I see from my Wingnut a Day calendar that today is World o’ Crap’s sixth anniversary!
Yes, it all started on August 20, 2003, at a small 500-watt Radioland blog in Fresno, California, with an introductory and oddly spelled post by the mysterious entity known only as “s.z.” Very quickly, her true identity became the cause of much debate in the blogosphere; some felt she was a gay man — well, that’s what Vox Day thought — others believed her to be Thomas Pynchon, B. Traven, or an Artificial Intelligence program which had passed the Turing test and escaped into the Internet and where, like Neo in The Matrix, it resolved to Fight the Power by poking gentle fun at wingnuts. When pressed, or bored, s.z. would admit to being an astronaut, spy, and supermodel, but as we would later discover, only one of those jobs is actually on her resume.
So I was thinking, as a tribute to our absent friend, what say we bring out an old favorite…How about a little Pastor Swank?
OBAMA MOB HYSTERIACS PUSHED BACK BY BRAIN ALIVE CITIZENRY
Thinking heads throughout the Republic are finally getting some headway, particularly regarding Obama’s Whack Non-Health Blanket.
I tried diagramming this sentence, but it wound up looking like thosedick drawings that John Madden doodles on the screen during football games. So let’s just see if we can untangle it instead.
Okay, “[T]hinking heads” suggests that they’re disembodied, so this is probably a reference to the 1963 documentary, They Saved Hitler’s Brain.
This would make sense, since Obama is basically synonymous with Adolf Hitler in the public imagination. Next, “throughout the Republic,” is obviously a sly reference to the upcoming Star Warsgame, The Old Republic, which is highly anticipated by conservative gamers, because Dick Cheney is a playable Sith.
“[F]inally getting some headway,” probably means it was the Pastor’s birthday, or wedding anniversary.
“[P]articularly regarding Obama’s Whack.” Swank realizes that Obama is black, and obviously feels that his point is important enough that he should attempt to communicate with the President in his native tongue, while “Non-Health Blanket” is clearly an reference to the smallpox-infected blankets the U.S. Army bestowed upon the Plains Indians, and which, according to the House bill, will now be a part of your grandmother’s Medicare benefits.
Whew. Really getting into the substance of Pastor Swank’s prose, with its rich and allusive language, is like trying to read Joyce’s Ulysseswithout annotations. Maybe we should just skim.
Obama is pained due to recent right-thinking citizens howling loudly and long enough. Grassroots town halls have screeched at Congress. The mob hysteriacs who voted in a celebrity rather than a free enterprise, constitution-friendly statesman are losing ground.
So the mob hysteriacs who voted for Obama are being shouted down by the new, right-thinking mob hysteriacs, who also screeching because Congress didn’t invite them to the Saved By the Bell reunion.
As for Obama wanting a Canadian cloned health-blanket, Canada’s health care stinks. My cousin needed immediate spine care. His Halifax Nova Scotia doc was brusque, mean-hearted and just plain crude in his response to my relative’s plea.
Canadians are notoriously rude to people who can’t be bothered to keep their spines in working order.
The cousin ended up at Lahey Clinic, Burlington MA, for state-of-the-art surgery that responsibly corrected the problem. Thank you, America!
Great, so we’re already paying for the health care of illegal immigrants? I demand to see an itemized bill.
Mob hysteriacs put Obama the Anti-America President in control. But as we are now realizing, the hysteriacs, though many are still loyal space cadets in the brain space, are losing hold. The ground is slowly giving way to the brain alive citizens of this country.
This isn’t a particularly good argument against health care reform, but it is, I admit, a great plot synopsis of Fiend Without a Face.
As a Christian, I believe that what is happening right now is God inserting His powerplay into societal happenings for God has a vested interest in this particular country.
Although now that God actually owes more on America than the country is worth, he’s considering just mailing the keys to the bank and walking away.
This is the only nation ever created by biblical believers seeking a land where they could worship Christ and live by the Bible.
The Crusader kingdoms don’t count, because technically they were just pre-season exhibition countries.
Those founders prayed with their blood.
Services were messy. James Madison made a point of bringing extra Wet-Naps for Benjamin Franklin, while Alexander Hamilton always wore a large bib to church.
Their petitions are still very much alive and well at heaven’s throne. With God, a thousand years is as a day and vice versa.
Which is why God hasn’t smote Canada; waiting 8 weeks for a hip replacement doesn’t really seem all that unreasonable to Him.
Couple the founders’ prayers with the earnest biblical believers’ cries present-tense and you have a mighty call-out to the divine going on 24 / 7. God is responding to those sincere pleas.
