as I said to some states-rights nutter on my last visit to Gettysburg, don’t make us come down there and kick your asses again.
I wouldn’t be too surprised if Palin doesn’t rejoin (or remain) in Alaska’s Independence Party and try to round up her minions to secede. What was her ‘Death Panel’ op-ed all about/ Why, scaring the masses. Or messes as they should be known. Because only someone who is a big f’n mess would follow anything about old Sarah.
That and her possibly being indicted for attempted bribery along with all the ethics laws she broke, is one of the reasons she epically failed and quit.
Bredeson on the other hand, is just an epic fail Democrat.
Let them go. Let them fucking go. Now that we have the blues, we have sucked from the essence of the Neo-Confederacy anything and everything that would have been worth keeping.
I triple dog dare those guys to secede again, and don’t let the doorknob hit them in the ass.
I triple dog dare those guys to secede again, and don’t let the doorknob hit them in the ass.
Are you kidding? They’d mount the doorknob and then claim that Obama forced them do it.
Also: New Orleans. Maybe that could be a Free City or something.
Well, we kept New Orleans during the Civil War. Key West, too, and those are pretty much the only spots in Dixie I couldn’t live without (although Savannah is gorgeous, and I’ve heard nice things about Austin).
1. Small correction, Scott: The Yankees DID eventually parade down Decatur Street (google “chamber pots” + “Reconstruction” + “Women Of The French Quarter.”) with all of the arrogance that their privileged backgrounds afforded them, but they were not universally welcomed, by the Creoles OR the Free People Of Color who owned businesses AND slaves since the founding of New Orleans. Not to mention, everything above Canal Street is just TACKY, compared to the original Quarter. That’s where the “Americans” plundered all of those plantation-owner townhomes and sent the natives/Creoles packing SOUTH of Canal, as if they had ever joined the damned Confederacy in the first fucking place. The planters from the boonies, SURE, but the money-movers and city-builders? They weren’t that suicidal. New Orleans always was, and hopefully, will one day be again, a small, very INDEPENDENT, N. Caribbean country, all unto itself; and though often imitated, never replicated.
2. To all of y’all who are throwing us half-way decent folk into the same dumpster as those secessionist MOW-RAHNS, Whoa, whoa, WHOOOOOOAAAAAA THE FUCK *UP* there, fellas!!!!!! I don’t know if y’all have noticed around here or around the blogosphere, but THERE’S A HELLUVA LOT OF BLUE-TO-THE-FUCKING-BONE LIBRULS DOWN HERE, HOLDING GROUND AND FIGHTING THE REPUBLICUNT FUCKTARDS EVERY DAY OF OUR GAWDDAMNED LIVES. So before y’all sell us downriver to the slave-mongerers and other assorted prime examples of how evolution can make a sharp left-handed U-ey on Tulane Avenue, REMEMBER HOW MANY OF US VOTED FOR BARACK OBAMA ***AND*** AL GORE. Kerry’s a whole other conversation.
And fuck yes, AUSTIN IS ONE HELLUVA TOWN!!!!!! If you haven’t been, GO. And buy a bicycle from Waterloo Cycles, go shopping yer brains out @ Waterloo Records & Book People, ’cause they’re all smallish LOCAL BIDNESSES who employ REALLY FUCKIN’ COOL PEOPLE. *AND* Waterloo Records generally has the ENTIRE Bill Hicks (non-bootleg) library in stock, 24/7, 365.
If we ever DO cede Texas back to Mexico (hell, they practically own it anydamnedway, except for the fucking Kennebunkport carpetbaggers & bastard-stepson Saudi “princes”!!!)WE ARE***KEEPING*** AUSTIN AND HOUSTON!!!!!! Suck it up, y’all, but I can’t think of anything else that I’d wanna save, except maybe Palo Duro Canyon in Amarillo, but as for The Panhandle itself, well… I’d definitely go in there to save a couple of dear friends, but the Mexicans can have it! And as for Houston, well, fuck, if you ask the klanspussies of Katy, Texas, EVERYTHING THAT’S “WRONG” WITH HOUSTON STARTED AFTER KATRINA, there was never “crime” or “unrest” amongst the white-flight suburbanites until OUR PEOPLE GOT THERE so that Barbara Bush could tell ‘em how lucky they were to MOVE UP IN THE FUCKING WORLD via the fucking ASTRODOME. So if it’s all OUR FAULT, then it’s OUR CITY, by damn.
