The World O' Crap Archive

Welcome to the Collected World O' Crap, a comprehensive library of posts from the original Salon Blog, and our successor site, (2006 to 2010).

Current posts can be found here.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

November 7, 2004 by s.z.

Christians Still Being Martyred

Geez, these people won the election and yet they are still the underdogs.

Here's the first part of an "Insider Report from" which I received today (I can't give you a link, since you have to sign up to get these reports so that they can get your email address and send you 4 or 5 pieces of spam every day):
'Liberal' Bigots Explode After Bush Win
Religious bigotry is alive and well in America. Sadly, much of it comes from so-called "liberal" folks who say they believe in diversity and tolerance. Catholic League president William Donohue says the following examples, taken from newspapers and Internet sites after Bush's victory, prove that the Democrats are guilty of bigotry: 
I personally believe that most of the examples show no bigotry towards religion (or towards anything else, except maybe Bush's exploitation of religion).  But I'm probably just a liberal bigot.  So, I read some recent newspaper and internet stories about Bush's win and religion, and chose some examples which demonstrate no anti-religion sentiment at all, to my way of thinking.  See if you can pick out my examples from the ones selected by Mr. Donohue.  And then vote for the ones you think actually show anti-religious bigotry.
1.  In the Wichita Eagle, Mitch Albom of the Detroit Free Press wonders if President Bush understands that "he was not chosen god, bishop, rabbi or high priest?"
2 .  Sheryl McCarthy of Newsday accuses Bush of "pandering to people's fears, petty interests and prejudices" against gays and others.
3.  Wil LaViest in the Hampton Roads Daily Press accuses Bush of cultivating "fear of terrorism - and the fear of gays and lesbians," and then asks Christians to consider,"Since when does the spirit of fear come from God?"
4.  An editorial in the LA Times condescendly claims, "Those voters who think liberals are godless monsters who care only about gay marriage and personal freedom are mostly decent, well-meaning people," and then asks "Can it really be impossible to persuade them that they don't want to live in a country where 50 million people have no health insurance?"
5.  Maureen Dowd, a New York Times columnist who hates Bush, says the president "ran a jihad in America so he can fight one in Iraq."

6.  Dowd's colleague Thomas Friedman intolerantly accuses Bush's base of wanting "to extend the boundaries of religion" and of promoting "intolerance."

7.  Howard Goodman, who writes for the liberal Florida Sun-Sentinel, snidely claims, "Note to the new Senate: Not all faiths forbid abortion. Not all ministers and rabbis shun gay people or see stem-cell research as sinful."
8.  Bush-basher Dana Milbank of the Washington Post writes that 26 million evangelicals turned out to vote, largely due to "local church-based networks coordinated closely with the Bush campaign."
9.  Sidney Blumenthal, writing in Salon, nervously claims that the new Senate majority is "more theocratic than Republican."
10.  Without providing one example, Margaret Carlson opines in the Los Angeles Times that Catholic bishops "demonized" Kerry's supporters by warning them that "they could go to hell just for voting for him." 
11.  Also writing in the LA Times, Michael Skube, a winner of the Pulitzer Prize for "criticism," hatefully compares the fight against gay marriage to that against segregation in the 1960s, and says that Southern support for segregation "could be heard from the pulpits on Sunday."
12.   Ex-seminarian Garry Wills writes in the New York Times, "Can a people that believes more fervently in the Virgin Birth than in evolution still be called an Enlightened nation?"  He ends by saying that "moral zealots" will scare moderate Republicans with their "jihads."
13.  On a "60 Minutes" interview, the Reverend Jerry Falwell said "I think Muhammad was a terrorist."
Okay, which of the above "examples" were copied directly from the NewsMax "Inside Reporter, and which did I come up with?  And which (in your opinion) show bigotry against religion? 

2:46:09 AM    

Cinema Sunday

 Today, another movie summary from the Subliminal Cinema chapter "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Scientist.  This one is basically an exposé of the fierce rivalries that exist in university science departments (and a cautionary tale about why you shouldn't tell made scientists that they're "mad") .  However, it's also a story about the slippery slope we could all slide down if same-sex marriage is legalized (you let two men get married, and the next thing you know, a guy will be getting too chummy with his giant killer ape).

Konga (1961)
Director: John Lemont
Written by: Herman Cohen, Aben Kandel

Our movie opens with an airplane crash in the jungle. We soon learn (thanks to the ever-helpful newspaper vendors) that a Famous Botanist was on board. A year later, a newsie informs us that the Famous Botanist has been found alive, and proves this by pointing to a paper with the headline "Famous Botanist Found Alive" (it was either a slow news day or botanists were the Jessica Simpson of the early ‘60s).

Soon Famous Botanist Charles Decker (Michael Gough), accompanied by a baby chimp that he fondles incessantly, returns home to Margaret (Margo Johns), his "housekeeper, secretary, assistant, and good friend." Margaret quickly picks up on the peculiar closeness between Decker and the chimp, and gets jealous. Decker tells her that little Konga is very important to his plans, and implies that in a showdown between Margaret and Konga, Margaret would be the one donated to the petting zoo. He also explains that while he was lost in Africa, he discovered "the link in evolution between animal and plant life," which turns out to be the Venus Flytrap. Soon Decker has a whole greenhouse full of giant Venus Flytraps, and is now ready for the next phase of his experiment--injecting his good buddy Konga with flytrap juice. The results are astounding, transforming Konga from a baby chimp into . . . an adult chimp!