Through His call center in Mumbai. As the Lord sayeth, “Your earnest biblical believers’ cries are very important to Us. Please stay on the line, and your mighty call-out will be answered by the next available cherub.”
We biblical Christians have just begun to witness the divine thrust retrieving our nation for its foundation’s sake.
Hey, what you do behind closed doors is your business, Pastor.
Anyway, a mighty call-out to Sheri for getting all this nonsense started.
Posted by scott on Thursday, August 20th, 2009 at 5:00 pm
47 Responses to “Now Accepting Gifts of Sugar and Iron”
Happy Anniversary to World O’ Crap! My day isn’t complete without stopping in to see what this group is up to. There’s definitely an important voice missing, though. Are we ever to hear from Sheri again??? Her brain-alive posts were like a health-blanket to my soul….
As for Obama wanting a Canadian cloned health-blanket,
Are those like those Snuggies? Or the Slankets? (Of course, in red light districts they are known as Skankets. But I bet the Pastor uses Swankets)
I can’t believe it’s been 6 years. It’s been a hilarious, wonderful time and we’ve come to know lots of awesome people thanks to this blog (Chris Vosburg, I’m looking at you, now…)
Happy Anniversary, you wonderful ol’ blog and loan!
Are those like those Snuggies? Or the Slankets? (Of course, in red light districts they are known as Skankets. But I bet the Pastor uses Swankets)
I can’t believe it’s been 6 years. It’s been a hilarious, wonderful time and we’ve come to know lots of awesome people thanks to this blog (Chris Vosburg, I’m looking at you, now…)
Happy Anniversary, you wonderful ol’ blog and loan!
It doesn’t seem like six years — but then again, I’ve been known to lose track of time due to a controversial LSD experiment conducted at my Catholic school alma mater, Our Lady in Great Agony, from 1968 to 1972.
Oh, well — congrats to you, s.z., Mary and all the other special guest stars and your all-too-rare talent of making iced tea come out of my nose.
Oh, well — congrats to you, s.z., Mary and all the other special guest stars and your all-too-rare talent of making iced tea come out of my nose.
Happy 6th guys, and many returns on the day. May the wind be always at your back, and your road paved with wingnuts.
Nice to see the Good Pastor sittin’ up and taking nourishment, too, since unless he’s over 65 the source of his health insurance is a Divine mystery.
Nice, too, to see the return of the ol’ “The Founders were Christian, The Founders were x, y, z” routines. Ya gotta love the Classics. Not that they ever went away, exactly, but the juxtaposition of solemn invocation of our Forebears by the denizens of the very sort of ill-informed, weed-sucking, corn-distilling mobs, the abhorrence of which was the single source of their total political agreement, reminds us that, when all seems bleak, you can always laugh at the parade of dipshits going on somewhere.
Nice to see the Good Pastor sittin’ up and taking nourishment, too, since unless he’s over 65 the source of his health insurance is a Divine mystery.
Nice, too, to see the return of the ol’ “The Founders were Christian, The Founders were x, y, z” routines. Ya gotta love the Classics. Not that they ever went away, exactly, but the juxtaposition of solemn invocation of our Forebears by the denizens of the very sort of ill-informed, weed-sucking, corn-distilling mobs, the abhorrence of which was the single source of their total political agreement, reminds us that, when all seems bleak, you can always laugh at the parade of dipshits going on somewhere.
Happy anniversary! This is my first, and possibly most frequent, stop during the day.
As to Vox Day, wow, I thought gay guys had better gaydar than that.
As to Vox Day, wow, I thought gay guys had better gaydar than that.
OBAMA MOB HYSTERIACS PUSHED BACK BY BRAIN ALIVE CITIZENRYOur pig-ignorant hordes RULE! Take your elite “facts” bullshit and shove it up your ass! We have our own facts, bitch, and they totally kick the ass of yours! We even made them up ourselves!
Bitch.
Congratulations on the sixth. Pretty damn good in the blogosphere, I think Skippy the Bush Kangaroo coined that word.
Reading the pastor’s wording, I have some real doubts about whether or not he has even read the new testament. I don’t really think that the imaginary being AKA Christ would really have approved the murder and theft of land from the owners.
Of course, the pastor is tapped into the main line and doesn’t need to know any history.
Such as the fact that the Pilgrims were undoubtedly the most bigoted group to have to leave Holland for america, Holland tolerated the largest number of religions outside of India at the time.
Let’s just ignore their hanging of Quakers and Baptists. Never mind the sacrificial burning of witches.
Also, they signed the Mayflower Compact. Half died in the first winter, but none of Compact’s signers or any of their families died. Funny, huh?
