April 7, 2004 by s.z.

Ladies Townhall Yes, because I wasted so much time trying to fix the code problems caused by copying Amazon links, today we only have time for an abrieviated Townhall Review.  So, it's ladies day; just columns by ladies, or about ladies.  Well, we won't be including Linda Chavez, because her piece was boring.  Nor Michelle Malkin, because she's no lady.  But three Townhall pundits will be represented. Cal Thomas Reader "jdancingkid" raved that this one is "positively silly beyond belief," so I had to check it out.  And it is pretty silly, all right -- I don't know if I'd call it "silly beyond belief, " but then I've read so many Townhall columns that my silliness belief tolerance is really high.  Anyway, Cal tells us about an interview of Laura Bush he did for his Fox TV show.  He starts by saying that Laura is the President's "greatest asset" (even greater than Karen Hughes, so you know that Laura must be pretty great). And the reason that Laura is so great is that she can "keep her cool," even when Cal reads a bunch of unflattering things people have said about her husband.  "I think those are terrible quotes. I'm sorry you read them to me. . I think it just shows what a very, very brutal campaign season we're going to have. Because it sounds to me that people on the other side are saying whatever they want to say, whether there's truth to it or not. They're just saying the worst things they could possibly say about my husband. And, of course, none of those things are right. No one wants to hear things (like this) about the person they love. But I also think the American people don't really like it." Translation: "Cal, you're a jerk for telling me what people are saying about George.  I don't like hearing those kind of things, which is why I drink.  And I don't think the American people like hearing these things either, because it scares them to realize that their fate is in the hands of an incompetent boob -- and they can't afford to drink, because they're out of work."   Almost bristling (though she has just come from a workout and is so cool she isn't perspiring), she responds to the charge by former anti-terrorism aide Richard Clarke that President Bush did not make fighting terror a top priority before Sept. 11, 2001: "I know that my husband was absolutely serious about his responsibility to the United States. When he was sworn in with the Oath of Office, he swore to protect the people of the United States and the Constitution of the United States. I know he took that very, very seriously." Wow, Laura is so cool that not only doesn't she punch out obnoxious Fox News hosts, but she doesn't even perspire when she works out.  That must be some weird side effect from the prescription drugs. And while we don't want to harsh Laura's buzz, we do wonder why somebody very, very serious about an oath he took to protect the people of the United States wouldn't cut short a month-long vacation when he got urgent warnings from the CIA that a terrorist attack of some kind was imminent Laura Bush is the type of "kinder and gentler" person her father-in-law wished to see multiplied throughout the nation. She appeals to a sense of decency and fairness that has always been at the heart of America's sense of itself. The president would do well to get her out on the campaign trail and to give her a prominent speaking role at the Republican Convention this summer.  Cloned Lauras -- one way to realize George, Sr.'s vision of America. And while Laura may be a decent sort at heart, when she speaks, she creeps me out.  She just seemed like a Stepford First Lady.  So, by all means, give her a prominent speaking role at the Republican Convention.   Kathleen Parker Kathleen also talks about Laura -- and about Karen, Condi, and Barbara, the Four Valkyries of the Apocalypse cited in that NY Times article we mentioned a couple of days ago (the one with Mary Matalin enthusing about how George towel-snaps the women as vigorously as he does the men). All were characterized as "Valkyries," an interesting choice of iconography. Valkyries were Norse "corpse goddesses" originally represented by a carrion-eating raven. Sometime between the third and 11th centuries, they evolved into something less evocative of roadkill - depicted instead as beautiful women who welcomed the hero into the afterlife with a horn of mead.  They were also, as you might expect of Norse goddesses, blond, blue-eyed and fair-skinned. So, is George some kind of death god who surround himself with corpse fetchers, or does he think he's a dead Norseman?  No one can say.  