June 11, 2004 by s.z.

Daddy, Portrait of a Serial Killer: A Family Circle Mystery The Cartoon (You can see it here): Dolly, wearing a pink nightie, is in bed.  At the door, his hand ready to turn off the light and plunge the room into darkness, is a blank-eyed, T-shirt wearing, doughy white male who has "creepy pervert" written all over him.  It's Daddy. Dolly points a finger at him and says, "Wait!  I need to add a P.S. to my prayers." Analysis: Dolly either thinks that Daddy is God, or has been taught that that she can only pray if Daddy is present because Daddy is her intermediary with God.  Daddy is apparently the David Koresh-like leader of a small cult called "Family Circle."  Janet Reno is still being criticized by the right for the FBI's mishandling of the standoff at Koresh's compound in Waco.  Everyone agress that if a similar cult was hoarding weapons and marrying young children today, John Ashcroft would never take action against them for simply being, as Gary Aldrich put it, "overzealous Christians."  So, Keane is warning us that the Bush administration is focusing so much on "Islamofascists" that we could have another serious incident of domestic terrorrism like the Oklahoma City bombing. Prediction: If Bush is reelected, DOJ's primary mission will be to round up and intern heretics (i.e., those who fail to worship Dubya).  Oh, and a senior Bush administration official (a doughy white guy with glasses) is a child molester.  Well, that's what I thought it meant.  However, Thersites makes a compelling argument for a different interpretation.  Dear Lord....The new one is a noisome Freudian swamp. Daddy, peering in on a bizarrely adult-looking Dolly, as she wants to add a "PS" to her bedtime prayers... clearly, Keane is exploring the polymorphously perverse underbelly of mainstream America. It is a stark and disturbing critique of the desire for a "daddy" figure (ie, Ronny Ron) who will fulfill all of the darkest desires of the collective id. America, Keane warns us, is an alarming, precocious little girl, plump & pink as a Virginia ham, filled with desperate, incohate, unacknowledged sexual desire for the approval of a gigantic "Daddy." And never mind that he is an ineffectual giant dork who writes crappy cartoons. I shudder for our nation. I imagine norbizness, Yosef, preznit giv me turkee, Susie Dow, Pete M., and the rest,  will have different, yet equally valid opinions on the significance of this dark and disturbing cartoon (well, unless Thersites has scared them all off). 5:42:11 AM

Tired of Being Ignored? Instead of Boiling a Bunny, Buy a USA Today Ad Yesterday I got an email from NewMax with the subject line "Fight Back Against Liberal Attacks on President Bush."  Since I'm sure you're interested in this subject, and probably don't get your own NewsMax spam, let me share some of it with you: Dear NewsMax Reader: Please find below a special message from RightMarch.com, leading the charge against the forces of radical liberalism. They have some important information to share with you about what YOU can do to FIGHT BACK against the left-wing attacks on our President and the troops overseas. Please join together with them today. Geez, why do I  have to do everything?  Can't the President fight his own battles for a change? But hey, I'll look at RightMarch's message, but only because their name reminds me of C.M Kornbluth's "The Marching Morons." Dear Fellow American, This is OUTRAGEOUS, and YOU are the one to fix it! GO HERE: https://secure.cartlight.com/merchant/rightmarch/?afid=max Well, yes, it IS outrageous -- the site's security certificate has expired or is not yet valid.  But I'm sure as hell not the one to fix it, much less "make a secure donation" to the cause. Anyway, the email isn't done yet.  It reminds us stuff has happened in Iraq, such as "some aberrant soldiers got out of line" in Abu Ghraib -- but the responsible parties are getting court martialed, and that's what makes America great.  And also, Nicholas Berg was beheaded, allegedly by al-Qaeda terrorist Abu Musab al-Zarqawi.  Which OUTRAGED you -- unless you're some kind of commie child molester.  "If you're a typical patriotic American," you care a lot more about Berg's beheading than anything having to do with the torture of prisoners by Americans.  And yet, for the Democrats and/ or media, "just the opposite is true."  That's because they are just using the Abu Ghraib/torture thing to "hurt" President Bush.  THIS IS AN OUTRAGE, and WE need to do something about it. We need to "stick it in the face" of the liberal media, and prove to the "silent majority" of hard-working, patriotic Americans out there, that that's NOT how most Americans feel. WE NEED TO MAKE A BOLD STATEMENT. And we've got just the way to do it. Their way is to ask people for money, so they can take out a "FULL-PAGE ad in USA Today *nationwide*, printing Sen. Miller's speech and exposing the blatant hypocrisy of the liberal media and the self-serving left-wing politicians." Per them, such an ad costs over $90,000 -- leading me to suspect that RightMarch is a secret Gannett front.  