The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, world-o-crap.com (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

January 24, 2005 by s.z.


World O'Crap Book Club Selections


First, something for the kids:
[Image: Dinosaurs of Eden: by Ken Ham]
Dinosaurs of Eden: A Biblical Journey Through Time --  by Ken Ham; illustrated by Earl and Bonnie Snellenberger
Dinosaurs of Eden follows two teenagers traveling through time discovering facts about dinosaurs in many eras. From their creation on Day 6, and in the Garden of Eden, many kinds of dinosaurs can be seen. Noah had to have taken them on the ark, Job describes them as fully alive later, and some may still be around today.
Um, right.  Yes, I'm sure that there are dinosaurs around today, because The Book of Dilbert also says that they didn't become extinct, and are just hiding -- and Dilbert is just as much an authority on this matter as Job. 

Anyway, I'm sure you won't be too surprised to learn that Ken Ham is also the author of Refuting Evolution.

And now, a couple of Amazon customer reviews of this book:
Extinctions and evolution, May 23, 2003
Reviewer: Jonatas
This book is very interesting when it comes to tell your children about God, creation and fall. My little daughter just loved it. I hope she will become a zealous creationist. Many people think that evolutionism is perfectly compatible with Bible teachings. The fact is that there are very good theological and scientific reasons that prove, beyond reasonable doubt, that evolution never happened and the whole concept in itself is incompatible with Bible teachings on topics such as creation, fall, curse, flood, Babel, dispersion, [etc.]
Hey, if there are theological reasons that prove that evolution never happened, then science should just bit the bullet and admit that it's wrong.

children's book every parent should buy!, July 26, 2004         Reviewer: Daniel
This cute book with biblical themes and helpful illustrations is a must have for all parents looking to mold their children's little minds with dirty lies
So, give gift copies to all the kids whose minds you want to warp.

Speaking of children warped by religious nuts, let's check in on Ryan Dobson.  First, let's take a quick peek at an excerpt from his book for young people, Be IntolerantBecause That's What Jesus Would Do Because Some Things are Just Stupid
"Hello, My Name Is Ryan, and I'm a Speed Freak"

Now before you start hanging with me in this book, you'd better know a few things.
That's okay, Ryan.  We understand perfectly.  If James Dobson were our father, no doubt we'd be using crank too.
The first thing you should know is that I like speed. Whether I'm on my surfboard in the head-high California surf or dropping in with my skateboard on a twelve-foot vert ramp, I can't get enough of the stuff. My friends tell me I get this crazed look in my eye when I'm surfing.
Yeah, drugs will do that.
I don't know about that (well, yes I do-they've shown me pictures), but I do know that when I'm flying down a glassy face, hanging on for dear life, I just can't stop laughing. I laugh like a maniac all the way in. Then I paddle back out to the lineup as fast as I can.
The second thing you're going to notice about me is that I'm totally intolerant. Totally, radically intolerant. Some people call me a narrow-minded, Bible-thumping, backward-thinking, fundamentalist white male bigot. In fact, it happens every day.
Well, he makes ME want to take spiritual advice from him.  How about you?
People say I'm intolerant because I speak up when I see something that's just plain wrong. If I find out that a couple of my unmarried friends are having sex, for example, I tell them that what they're doing is wrong.
And then they say, "Gee, thanks, Ryan!  Now that we know that you think we are sinners who will burn in hell, we'll stop it immediately."
I also make a habit of standing up and saying that some things are right, like loving Jesus Christ with everything in you. People don't like it when I do that, either. I had my tires slashed at least ten times in college. The lifetime guarantee on the tires has paid for itself many times over.
Do those tire warranties actually cover getting your tires repeatedly slashed because you're an asshole?  I think somebody should ask Firestone if this is fraud or something.
Yeah, I speak my mind about what's right and wrong, but I don't do it to be a jerk.
That's just a happy side effect.

Anyway, that's probably enough from Be Intolerant for today.

Well, okay, one more passage:

Chapter 1 - An Epidemic of Tolerance
"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

President Bill Clinton struck a serious pose, pounded the podium, and delivered this declaration with the air of a powerful man who is being detained from serving the American people to deal with trivial details.

The trouble was, he was lying.
Because he DIDN'T have more important things to deal with.  Giving the American people a detailed accounting of his sex life was the most important thing a president could do.  What a big liar, to claim via his air that there were other things he should be doing!
Our former president is a great example of how moral relativism works in our country: If you have politically correct opinions, you can get away with just about anything.
And if you're an intolerant jerk, people slash your tires.  So, kids, which approach does Ryan make sound more appealing?
Anyway, let's visit Ryan's site (http://www.ryandobson.com) and learn a little more about him. 
To start with, here's a photo which proves that he is really cool and tough and hip, just like he said in his book (and not at all a fan of SpongeBob, despite what you might have thought):

 
Now, here are his latest journal entries:
1/11/2005 I got ENGAGED!! God is GOOD!
1/20/3005   How quickly life changes…
I was looking at the magazine stack on my coffee table and noticed a sign of the changes taking place in my life. Along side of my Surfers Journal, Concussion, and Rolling Stone was……… “Modern Bride” Yes, you read that correctly. I guess Laura (my fiancé) left it here tonight. As funny as it looks on my spider web coffee table it’s awesome to have someone like her in my life. We spent last weekend up in Santa Rosa meeting friends (her's) and telling the story over and over again about how we really did get engaged after meeting 3 weeks prior (my story).
So, Ryan is engaged!  To a woman!  Yes, Ryan is cool, and hip, and as heterosexual as all get out, despite what YOU thought.
Kids, profit from his example: you too should get engaged 3 weeks after you first meet someone, and then immediately start planning the wedding.  Because that way, you won't have time to sin (such as by engaging in petting, or by communicating with each other in words) before being bound together for the rest of your lives.
Anyway, it's a good thing that Focus on the Family offers all that Christian marriage counseling, because if Ryan and Laura ever make it to the altar, I think they are going to need it.
 