But one thing is for sure: Kathleen is not going to finish her column without reminding us that Condi isn't blond. In the Bush mythology, Condi and others are tough and strong, but more important, devoted to their man. They all know that he's the boss. Well, yes, factually he is, but the unwritten subtext is that Mom, Laura, Karen and Condi are deferential by virtue of their fairer sex rather than by narrative, character, job description or familial affection. And that's a liberal lie, because the truth is that George has just towel-snapped them into submisson. Buried within that subtext are layers of subliminal messages, chiefly that these women, though smart, are of the old-fashioned variety. Mother Bush of the White Pearls and Laura the Librarian are cut from the same cloth, or the same cookie cutter, if you please. Even the tough-talking Hughes allegedly left the White House to spend more time with her family, though her current tour promoting a new book may belie the quality in her quantity time. MeOW, Kathleen -- it's like you're insinuating that Karen is a bad mother or something. But no, I don't think that anyone believes that Laura and Mother Bush are cut from the same cookies cutter: Laura's cookie cutter is the one that makes those bland, stiff gingerbread men, while Bar's is the Halloween witch. As for Condi, we hear, she's so devoted to the Bushes that she spends most weekends with them. A sort-of second wife, she's at the president's beck and call. Stage whisper: just like a woman should be.  Well. a woman engaged in a menage a trois with her boss and his heavily-medicated wife. Should the commission get rough with Rice, will Bush mount his steed and come to her rescue? Hell, no!  He'll ride away and never look back. More to the point, will women's groups clamor to her defense as they did for Anita Hill during the Clarence Thomas hearings? Ah, but Hill was on the "right" side of the gender divide, and Rice, though among the nation's most accomplished women, is merely on the right, which is wrong. Perhaps Rice is a Valkyrie after all, but a newer model: beautiful, brown-eyed and dark-skinned. A carrion-eating raven feasting on the roadkill formerly known as the 9-11 commission. Horns of mead at the ready.   Kathleen has quite a gruesome bent, doesn't she?  But I'm sure Condi will consider being called "a carrion-eating raven" a really swell compliment.  Maggie Gallagher Maggie writes that studies show that abstinence programs really work, except in, you know, keeping kids from having sex out of wedlock, or from contracting STDs.  But the girls who take abstinence pledges are more likely to marry!  Of course, the girls in the study are now aged 18-24, so the correct interpretation of the data is actually: Girls who take abstinence pledges are more likely to marry young, and thus, to get divorced later.  But hey, according to the Heritage Foundation, pledges reduce out-of-wedlock pregnancies, and that's all that matters. Given the high costs of unmarried childbearing to women, to children and to society, the effect of pledging and other abstinence interventions on out-of-wedlock childbearing deserves more attention from researchers. But instead, the original pledge researchers concluded on a remarkably negative note: "Just saying 'no' or just encouraging adolescents to say 'no,' while appearing to be effective in the short-term, does not reduce the risk of STD acquisition in the long-term. We need to recognize that there are effective interventions and that these interventions are based on real social science research and not ideology." However, Maggie says we don't have to recognize that, despite what researchers say, because it makes her feel good to tell teens not to have sex. Anyway, that's Townhall for today.  Side effects, while usually mild, can include nosebleeds, strokes, liver disease, 4-hour erections, and baldness. 10:14:27 AM

Teen Beat Bible My research into WND Books, the outfit that's publishing Ben's book, revealed that they are a division of Thomas Nelson, Inc. -- "Publisher of Christian books, videos, software, bibles, and Children's books."  And the coolest book they have coming out this spring is Refuel, NCV: Refuel, NCV: The Complete New Testament for Guys Full-Color Illustrated,  Trade Paper Part sports or entertainment magazine, part Bible—totally relevant! This BibleMag is a totally cool new way for teen guys to read the Bible. Formatted like a sports or entertainment magazine, this New Testament Bible comes to life with relevant application. Based on the success of Revolve, and in response to tremendous customer feedback, this Bible is sure to be a hit! Includes great topics like: Inside Her Head: Real Girls Give Their Opinions 172 Lists: On Everything Look Cool: Tips on Your Self Dive In: How to Make Your Faith Real 240 Ways to Walk the Walk   Other not-so-great topics include: Refuel Wheels: What Car Would Jesus Drive? Actor James Caviezel: Cool, But Super Holy, So Be Like Him Surfboarding For God: A Champion's Story Rad Christianity to the Max: Being Religious is Keen! 10 Wicked Fun Things to Do That Don't Involve Drugs, Sex, Worldliness, Rock Music, Dancing, Cards, Sabbath Breaking, Profanity, or the Occult --So they're Only Wicked in the Colloquial Sense  Anyway, Refuel is just for Guys, so I checked out Resolve, the entertainment mag/New Testement for Girls: Resolve: The Complete New Testament A Bible that looks like a magazine! In focus groups, online polling, and one-on-one discussion, Transit Books has found that the number one reason teens don't read the Bible is that it is "too big and freaky looking." This fashion-magazine format for the New Testament is the perfect solution to that problem. Teen girls feel comfortable exploring the Scriptures in the New Century Version and over 500 further-study notes because of the relevant language and format! Revolve is the new look for teen Bible publishing! Yeah, the main problem with the Bible is that it's "freaky looking" and it "doesn't contain enough weight-loss tips, guy-attracting ideas, and articles about Jessica Simpson." So, I'm saving my money for Extreme Teen Bible -- because it's EXTREME! Nelson's Extreme Teen Bible delivers just what teens are looking for: real answers to life's tough questions. All of the innovative study helps are geared to the teen culture--guaranteed to address the issues young people deal with every day. Forty full-page profiles tell the stories of amazing, young people in scripture who allowed God to work through them to make an impact on their world.  