And maybe also part of Zell Miller's covert plan to start the groundwork for his 2008 presidential campaign. Btw, here's the excerpt of Miller's speech included in the email: "Those who are wringing their hands and shouting so loudly for 'heads to roll' over this seem to have conveniently overlooked the fact that someone's head HAS rolled - that of another innocent American brutally murdered by terrorists. Why is it? Why is it that there's more indignation over a photo of a prisoner with underwear on his head than over the video of a young American with no head at all?" Ah, that Zell: one of the shining lights of both the Democratic party and the Non-Reader Idiots Club of America (and while George Bush isn't just a member, he's the president, Zell is a leading light). Help us take the next shots in our "battle strategy" to counter the Socialist-led "blame-America" crowd. Go to the site below to help us pay for a FULL PAGE natiowide pro-American and anti-Left ad in USA Today:https://secure.cartlight.com/merchant/rightmarch/?afid=max And nothing hurts Socialists more than a full-page ad in USA Today.  That's how Ronnie won the Cold War, after all. Oh, and here's part of the RightMarch pledge from their site: I understand that the cost for the actions that RightMarch.com takes can be very high, especially the cost of getting the word out. You can count on me to help pay for those actions, and to get the word out to others to help, too. Then NO ONE will be able to IGNORE us at that point, regardless of whether the liberal media tries to cover their eyes and ears. WE WILL BE SEEN AND HEARD! Yes, contribute just $30, $50, or $2000, and NEVER BE IGNORED AGAIN!  Because you'll be getting emails from every crackpot rightwing group and every con artist in the world -- FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!!  But you will be showing "Americans everywhere that the grassroots of this great nation support our President, our troops, and the war on terror," while also helpingUSA Today recover some of the ad revenue lost in the wake of the Jack Kelley scandal.  And since your donation isn't tax deductable, that's all the incentive you need. 4:57:59 AM

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Hello Mudda, Hello Fadda School just got out and you're already sick of the kids?  Then do what I do: send the brats ... I mean, future Christian leaders to Worldview Academy Leadership Camp ("dedicated to helping Christian students think and live in accord with a biblical worldview so that they will serve Christ and lead the culture")!  Although most programs treat students like "fun-junkies," Worldview Academy treats students like real people who wrestle with tough issues. Students at WVA Leadership Camps spend about 26 hours in class, learning to "take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5). They graduate with a basic understanding of non-Christian worldviews like the New Age movement and Islam, and the ability to apply the Christian worldview to fundamental questions about origins, aesthetics, and human nature. Yes, students are real people who really need to spend a few hours learning why everyone who isn't an evangelical Christian is wrong, and going to hell.   The thought of an "academic camp" doesn't thrill many students--but don't tell that to Leadership Camp graduates! They know that even with all the classes, there's still plenty of time for volleyball, basket ball, small groups, a creationist natural history museum tour, campfires, and quiet time. Now doesn't that sound like a lot of fun: taking throughts captive, learning about heathens, and then some volleyball and small groups!  But don't forget the quiet time -- that's what makes WVA camp so cool! But what will your child study at WVA camp? Well, the curriculum includes such teen favorites as:  Critical Thinking Introduces students to common logical fallacies, and encourages them to think well with regard to defining terms, recognizing cause and effect relationships, etc. Video interviews with Atheists, New Agers, and Humanists are used to illustrate the logical pitfalls of worldly thinking. Introduction to Christian Worldview Helps students understand the radical difference between Christianity and other worldviews, and the fact that Christianity is defensible and true. Economics Critiques socialism and communism, while explaining biblical basis for free market. Church has jurisdiction over "welfare," which should be described as philanthropy. Creationist Zoo Tour An in-depth tour through a local zoo to examine the evidences of creation through design, form, and order in nature. EvangelismStudents learn why evangelism is important, and some basic techniques for sharing the gospel. Evangelism Practicum Students travel to a nearby campus or park to witness to people about Christ.  What teen wouldn't love to spend a week learning about the godly free market and the silly worldly thinkers?  