Pocahontas and Squanto were and probably always will be the all time champs for being traitors.
Reading the pastor’s wording, I have some real doubts about whether or not he has even read the new testament. I don’t really think that the imaginary being AKA Christ would really have approved the murder and theft of land from the owners.
Of course, the pastor is tapped into the main line and doesn’t need to know any history.
Such as the fact that the Pilgrims were undoubtedly the most bigoted group to have to leave Holland for america, Holland tolerated the largest number of religions outside of India at the time.
Let’s just ignore their hanging of Quakers and Baptists. Never mind the sacrificial burning of witches.
Also, they signed the Mayflower Compact. Half died in the first winter, but none of Compact’s signers or any of their families died. Funny, huh?
Pocahontas and Squanto were and probably always will be the all time champs for being traitors.
did the wondrous s.z. drown in a vat of brain bleach or will she escape much like the Bat-Man? inquiring minds want to know. and congrats on the 6th anniversary
All this talk of God inserting his powerplay and divine thrusting leads me to think that the good Pastor and his missus (or perhaps one of the Swankettes) enjoyed their bi-annual special last night.
Pastor poses:This is the only nation ever created by biblical believers seeking a land where they could worship Christ and live by the Bible.
…and burn witches in peace.
Seriously, all of our nation’s greatest statesmen, going back to revolutionary times, have been Deists, so I’m assuming he’s referring to the pilgrim posse here.
Happy anniversary, Scott, and especially of course to proprietess emeritus s.z.
…and burn witches in peace.
Seriously, all of our nation’s greatest statesmen, going back to revolutionary times, have been Deists, so I’m assuming he’s referring to the pilgrim posse here.
Happy anniversary, Scott, and especially of course to proprietess emeritus s.z.
God inserting His powerplay into societal happenings
Yeah, laughing, what Niemand said:
[wackawackawacka]HOT POWERPLAY-ON-HAPPENINGACTION!
Woo woo!
Yeah, laughing, what Niemand said:
[wackawackawacka]HOT POWERPLAY-ON-HAPPENINGACTION!
Woo woo!
[blushing] Back atcha, Mary.
According to critics, Obama’s plan would lead to rude, unprofessional doctors, periods where certain people couldn’t get health care without a ton of money to throw around, and a layer of penny pinching bureaucrats who only care about the bottom line deciding which treatments you get.
In other words, it’d have exactly the same drawbacks as the current system, but it would cost less and be available to more people. How the fuck is that an argument against it?
I never thought I would see Pastor Swank use the word “whack”.
Anyway, happy anniversary! You guys run one of the best, if not the best, political blog out there. Certainly the funniest. Shine on, you crazy diamonds!
In other words, it’d have exactly the same drawbacks as the current system, but it would cost less and be available to more people. How the fuck is that an argument against it?
I never thought I would see Pastor Swank use the word “whack”.
Anyway, happy anniversary! You guys run one of the best, if not the best, political blog out there. Certainly the funniest. Shine on, you crazy diamonds!
Words (usually) fail me but the sentiment runs true. I check WoCrap daily and pass on various columns to friends on a regular basis…..some are just too damn funny or pertinent not to share!
Happy anniversary!
Happy anniversary!
I guess I’m late to the party (fashionably late?) but Happy Anniversary to you, Mary and the long-missed, but never forgotten s.z.!
Oh, and the link to Vox Day contains a link to the old Salon incarnation, which I couldn’t resist browsing through the archives of (hense my tardy comment). There are a lot of commenters we don’t hear much from anymore. (Some of course, are no longer with us. I miss Marq.)
Oh, and the link to Vox Day contains a link to the old Salon incarnation, which I couldn’t resist browsing through the archives of (hense my tardy comment). There are a lot of commenters we don’t hear much from anymore. (Some of course, are no longer with us. I miss Marq.)
Hey now, I have to call a flag on some of these comments. First of all, the pilgrims didn’t burn any witches. They hanged them. And pressed and drowned some accused witches. But no burning.
And Pocahontas had nothing to do with pilgrims. She was by Jamestown which was settled mostly by helpless rich kids who were such bad farmers that they may have had to resort to cannibalism during one of the winters when their crops failed.
And Pocahontas had nothing to do with pilgrims. She was by Jamestown which was settled mostly by helpless rich kids who were such bad farmers that they may have had to resort to cannibalism during one of the winters when their crops failed.
Congratulations on six yeas, may you have 6,000 more. Or 6 minutes more. Or whatever. I’m on god time, and it’s confusing.
Happy 6th! I may not speak up much, but I always lurk. This will always be my blog-home. Moar s.z. pleeze, assuming she is able!