At Amazon, they have sample pages of Extreme Teen Bible for your perusal.  Here a bit I found interesting from the intro to the book of Genesis: Genesis is a bottom-line, this-is-how-it-is, no-sugarcoating kind of book. . .  When we ask the big question, "Who do we come from?" Genesis gives the honest answer, "This is who they are, but you might not like everything you see." Genesis has loads of famous stories and people, from Adam to Noah to Abraham to Joseph.  It's a who's who of the lightly populated earth.  What's amazing about this book though is that, unlike a who's who, Genesis tells us the real scoop on these people who establish the original cultures of the world.  We read about their failures, not just their successes.  We read about their mess-ups and their doubts and their ... well ... flops. Yes, everybody who was anybody in 6000 B.C. is mentioned in Genesis.  But some of them were, you know, not very Christian, doing stuff like killing their brothers, having sex with their drunk father, and telling people that their wife was their sister.  So, read about them, but before you emulate anybody, check with an adult to make sure you're learning the right lessons from Genesis.  And here's another Genesis disclaimer from a couple of pages into the book:  Total Truth What's up with all the wives?  If you've noticed any married couples around you lately, you're probably aware that one husband and one wife seems to be a challenge in terms of any long-term commitment.  In Genesis things are even more complicated.  Men often had more than one wife and sometimes had children by many wives and servants of those wives.  Genesis gives us a window into an ancient world that can be wacky to say the least.  Remember, though, that God never encouraged polygamy (multiple spouses) or commanded it or even honored it.  Before Sarah died, Abraham had no other wives.  As far as we know, Isaac only had one wife.  And there seemed to be only one Mrs. Noah on the ark. Yes, Abraham had no other wives before Sarah died, but he did have her Egyptian maid, Hagar -- demonstrating that while polygramy is not God-approved, having children with the dark-skiined maid seems to be okay (just ask Strom Thurmond when you see him in ... heaven). And I'd like to add a Genesis caution of my own: Totally Extreme Radical Truth What's up with God telling Abraham to kill his son Isaac?  If you've been around any courtrooms or court TV shows, you're probably aware that today we don't approve of kid killing.  But in chapter 22, we read about God testing Abraham by ordering him to sacrifice his only (legitimate) son.  Genesis gives us a window into God's practical jokes that can be wacky to say the least.  Remember, though, that Abraham was stopped before he actually touched the boy.  And also remember that nobody other than Abraham was ever tested by God in just this fashion, as far as we know.  So, if you think that God has ordered you to kill one or more of your children, please check with a psychiatrist or other mental health professional before proceding further. Anyway, that's today's look at Thomas Nelson, Inc. -- Publishers of extreme, radical, cool, awesome Bibles for teens; and, through their subsidiary WND Books, publishers of extremely stupid books by teen pundits.  It's nice that they've found their publishing niche. 7:32:53 AM

World O'Crap Bookclub Selection It's Wednesday, the day when Ben Shapiro graces us with a Townhall column -- but his latest isn't all that exciting.  Ben talks about the case of that guy who going to court because he wasn't allowed to take religious school tuition off his taxes, despite the fact that Scientologists are allowed to claim de-Thetanizing fees as charitable donations.  Ben then quotes some passages from Hollywood, Interupted, whines about leftists, and claims that only kids who go to public schools are loyal Americans.  So, another one that Ben phoned in.  But what is exciting is a notice at the bottom of the page about Ben's new book!  