January 21, 2005 by s.z.

Interesting, If True From a Wall Street Journal piece about blogging ethics: Mr. Reynolds says he wouldn't knowingly publish or link to something false -- but as one guy at a computer, there's only so much fact-checking he can do. And when those stories about environmental activists burning down housing developments, and those conspiracy theories about Saddam being involved in the planning for 9/11 strut by in their low-cut blouses and their miniskirts, hey, he's only one guy at a computer, so HE can't be blamed if they make him link to them. 11:21:07 PM

More From Coach Joe White Okay, while I was scouring the Focus on the Family site for info, I found some more avuncular sex tips excerpted from Pure Excitement, "Clete's" favorite book. So, here's Coach Joe White to tell you "How Far is Too Far?"  Hint: anywhere you go before marriage is too far. How Far is Too Far?by Joe White Michelle was sweet 16 and never been kissed, although her attractive features left the boys who wanted to change that standing in a long line. She came to me one day quite bewildered because, she said, she had no hormones, could never like a guy, would never want to kiss anyone, and sex would never be an issue with her. I assured her that she was perfectly normal in every way, but that some day, the right guy would come along, and she would have a passion only God could control. We won't ask what kind of physical exam Joe gave sweet Michelle before assuring her that she was perfectly normal.  But I do have wonder about Joe's statement that when the "right" guy comes along, only God will be able to control Michelle's passion -- because doesn't that mean that if Michelle does give in to her throbbing urges, that it's God who is the tramp? With few exceptions, all of us have a "pilot light,"—a constant, small flame of passion for the opposite sex. My wife, Debbie-Jo, recently remodeled her kitchen, complete with a propane-gas-powered fireplace at one end. After my great personal doubt in the planning stage, I must admit that the gas fireplace looks almost as authentic as the real thing. It's ignited by the simple flip of a switch, which sends propane gas across a pilot light that burns 24 hours a day. With few exceptions, all of us have a "pilot light," too—a constant, small flame of passion for the opposite sex. Those who have a flame of passion for the same sex are like some other kitchen appliance -- maybe the toaster or the blender.  In any case, they aren't supposed to have that flame, which is why Joe won't even talk about them. When one burner is lit by a kiss, it's usually not long before the other burners are lit in rapid succession. Every honest person, age 16 or 60, who has engaged in heavy kissing or petting will tell you that one burner lights the next; that heavy kissing automatically leads to desires for petting; and that if left unchecked, those desires soon become reality. But don't ask anyone under 16 or over 60 -- because the young ones should be, like sweet Michelle, totally without sexual feelings, and the old ones won't know what you're talking about, because they didn't have sex in the olden days. It's good to know that God's purpose for petting is to lead a married couple into a natural, loving, gentle encounter that takes about 75 years to get over. I guess Joe is talking about a couple who practices tantric sex. God made petting for sex, sex for marriage, and marriage for life. The liberal philosophy of our day is, "If it feels good, do it." The problem is, breaking up doesn't feel good when petting has been a part of the program. Unwanted pregnancy doesn't feel good. Bad memories don't feel good. Guilt doesn't feel good. When a man who has had sex with numerous girls gets married and he loses his attraction for his wife (it happens every day), it doesn't feel good. So, when men who have had sex with numerous partners get married, they lose attraction for their wives?  And this happens every day?  Um, can I see the studies? The minute lustful desires hit and you want to go further, it becomes sin. Love waits. Lust wants. Without a doubt, a great kiss with someone you're crazy about feels good. It's supposed to! Petting feels good. But feelings don't make something right! God made feelings. Once again, it seems that all this fornication Joe is warning us about is God's fault. He knows your feelings last forever, and He wants your emotions and your passion for sex to feel good for life, not to be ruined at a high-school prom. Next time you go for a drive (if your car doesn't have manual shift), notice how the automatic transmission shifts from one gear to the next. Step on the gas and it sails smoothly from low gear to second, from second to drive, and from drive to overdrive in a matter of seconds. That's what petting does with sex. It's an automatic transmission to intercourse. Affectionate petting is the difference between true sexual intimacy and rape. Is Joe speaking figuratively or legally here?  In a similar way, the question of right or wrong in terms of masturbation can be understood with wisdom and discernment. Masturbation is a personal sexual release that almost all guys and some girls experiment with during their growing-up days. It can be a release for a boy when his hormones get "too hot to handle." It's like the pop-off valve on the water heater. When a water heater malfunctions, instead of exploding, a valve at the top opens and releases pressure from the tank to keep it from blowing up. It's definitely a mess and a last-resort measure–not the way it was intended to function, but better than a major explosion. Masturbation: messy, a last-resort, and not what God made those parts for, but better than having your head explode. The issue of right and wrong with masturbation is the issue of lust. The sin is what goes on in the mind. The hand and the wang are blameless. A sincere boy came to me for counsel one summer day at our sports camp. Masturbation had become a problem. But the thing that bothered him the most was that every time he looked at a girl, his mind took her clothes off. It was killing him inside! "What do I do?" he pleaded. Coincidentally, my straightforward 12-year-old daughter came walking by. I asked her to sit down and, leaving out the details, asked her to advise him. She simply looked him in the eyes and said, "Mike, tell me, what kind of movies do you watch?" Okay, I found it creepy when Joe was telling the young Coors heir and his fiancee what to expect on their wedding night.  But having his 12-year-old daughter advise one of the male campers about his masturbation problem just seems sick! He knew what his problem was immediately. Satan had won his mind, and the only thing the boy knew to do was to masturbate and mentally rape girls. "Mentally undress," "mentally rape" -- it's all the same thing, since there wasn't any affectionate petting first. With prayer and some serious changes in his Friday and Saturday night entertainment, Mike won his mind back and now enjoys freedom from lust most of the time. Well, "enjoys" is possibly not the right term for it, but at least the other campers can get in the restroom now. Petting leads to intercourse, plain and simple. When you're married, over the years of discovery together. You'll learn the process and become an expert with the one you'll love for a lifetime. But until your hearts are bonded and the ring is securely placed on your left hand, don't play with fire or the forest will soon be ablaze, and your own home will be caught in the flames. Don't you think this is what God's Word, spoken through the apostle Paul, means when it says, "It is good for a man not to touch a woman" ( I Corinthians 7: l)? No, I think he was talking about making oneself a eunuch for the kingdom of heaven’s sake.  But there are other ways one could interpret this passage . . . A sincere Texas teenager sought advice from me one November evening as she worried her way through her first physical relationship. She had determined that "making love" (an oxymoron in itself) was too far, but she was trying to determine just how much petting was appropriate to spice up this relationship and please her boyfriend enough to keep him around. I realize that advice is about as cheap as the price you pay for it and is usually remembered about as long as it takes to give it, so I just asked her a question (and I ask the same question to you).  "Janice," I said, "tell me, how fantastic do you want your honeymoon to be?"  She quickly replied, "Nothing but the best." I followed with the obvious question, "How much of yourself do you want to present to your bridegroom as a wedding gift that night?" Again her reply was certain. "All of me. I want the gift to be perfect." "Well," I concluded, "how much of your husband's wedding gift are you going to give away to the guy you're dating now?" She quickly made up her mind that for her, the answer was "Zero." And then she never interacted with any other person ever again, so that she would be "all there" to give to her husband.  No word from Joe on how her honeymoon went, though. Each year you wait and each phase of intimacy that you save for your spouse is a bank account of pleasure that will pay dividends "till death do you part." And that's why you should consider an old maid bride, because think of all that pleasure she has just waiting there in that account! However, if you never marry, that bank account of pleasure can be willed to your heirs, who will be really grateful for this windfall -- I'm pretty sure that's how it works.  (Notice: these accounts not insured by the FDIC)  7:57:56 AM