I’m a relative newcomer, but now that I’ve found you I check in every day. Congrats on your sixth.
And even tho I know it would mean a continuing assault of windnut stoopid for inspiration, I wish you many more.
And even tho I know it would mean a continuing assault of windnut stoopid for inspiration, I wish you many more.
I believe the word is “wack,” as in wacky. The Keith Haring mural in Harlem reads, “Crack is wack.” And that’s in the ghetto, yo. The “whack” above must refer to The Simpsons’ episode, “Whacking Day,” in which Nixon fails to whack a snake and Barry White sings the snakes to safety.
Happy 6th Anniversary. It’s good to see that Pastor Swank went off his medication just so you could celebrate!
Pocahontas had nothing to do with pilgrims. She was by Jamestown which was settled mostly by helpless rich kids who were such bad farmers that they may have had to resort to cannibalism during one of the winters when their crops failed.
To be fair, I live in that area now, and the soil sucks harder than Swank’s prose is to parse.
To be fair, I live in that area now, and the soil sucks harder than Swank’s prose is to parse.
You guys have provided me some wonderful moments over the past 6 years. And when I miss s.z., I leaf through my dog-eared copy of BLTBM…
happy anniversary, youngsters [creaks]. Many more.
happy anniversary, youngsters. Many more.
I do miss “Subliminal Family Circus” from time to time.
They Saved Hitler’s Brain is a documentary?
Horrors! That means they’ll be able to eventually save W’s brain (assuming thenanofemtotechnology is sufficiently advanced by then).
Also, congrats on the anniversary!
Horrors! That means they’ll be able to eventually save W’s brain (assuming the
Also, congrats on the anniversary!
arghous, if they DO save his brain, eventually the walnut shell that’s holding it will roll under desk and slip through the radiator grate. So don’t worry.
Oh, Bill, but I do worry! What happens if the rats then get ahold of it?
Naw, maybe I shouldn’t worry after all. What’s the (different) Brain going to do with another Pinky?
Naw, maybe I shouldn’t worry after all. What’s the (different) Brain going to do with another Pinky?
Wow 6 years. That’s two months longer than my marriage to date. At least one seems like a solid institution.
What? I kid.
But this: I never thought I would see Pastor Swank use the word “whack”.
I don’t agree with. I could consider him using it, I just thought it would end with “a jew”.
What? I kid.
But this: I never thought I would see Pastor Swank use the word “whack”.
I don’t agree with. I could consider him using it, I just thought it would end with “a jew”.
Big props;
extra big props for B. Traven reference.
extra big props for B. Traven reference.
Happy Sixth, and many more. I stumbled upon this blog a little over three years ago, searching for MST3K stuff, and have been delighted to visit almost daily ever since. Thanks for the laffs!
I’ve been remiss in visiting lately, & now I’m late, I’m late to the birthday.
So let the party continue, & many happy returns!
So let the party continue, & many happy returns!
happy 6th!
I use my Wo’C coffee mug every day and Better Living through Bad Movies is on my bedside table. Love you guys.
I use my Wo’C coffee mug every day and Better Living through Bad Movies is on my bedside table. Love you guys.
Canadians are notoriously rude…
(heh, heh, heh … eh?)
HappAnn.
(heh, heh, heh … eh?)
HappAnn.
Happy Anniversary, and kudos to the absent but dearly loved s.z., saver of kittehtude.
Such as the fact that the Pilgrims were undoubtedly the most bigoted group to have to leave Holland for america, Holland tolerated the largest number of religions outside of India at the time.
You’ve left the impression, I think, that the Pilgrims were of Dutch origin.
Apart from a deeply abiding aquaphobia, which I think is understandable, the Lowlands doesn’t, uh, do this kind of crazy.
The religious separatists you speak of fled England and found that Holland was not far enough away, and pressed on for the new world in a boat called Mayflower.
They were from England. Take a look at my last name, buddy. Yeah, I’m Dutch. What, are you trying to piss me off?
You’ve left the impression, I think, that the Pilgrims were of Dutch origin.
Apart from a deeply abiding aquaphobia, which I think is understandable, the Lowlands doesn’t, uh, do this kind of crazy.
The religious separatists you speak of fled England and found that Holland was not far enough away, and pressed on for the new world in a boat called Mayflower.
They were from England. Take a look at my last name, buddy. Yeah, I’m Dutch. What, are you trying to piss me off?
Naw, maybe I shouldn’t worry after all. What’s the (different) Brain going to do with another Pinky?
