January 26, 2005 by s.z.

Give the RNC Some Dough Or the The Homeland Gets It! Ken "Bud" Melhman sends me an email: Dear Republican, [...] Please join the RNC today as a Sustaining Member by making a secure online contribution of $25, $50 or $75 to help make President Bush's second term in office a success. TOO late! The RNC is going to be critically important to the success of President Bush's second term.  The President has great goals for our country: a growing economy, strong homeland and national defense, tort and Social Security reform and affordable healthcare.  But we need your help to get the President's message past the liberal media filter and directly to the American people. "Nice goal to defend the country you got there.  Be a real shame if somebody were to break its kneecaps, or something.  So, donate just $25 (this time!) to the RNC, and we will protect your national security goals from the liberal media."  Democrats and their liberal special interest allies -- who will try to stonewall President Bush's agenda -- are hoping you will ignore my request and remain on the sidelines until the next election.  President Bush, Republican Congressional Leaders and our candidates are counting on you to step forward and answer my call today. "I was talking to Michael Moore, and he said he hoped that you ignored my request. because he WANTS your children to die from a lack of affordable healthcare (healthcare that only President Bush can give them).  Moore also said that he bet that you'd just sit on the sidelines, because you're a big chicken who is too SCARED to donate money to the RNC.  "But then President Bush said that he was really counting on you to save America by donating $100 to the cause, because he needs the cash to stop Barbara Streisand from selling our atomic secrets to Osama, and you're the only one who can defeat this evil bitch." We need you on the Republican team -- your continued support of our President during his second term is extremely important.  Because winning the presidency by a "vast majority," and having a "mandate" is rough -- it makes the Republicans the persecuted minority once again.  And being the President is hard work.  Danged hard work!  But a large donation which the RNC can use to buy third-rate pundits, defame future presidential candidate Hillary Clinton, and put a hit on Seymour Hersh, will make the job a little easier. Best Wishes, Ken Mehlman RNC Chairman 3:38:58 AM

Filling a Niche.  So To Speak. Reader Anne M. emailed us to say: Check it out: I came across this discussion of a special powder (AKA "corn starch") that is apparently the "solution to vaginal wetness."  And then Anne provided us with the URL to the site where one can purchase "AbsorbShun: Natural vaginal wetness solution.  Make the vagina tight" See, apparently when they get aroused, women produce lubrication, and this can ruin sex.  But if your vagina is dry, you can drive men crazy!  {"Do you want to drive men wild with a tighter vagina?")  Here, let's let Cynthia, whose product this is, tell us more about it: Hi Ladies, I had the same excess moisture problem you have. Then I discovered AbsorbShun natural powder. Now lovemaking is wonderful again! [...] Your man will say he feels bigger - you could feel that, too! You’re in control. You control the exact amount of lubrication you want and how tight you want to feel by how much and how often you use AbsorbShun. Personally, I find 2 – 3 applications during our lovemaking keeps us going strong. You may need less. AbsorbShun is my way to intimacy, fulfillment and great sex! Happy in Love, Cynthia Benefits of AbsorbShun: Absorbs excess vaginal moisture during lovemaking. Easy, simple, fast acting Makes men feel bigger Makes you feel tighter About 24 “special evenings” per bottle Apparently one keeps one's lovemaking going strong by powdering the man's penis 2-3 times during the session ("If you feel too wet, just dust your man’s penis with a little AbsorbShun [try about a half teaspoon] and continue making love").  And it should be the woman who does the dusting ("We recommend that you be in charge of deciding when and how much AbsorbShun to apply, since men tend to apply more than what women generally enjoy.")  Yeah, we suspect that men would want to feel "bigger" more than women would want to feel "tighter." Anyway, maybe you always thought that lubrication was good.  Well, that's not what car mechanic science says! Many people say it's impossible to have too much lubrication, is that true? Vaginal lubrication is like oil in a car engine. There is an upper and lower range that is required for maximum performance. So yes, it is possible to have too much or too little. And yes, like Anne said, apparently AborbShun is corn starch ("finely pulverized cells of an unmodified, naturally occurring maize plant.)  And that pulverized maize can cause irritation ("Use of AbsorbShun natural powder in any quantity may cause temporary tenderness and micro abrasions to the genital area.).  However, Cynthia advises that this can be treated with hoof cream ("what I personally use is a protein moisturizer [ie. Mane 'n Tail – Original Hoofmaker"]). But hey, even if you do get sore genitals, it's all worth it, because AborbShun "Makes men feel larger."  And here's the best thing of all: Our Charity Commitment AbsorbShun natural powder donates 10% of all profits to World Vision. World Vision is a Christian relief and development organization that provides emergency relief, education, health care and economic development to several third world nations. So, have some dry sex for Christian charity.  It's what James Dobson would advise, if you were sleeping with him! 2:40:06 AM