Announcement I have been invited to join the prestigious American Street, and will be contributing posts there on Fridays until they wise up and kick me out. So, I invite you all to go over there and read my first post, which is about the Focus on the Family's  "Dear Susie" for the college-aged, Professor Theophilus.  That post took me forever, since I not only had to read everything ever written to come up with suitably high-toned material to mock, but I also had to get used to a whole new blogging system (and it was only after I lost everything I'd worked on for hours that I saw the wisdom of saving my work at regular intervals).  But I did end up with a lot of leftover stuffl that I might as well post here, since here nobody can kick me out ... 7:47:10 AM

Who Said It? Yes, our last Mystery Guest was James Lileks.  Scarshapedstar was the first to name him.  And, just for fun, here's a bit of Today's Bleat: I listened to a few hours of talk radio, where caller after caller lined up to explain why America could not stand for freedom for all manner of reasons – slavery, oil, Halliburton, Freemasonry, no gay marriage, FCC regulations on nipple-flashing, and all our other numerous sins that stain this shameful endeavor. And again, I return to the Kirk Doctrine, expressed in the Star Trek episode “The Conscience of the King.” He has passed judgment on a suspected tyrant, and the dictator’s daughter asks “who are you to judge?” Who do I have to be? Kirk snaps. The answer, I guess, is “Canada.” Apparently the Kirk Doctrine is "Let he who captains the biggest starship throw the first stone.  Anyway, if I recall the ep correctly, the climax is learning that it's the tyrant's daughter who was killing all the witnesses, not the tryant (who had moved on from tyrany, and was now making a comfortable living as a Shakesperian actor, much like Kevin Costner in The Postman).  So, the REAL lesson learned should be "Don't be so quick to judge."  Oh, and "Don't sleep with spooky chicks."  (And I think that in this ep, Canada was played by Mr. Spock.) Now who said this? The 1950s weren't paradise (segregation was a profound moral blot), but they weren't as morally corrupt as any of the decades since. The 1960s brought individuality for individuality's sake; the 1970s brought national malaise; the 1980s slowed the process of moral decay but didn't stop it; the 1990s were a pale imitation of the 1960s. There's nothing wrong with aspiring to the kind of cleanliness, neighborliness and communal moral unity that existed in the 1950s. Um, yeah.  The '60s were immoral because of all the individuality.  And then '70s were immoral because of Carter's malaise and all that energy conservation.  But then Reagan came along in the '80s and slowed down the moral decay (as portrayed in the documentary "Dynasty"), but he couldn't totally stop it because his successor, George Bush I, was a wimp.  And then Clinton sent everything spiraling back to the hellish immorality of '60s by getting an out-of-wedlock blowjob.  Thank heavens we now have Emperor George Bush to lead us back to the cleanliness, order, conformity, and moral unity of the '50s. Oh, and this pundit, who is too young to have any firsthand knowledge most of the decades he's writing about, probably got his knowledge of the moral superiority of 1950s from reading Ann Coulter's love letters to Joe McCarthy in Treason.  And come to think of it, this guy does seem to be modeling himself on Joe, since Joe did start his professional career as a lawyer.  Next, our young pundit will be running for a judgeship, and then getting himself elected to the Senate and compiling lists of card-carrying fornicators in the State Department.  But sadly, Ann will be long dead by then, and it will all be for naught.  3:25:09 AM