Same thing we do every night Pinky– TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
Same thing we do every night Pinky– TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
“This is the only nation ever created by biblical believers seeking a land where they could worship Christ and live by the Bible.”
But, but the founders of this Biblical nation were all……. illegal immigrants!
But, but the founders of this Biblical nation were all……. illegal immigrants!
Congrats!
Funny to see the design stay with the individual days, so inefficient! (Guess no css?) I noticed that sz played around with a different design for about a week, before going back to the original one and just leaving it.
I was reading the right sources, in a general way, to know about the to-do around sz. But that was early in my own online life and I found and joined the blog (under another name, natch) without realizing the connection. It was a couple years before I realized…
Its a great place, even if sz only stops by occasionally…
Funny to see the design stay with the individual days, so inefficient! (Guess no css?) I noticed that sz played around with a different design for about a week, before going back to the original one and just leaving it.
I was reading the right sources, in a general way, to know about the to-do around sz. But that was early in my own online life and I found and joined the blog (under another name, natch) without realizing the connection. It was a couple years before I realized…
Its a great place, even if sz only stops by occasionally…
Oh, wow, six years ! Practically an institution !The Book stands on my bedstand, awaiting a Son Of sequel.I miss s.z. too but you and maryc do a fabulous job, scott.
I love this blog and all the regular commenters too (I’m in a good mood today – must be the snow).
Suez in SA
I love this blog and all the regular commenters too (I’m in a good mood today – must be the snow).
Suez in SA
“His Halifax Nova Scotia doc was brusque, mean-hearted and just plain crude in his response to my relative’s plea.”
That would be Dr Hfuhruhurr, and his brusqueness was because he was impatient to find a body for his brain alive.
That would be Dr Hfuhruhurr, and his brusqueness was because he was impatient to find a body for his brain alive.
Left by 77south, you are right they hanged and pressed witches to death. That is what comes of listening to The Queens of the Stoneage.
Pocahontas saved Captain Smith’s life. It they had killed that SOB, maybe the natives would have lived a better life. Sorry I wasn’t clear about where Pocahontas turned traitor, but she did and so did Squanto. Worst traitors in the history of the americas.
Pocahontas saved Captain Smith’s life. It they had killed that SOB, maybe the natives would have lived a better life. Sorry I wasn’t clear about where Pocahontas turned traitor, but she did and so did Squanto. Worst traitors in the history of the americas.
evil: I think that it’s pretty much unarguable that Europeans would have eventually colonized the Americas. It was just too attractive to be left alone for long.
That said, it seems to me that the later the colonies were established the worse off the indigenous people would have been. To the extent Native Americans held out, it was because prolonged contact with Europeans in uneasy peace and border skirmishes helped them prepare (and gain guns and horses). I suspect that American colonists contemporary with, say, the Industrial Revolution would have been able to kill far more of the indigenous people (and would have probably had more virulent diseases at that).
That said, it seems to me that the later the colonies were established the worse off the indigenous people would have been. To the extent Native Americans held out, it was because prolonged contact with Europeans in uneasy peace and border skirmishes helped them prepare (and gain guns and horses). I suspect that American colonists contemporary with, say, the Industrial Revolution would have been able to kill far more of the indigenous people (and would have probably had more virulent diseases at that).
Sorry I wasn’t clear about where Pocahontas turned traitor, but she did and so did Squanto. Worst traitors in the history of the americas.
Pressed for a birth certificate and unable to produce one, Pocahontas was swiftly deported to, uh, India, or somewhere, I dunno.
Pressed for a birth certificate and unable to produce one, Pocahontas was swiftly deported to, uh, India, or somewhere, I dunno.
Sorry that I missed the celebration, kids. Dunno what I’d have ever done without World O’Crap, S.Z., Scott, Mary, the regs and the newbies. Y’all are the family that I wish I’d had.
Keep up the brilliant work and try to reduce the neocon-psychocunt orgasm imagery, huh? My eyeballs keep trying to escape from my skull, especially since my fingernails keep finding themselves attempting to PLUCK THEM OUT.
Keep up the brilliant work and try to reduce the neocon-psychocunt orgasm imagery, huh? My eyeballs keep trying to escape from my skull, especially since my fingernails keep finding themselves attempting to PLUCK THEM OUT.
[...] But it’s not just what he says. Hell, you can find sentiments equally as goofy in practically any Townhall or Renew America column, or for that matter, any night of the week on Fox News. No, it’s how he says what he says that make his columns so gosh darn fun; you simply must read them for yourself. He has a unique talent for verbal jabberwocky, for turns of phrase that bear only a passing relation to properly constructed English, and yet still manage to successfully convey utter, undiluted craziness. [...]
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