A Really Stupid Way to Waste $10 A post from Monday's "Corner": TAKE THE NRO SAWBUCK CHALLENGE [Jack Fowler] We want you to help NR put an entire high school on the right path, and it will only cost a sawbuck. That’s right: For $10 we’ll send a high school college-guidance office a copy of the special NR edition ofChoosing the Right College, America’s premier college guide. Bursting with analysis of 125 top U.S. colleges and universities, this massive book (nearly 1,000 pages!) tells which schools meet our high standards; advises prospective students about which courses and profs to take--and which to avoid!--at major state universities; gives the real skinny on Ivy League institutions, the “Seven Sisters,” and other elite schools; and so very much more.  No kid seriously considering higher ed should do such without this phenomenal book. Indeed, one copy of Choosing the Right College in one high school will help scores of kids make the right choice. Imagine copies of Choosing the Right College in 5,000 high schools! Talk about a revolution! Imagine millions of high school kids taking orders from National Review about which schools to attend, which classes to take, and which professors to avoid.  And imagine these students becoming NR's unholy, unthinking, zombie soldiers in a revolution to overthrown the United States and install William Buckley's brain as Supreme Overlord!  And that’s our goal: I knew it! to get this most important book into 5,000 high schools, influencing and helping hundreds of thousands of juniors and seniors find an excellent, traditional education. There’s nothing worse than seeing a bright kid come under the sway of ideological professors, with mom and dad dropping $150,000 so their upstanding teen becomes a liberal flying monkey after four years. If only they had had a book likeChoosing the Right College to help them avoid that dreadful outcome! Yes, it IS sad to see bright, upstanding  kids from wingnut familes going off to college, learning to think, and becoming liberals.  And worst of all, their parents pay good money to have their kids educated, and yet the kids aren't all becoming Young Republicans!  If only there was some way to keep these youngsters from being exposed to these pernicious, addictive liberal ideas.  Hey, I know -- brain implants that administer severe shocks to the kids' genitals if they have unapproved thoughts! We want to stop that from happening--and we need you to help. [...] Help change the world for the better by helping a kid make the right college decision. Choosing the Right College will help dozens of kids at a high school discover that there are indeed a number of solid conservative schools offering excellent educations (and it will warn them about the snares of liberal academics at other leading universities too!). In the end, we’ll all benefit. Especially National Review. Send your sawbucks to send Choosing the Right College. Do it here.  Posted at 08:57 AM Now, from today's corner: TRUE CONFESSIONS [Jack Fowler] I’m a wee bit underwhelmed by the response to the “Sawbucks Challenge.” People by the millions aren't giving National Review money for this project?  I am shocked, SHOCKED! I mean, conservatives constantly (and correctly) bellyache about good kids get force-fed liberalism on college campuses, and here’s a chance to give these kids a conservative alternative via Choosing the Right College, and … few seem to care. Posted at 10:24 AM That's because while they may talk about good kids being force-fed liberalism, all they really care about is those sex scenes in I Am Charlotte Simmons. But seriously, this really is a sad story: National Review has all these guides printed, and nobody wants to donate them to high school guidance counselors, who are no doubt pining for such tomes so they can help protect their students from new thoughts. And because nobody is paying to send the guides to our country's high schools and private Christian academies, thousands and maybe millions of bright young people from conservative families are going to turn into liberal flying monkeys (which is like seeing Bullwinkle J. Moose go to college and come back as Rocky T. Squirrel).  This reminds of me of that old ad: "A conservative mind is a terrible thing to waste.  Donate now to the 'Keep Our Kids Ignorant Foundation.'" Anyway, speaking of Charlotte Simmons, Vigen Guroian does just that several times in his article for Christianity Today entitled 'Dorm Brothel' ("The new debauchery, and the colleges that let it happen").  I would hope that that the NR guide tells which colleges these are, because that way some students might find it useful after all. Here's my favorite line from Vigen's piece: Still, in most American college coed dorms, the flesh of our daughters is being served up daily like snack jerky. As dermatologists warn, this is price you pay for spending too long in the tanning bed.  Okay, one more bit from Vigen: I remember once hearing that the British lost the empire when they started sending their children away to boarding schools. I do not know whether anyone has ever seriously proposed that thesis. I am prepared, however, to ask whether America might not be lost because the great middle class was persuaded that they must send their children to college with no questions asked, when in fact this was the near-equivalent of committing their sons and daughters to one of the circles of Dante's Inferno. Yes, Vigen is very prepared to ask this.  Don't think he isn't!  And if it turns out that America loses our empire due to coed dorms, Vigen will have the satisfaction of saying, "I was prepared to ask about that very thing!" Oh, and speaking some more about I Am Charlotte Simmons, guess who else is reading it for its sociological insights into how liberal colleges ruin good conservative kids? Yes, President Bush!  Per Newsweek Another popular misperception: that Bush doesn't read.  [...] And he's not just poring over white papers. Friends and aides speak of his passion for novels, including Mark Mills's "Amagansett" (a murder mystery set in postwar Long Island), and Tom Wolfe's racy college tale "I Am Charlotte Simmons." But of course the President is NOT reading it for those sex scenes and all the bad language.  Hey, maybe George will give National Review $10!  It could be part of the administration's ongoing plan to subsidize third-rate wingnuts.  P.S.  I just noticed that at the bottom of Vigen's article there is a link to "What to Say at a Naked Party."  Sadly, it's not as helpful as one might anticipate.  12:26:42 AM