We’ll call Houston The VERY West-Bank of New Orleans (as opposed to Gretna/Marrero, etc.) and install a toll road to pay for the expressway in and out of that other country, and FINALLY FUCKING INSTALL AN INTERSTATE PASSAGE FROM HOUSTON TO AUSTIN, instead of all of those fucking STATE FARM ROADS through WEST BUMFUCK. Pretty scenery, but waaaaayyyyyy toooooo many fucking FEEDLOTS. If you don’t know what a feedlot smells like, count yerself lucky.
So to all of y’all who would just THROW US SOUTHERN LIBRULS AWAY WITH THE FUCKTARDED SECESSIONIST WHITE-TRASH, think about THIS shit FIRST. Or we’ll never let y’all have GOOD FOOD, EVER THE FUCK AGAIN. So there. And I ain’t even remotely kidding.
LASTLY: Should the damned Powerball ever hit, I am SOOOOO buying Tybee Island and taking it away from all of the yuppie scum and old-money Daughters Of The Confederacy, ’cause Savannah IS beautiful, having recovered from The Genocide Of Sherman’s Napoleon Complex quite well over the years, and finally having come into the 21st Century, the last time I was there. Wish to hell that their economy had been in better shape then, ’cause I’d have STAYED if I coulda found a gig.
It was not until 1861 that this understanding of Constitutional government and State Sovereignty was seriously challenged.
By a gang of violent, treasonous Americans, who killed their fellow citizens without provocation.
This concept is completely contrary to the original principles of our Confederated Republic, which was overwhelmingly acknowledged from 1787 to 1860.
At which point, the losers of the 1860 election committed treason, not based upon anything President-elect Lincoln had ever done, but because of what, they said, they feared he might do.
It’s all there, isn’t it? The violent rejection of any reality other than their own, the refusal to admit that the losers (election 1860, civil war, elections 2006 and 2008) don’t get to dictate to the winners, the complete disconnect between their actions and consequences (while darkly warning the rest of us to watch ourselves, because we’re gonna get what’s a-comin’ to our uppity butts…) — Jefferson Davis was not merely the Confederate President, he was the First Wingnut.
The Cumberland School of Law in Birmingham, Alabama? is that some sort of joke? It sounds like a half step above getting a degree from McDonald’s School of Deep Frying.
and sometimes these “states-rights” ol’ Dixie folks make me wish Sherman and Grant had access to a few small nukes in 1864.
Love to see that unity here in Murka.
How would you feel if somebody said that WE should launch a nuke into downtown Cincinnati, since they can’t seem to stop having RACE RIOTS on an annual basis, or if somebody wanted to put “the final solution” to Hell Night in DETROIT? Huh?
What if some jackass wanted to “nuke” L.A. county during the fucking riots after the FAKE-ASSED BIGOTED VALLEY VERDICT in the Rodney King trial? After all, just ’cause a FEW or a MINORITY of the population is fuckin’ shit up, well hell, by YOUR logic, WE SHOULD JUST BLOW Y’ALL ALLLLL UP, if SOME of y’all can’t “ACT RIGHT,” huh?
Beautiful logic you got there, genius.
And kiss my wide, white, mixed-race, gelatinous tattooed Southern ass, while you’re at it.
It was not until 1861 that this understanding of Constitutional government and State Sovereignty was seriously challenged.
I guess that Nullification Crisis in 1831-32, when South Carolina almost seceded, wasn’t a “serious” challenge?
Andrew Jackson would be surprised to hear that (if he weren’t whirling in his grave over the ignorance of American history shown by this dimwit).
Yeah, and if he weren’t obscured by his enormous ASS eating his pointy little head, seeing as how Andrew Jackson was a parasitic, race-hatred-frenzied GENOCIDAL MANIAC against Native Americans (THEY GOT HERE FIRST, SO LET’S WIPE ‘EM OFF THE FUCKING PLANET!!!) who treated his sugar-mama, Countess Michaela de Almonaster y Pontalba, the woman who built the French Quarter AND THAT DAMNABLE STATUE & SQUARE in tribute to that big-headed asshole, he treated her like SHIT.
young Timmy, a kid who should’ve been dropped down a fucking well if I ever saw one.
“What’s that, Lassie? Timmy’s stuck up a tree in the back forty, absolutely nowhere near the well, swear to God?”
Oh fine, just kick me when I’m down. *sigh*
Oh, he’s down the well all right. Lassie’s not stoopid.
Obviously. She got the punchline way before I did.
But y’know, dear, nobody likes a tease…

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