 
One last book, this one for the ladies:
 
The Fruit of Her HandsA Woman’s Orientation to Marriage -- by Nancy Wilson
 Here's part of the excerpt:
Gullible Women

American women today are indeed gullible. They have been captivated by the lies promulgated by the modern world and have succumbed in many ways to the humanistic mindset. [..]
The modern woman has been deceived, like Eve, and led away by her own lusts from her God-given domain and her God ordained responsibilities. Loaded down with sin—discontent, envy—she is promised freedom and happiness if she will just forsake her domain—the home—and neglect her responsibilities—husband and children.

What are some of the lies she has been told? Fruitfulness is bad; children wreck the budget and the figure.
When in truth, kids help the figure, and aid the budget!  (Try bench pressing two-year-old twins, and watch your pectoral muscles improve!   Put the young ones to work doing piece work for a textile plant, or hire them out as field hands, and see how the cash comes rolling in!)
Marriage is a partnership; submission is for imbeciles.
Wow, I can't believe that gullible women are falling for that one!
But let's skip ahead to where Nancy tells us more about submission, and how we women should regard our husbands (hint:as our heads):
First you must view your husband as your head. His authority as your head is established in God’s Word. ‘Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything" (Eph. 5:22—24).

I would like to emphasize the following two words in the above passage: own and everything. You are to view your own husband as your head. Men are not the heads of women, but husbands are the heads of their own wives. A woman is not to submit to other men, but to her own head. A woman must not view other men as her head, but only her own husband.
Because it makes a guy feel bad if his own personal wife is being headed by other men. 
This is important. My husband is my head. I must go to my own head, submit to my own head in all things. I must not run to someone else’s head for counsel and help before I first go to my own!
Once when my husband and I were speaking with a couple, the woman asked my husband a question that seemed innocent enough. But I could tell by the man’s expression that she had already asked him, and he had already answered her. She must have been unsatisfied with his answer or she would not have been asking for another opinion. What if my husband had given an answer contrary to the one given by her head? That would have put her in a position of wanting to submit to my head and not her own. I pointed out to her that she had dishonored her head by asking my husband what she had already asked her own. Instead, she should have asked her husband if it would be all right to get another opinion on the issue. Then she would not have been setting up a potential problem of pitting her husband against mine, and apparently agreeing more with my husband.
So if your husband tells you that, say, the world is flat, but you want to hear another opinion on the matter, possibly from somebody who made it past the sixth grade, you'd better make sure your head's permission first, because otherwise you're going against God's word (which can be summed up as "Head knows best").

In any case, all you other women better not talk to Nancy's husband, or she'll knock your block off, you hussy!
A head is given to a woman for protection, safety, and shelter. We must not run from the safety of our own head to what looks like better shelter to us. This is a dangerous temptation and women succumb to it in many different ways. Sometimes they fall by reading Christian books or listening to Christian teachers. "But surely that cannot be wrong," you say. Yes, it is, if they begin to look to someone else as their head. Women are readily deceived. What a great protection it is to have a head to submit to, rather than being swayed by our own emotions, whims, and fears.
Your husband know what's best in all areas, and there is no need for you to read books, or listen to other people.  Keep in mind that we women are gullible fools who are slaves to our emotions, and as such, we might get swayed by all kinds of nonsense if we didn't have a man to think for us and tell us what's what.  Imagine, we might even start to believe that women are allowed to vote, and that our ballots are counted just like those of men!   

And we might get crazy ideas from those so-called Christian teachers, and begin to suspect that the saying "women should be kept barefoot and pregnant" really isn't in the Bible -- that is, if our "head" wasn't around to smack some sense into us.
A woman must cultivate a very high view of her head, both the position God has given him over her, as well as the authority God has given him. When women adopt this high view, submission is seen in an entirely different light. Submitting to someone whom God has placed over you with loving authority is a relief, not a burden.
Not thinking for one's self is such a relief!
We are to be obedient to our own husbands as it says in Titus 2:5. This means in all things. Yes, regarding the household, the finances, the children’s discipline, education, and training, and so forth. What does your head think about these things? How does he want you to handle situations that arise? Does he want you to ask your parents, in-laws, friends, or church elders before you ask him?
Or does he want you to just do the dishes without asking him how much soap to use, and buy the groceries without asking him what brand of macaroni is best?  Well, you'd better ask him these kinds of things, just to make sure.
We need to cultivate a high view of our husbands and a high view of their God-given jobs. Begin to view your husband as an apple tree in the forest.
And go ahead and chop him down and burn him in the fireplace when you get tired of his sour apples.

5:07:21 A

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