But there's still time left over for such biblical worldview activities as a creationist zoo tour, and accosting strangers in parks. But if you can't afford to send your kids to WVA camp, you can recreate the WVA experience at home through their fine books and videos.  Consider such purchasing these resources: Worldview Academy Lecture Series - ApologeticsVarious speakers- 3 video cassettes $60 The Duties of a Good Soldier, a examination of a Christians student's responsibilities and a turning of the tides against our culture training students to be "fun-junkies." Cults, a Christian critique of pseudo-Christian cults, including Mormonism and Jehovah's Witnesses. The Biblical Roots of Order, an examination of God's divine order for society. If the first and third volume sound suspiciously fascist, that's probably because you didn't pay attention in Critical Thinking class, and so haven't been properly indoctrinated yet. Tracking Dinosaurs with Rusty Carter - video $15 Learn fascinating facts about Noah's flood and discover how dinosaurs were buried alive while trying to escape the rising water. Tour Dinosaur Ridge Park and find out the answers to questions like: Did dinosaurs live millions of years ago before man entered the scene? Where do dinosaurs fit into history? Did man and dinosaurs live together?  FInd out what the Bible says about our World. Come along on a dinosaur tour with Rusty Carter of B.C. Tours (who are Biblically correct not politically correct.)  So, the dinosaurs died because Noah wouldn't let them on the ark.  That explains that. And, my favorite item of all:   Jack Theist Meets Dr. Secular   a video by Bill Jack -- $20 Many Christians cower in mindless fear at secularism's persuasive power. Yet, we are exhorted to be transformed by the renewing, not the removing, of our minds.  In this video you will hear Dr. Secular's followers chant the merits of a secular worldview. Then watch as Jack Theist destroys Dr. Secular's arguments with Biblical truth. Once again you will be able to step out into the culture with renewed confidence. As a Christian you have not been given a spirit of fear, but of love and discipline and a sound mind.  Next week's camp will be held in Flagstaff, AZ.  Drop off the kids and I'll meet you for a humanist zoo tour.  Or, we can just stay inside where there's A/C and watch "Jack Theist Vs. the Werewolf." 3:24:10 AM

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"She's My Friend, and She's a Girl, So You Could Say That Ann is My Girlfriend" Little Bennie Shapiro hit the jackpot: an A.P. interview which discusses his book about mind dungeons has appeared in a score of newspapers.   Here are some highlights from the article: Intellectually precocious and extremely confident, Shapiro counts better-known columnist and author Ann Coulter as a friend, says he is himself far to the right of Ariel Sharon on Israeli politics, and - in his book - calls some of his professors ``as red as overripe tomatoes.''   Better-known columnist and author Ann Coulter counts Ben as "that dweeb who keeps sending me copies of his columns and inviting me to his orthodox synagogue, despite the restraining order."  Since this is a family blog, we won't repeat what some of Ben's professors call him these days..  Shapiro insists his pages of footnotes prove his book is serious research, not vitriol. This reminds me of what Ben's "friend" Ann told Scoobie Davis: I mean, these gotcha moments don’t really work with someone like me. I’ve just written a book. I’ve just written a book with 35 pages of footnotes, um, with probably thousands of facts and quotes. And as we all know, Slander is considered to be the gold standard for factual, fair political writing, thanks to all of those "footnotes." But back to the A.P. article: Still, some readers are likely to question the objectivity of some sources. And after the book came out this spring, the Daily Bruin reported that there were a number of citation errors, and that several UCLA professors claim they were misquoted. Shapiro acknowledged a "couple of punctuation errors as far as paraphrasing," which he said would be corrected in the next edition, but said he stands by the material. Yeah, all those errors ("a couple") noted in the Daily Bruin article were just comma splices and such.  For instance, when Ben's future lawyer business card said, "Works on Contingency No Money Down," it was really supposed to read, "Works on Contingency? No, Money Down!"   (Lisa: "So you don't work on contingency?" Ben: "No! Money Down!") Profits from the book will help pay Shapiro's tuition next year at Harvard Law School, several of whose faculty members he has already criticized in print. "That should be fun," he laughed. But he insists he is genuinely looking forward to learning at an institution that -- despite a fairly large contingent of conservative students -- is viewed by some on the right as the belly of the beast. So, if nobody buys Ben's book, he will have to drop out of Harvard and work at McDonalds for the rest of his life -- the best reason yet for not buying copies to give as gag gifts to Harvard Law professors. 2:04:32 AM