We want to be the first bookclub to recommend it, so: Brainwashed : How Universities Indoctrinate America's Youth by Ben Shapiro Product Details Hardcover: 256 pages Publisher: WND Books; (May 6, 2004) Amazon.com Sales Rank: 2,413,663 Book DescriptionWhen parents send their children off to college, mom and dad hope they'll return more cultivated, knowledgeable, and astute--able to see issues from all points of view. But, according to Ben Shapiro, there's only one view allowed on most college campuses: a rabid brand of liberalism that must be swallowed hook, line, and sinker. In this explosive book, Ben Shapiro, a college student himself, reveals how America's university system is one of the largest brainwashing machines on the planet. Okay, maybe we're going to rescind that recomendation, because while doing research for yesterday's entry, I must have read a zillion articles and columns making this very same claim about liberal colleges forcing students to think about stuff, and thus either become Marxists or Satanists.  I believe there is even a template you can get from one of the right-wing foundations that will allow any college student to write a book or TV movie script about how the liberals are warping his or her tender little mind ("Chapter one: Help! Help! You're being opressed!")  But back to Ben's book description: Examining this nationwide problem from firsthand experience, Shapiro shows how the leftists who dominate the universities--from the administration to the student government, from the professors to the student media--use their power to mold impressionable minds.  Fresh and bitterly funny, this book proves that the universities, far from being a place for open discussion, are really dungeons of the mind that indoctrinate students to become socialists, atheists, race-baiters, and narcissists. Happily, if you don't have a mind, then the dungeon can't hold you -- which is how Ben was able to make his daring escape from UCLA and alert the world to the fact the leftist dominatrixes are using their eerie mind control powers to mold all the students except Ben into socialists, atheists, narcissists, and masturba. . .I mean, race-baiters.  And Ben's bitter and funnily fresh book PROVES that the Mind Dungeons are real.  They're here already! You're next! You're next! Of course, Ben's book raises many questions for the thoughtful reader, such as "What the heck is WND Books, and do they have any literary standards at all?" By consulting Amazon and Google, we learn that WND Books is "World Net Daily books," and "apparently not."  (As you will recall, about a month ago Ben's column started appearing weekly at WorldNetDaily -- and now their book division is publishing his first book.  I'd say that somebody was sleeping his way to the bottom, but this is Ben we're talking about, after all.) Amazon lists 29 WND titles; the WND best-seller is The Enemy Within: Saving America from the Liberal Assault on Our Schools, Faith, and Military by Michael Savage (a pictorial history of the hotdog).  Other WND volumes include: Uncle Sam's Plantation: How Big Government Enslaves America's Poor and What We Can Do About It by Star Parker (BG enslaves the poor by giving them welfare -- what we can do about it is stop giving them welfare) Hand Of Providence: The Strong and Quiet Faith of Ronald Reagan by Mary Beth Brown (Ron's faith was so strong and quiet that he never went to go to church) Guns, Freedom, and Terrorism by Wayne LaPierre (homeowners need hand guns to protect them from al Qaeda) Seen And Heard: America’s Youngest Political Pundit Tackles the Lies and Truths of Politics and Culture by Kyle Williams (the book by Ben's younger,smarter, and more virginal rival). A review of the WND Books catalogue teaches us is that not only does WND serve that niche under Regnery and (slightly) above Jack Chick, but also that Ben's book, while possessing that essential colon, needs a longer title.  My suggestions:  Brainwashed: How Universities Indoctrinate America's Youth: America's Third or Fourth Youngest Pundit Finally Writes a Book Hand of Universities: How Ronald Reagan's Brain Strongly and Quietly Indoctrinates America's Youth The Enemy Within the Brain: How Liberal Universities Assault America's Youth, and Why We Must Kill Them All Uncle Sam's Brainwashing: How Universities Enslave America's Youth, What We Can Do About It, and How Much It Will Save Us in Taxes Brainwashing Your Gun (when you have superior fire power, you don't need a long title). But all kidding of Ben's title aside, my favorite WND book of all is:  Democratic Nominee Book: Why A Vote For [Insert Name Here] Is a Vote For Satan, by David N. Bossie Here's part of the description: Using the in-depth, investigative reporting he’s become known for, Bossie will give readers the real scoop on the upcoming presidential election’s Democratic nominee—exposing his (or her) voting record, relevant family history, political influences, real stances on issues, chances for winning, and any shady or unethical dealings the candidate would rather not have the electorate know about. David Bossie, who has previously co-written two such books, has the access and the hard-nosed reporter’s savvy to ferret out the truth about whoever the candidate turns out to be and present it to readers in a gripping, no-nonsense style.  Yes, no matter who the candidate turns out to be, David will expose his or her backroom deals, unsavory past, family scandals, mob ties, unpatriotic voting record, draft dodging and/or war crimes, and sexual pecadillos.  That's Democratic Nominee Book -- coming this July!  Ben is going to have to go a long way to beat it.  4:16:29 AM