Back at the university, Decker attempts to sexually harass a blonde and busty co-ed named Sandra, but he’s interrupted by a summons from the Dean, who objects to Decker’s wild evolutionary theories. Decker protests that they are perfectly good theories, and that "Ultimately, I will be able to change the shape of human beings!" (Just like Jenny Craig!) The Dean exclaims, "Charles, you’re mad!"

Decker goes home to whine to Margaret about the mean dean, then suddenly cries out, "Please leave; I want to be alone with Konga." Margaret looks troubled as she departs, possibly to seek expert advice. ("Dear Abby, my relationship is being threatened by a chimp . . .")

Alone at last, Decker shoots up Konga with more flytrap juice. The picture wavers, and Konga becomes...a man in a bad gorilla costume! Decker reminds Konga that "We know each other much better than the world suspects," (um, okay), and then has Konga seal their love by strangling the Dean.

Later, in an attempt to prove that she’s more fun than a whole barrel of mutated chimps, Margaret throws a party at Decker’s place. In attendance is Professor Tagore, who, in the strangest coincidence ever, is alsodoing research into Venus Flytrap juice. Decker realizes that Tagore will soon be able to produce his own killer chimp, so he pays a call on Tagore, taking Konga along for the ride. Each scientist tries to one-up the other with stories about how well their mutations are proceeding, until finally a pair of ape arms burst through the shelving behind Tagore and strangle him.

The next day Decker takes his botany class on a field trip. He loads the students into the ape-mobile, but tells Sandra he needs her to ride in the cab with him. Bob, Sandra’s boyfriend, asks if he can sit up front too, but is quickly put in his place, which is the back of the van with the other To Sir with Love cast members. Bob’s friends try to cheer him up by making ribald comments about what Sandra and Decker are probably doing.
A sudden downpour puts an end to the excursion, but Bob stays behind to confront Decker. He tells Decker to leave Sandra alone, "or else!" Decker takes this as a threat, and slaps Bob. Bob punches Decker and sneers, "You’ll probably have me expelled for this."

Uh, no, Bob, he’ll just have his gorilla strangle you.

While Decker is trying to read his morning paper, Margaret flounces around, perturbed about something (I know you men can relate to this). "What are you having with your poached egg?" she demands. "Murder?" Decker tries to play the old game of denying that he, personally, murdered Bob, and makes her define "murder" and "Bob," but you can tell his heart isn’t in it. Decker admits that he did have Bob whacked, but purely in the interest of science. And to allay suspicion, he has invited his murder victim’s girlfriend to dinner.

After dessert, Decker offers to show Sandra his greenhouse. Sandra is clearly in mourning, as evidenced by her short, extremely tight skirt and her clingy, low-cut orange sweater. Decker says he wants her to assist him with his "greatest discovery." Sweet, innocent, stupid Sandra says, "But you already have a very capable assistant!" Decker replies, "I require more that just a laboratory assistant. I need you! To be with me!"

Margaret, who has been eavesdropping from the bushes, is none too thrilled to hear this, and runs off.
Decker is pawing Sandra in earnest now, as she bleats something about feeling faint and wanting to leave. Decker says she can’t until she promises to "work" with him. She says no. He says she must, since he is her teacher and it’s part of his benefits package.

Margaret gives Konga a Sid Vicious-style overdose of flytrap juice, and suddenly Konga is 20 feet tall! He reaches down towards Margaret and picks up a red-headed doll (possibly Barbie’s friend, Midge).

Meanwhile, Sandra is still fighting for her honor. Konga watches all this and decides to make the point that NO MEANS NO, so he bursts through the glass, reaches an enormous paw down towards Decker, and picks up a Ken doll.

The people of London seem quite calm at the sight of a 50-foot ape strolling down the street, no doubt because making a fuss would be rude. Eventually Konga gets annoyed at their typical British understatement and swats at them, causing the bystanders to run and scream (but quite politely).

Konga reaches Big Ben, London’s answer to the Empire State Building, and stops. ("Hey, look--he’s stopped," the exposition extra exclaims.) Everybody stands and stares at Konga. Konga stares back. Everyone looks at their watches and waits for something to happen so the movie can end.

At last, we have some action--a few soldiers climb out of a truck. They fire rifles, machine guns, and mortars, but apparently not at Konga. By this time, however, Konga is fed up, so he throws Decker at them and falls down dead. Then, in an unexpected twist, Konga’s body suddenly becomes . . . a toy chimpanzee! In a tableau evoking the tragic final scene of Romeo and Juliet, the dead sock monkey lies beside the bloody corpse of Decker, making us realize how sad it is that the love of a man and his chimp has to end this way.

1:05:06 AM    

Who Said It?

Uglucks Flea (and several others ) nailed it -- yesterday's mystery guest was indeed Jerry Falwell.  And now it seems that some of his fellow evangelists are calling him to task for his words -- not that Jerry can get much more discredited than he already is.

Anyway, who said this?
"I love Karl [Rove]," she told a NEWSWEEK reporter. "He's fun to be with. He reminds me of Pig Pen [the "Peanuts" character who walks around in a cloud of dirt]. Like ideas come off of him, the dirt... you know how his hair kind of all stands up at the top."

12:29:32 AM

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